The Sanctuary

by Arika Stone

  I heard Val and Jude arguing in the distance, but I couldn’t distinguish their words. All I could focus on was the tightening waves of pain. I tried to relax and control my breathing. Val appeared in the bedroom several minutes later, carrying my medication. He sat on the edge of the bed and handed me the pills.

  He hung his head down. “I am sorry I broke my promise to you. I had no idea you were having issues with her. I thought you were all right.”

  “I was until last week. Too much stress. The doctor told me to stay off my feet and take off from work for a week or two. But I’m okay.”

  He shook his head. “No you’re not. You leaned on him when you should have been leaning on me. Can you come to L.A. with me? We’re too far into the record for me to pull out, and I want to be with you.”

  “The doctor said I can’t fly, but we can ask him again on Wednesday.”

  He sighed. “If you can’t fly, I suppose I’ll fly in on the weekends.” He turned and looked at me. “I need you to be truthful. Did you cheat on me with him?”

  “No! I would never dream of it.” I shook my head. “I completely understand why you’re angry, and I don’t disagree with you. But look at it from my point. I’m alone.”

  “I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at him because he’s not taking care of you out of the goodness of his heart. He’s trying to win you back. And I’m angry at myself for breaking my promises to you.” He sighed.

  “I’m only using him for my benefit. He was staying at a hotel because his condo is being renovated, but I asked him to stay here last week after I freaked out at three a.m. with contractions and I had to be rushed to the hospital.”

  “Why didn’t you call me?” Val questioned.

  “What could you have done from Helsinki?” The baby kicked again. “She’s going to be a soccer player, I swear.” I rubbed my belly, trying to calm her.

  “Can I feel her?” he asked tenderly, reaching for me.

  “Sure, come lie down.” I motioned next to me.

  Val kicked his boots off and slid by my side. His hand reached under my T-shirt.

  “No, on top.” I slid his hand out.

  “Why?” He looked puzzled.

  “Because I hate my body. I’ve gained weight, and it’s horrible.” I blushed. I didn’t think Val would find me attractive anymore.

  “Nonsense. You’re radiant and beautiful. Please let me see you.” His hand rested on my stomach, awaiting my answer.

  I couldn’t exactly hide myself. It was quite apparent how plump I had become. I nodded, granting him the permission he requested.

  His fingers lingered at my waistband for a second before inching my shirt up, little by little, until it was under my breasts. His hand glided over my skin, rubbing me in small circles. His touch sent shivers up my spine and made my nipples erect.

  “I guess I still do it for you.” He chuckled, taking note of my breasts.

  “My heart beats only for you.” I smiled. His touch reaffirmed the connection we had. He was the only one for me. I hoped he would kiss me. I longed for his touch to completely absorb me again.

  The baby kicked his hand, interrupting our interlude. A smile ripped across Val’s face. It was the first time he’d felt her kick. He leaned down and kissed her, talking to my belly. “You need to calm down, little one. Be a good girl for me. You’ll be out soon enough.” His voice caused her to shift, and it was odd to see my belly move up and down. It felt like an alien inside my body.

  He watched my stomach intently, taking it all in. “I can’t believe how you’ve grown.”

  “Well, it’s been four months since we saw each other.”

  “Has it been that long?” He shifted closer and rested his head next to mine on the pillow. His fingers continued to lightly rub my belly before inching their way up to my shirt. “Can I see all of you?”

  I shook my head no. I was embarrassed by my body.

  “Why not?” He inched my shirt over my breasts, ignoring me.

  I glanced down. His cock was bulging through his pants. “Are you turned on by me being pregnant?”

  He cackled and kissed me on the neck. “Let me see you naked.” He pulled my shirt up, revealing my swollen, plump breasts. His hands immediately flew to them, giving them a soft squeeze.

  “Don’t do that.” I brushed his hand off me.

  He let out a soft laugh. “Come on. Let me see.” He tried his shenanigans again.

  It clicked in my head. “You’re turned on by this, by me being pregnant.” I slapped his hand away.

  “Of course I am. You’re radiant.”

  I pushed my shirt down, and my eyes narrowed. My emotions got the best of me. “You can’t just swoop in and play savior whenever it suits you. I can’t believe you have the audacity to think you can fuck me whenever you want.”

  He rolled over. “Where is your collar?” He winked, attempting to be playful.

  I stood up. “Oh don’t pull that shit on me. I am not your collar anymore. That part of our life ended when you decided to plant your seed.”

  “Did it? Funny how I didn’t get the memo on that one.”

  “At least Jude has been here for me. I can’t say the same for you. No husband I know would leave their wife pregnant and alone.”

  “Don’t compare me to him. There are plenty of couples going through the same thing. Do you think I wanted to leave you? I had no choice, and neither did you.”

  “Get out!” I screamed. “Go back to L.A.! I don’t need you here.” I began to cry. I couldn’t help it. Everything I had been feeling during the past four months crested. I slapped him. “You don’t love me! If you loved me, you would have been here for me,” I shouted between sobs.

  “I’ll let you cool down. Your hormones are getting the best of you.” He backed off.

  “Just go back to L.A. and leave me alone. I want a divorce.” The words slipped out without a second thought.

  “I hope you don’t really mean that.” He began to pace. “What has he done to you? Can’t you see he’s manipulating you? He’s only here so he can push us apart.” He began to get angry. “I asked you to leave the company in February. If you had, none of this would have happened.”

  “Oh, don’t give me that. What was I supposed to do? Please, Val, just leave. I can’t stand you right now.” I walked into the bathroom. I had to pee.

  Val called out through the door, “I’ll leave for a bit so you can calm down, but I’m staying with you. I can’t have you feeling this way toward me. I’m not letting you go so easily.”

  Chapter 50

  After months apart, it was strange to have Val back home. He tried so hard to return us to our “normal” routine, but I would have nothing of it. I was a raging, moody witch toward him. Nothing he could do or say was right, but amazingly, he kept his composure no matter how many times I turned into a demon.

  It was a very difficult time for me. It felt as though I was living with a complete stranger. I couldn’t stand his smoking, which I limited to the outside terrace. I couldn’t stand his messiness. I continually reminded him that Edward wasn’t his slave. I chastised him about repainting the nursery furniture, a feat that he decided to undertake in the middle of one of his sleepless nights without my permission. And I was constantly riding him about his drinking habits. It seemed as if he would rip through a six-pack every couple of hours. Everything I’d once tolerated annoyed me.

  It wasn’t all fighting and torture though. There were plenty of hours that we filled with our own interests. Some days I wouldn’t speak to him. I stayed in my bedroom watching television or editing my book. I had no desire to make any physical contact with him either. If I did, he would interpret that as wanting sex.

  But he took my behavior in stride, chalking it up to hormones, the medication, and Jude’s “brainwashing.” He tried to do anything and everything to win my heart—he cooked dinner, took me to the doctor’s, went shopping, finished the nursery, even offered massages. By the end of his stay,
I began to feel guilty for my behavior. He didn’t deserve to be treated the way I was acting.

  I watched him pack his clothing. He was leaving momentarily. “Do you have to leave?”

  He raised an eyebrow. “What does it matter? You’ve made it clear you don’t want me here.”

  “That’s not true. I just needed time to adjust. We were apart for four months, and then you magically returned when you thought I was cheating on you.”

  He shook his head. “I’m not going to entertain this. It’s only going to lead to another argument.” He zipped his suitcase closed. “If you still want a divorce, have your lawyer send me the paperwork. I will sign off on whatever terms you want. I don’t want anything except visitation rights.”

  “I don’t want a divorce,” I said softly.

  “You could have fooled me. You certainly haven’t shown me one bit of love since I returned.” He sat across from me. His eyes were full of sadness.

  “I’m sorry, Val. Please don’t leave me again.” I started to cry. I needed him more than anything else right now.

  “I have obligations in L.A., you know that. I’ll fly back this weekend if you want me to.” His voice was cool and collected. He seemed detached from the situation.

  “I would like that.” I reached across the bed. “I love you. I always will.” I felt as if this was the last time I would see him.

  “And I love you too.” He looked down. “Why did you hide how you were feeling?”

  “I was mad at so many things. I was hurt because you weren’t here for me, like you said you would be.”

  “How can I know how you feel unless you tell me? We talked every day. You kept me in the dark about everything.”

  “I didn’t want to interfere with your responsibilities. I thought I was strong enough to do this by myself.”

  “I need you to be open and let me know how you’re feeling.” He rose from the bed, leaned down, and kissed me on the cheek. “I’ll call you when I settle in. I have to leave, or I’m going to miss my flight.”

  “Kiss her goodbye too.” I flattened myself on the bed and raised my shirt.

  He smiled and obliged. “I love you, little one. Whatever happens, I always will be here for you.”

  His words brought tears to my eyes. I had the distinct feeling he would be the one filing for divorce when he got back to L.A. “Val?”

  He turned around, waiting for me to continue.

  “We’re going to be all right, right?”

  “I don’t know. That’s up to you. I’ll call you later,” he stated somberly and walked out the door.

  Chapter 51

  The next few weeks passed dreadfully slowly. As per my doctor, I resumed my regular activities, but I began working shorter days and taking it easy at home. I kept my distance from Jude. I knew any contact with him would lead me back to square one. I didn’t know who to believe. Val made valid points that Jude was trying to win my heart, and Jude made his own argument that Val didn’t care because he wasn’t there for me.

  I was full of emotion. The pregnancy didn’t sit well with me. I couldn’t understand why women loved being pregnant. Nothing about being pregnant was enjoyable. I was continually hot, acid reflux took over my body at a whim, my back ached, and I had to pee all the damn time.

  My communication with Val was literally at a standstill. He was putting in late nights partying for publicity while my body preferred sleeping by eight p.m. When we did talk, our chitchat consisted of what was going on in our lives rather than what we could do to improve our relationship.

  It was a typical Saturday night. I was lying in bed watching television, bored, tired, and waiting for Val to call. I was counting down the days on my laptop until my due date when an entertainment show caught my attention.

  “Is it trouble in Tinseltown for designer Eve Lauren and musician Valo Ruska? Last night, Valo was spotted at the trendy club, Karma, in downtown L.A. with up-and-coming actress Fiona VonHurst."

  A picture of them flashed across the screen, and my stomach fell to the floor. I couldn’t focus on anything the announcer said. I could see only Val’s arm draped over Fiona’s shoulder. She was nearly his height and drop-dead gorgeous, with curly red hair, a dazzling smile, and a very, very flat stomach.

  I immediately picked up the phone and dialed Val.

  I could hear noise in the background. He was at a restaurant or bar. “Who is she?” I demanded.

  “Who is who?” Val asked. “Hold on. Let me go outside.” I heard him mumble to whoever he was with that I was on the phone.

  “Now, darling, what were you saying?”

  “Who is she? Damn you, Val! Who is Fiona VonHurst?”

  “She’s a friend. Why?”

  “Because it’s being broadcast on television that we’re on the rocks and you were at a club with her. Tell me the truth, Val. Are you cheating on me?”

  “No! I’d never do such a thing.”

  “Then why were you together last night? Your arm was around her.” I became more upset by the minute.

  “We were at a release party. It wasn’t a date. We’re just friends.”

  “Don’t bullshit me. You’ve gone to these things by yourself even when you know people there. I can’t believe you. It’s because I’m pregnant, isn’t it? You don’t find me attractive anymore.”

  “Did you call just to aggravate me? How many times do I have to tell you that you are beautiful and I love you?”

  “If you love me so much, you wouldn’t be doing this to me.” I slammed down the phone in a fit of tears. I knew he was fucking her. He had to be. She was too perfect. “Edward!” I called out.

  Edward entered my bedroom. “Yes, Eve?”

  “If Val calls, tell him I’m sleeping. I don’t feel like talking to him.” I pressed the power button on my cell phone, turning it off.

  “Very well, Eve. Can I get you anything else?”

  “Yes, if you can find my real husband, I’d appreciate it.” I plopped my head down on the pillow and turned off the television.

  I cried myself to sleep but woke up several hours later with excruciating pain. I was having contractions again, and they hurt more than they had previously. I reached over and picked up my cell phone and dialed Val. But his phone rang with no answer. I hung up and dialed again. This time it went straight to voice mail. He was ignoring my calls.

  “When you get your cock out of Fiona, maybe you’ll hear this message. I’m headed to the hospital. I’m having contractions again.” I hung up the phone. I didn’t know what to do. The pain pierced my body. I thought she was going to come any minute.

  I had no other option but to call Jude. “Jude, I think I’m in labor.”

  I could hear him stir in bed. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, meet me at the hospital.” I hung up the phone and crawled out of bed, quickly dressing myself and calling a car and my doctor.

  The next few hours whizzed by. I was rushed to the labor and delivery floor and hooked up to more contraptions than I could count. The screen next to me was a bunch of blips, beeps, and waves of nonsense.

  Jude stood next to me. “How are you feeling?”

  I shook my head. “Not good. The medicine is making me feel out of sorts.”

  “Did you call Val?”

  “I left him a message, but I doubt he’s going to call. He’s fucking Fiona VonHurst.”

  “The actress?” Jude questioned.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I thought she was dating Evan York. That’s interesting…” Jude glanced at the monitors. “Well, I’m going to leave. You need your sleep.” He kissed me on the forehead.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll get plenty of it in here.” I rolled my head on the stiff pillow. “I’m not coming back to work. Have HR file the necessary paperwork and bring it to me tomorrow to sign.”

  “Will do.” He watched me from the doorway. “If Val isn’t here for you, I will be, even after you give birth.”

  “I know, Jude. I apprec
iate it.”

  He nodded and left me to my thoughts. I stared out the window and reflected on my life. I should have known I couldn’t keep Val satisfied.

  Chapter 52

  I stared blankly at the television. I feared my brain had turned to mush. For the past nine days, the only thing I looked forward to doing was eating, scheduling my days around what time the orderlies would bring my next meal. There was nothing to do in the hospital. I couldn’t walk around, I was limited in my activities, and I couldn’t use electronic devices because it interfered with the monitoring equipment.

  It felt like a prison sentence. I was locked inside a room without any fresh air, and my contact with the outside world was restricted. The only people who came to visit were Jude, who swung by every night after work, and Vicki, who stopped in once when she knew Jude wouldn’t be there. I came to terms that Val and I were indeed over. He had yet to return my initial call and didn’t fly in to visit.

  There was a soft knock on the door before it opened. “Hey, girl…” Vicki popped her head in. “Are you ready to go home?”

  “Yes, get me out of this place.” I swung my legs over the bed. I was looking forward to my freedom. The nurse pushed past her with the wheelchair, which I gleefully hopped into.

  We quickly left the hospital and headed home in my company car. She turned to me. “I have to talk to you.”

  Her tone immediately sent up red flags. “What’s wrong?”

  She glanced out the window. “I don’t know how to tell you this. You know I can’t stand Val, but I would feel guilty if you didn’t know.”

  “What is it?” My mind raced.

  “Jude has been interfering with Val’s attempts to contact you. Val flew in the day you were admitted, but Jude alerted hospital security not to let him in or let his calls through. He told the hospital staff he was your husband and Val was your ex.”