The fire did not actually touch me. The flames hovered a fraction of an inch above my skin, surrounding me like a corona. I put my hands to my head, and felt my hair, thick and unburned. My face, my neck, my breasts; all unharmed.
The wonder of it struck me then: I was completely enveloped by fire, and I was still alive. I had to wonder if this was what my great-grandmother Beatrice had meant by embracing the flame. What did this mean? Was I a freak of nature who could create fire from nothing? Or was I possessed of this power? Was there meaning behind it?
Unlike the previous instances when I summoned the fire, I did not pass out, and as a matter of fact, felt quite alive and invigorated. Another problem existed: how to stop it.
I tried to will the fire to go away, as I had when Neil was there. The fire on the lake went out, but like a caged animal suddenly freed, the flames surrounding me did not want to return to its prison. I continued to burn like an eternal candle.
Panicking, I took a tentative step toward the lake and put my foot in the water. Where my skin sunk below the surface, the flames immediately dissipated. I put my other foot in, and now I was flame-free from the ankles down. As I walked in deeper and deeper, I sensed the fire recoil as the water extinguished it. Enraged, it burned brighter and hotter. Soon, I could feel the pain returning. It felt as if the flesh were melting from my body, though my skin remained unmarred.
Quickly, I moved forward until I was in up to my hips, then up to my shoulders.
I was in complete agony by the time I submerged myself fully in the lake.
It was only then that the fire finally left me.
* * *
Sneaking back to my motel room stark naked proved more of a challenge than I had initially thought. Not only was I self-conscious of my exposed parts, but once I crested the rise of the hill that separated the lake from the motel, I realized I was in full view of any passersby driving on the highway. A nude woman running down a hill might prove enough of a distraction to a driver to cause an accident. The last thing I wanted was any more attention.
I pulled a shrub up from its roots and, holding it in front of me to hide my nakedness, I slunk down the hilltop until I reached the back of the motel. All the while, I felt a different kind of heat flush through my skin. If Uncle Edward happened to come around the corner and see me in this state…
I made it to the garbage bin unobserved, and timed it so that I raced down the length of the motel to my room without anyone seeing me.
Once inside my room, I shut the door and locked it. In the safety of the room, I finally let myself relax.
A realization came to me then: I didn’t have control. At least, not the true kind of control I wanted. Yes, I had been able to summon the power several times, but there was no way I could throttle it, at least not like Neil could manipulate water. The one time I had made the fire stop it had only been through intense concentration, and right now I suspected that had been an illusion. The power had let me believe I could stop it.
This afternoon, the fire’s true nature had been revealed: once the power was fully unleashed, it had refused to be harnessed. Only by submerging myself in water was I able to stop it.
This affliction was beyond me. I was at its mercy.
I stumbled into the bathtub to wash the dried grass and dirt off me, and by the time I was finished, I was far too exhausted—physically and emotionally—to think about it anymore. I don’t even remember crawling between the sheets and falling asleep.
* * *
I shot out of bed when I heard a loud knock. I threw my robe around my shoulders and dragged myself to answer the door.
Neil’s smile slipped away when he saw my puffy eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“I—nothing. I’m sorry, I forgot about our lunch date. I don’t think I’m up for it.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. Are you all right?”
I looked down. “No.”
He stood at the entrance, uncertain of his next move. His look of genuine concern made me relent. I stepped back and gestured for him to come in.
As promised, he had brought lunch with him, and put the paper bag from the Finer Diner on the dresser. Even though I was starving, the smell of hot beef sandwiches was not enough of a distraction to forget about what had happened earlier.
“You look tired,” Neil said.
I shot him a sour look. “Thanks for noticing.”
“Sorry.” Suddenly, he seemed very uncertain of himself, like a little lost puppy. He looked so sad, I had to apologize.
“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so sharp. I—”
But then I wasn’t so certain I wanted to share anything more with Neil. He had been nothing but supportive and kind. I didn’t deserve him.
“What?” he pressed.
“I’ve just got a lot of things to think about.” I bit my tongue, then decided to tell Neil. “I ran into Barry earlier today.”
He stiffened, his face darkening. “Did he hurt you?”
“No. He never even raised his voice.”
Neil pursed his lips. “I don’t understand.”
I sighed. “He said he just wanted to get back together with me.”
“Oh?” He looked away from me.
“Don’t worry,” I told him, waving my hand. “It’ll never happen.”
“All right, then—?”
“I was so angry at him. He thought he could just snap his fingers and get me back. I guess I needed to—I don’t know—unleash the fire. Just a little bit. Maybe let a little of it out so that it wouldn’t overpower me later. I went to the lake.”
Neil watched me expectantly as I rubbed my knuckles.
“The truth is I don’t have control,” I admitted. “I never did. It was an illusion, a trick. Any minute, it can just take over. I fooled myself into a false sense of security. I got arrogant, and that’s when the power put me in my place. I let it out and it completely took over. I couldn’t stop it. I had to go completely into the lake to put out the flames.”
I looked up at him.
“I don’t think I can stay here,” I said. “The power is far too unpredictable. Someone’s going to get hurt, or worse. It was a mistake to come home. The more I play with the fire, the more power it holds over me.”
He said, “That’s not true. You can control it. You just have to give it some time. At first, I felt the same as you. There were a few instances where I felt powerless, but over time, I learned to harness it. You can learn that as well.”
I stared into his eyes with desperate hope. “Do you think so? I couldn’t handle it if someone else got hurt because of me. I could never forgive myself.”
“Trust me,” he said with such confidence that I felt myself believing him. Before I knew it, I slid inside his comforting embrace.
* * *
Later, we opened the lunch bag and ate. I discovered I was enormously hungry, and finished my sandwich before Neil had taken two bites. I looked in the bag for more.
“Want mine?” he offered, holding out the other half of his sandwich.
“Uh, no,” I said, embarrassed by my appetite. “That’s all right.”
“Feeling any better?”
I brushed a strand of hair from my face. “I guess.”
A half smile played across his lips. “So, you had to crawl all the way down that hill buck naked?”
“Gawd, don’t remind me!” I had told him the full story while we ate. “If my uncle saw me, I think I would have died of embarrassment. He already thinks the worst of me.”
“He doesn’t.”
I shook my head. “I’m not his favorite person in the world.”
“Maybe, but you’re family, and I think that’s as important to him as it is to you.”
“You think so?” I asked.
“Yeah, I do.” He gave me a warm smile.
It was the exact right thing to say to make me feel better, and I smiled back at him.
My life was in complete turmo
il, and I had no idea whether I should be in Middleton, or locked in some experimental lab in the city. At that moment, though, I felt safe and that there was true hope for me; and all I had to do was to believe in Neil’s words.
“So, what now?” I asked him.
“What do you mean?”
I said, “Say you’re right, and I eventually learn to control this power.”
“You will.”
“Right.” I motioned with my hand. “Then what? We’ve got this power. Fire and water. It’s been an a part of my life so long. I don’t know what to call it other than a curse—at least, that’s how my great-grandmother thought of it. But it has to be more than that. Why do I have it? Why do you have it? What do we do with it? I mean, you joined the fire department, and that’s great, but was that really what you were meant to do with this thing?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just figured fighting fire was a natural extension of controlling water, I suppose. At least, it fills me with a sense of purpose. I guess you’ll just have to figure out whether to use your gift for something, or suppress it like your great-grandmother did.”
I leaned back against the wall. “I don’t think I ever told you about that night, the first time the power came to me.”
He replied, “I didn’t want to press.”
“Barry was never a great prize, but I was young and stupid. A rebel without a clue, if you know what I mean. He had a car, a couple of bucks in his pocket, and a pant load of confidence. I guess that translated to something attractive in my mind. Stupid kid.
“I was so deluded. I had no idea how the world worked. We got married right after graduation. Two idiots versus the world. But then the world hit back. Barry changed. No—not changed. He revealed himself. He got darker, meaner, more controlling. Things went downhill from the start, and it went sour in a hurry.
“He lost his job because of his temper, and we had to move in with my parents. That ate at him, like he wasn’t a real man.
“By then, though, I was pregnant.” I glanced up to measure Neil’s reaction. To his credit, he did not say anything.
I said, “You mentioned the trigger was your brother dying. Well, I never told Barry about the baby, and he was crazy jealous most of the time. When he caught me with a pregnancy test, he assumed the worst and … things got physical.
“I lost the baby that night, and then I lost control. The power, the curse, the ability—whatever it is—just took over. Our house burned to the ground. The walls melted. I can’t remember much past that. I remember my parents screaming, and then I passed out.”
Neil tentatively reached out a hand, but I pulled away.
“When I woke up,” I said in conclusion, “I was on the front lawn. The house was in cinders. Barry had run straight to The Trough and shouted that I had started a fire and tried to burn him to death. His father had handcuffs on me before the paramedics finished checking me over.”
Neil once again reached out for me, and though I pulled away, he didn’t retreat. He grabbed me in his arms, and pulled me tight.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, and rocked me while the tears flowed.
Through the remembered pain, I sobbed, “So, you tell me, what the hell kind of purpose I have other than the destruction of everyone I love?”
Neil ran his hand along the skin of my cheek and made a shushing sound.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Somehow, I pulled myself together and got ready for my shift manning the motel office. Neil offered to keep me company for the evening.
“I don’t have anything better to do,” he told me. But I thought keeping myself occupied with my daily duties and focusing on work would be the best therapy. I coaxed it out of him that Chief Hrzinski had invited him to spend the evening over at his place for dinner and to go over some work-related procedures, and I made him promise to go through with it.
“My head’s still swimming from all the paperwork this morning. I’m not sure I can take much more so soon,” he said. “Maybe I’ll just take a stroll around town, get my bearings.” With a smile, he left.
I was feeling sorry for myself, and while I was trying to figure out how to get anything other than sludge out of the office coffee machine, I heard the door open.
“Beth! What are you doing here?” I said with a sudden smile.
“Sorry I didn’t stop by yesterday to see how you were. John’s parents invited us over for Sunday dinner. I heard about Sheriff Burke. He was born an ass.”
“Yeah, but Uncle Edward gave him what for.”
“I know.” She laughed. “John howled when he found out. Ever since the sheriff gave him a parking ticket when he was idling outside the Fast & Friendly waiting for me to pick up diapers, he’s had a hate-on for our local constabulary.”
“Sounds like Sheriff Burke.” I smirked and shook my head. “You just doing a drive-by?”
“Yeah. Left John Jr. with John; I need some time without anyone screaming at me. Thought I’d drop by and see how my best girl is doing.”
“I’m all right.”
She looked concerned. “You don’t sound all right.”
“It’s tough, but I think I can get through it.”
“Good for you,” she said with a wink. “I’d hate for you to cut bait only a week in.”
I glanced up at Beth, wondering if she suspected that I had been about to do just that last Saturday night.
“You know me,” I told her, “stubborn as a mule.”
“Got that right.” She laughed. “Listen, I’m off to spin class, so I gotta book, but what I really wanted was to find out if you’ve got plans for tomorrow.”
I thought about Neil. When we parted, we never set anything in stone. “No, nothing really.”
“Great. We need to get shopping, girl. You look like you just stepped out of the last century. My mother’s taking the baby for the day. How about we head out to Scottsdale tomorrow and hit some of the malls?”
“I don’t know.”
“If we leave early enough, we’ll have time to have lunch there and we’ll be back before the start of your shift. Unless you’re too old to boogie all day and work all night.”
“Ass,” I told her, but I was smiling. “All right, fine. Sounds like a date.” Besides, my wardrobe had been cut down by the afternoon’s misadventures. Retail therapy might just be the answer to my woes.
* * *
Anytime I left town, I had to check in with the sheriff’s office. Early the next morning I went in to report my travel plans, and luck was on my side. Sheriff Burke was out at the McGregor Ranch hunting down a pack of coyotes that had killed two cattle the other night. Maisy Bell took down my information and Beth’s cell phone number and told me to have a fantastic day.
And I did.
* * *
When I came back later that afternoon, Neil was waiting in the office with Uncle Edward. He was sitting on a guest chair while my uncle shuffled some paperwork. It looked as if they were chatting about nothing in particular—just two guys talking about the weather, or sports, or whatever men talk about.
My heart skipped a beat and my stomach clenched at the same time. We hadn’t had an official date today, but I hadn’t bothered to even leave a note for him. Neil smiled when I stepped into the office, but I could see a touch of hurt in his eyes.
“Have fun?” he asked.
“It was good to get away for a bit,” I admitted. “And I’m back in time for my shift.” A quick glance toward Uncle Edward revealed nothing. He merely grunted and went back to tallying the day’s receipts.
I noticed the remains of lunch on the chair beside Neil—a half-eaten sandwich still in the wrapper.
“Oh, I must have forgotten about us today,” I said.
“Not at all. I don’t think we mentioned anything. But if you’re hungry…”
“I ate already, sorry.”
“No problems. Listen, I was just waiting around to let you know I have to head back to Denver tomorrow.”
>
“What?”
“Yeah. There’re some loose-ends I have to tie up—cancel my lease, that kind of stuff.”
“Oh. Are you going to be away long?”
“Couple days at the most. I should be back by the weekend.”
“Oh,” I said again. In a way, I was more than a little disappointed. A day away from Middleton had given me time to get some perspective on my life; and on the trip back, as Beth nattered on endlessly about John Jr. and how much she missed him even after only a few hours, I realized that I also missed those I had left behind: Aunt Martha, Uncle Edward … and Neil.
No matter how confused my feelings were about him, and whether he even thought of me as anything other than a friend, I knew deep down that I wanted him in my life.
I asked, “What time are you going? I’ll get up and have coffee with you before you go.”
He shook his head. “No need. I’ll be up pretty early.”
“It’s no problem, really. I want to get up with you.”
“You sure?” he asked, his face lighting up.
Uncle Edward, annoyed by our prattling, cleared his throat and shot me a hairy eyeball.
I smiled at Neil. “Yeah. I’ll set my alarm right now. But I better get ready for my shift.”
Neil winked at me before he left, and I could feel my face flush when Uncle Edward harrumphed at me.
* * *
Once my afternoon duties were finished, I headed into the back office to use the microwave. Aunt Martha had left me a plate of spaghetti wrapped in plastic. I cooked it too long, and it was steaming hot. My stomach rumbled as I watched it cool.
When I took my first bite, the front door chimed. Wiping my mouth with a paper napkin, I hurried to the front office, a curse on my lips. I was surprised to see both Aunt Martha and Uncle Edward standing there.
“Evening, Darcy,” Aunt Martha said, her tone sounding unusually formal. “My, you certainly have cleaned this place up and organized it.”
“Wasn’t so bad before,” Uncle Edward began to protest, but shut his mouth when his wife shot him a dirty look.
“Thank you,” was all I could think to say.
The Complete Book Of Fallen Angels Page 17
