by Brooks, Tori
When the new girl finally got past the security guard, she glanced at Dev, then at Paige with hostility.
○ ○ ○
“Interesting,” Bryan said when he saw Paige’s roommate glare at her.
“Yeah. If Paige wants to set me up, you’d think she’d pick someone who wanted to meet me,” Dev said and stood. “Just the same, Door Number One is still staring, so I’ll be off.”
“You can’t leave yet,” Bryan told him.
Dev turned to him questioningly.
“Look, I’m sorry. You know the rules. Fans get excited about coming backstage. For whatever reason, some want to see you. They’ll be in the hall now. Technically we should be mingling, but I think Jess is back,” Bryan gestured toward the far corner. “He’ll be mingling enough for all of us. Admit it, he’s useful sometimes.”
Dev couldn’t help smiling.
“There you go. Now put on your game face, here come some hopefuls.”
Dev turned and looked over his shoulder to where Bryan was looking and saw Brenda escorting over a few girls. He didn’t even notice her leaving, or the fans starting to file in after Paige and her group. The girls with Brenda looked terrified and he wondered what she was doing until he saw Brenda herding girls somehow made Paige rethink her approach. The beauty queen took her mobile ambush off toward Kenny and Jess. He made a note to do something nice for Brenda later.
“Smile,” Bryan coached him. “No, smile nice. No, the Mona Lisa smile. Yeah, that one.”
“I hate it that you name my smiles,” Dev whispered back just before the girls arrived.
“Cope.”
From then on, Dev smiled softly, talked softly, did his shy routine, and wished he had the nerve to get a real drink off the sideboard instead of sticking with Diet Coke. He never really felt the urge to drink before, having been turned off by Bryan’s horror stories of Brenda’s drunken father and the circumstantial evidence of Flynn’s alcohol-encouraged indiscretions, but he was starting to see the appeal of being numb – a danger sign Flynn warned them of. He didn’t want to think of his stepfather just then and started thinking of escape routes again instead.
The clock chimed eleven and Dev’s heart sank.
“What’s wrong?” Bryan whispered.
“What?”
“You look like someone just walked over your grave.”
“It’s eleven.”
“So?”
“It’s too late to call Lindsay.”
Bryan sighed. He turned to the small crowd of women around them. “Excuse us, ladies, I have to go beat some sense into him.” They responded with curious looks and a chorus of nervous giggles when Bryan clamped his hand on Dev’s upper arm and pulled him into the adjoining dressing and prep area.
“What –” Dev started.
“Shut up,” Bryan answered sharply and closed the door. Turning to face him, Bryan leaned against the door and ran a hand through his hair. It was a nervous gesture that belonged to Dev, not Bryan, and Dev didn’t like seeing it on his friend.
“All right, listen. I like Lin, you know that,” Bryan said. “Maybe it’s because Bren and I found each other so young and stayed together. We were both rooting for you two, and really thought you had something.”
“We do.”
“Lin doesn’t share your conviction, Dev. I think it’s time to accept that and let her go.”
Dev didn’t want to hear this again, not from Bryan. He was his last friend, the last person who knew what Lin meant to him. What he went through for her. Who knew why he couldn’t let go, would never let go. Shaking his head in denial, Dev realized he felt weak and groped around behind him for a chair. Finding one, he pulled it over and sat.
“I’m sorry,” Bryan said softly. “I really am. I didn’t want it to be this way.”
“You wanted me to figure it out on my own.”
Bryan sighed and sat on the edge of the long built-in desk, leaning against the wall near his friend. “I wanted – well, honestly, I wanted someone to catch your eye. Not maybe enthrall you as completely as Paige has hooked Kenny, but enough to get your interest.”
“Then maybe Lin would realize ...” Dev started and trailed off.
“The thing about you and Lin is that you don’t play those kind of games,” Bryan finished.
“Doesn’t mean she won’t come to her senses. She’s blaming me for something I didn’t do. I’m paying for a crime I didn’t commit, I might as well do it.”
“Again, not your style. Just go with what comes naturally to you, don’t think about Lin.”
“Thinking about Lin comes naturally to me.”
Bryan gave him a withering look. “You know what I mean.”
He did. No one had his back anymore.
○ ○ ○
Dev didn’t notice Bryan leaving, just gradually becoming aware that he was alone in the room. The muted sounds of the backstage party from the other room sounded forbidding and Dev didn’t want any part of it. Somewhere out there were his three closest friends, and he didn’t want anything to do with them.
Looking around, Dev spotted the discreet briefcase he carried with him whenever he anticipated any free time. Glancing back at the closed door, Dev stood, picked up his briefcase, and chose a new seat at the long dressing table farther away from the door.
Opening his case, Dev pulled out his slim laptop and willed himself to concentrate. There wasn’t a real hurry to complete the assignment, or even the course, but Dev felt compelled to finish it as quickly as he could anyway.
Losing track of time and engulfed in the assignment, Dev jumped when the door opened and the noise from the party spilled into his bubble of solitude.
“You’re not allowed to hide in here alone,” Jess said with an exaggerated tone of disapproval.
Dev didn’t even look at him, he just spared one hand from typing long enough to flip him off. Jess laughed.
“It’s a full house out here, you’re missing it.”
“You know I really don’t mind,” Dev answered.
“If you don’t come out and let your fans stare at your happy little face, they won’t love you anymore.”
“I thought it was supposed to be about our music.” Dev sighed.
Jess wrapped an arm affectionately around his shoulders and rested his head against Dev’s. “Aww, that is so cute!”
Dev shrugged him off.
“Fine. I’ll let you play hermit, I mean shy recluse, with the recognition that you weren’t paying attention.”
The way he said it made Dev pause. He looked up from his computer at Jess for the first time and noticed Paige’s hostile roommate hovering near the door.
“We discussed –”
“A lot of things. Most recently that you’re not allowed to hide in here alone. Dev, Macy. Macy, this is Dev. Sit. Be ... not alone. We’ll grab you when it’s time to go back to the hotel.” Jess walked back to the door, gave Macy a nudge farther into the room, and left.
“I don’t want to date you,” Macy said. She blushed delicately, the color reminding Dev of one of his favorite pink dresses that Lindsay wore. “I’m sorry,” she said, a little softer. “I didn’t mean that like it sounded. I’m sure you’re nice. Paige said you were. It’s just that I just got out of a relationship and I’m really not up to doing that again yet. She seems to have some other ideas though.”
“Promise?” Dev asked.
“About Paige’s other ideas or that I don’t want to date you?” Macy tilted her head slightly to the side as if wondering if he was crazy. She might have a point, Dev conceded.
“Your stance. I’ve figured out everyone else’s by now.”
Macy smiled. “Promise.”
“Then what do you want?”
“Honestly?”
“Please.”
“I want to study. Paige and Imogen are taking the summer off but I have classes and I have a physics test coming up.”
“I don’t suppose you brought your book?” Dev grinne
d and motioned for her to have a seat.
Macy smiled sheepishly. “It’s electronic. It’s on my tablet.”
“You brought homework to a concert?” Dev shook his head and laughed softly. He didn’t know if Lindsay would do that or not. He didn’t think so, but he wasn’t completely sure. She didn’t really throw herself into her classes the way he did.
Dev watched Macy as she sat and pulled a tablet out of her little backpack-style purse. She met his eye and nodded to indicate his laptop with a questioning look. It was Dev’s turn for a sheepish look.
“Yeah, me too.”
Macy grinned back. She had a nice smile.
○ ○ ○
Paige continued traveling with them, but her roommates stayed in Chicago. Dev was relieved, but he suspected Jess could have stood Imogen’s company a little longer. When the tour was over, Jess could do what he wanted. Dev couldn’t care less.
“Come in here a sec, I want a word.” Jess was waiting in the hall and motioned Dev to his hotel room after the show several days after they left Chicago.
“Is this about Lin? I’m tired of everyone giving me the other-fish-in-the-sea talk.” Dev’s shoulders sagged and his head fell to the side in frustration. Jess pulled him into his room anyway and Dev offered no resistance.
“I’m an expert on fishing and that wasn’t what I was going to say.” Jess closed the door and gestured to the chairs by the small table in the corner.
“So it is about Lin.” Dev looked at the chairs and opted to sit on the end of the bed instead. Jess sat beside him.
“It’s about feeling like there’s only one woman you’ll ever be happy with.”
“It’s different Jess. Lin and I actually had a relationship.”
“I know, I also know that you’re – I don’t want to say sensitive, you’ll kick my ass, but you feel some things deeply. We all know it, it’s part of what makes you a good guy. Part of why you hate Flynn, why you write some great songs, and why this is hard for you.”
Dev scoffed and stood up to leave.
“Hold up.” Jess reached into the suitcase lying open on the other bed. He pulled a book from under a stack of shirts and handed it to Dev.
He took it, at first amazed Jess read, then noting it was a hardcover and fairly thick. He turned it over to read the title: it was Cassie’s latest book.
“Yes, I read the first one and, yes, I understand them.”
Dev sat back down, deciding he probably didn’t want to know but burning with curiosity nonetheless. “I can’t imagine you’ve got a burning love of Ancient India.”
Jess sighed and took the book back. His bookmark was halfway through and he opened the book to show Dev. He used a sheet of paper for a bookmark, on it were brief notes including titles of other books.
“What’s this?” Dev took the list and looked it over.
“The next couple things I’ll read, places to visit, things to look up.” He hesitated and Dev waited. “Remember when Cassie went off to college?”
“Yeah.”
“Flynn had been giving me advice for a while at that point. One thing he said was that Cassie and I didn’t have anything to talk about. So I watched her favorite movies. Then movies related to her interests. Then documentaries. When she enrolled, I got a list of the classes she needed to take as an anthropology major and got a peek at her schedule for that first semester. I ordered the text books for her classes and read them.”
Dev stared at him in surprise.
“It started off basic, which I needed. Even after I found her with –” Jess took a breath. “I never told you about that.”
“Found her with who?” Dev demanded.
“Don’t even know his name. It was when Mindy tried to have Flynn killed. I was worried about Cassie and flew to New York. It was stupid dropping in on her unannounced. I wasn’t thinking, I was just concerned. She had a guy over, he wasn’t wearing much. She said it was nothing, but I left. That’s when it really sunk in that no matter how much I loved her, she didn’t feel the same way.”
“So now’s your ‘get over it’ speech?”
“I’m not qualified to give you that speech, Dev. I still love Cassie. I’ve accepted that I can’t have her, but that doesn’t change much. I read every text book for anthropology she did. I read the suggested reading, other books in her field. When she wrote her first book, I read it three times.”
“This isn’t so much a pep talk as an admission to your problem, Jess.”
“It’s not meant to be a pep talk, twerp. I’ve seen how much you believe you and Lindsay are meant to be together. I wish I could talk you out of it, she irritates me. I’m trying to tell you I understand. Since I can’t talk you out of it, I’ll wish you luck. It’s hell to put something behind you that you know in every fiber of your being is perfect and meant to be. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
“That being said, if you can’t have Lindsay, be open to other options.”
“I haven’t seen you making any commitments elsewhere.”
“You see me as a role model?” Jess laughed. “I’m not you. You want commitment. Maybe Lindsay was a good match, but even before her you wanted someone you could relate to, someone who understood you. Bryan told me that and I believe him, it makes sense. You can find someone else to fit that niche. Maybe not the same way Lindsay did, but someone else can fill the space.”
“What’s your excuse?”
Jess shrugged. “I put Cassie on a pedestal, declared her to be perfect, and no one else measured up. I can replace Cassie, it’s the idea of her I can’t shake.”
“The one that got away.”
Jess shook his head. “No, others got away. I can’t really define what it is I’m looking for. I wish I could figure it out, or find someone else I feel I could commit to. I’m like you in a lot of ways in that I’m young, rich, and girls want me. I could have it all, except I can’t have what I want. I’m tired of a different woman every week or month.”
Dev didn’t understand the feeling so he didn’t comment. Jess’s talk, while by far the most original and interesting, also proved to be the most disturbing.
“Why are you telling me all this now?” Dev finally asked when Jess was quiet for a moment.
“Because Macy seems nice, smart, and uninterested.”
Dev laughed. “Your solution to solving my problem of my girlfriend losing interest is to point out the disinterest of the latest girl you threw at me?”
“Yes.” Jess grinned. “Dev, this girl brought physics homework to a concert. She’s as close to your type as I’ve ever seen.”
“She also just broke up with a long term boyfriend and isn’t interested in a rebound relationship.”
“How did that come up?”
“You guys aren’t subtle.”
“Fair enough. You don’t have to date her, Dev, just hang out a bit and see what happens.”
“You mean see if she replaces Lindsay.”
“See if she gives you a different perspective on the Lindsay thing. Or ideas for that matter.” Jess threw his hands up to stop Dev from responding. “That’s beside the point. What I wanted to tell you was that I get it that you felt strongly about Lindsay. I didn’t, or maybe I just didn’t want to admit it because I don’t really want to see her back, but I understand now. I’ll still promote alternatives, don’t get me wrong.”
“And if I ask you again to just drop it?”
Jess paused. “You know Kenny wants to take Paige on vacation after the tour wraps up, right?”
“I figured. He and Bryan were talking about hiking Kilimanjaro. Apparently Bren’s on board with it.”
“Yeah, so are Paige and Imogen. Kenny and Paige are trying to figure out how to drag you and Macy along. You know, one roommate for me, one for you.”
“Forced blind dating is a new low.”
Jess pointed an accusing finger at him. “Not a blind date by definition, you’ve met. Anyway, you don’t have to go as a couple. I’ll make you a
deal, if you go, I’ll stop with the Lindsay thing.”
“Stop the cheap shots?”
Jess shook his head. “Stop trying to get you to replace her. If she comes back, the cheap shots will be a necessary coping mechanism. Sorry, you’ll have to deal with it.”
Dev smiled, at least he could count on Jess to be honest. “Fine. I’ll go hiking with you guys and Macy can come. I’m not dating her.”
“Whatever. I would say just sleep with her, but you might hit me.”
“A given.” Dev stood.
“Dev?”
He looked back at Jess, sitting at the end of the bed, turning Cassie’s book over in his hands. Jess’s blond hair obscured most of his face as he stared at the author’s small picture and biography inside the back cover instead of at Dev. He couldn’t help wondering if his sister even suspected.
“Your interest in Ancient India is off the record,” Dev assured him before he left.
Chapter Thirteen
The arrangements were made for the hike up Mount Kilimanjaro with what Dev felt was almost unnatural speed. He was torn about the trip. On one hand, he was never overly fond of hiking and didn’t look forward to the potentially freezing temperatures on the mountain possibly setting his asthma on edge. On the other hand, it seemed like an adventure, he could manage his asthma if he was careful, and with Macy along it’d get Jess off his back.
They took an easier route that would take longer, but wouldn’t wear them out. In theory it was to make it easier on the girls, but the band was tired from touring and the demanding activity of the concerts they played. The touring mentality hadn’t quite left their systems yet, and they frequently broke out in spontaneous song, much to the amusement and annoyance of their guide and porters.
Raul, their guide, kept yelling “Pole, pole” at them to remind them that increased exertion would increase their risk of altitude sickness. Dev suspected they wouldn’t be able to sing much longer as the air on the mountain thinned and said as much to Raul.
Macy joked to Dev that it was like living in a musical, at which point he goaded the others into dance steps choreographed from music videos as well. She was suspicious of Dev’s invitation, then outright begging for her to come. He finally admitted the deal he made with Jess and she agreed to come – as a friend – to get him off the hook with one of his nagging friends. As they hiked up the trail, Macy admitted it would temporarily get Paige off her back as well. Dev high-fived her for multi-tasking.
