by Arika Stone
I was shocked. Was Jude that malicious? “When did you find this out?” I couldn’t believe what she was telling me.
“I found out yesterday. Val called my cell. But I’m scared. He didn’t sound like himself. And I searched recent press photos. He doesn’t look right. Something is wrong.”
“Yeah, he’s fucking some chick named Fiona.” I gazed out the window and sighed. Maybe it was better he hadn’t gotten in touch with me. Perhaps Jude was right and Val was the cause of my stress.
“Fiona VonHurst? She just got engaged to Evan York. She has a consult with us next week for her wedding. Val’s not dating her.” Vicki shook her head. “No way.”
My mouth dropped open. Val hadn’t been lying to me about her. “What did Val tell you?”
“All Val said was he’d been trying to reach you for days and no one would tell him anything. He thinks you’re the one who blocked him in the hospital. I had no idea what was going on. I found the story out yesterday from Steve, who Jude bragged to.”
The car pulled up to my apartment building, and I walked inside as quickly as I could. I needed to get in touch with Val.
Vicki followed in my wake. “What are you doing?”
I headed into my apartment, ignoring her and went straight to the kitchen, searching for a phone. I dialed my house in L.A. No luck. The phone kept on ringing, and the answering machine didn’t pick up. I dialed Val’s cell phone. Still no answer but I left a message. How could I reach him? I wondered as I began to pace.
“You’re going to send yourself right back to the hospital and you’ll be of no use to anyone,” Vicki scolded. “Sit down. Tell me what you need me to do.”
I knew she was right. I sat down at the kitchen island. “Find my cell phone. I have his family’s numbers in there and his manager’s.”
“Where is it?” Vicki asked me.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. Ask Edward. I’m sure he knows.”
Thirty minutes later, Vicki and Edward had torn my house upside down, rummaging for my cell phone, but it wasn’t anywhere to be found. They were searching through my bedroom when it hit me. I gasped. “Vicki, Jude has it. He took it when I was admitted.” I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Can you make some phone calls and see what you can find out?”
The hours passed, and no matter who Vicki called, she ran into dead ends. The label wouldn’t offer any information. Sebastian told her Val was out of town and he wouldn’t be back for a while. His publicist was out to lunch and didn’t return her call. Her contacts at the gossip magazines hadn’t heard any news. I kept calling the house and his cell phone but wasn’t able to reach him.
“Have you tried the hotel where the band is staying?”
“Yes, they wouldn’t connect me.”
“Have you tried calling him from your phone? Maybe he’s just not answering me.”
Vicki shook her head. “He’s not picking up for me either. He still must be concerned, or he wouldn’t have called me yesterday.”
“Fuck!” I screamed and pounded my hand on the counter. I knew something was wrong. This was unusual for him. Even when we were fighting, he always had a level head.
“Maybe he went away on business,” Vicki tried to soothe me.
I rested my head on my hands. “Do me a favor and get my cell phone from Jude. I need to call Jenni. Something’s wrong. He’s never like this.”
Vicki placed her arms around me and smoothed my hair. “You need to calm down. It’s only been a day. Maybe he’s out. It’s still early there. I’m sure you will work it out. But you need to relax, or you’re going to have contractions again. You don’t want to go through that, do you?”
“No, I definitely don’t.”
She pulled my medicine out of her bag. “It’s time for your meds. I’ll get your phone from Jude tomorrow, and I’ll drop it off. I’m sure Val is all right. Why don’t we order Chinese and watch a movie? You need to take your mind off of this.”
The thought of Chinese food temporarily distracted me. I hadn’t eaten real food all week. “Sounds tempting.” I swallowed my pill. “But you know I won’t be able to let this go.”
“Then I’ll stay with you all night. I’ve got plenty of sick time I’ve never used.” She winked and dialed for Chinese.
* * * *
“Good morning, sunshine.”
I opened my eyes. Vicki was dangling my phone over my head. I snatched it from her, scrolling through my contact list. I yawned. “I’m sorry I fell asleep early.”
“Don’t mention it. I brought you breakfast, your favorite from McDonald's.” She held a bag up. The smell of the grease teased my senses.
I laughed. “Are you trying to plump me up?”
“Eat what you can now because you won’t eat after you give birth.”
I got up from the couch and stretched. I needed to get in touch with Jenni. I dialed her phone and walked into the kitchen to devour my meal.
“Eve?” Jenni picked up, sounding completely surprised.
“Jenni, what’s going on? I can’t get ahold of Val.”
“I don’t know. Why? I thought you guys were getting divorced.”
“I was taken aback by what she said. “We’re not getting divorced. Did Val tell you that?”
Jenni sighed. “He called a few weeks ago and said you’d ended it. How’s the baby, by the way?”
This was a nightmare. “We talked about splitting up, but I wasn’t serious. The baby’s fine, but they have me on medication, which completely alters my personality. It drives me crazy. He didn’t get it.”
“They never do. He mentioned you were having a rough time with her.” Jenni’s voice was solemn.
“I’ve been having pre-term contractions caused by stress. I’ve quit the business too.”
“That should take some stress off of you. Mum’s worried about you two. She says you need to come home if you want to make it work.”
“I agree. So, you don’t know where Val is? I’ve been calling since yesterday, and I can’t reach him. No one will tell me where he is, and I’ve got this gut feeling something is wrong.”
Jenni groaned. “I have no idea where he could be. He hasn’t called me or Mum since the last we spoke.”
“Can you do me a favor? Can you find out where he is? I’m worried.”
“I’ll see what I can do. Hold on for a second and I’ll try calling.” Jenni clicked the line, placing me on hold.
A few minutes later, she returned. “Eve? I couldn’t get in touch with Val, but I did speak to Sebastian.”
“This isn’t good,” I said between bites.
“No, it’s not. Are you able to fly?”
My stomach sank to my feet. “Why?”
“Sebastian thought it might be best for you to go out there. There are some things he needs you to take care of.”
I nearly choked on my food. “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I don’t want to stress you or the baby.” I could tell by the tremble in her voice she was nervous.
“You’re going to stress me out more if you don’t tell me. What happened to Val?” My voice cracked under pressure.
“Sebastian needs you to close up the house. Val’s not coming back. He OD’d last night, and they’re sending him to rehab. He’s in the hospital right now. There was a mix of drugs and alcohol in his system.”
“Is he all right?” I started to cry. This was my fault. “I didn’t mean to do this to him.”
“It’s not your fault, Eve. When things go wrong, he doesn’t know how to deal with it.”
“Can you make it out there?” I asked.
“No, I can’t. I’ll see if Mum can make it out, but she hates to fly. If you’re there with him, keep us informed of what’s going on. I’m sure he’ll be fine. Look, I have to run. I’ll talk to you later.”
I hung up the phone and immediately dialed the airline.
“What’s going on?” Vicki asked me.
“I have to fly
to L.A. Val OD’d last night. He’s in the hospital.” I knew I needed to be there for him. It was my fault this had happened, and I needed to do anything I could to make it right.
“Do you think it’s wise to fly right now? You just got out.”
“I have to go, Vicki. He needs me.”
Chapter 53
“How is he?” I asked the doctor.
“He’s stable now. When he came in, his electrolytes were low, as was his pressure and pulse rate.” The doctor flipped through the file in front of him. “Were you aware of his drug problems?”
“I knew he had issues previously, but I wasn’t aware he was currently using.” I paused. “Can I see him?”
“Of course, but he may not be too responsive. He’s sedated. We plan on speaking to him about entering a rehab facility in the morning if he remains stable. I must warn you, his addiction may not be easy to manage, and he may not agree to go. It is imperative you convince him. He also needs to stay on his medicine that was prescribed for him last time he was in rehab, for his bipolar and anxiety disorders.” He opened the door to Val’s private hospital room and gestured me inside.
I walked inside and saw someone I didn’t know. His skin was pale, and his face was thin. His eyes had deep circles as if he'd binged for days without sleep. His hair was a mess, long and uncut, as was his goatee. He looked as though he’d dropped more weight since I’d last seen him. He appeared much older than he was.
I kissed him on the forehead. “Hello, darling. I’m here, and I promise I will never leave you again.” He stirred a bit from my touch but remained in a heavy slumber. I took his hand in mine and sat down on the chair next to his bed. There was a long road ahead of us, but I was determined not to let it come between us.
“Val, I’m not sure if you can hear me or not, but I want you to know how sorry I am for what happened. I love you. You are my world.” I placed my head next to his arm, holding him tightly. I closed my eyes and prayed for his recovery. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him. The soft hum of the machines gave me a sense of déjà vu, and within minutes, I was fast asleep next to him, where I belonged.
* * * *
I felt a soft tug on my arm. “Eve?”
I thought I was dreaming. I shifted on the bed. My neck ached from the position I was in. “Eve? What are you doing here?”
The voice sounded raspy and hoarse. Was I dreaming? His arm wiggled out from under me, and I opened my eyes. “Good morning.” I smiled.
His eyes looked weary. “How long have you been here?”
The sun beamed though the windows. “Since last night. I couldn’t get ahold of you when they discharged me from the hospital. I called Jenni, who found out you were here. I came out on the first flight I could.” I propped myself up on the bed.
“Why?”
“Because I love you. I was worried about you. I apologize I didn’t contact you sooner. I had no idea you flew in to New York or that you were trying to reach me. Jude manipulated everything. I didn’t see past his charades, and I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”
He laid his head back down on the pillow and eyed the IV. “Did they tell you when I could go home?”
“They want to transport you to rehab today.”
He snarled, “I’m not going. Get me the doctor so I can talk to him.”
“You almost died two nights ago from an overdose. You’re going to rehab. You have a child who needs you to be well.” I crossed my arms in protest.
“I’m not using. I’m fine.” He turned the IV around to see what meds they had him on.
“Val, you had cocaine, pot, Xanax, and alcohol in your system, and your heart nearly gave out.” I glanced down. His hand was trembling. “Are you all right?”
“I told you I’m fine,” he growled. “Get me a doctor. I need to get myself signed out.”
“I’m not letting you do that.”
“What do you care?” He glared at me.
“Because I love you. And I’m here because I want to work things out. I don’t want to lose you.”
He rolled his eyes. “If you love me, get me out of here. I’m fine, Eve.”
I stood up. “Okay, I’ll find the doctor.” I didn’t want to argue. I stretched out, arching my back to try and relieve the pressure from the baby.
“Wait. Come here.”
I walked to his side. I brushed his hair back from his face. “What can I do for you?”
He placed his hand on my belly. “How is she?”
“Dying to come out and see you.” I smiled. “She’s fine. It’s her momma that’s not.”
“And how are you doing?” he said softly.
“I don’t think this is the right time to discuss this. We need to focus on you. I’ll be fine.”
“You know that prick bought off half of the hospital and your staff.” He rubbed my belly through my shirt.
“I had no idea what was going on.” I leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. “We’ll talk about that later though. I’ll get the doctor for you.”
He shook his head and sighed. “I’ll go to rehab for her.” He tapped my belly lightly. “Sit down. I want to talk to you before they send me there and we’re cut off from contact again.”
I sat down. “They do that?”
“Yes, they do. They may call you in for couple’s therapy. But for the most part, they will limit our contact.” His body shook with a tremor. He bit his lip. “Maybe you should go. I don’t want you to see me like this.” A ripple of pain passed over his face.
I grasped his hand. “I’m not leaving you. This doesn’t scare me. And I’m not returning to New York unless I have you with me.”
He eyed me. “I thought you had work.”
“I stopped working, doctor’s orders. It’s bed rest for me.”
“Then why aren’t you in bed?” He winked, his sense of humor returning.
“Because you haven’t invited me yet.” I grinned.
He matched my smile and tossed the blanket to the side. “Come.”
I climbed into bed next to him, placed my head in the crook of his shoulder and giggled. “I don’t think there is enough room for both of us. I’m too big.”
He kissed me on the head. “Nonsense. I haven’t felt you next to me in months. Let me enjoy this before they kick you out.” He placed his hand on my stomach.
I studied him. Even though he was worn and ragged, he still was handsome in my eyes.
Sweat beads started to form on his head, and I noticed he began to clench down and grind his teeth.
“Can I get you anything?”
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. “What I need, they won’t let me have. I’m feeling quite antsy and hot right now.”
“Maybe the doctors can give you more tranquilizers until you come off of the drugs.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want to replace one drug with another. I’ll be fine.” He shifted onto his side to look at me. “Do me a favor and promise me this.”
“What is it?”
“There is a brown manila envelope on the kitchen counter. Don’t open it. Just toss it into the fire. Will you do that for me?”
I nodded. “Can I ask you what it is I’m burning?”
He cast his eyes down. “I had divorce papers drawn up after I saw you last, but I haven’t been able to sign them. And I don’t want to sign them. I want us to work things out.”
“I want to work things out too. I will put them in the fireplace, I promise. I’m sorry I said what I did. The medication made me insane.”
His hands smoothed over my arm. “You seem better now than last month. Are you still on the meds?”
“Unfortunately, yes. But they cut it in half after I had an episode in the hospital. I ripped the IV out and demanded to leave.” I laughed. Val and I sounded so much alike.
“I should have been more understanding.” He fingered the drip extending into his veins. “They put me back on my meds too. I can’t stand the stuff. It makes me over
ly mellow, as if I have no emotions.”
“Tranquilizers will do that to anyone.” I placed my hands in his, interlocking our fingers.
“It’s not the sedatives. It’s the medication for what they believe is manic-depression, but I’m not manic, and I’m certainly not depressed. They always dope me up on this stuff whenever I’m hospitalized.” He looked at me, still tightly snuggled in his arms.
“You never told me you were diagnosed with that.”
He sighed. “I never told you because I don’t believe it. Besides, have you ever seen me in such a state?”
I shook my head. “You’ve always been the more rational one. Maybe I’m the one who needs them.” My mind wandered to the medicine chest at home. It was full of drugs, but I never thought to question him about them.
“Nah, you’re perfect the way you are. You’re my drug of choice. You keep me sane in an insane world.” He ruffled my hair and kissed me. He stretched. “Jesus, it’s hot in here.”
I glanced up. He was drenched in sweat. “Let me get a washcloth.” I made my way as quickly as I could, returning with a cool cloth in hand, and wiped his face. “Are you okay?” He looked as though he’d taken a turn for the worse.
“Do you have any of those pills you took when you had morning sickness?” He swallowed hard, as if to fight the feelings washing over him.
I eyed him. I had a hunch I knew where this was going. “I don’t have them with me. But I’ll find a nurse if you’re feeling sick.”
The door crept open, and the doctor walked in. “Good morning, Mr. Ruska. How are you feeling today?”
Val snapped, “How do you think I am? I would like to sign out of here as soon as possible.”
The doctor eyed his chart. “Do you think that is a good idea, considering you almost died two days ago?”
“I know this game all too well. I am not going. I have a wife and a child to take care of.”
I interrupted. “Val, don’t you think it’s better if you get clean before I give birth?”
“And how will you take care of them if you return to using?” The doctor eyed him.
“I’ll be fine. She’s with me now. I have no reason to use.”
“Val, I can’t take care of you as you withdraw. I have no idea how to. You can’t put me or the baby under this stress. I’ll wind up giving birth. If you don’t want to go for me, please go for her.”
