I wanted to touch him. The impulse to reach out and lay my hand on his cheek started somewhere deep in my belly, traveling up my spine and down my arm until I felt my fingers twitch. But I’d been resisting that urge for so long that I just stared, unable to move, unable to speak.
Oren levered himself up, his movements ginger at first. His face was transformed, the bitter darkness there replaced by wonder and hope. He lifted a hand toward my face, making me flinch in anticipation. He hesitated, fingers a hairsbreadth away from me; then his palm curved against my cheek, warm and solid. No tingle passed between us. No jolt of power transferred.
I exhaled a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding and closed my eyes, sending tears spilling down my face. I couldn’t bear to look at his face, and I concentrated instead on the feel of his skin against mine. For a moment I forgot my fears, forgot my distrust of Eve, forgot even the certainty that this would change Oren, that he wouldn’t be the boy I fell in love with. There was only the sensation of his fingers tracing the curve of my cheekbone, curling into my hair, pulling me closer.
When I opened my eyes again I knew he could feel it too. The change, that his touch was no longer a parasitic reminder of what he was. Gone was the stony-faced boy I struggled to read—for an instant his heart was in his eyes.
He bent his head, lips meeting mine in a rush as though he could wait no longer. His kiss was so familiar and yet so new; I tasted wind and rain, and his skin was wet from the waves, and yet I couldn’t taste that tang of power, the metallic, electric taste of blood and magic.
Every time we’d touched and parted, unable to bear the burn of magic between us—it all came roaring back, flooding my senses. All the things I hadn’t let myself do, or say, or feel; all the times he’d reached out, only to touch my hair or my sleeve or not touch me at all. A thousand unlived moments, each one fading away touch by touch: his hand sliding up my side; his lips behind my ear; his body warming from the reservoir to the heat of my own.
“Lark,” he gasped, breaking away from me long enough to speak. “I’m sorry. We should stop, figure out—”
“Oren.” My voice shook as I interrupted him, his wet locks tangling through my fingers. “Do you never stop talking?”
Oren’s blue eyes met mine for an instant, surprised, recognizing his own words from the first time we met; then he laughed, quick and bright, and kissed me hard.
This was all I’d wanted from the moment I’d learned Oren’s secret. I just wanted to be us. I wanted him to be just a boy, helping a girl, lost in the wilderness.
An image flashed before my closed eyes: Oren’s face after I’d told him I loved all of him, shadow too, and that I didn’t want him to change. What did I know? I thought wildly before lifting my arms so he could pull my shirt off. I love him. As he is. Just Oren.
And though neither of us spoke, I could hear it echoing in the waves lapping the shore, back and back through the cavern. I love him.
CHAPTER 15
I woke groggy and confused, blinking in the gloom. It was morning, which I could tell only because there turned out to be vents high in the ceiling to the streets above, where I could see the faint, watery light of the sun disc filtering through. It was cold, and I gathered my blanket closer around me, trying to remember where I was.
The sound of water nearby brought it all back. The reservoir. Eve. Oren.
I sat up with a jolt, realizing that the space next to me was empty. No, not empty at all; Nix sat there in the hollow where Oren had lain, eyeing me with that flat blue stare.
“Good morning.”
Abruptly, I realized that my clothes were still gone and grabbed for the blanket. Oren must have gone off in the night to fetch it—I was certainly glad to have it now. “Where’s Oren?” I gasped, face turning crimson.
“How should I know?” Nix said tartly. Then, after a brief but heavy pause, it added, “You never came home last night.”
“What are you, my mother?” I cast about for my clothes, clutching the blanket up around my chest.
“I was worried.”
“Machines don’t worry,” I teased it, dragging my pants closer. “Turn around.”
“Lark, I’m not programmed to take any notice of—”
“Turn around!”
Nix gave a remarkably human sigh—and it wondered why I felt uncomfortable changing around it?—and turned.
I pulled on my clothes in a hurry, ignoring the sand clinging to my skin. What had felt right and perfect last night now just felt uncomfortable. I was stiff and sore from lying on the gravel beach all night, and I knew it was going to take an hour to get all the sand out of my hair. And where was Oren?
I staggered to my feet, which Nix took as its cue to turn back around. It fluttered up to my shoulder, clicking distaste as it twitched aside my sandy hair. “Your brother wants to see you,” it said.
I hesitated. Wherever my brother was, it was likely Eve was there too. I wasn’t quite sure I could face her after last night. Somehow I felt sure she’d take one look at me and know what had happened between Oren and me, and that it was her doing. As grateful as I was, and as relieved to have been wrong about her, I wasn’t quite ready to admit that to her face yet.
Still, if my brother wanted to see me, it’d have something to do with our plans, and the city was more important than my relationship with the shadow boy. Or not so shadowy now.
I gave my head a shake, nearly unseating Nix and making the pixie buzz a protest, and then headed back toward the Hub.
Caesar was waiting in his office, along with Kris, whose face was grave. Eve wasn’t there, but it turned out I should’ve been more worried about what my brother could see, one eye or no. He took one look at me and scowled as I slipped inside the office. “Where have you been?” he demanded.
“I—uh. Got turned around last night, ended up sleeping at the reservoir.”
“You?” Caesar snorted. “Basil’s little protégé, getting lost in the tunnels? Right.” His eyes raked over me, disheveled and covered in sand. “Where’s your shadow?”
I choked. “What?”
“The guy always following you around. Oren. He sleep out at the reservoir too?”
I started breathing again with an effort. He didn’t know—it was just an expression. And now there’s nothing to know, I reminded myself. “I don’t know where he is,” I answered truthfully. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Kris and kept my eyes on my brother.
Caesar grunted, and I felt a flare of indignation. What right did he have to feel protective of me now, after everything that had transpired between us? But when he spoke next, he changed the subject. “Plans have changed,” he said shortly, tossing a much-recycled bit of paper down on the table.
“What do you mean?”
“Our eyes and ears have reported an increase in factory activity,” he said.
“And how does that affect us?”
“The factories are where they manufacture their machines,” Caesar replied, watching my face. “Used to be mostly harvesters, pixies, the occasional police walker. Now we know they’re making war machines.”
My heart shriveled a little inside my chest. “You think they’re planning an attack.”
“Maybe.” Caesar leaned back against the table. “But that’s not the only reason. We’ve had three people go missing overnight.”
I frowned. “Missing?”
Caesar nodded. “Could be nothing. Could mean that they were captured by the Institute, and they’ll be giving up information at any time. Could mean they were moles all along and are headed back to their architect masters as we speak.”
I exhaled slowly. I wanted to criticize my brother’s organization, his leadership, but I’m not sure I would’ve handled it any better. With rebels flooding in from all districts of the city, it’d be easy for an architect spy to slip in unnoticed. I watched my brother’s face and didn’t speak, hating myself for the thought that came next: How driven was he to go on the offensive? Enough t
o stage the disappearance of his own people to create an imminent threat?
Caesar gazed back at me, unflinching, before continuing. “Any change means that something is on the horizon. In light of this new information, it seems sending anyone in to talk would be a bad idea.”
Now I glanced at Kris and understood why his expression was so stony. “I’d still like to try,” he said. “Lark is right, we can’t win an outright war.”
“I’m not sending anyone in there,” Caesar repeated, raising his voice a fraction. “And Lark, we need you here in case of an attack.”
“But the machine warehouses, the food stores,” I protested, taking a step forward. “I’m the only one who can detect the telltale magic where they’re being hidden. If they’re about to attack, this might be our last chance!”
“And if the Institute attacks us while you’re out wandering the streets?”
“You’re weighing a certainty of death by starvation and lack of preparation against the possibility of an attack.”
“Last time I checked, I was still calling the shots here,” Caesar said in a low voice. “You want to take over? Make these decisions?”
I felt Kris’s eyes on me, holding me, though all I wanted was to retreat from that very question. “No,” I snapped. “But I’m not yours to command. I’m going to go look for those storehouses, and you can either kill me to stop me, or let me go.”
Kris spoke up. “I’ll go with her as far as the Institute,” he declared. “We’ll watch each other’s backs and make quicker ground.”
Caesar’s lip curled, but before he could deliver any further ultimatums, a soft voice by the door interrupted him.
“Let them go, Caesar.”
I turned to find Eve standing there. She smiled at me when I met her gaze. There was no reprisal there, none of the smugness I feared. Nothing except her gentle warmth, flickering hot around the edges.
“Eve,” Caesar choked. “You don’t understand, they want to—”
“I know.” Eve moved into the room, and I danced aside, not wanting to risk touching her. “But your sister and her friend are right. There’s always room for talk.” She reached out and took Caesar’s hand, twining her fingers through his and coming to a halt at his side.
Caesar exhaled slowly, shoulders sagging as though his strength went with the air in his lungs. He met Eve’s gaze for a moment, something unspoken passing between them. For a strange moment I felt like an intruder, some foreign observer on a private moment. “Fine,” Caesar said finally. “But you go now. Today. This morning.”
I glanced at Kris, who nodded back at me. “Okay,” I said, thinking of Oren. Where was he? But I had no time to find out. I had to get ready.
I jogged back toward my room, stopping by the communal bathing area to hose off the sand still stuck to my skin. The water was frigid, but I took comfort in the way the other bathers gasped and shivered as much as I did. I threw my clothes back on over my wet skin and then headed for my room, praying Oren would be there.
He wasn’t. I sent Nix off to search for him and grabbed my pack. I took out the extra set of clothes—I wouldn’t be gone long enough to need it. I made sure the knife Oren had given me all those months ago was firmly sheathed in my boot and ran through my inventory of supplies. It was such habit now, running through it all by memory. At least I wouldn’t have to live out of a bag for much longer. One way or another, this would be over soon. And I’d be home—or I wouldn’t need one anymore.
I wanted to wait for Nix, but the pixie knew my route and could catch up with me if it came by the room and found me gone. So instead I slung my pack over my shoulders and headed for the Hub. I met Kris there and loaded my pack with food for a couple of days. Kris had decided against bringing a bag, pointing out that he’d be in the Institute in a few hours anyway. And if they weren’t going to feed him, hunger would be the least of his problems.
“We should get moving,” I said, once I’d filled a canteen with water and tucked it in the top of my pack.
“You don’t want to wait for Oren?” Kris asked, brow furrowing. “Does he know what’s going on?”
My heart twisted a little, but I shook my head. “Nix is trying to find him—if Nix can’t, then I certainly won’t be able to. When Oren doesn’t want to be found, no one can find him.” Please don’t ask me why he wouldn’t want to be found. It was taking all my mental strength not to ask myself that same question.
“Lark—you okay?”
“Fine.” I hesitated. Kris was the closest thing I had to a friend outside of Oren, but he wasn’t exactly someone I wanted to confide in, not about why I was so frazzled. “I had a strange night.”
“You’re sure you want to go now? We could—”
I shook my head again, sharper this time. “I don’t trust Caesar not to change his mind,” I said in a low voice, keeping my eyes on the people going to and fro about their business in the Hub.
Kris’s mouth twitched into a half smile. “Despite your history, he’s done an amazing job holding these people together so far.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. But I know my brother, and tactics or no, he’s spoiling for a fight. He’s waiting for a reason to strike.”
Kris reached out and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Then let’s not give him one.”
We headed northeast, toward one of the cordoned-off areas of the city. The tunnel entrances were all blocked off inside the barricaded section, but we could get close enough before emerging that we’d be unlikely to run across any patrolling pixies or Enforcers.
We came up in an alley between two buildings in a part of the city I didn’t know very well. The sun disc was already halfway to its zenith. Even a few days underground made the sun disc seem brighter, more intense; my memories of the sun outside were fading. No wonder we had so completely lost our understanding of what the world beyond the Wall was like.
“The Institute’s to the east,” Kris murmured, holding the grate so I could wriggle free. He then eased it back into place and straightened, blinking in the light. “Your brother’s intel points north, on the edge of the Wall. You should head that way.” He jerked his chin toward the left.
“I’ll come with you.”
“And get us both caught? It’s better if only one of us goes in.”
I shook my head. “Just as far as the gates. I’ll keep an eye out for trouble, in case they aren’t happy to see you again.”
Kris grinned at me. “I’d point out that it’d be you against the entire arsenal of the Institute, but somehow I don’t think that’d stop you.”
I wished I could be so cavalier about my destructive tendencies, but managed a wan smile nonetheless.
“Just remember that we want them to take me in.” Kris led the way from the mouth of the alley, running a hand through his brown hair. “Don’t blow your cover for nothing, okay? The Institute doesn’t know you’re back. Let’s keep it that way for as long as possible.”
“Right.”
We walked in silence, each of us listening for the sound of pixies on the wing or the booted footsteps of Enforcers. But we saw only a handful of people going about their days. The children would be in school and most of the adults off at their daily labors; only a few people on errands and the occasional rickshaw rattling by disturbed the quiet. Life in this quadrant was so normal it made my heart ache. I knew I didn’t want to return to life as a pawn in the Institute’s games, but at the same time… it had been so easy then. All I’d had to deal with was the mockery of a few bullies.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Kris asked quietly, startling me from my thoughts.
“What?”
“You’ve looked half ready to snap all morning. And somehow I doubt it’s my impending capture.”
Though his grin was easy, my heart sank a little nonetheless. I knew how he felt about me, and how he must wish it was worry for him causing my disquiet.
“Something happened last night,” I said finally. “With Oren.”
“Oh.” Kris cleared his throat. “Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No—” I could feel my face heating, mostly because Kris’s assumption wasn’t exactly false. “Eve did something to him.”
Kris’s expression changed dramatically, awkwardness replaced by interest. “Did what, exactly?”
I shook my head. “It’s hard to explain without giving away something that I can’t—that isn’t my secret to share.”
“That Oren’s one of those monsters?” Kris asked blandly.
I stopped dead, heart pounding. It took Kris a few moments to realize that I was no longer moving, and then he stopped and turned.
“Lark, I’m not an idiot. I’ve got the most experience of any of the architects when it comes to beyond the Wall, and I know what the shadows are. Oren’s not a Renewable. You met him in the wilderness. You keep him close at all times. I know what he is.”
I stared at him, my heart still in my throat. “And you haven’t told anyone?”
“Why would I?” Kris lifted a shoulder. “You’re able to keep him under control out there, clearly, or you wouldn’t be traveling with him. And here, there’s enough magic to keep him human even without you. He’s no more dangerous than I am.”
I swallowed. At any time Kris could have exposed Oren’s secret, and my brother would not have been as understanding about what his condition meant. Oren would’ve been gone faster than I could have said leave him alone. “Thank you,” I said awkwardly.
Kris just tilted his head a little. “You said Eve did something to him?”
“Cured him,” I whispered. “There’s no sign of the shadow anymore.”
“Shadow,” echoed Kris. “That’s a poetic name for it.” His brow was furrowed in concentration, and I recognized the architect in him stirring. I knew part of him wanted nothing more than to run back to the Hub, find Oren, and hook him up to as many machines as possible. “You’re sure it’s completely gone?”
I nodded. “I could always sense it, though of course I didn’t know what I was sensing until after we’d been traveling together a while. It’s gone, he feels just like you now. Or like anyone,” I added.
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