by Rod Rees
As Trixie Dashwood lapsed into silence, Su Xiaoxiao stood up to address those gathered in the room. ‘As you have heard, the situation in the Coven is serious, so serious that I believe it will take our combined efforts to prevent the world falling into the clutches of evil.’
Trixie Dashwood gave a scornful laugh. ‘I trust it hasn’t escaped your notice, Femme Su Xiaoxiao, that the Demi-Monde has already fallen into the clutches of evil, evil represented by Reinhard Heydrich and the Daemon known as Lady IMmanual.’
‘You are a little out of touch, Colonel. There has been a coup in Venice and Doge IMmanual has been replaced by her brother, Duke William. Venice is now, officially, part of NoirVille and the Lady IMmanual will be executed on Lammas Eve having been found guilty of Crimes against Venice.’
‘NoirVille’s military muscle merged with Venice’s money … that will pose as big a problem as Heydrich.’
Su Xiaoxiao sighed. ‘I understand your concern, Colonel Dashwood, but I think when you have heard the revelations to be imparted by our learned friends’ – here she nodded towards Mendel and Ki Song – ‘you will realise the extent of the wickedness contemplated by Empress Wu is unparalleled in the history of the Demi-Monde. But there is hope: as promised in the religious writings of the Demi-Monde, ABBA has sent a Messiah to lead us to triumph and to Rapture.’ Here she smiled towards Norma.
Now it was Trixie’s turn to be shocked. ‘This Daemon is the Messiah?’ she snorted. ‘Ridiculous!’
‘You were incarcerated throughout Spring, Colonel, during which time much happened. The work of the Venetian preScientist Nikolai Kondratieff and the consulting of the iChing here in the Coven have proved conclusively that Norma Williams is the Messiah, a fact supported by her promotion of the creed of non-violence that has become known as Normalism.’
The chuckle greeting this revelation indicated that Trixie Dashwood was less than convinced. ‘I hear what you say, Femme Su, but I’ve got to tell you I don’t believe it. I would have thought ABBA could have drummed up a Messiah with a little more … gravitas. I mean,’ and here she shook her head, ‘a Daemon as the Messiah. No, it isn’t right.’
‘I understand your doubts, Colonel Dashwood,’ answered Su Xiaoxiao, ‘but, as I say, the Messiahship of Norma has been confirmed several times over. Norma is the Messiah.’
Trixie gave a dismissive wave of a hand in Norma’s direction. ‘Okay, let’s move on. All we’re going to do by debating this further is waste time.’
Su Xiaoxiao nodded in the direction of the small, chubby Chink sitting next to Mendel at the very end of the table. ‘I would like to ask AcademicianNoN Ki Song to speak. He and Scientist Gregor Mendel have laboured through the nightexamining the documents recovered from the Forbidding City.’
The NoN levered himself to his feet and addressed his audience in faltering English. ‘Fresh Bloom Dong E and Femme Williams brought two files from the Forbidding City, the first entitled “Project YiYi: Male DeContamination and the Culling of nonFemmes” and the second “Progress towards the Translation of the Flagellum Hominum”. All the documents contained in these files were encrypted – a sign of their importance – but, fortunately for us, Imperial NoN Mao ZeDong employs a code that I found relatively simple to break.’
The NoN waited for a response from his audience regarding this feat of decoding but his only reward was an impatient cough from Su Xiaoxiao.
Ki Song sniffed. ‘I will address the information we discovered in the file relating to Project YiYi first.’ Here he took a rather theatrical moment to rearrange his notes. ‘Project YiYi involves the reduction of the male population of the Demi-Monde, the leadership of the Coven believing that a small pool of nonFemmes can service the reproductive needs of an entire female community. Their contention is that a population made up of ninety-nine parts Femmes and one part unCastrated nonFemmes would be viable, and as a consequence the Demi-Monde would be less prone to the violence stimulated by MALEvolence.’
The NoN looked around to confirm that his audience had absorbed the import of what he was saying. Satisfied that it had, he continued. ‘Remarkably, considering how insane Dr Merit Ptah, the YiYi Project’s leader, must be, she has recognised that the culling of ninety-nine per cent of their number would be somewhat unpopular with the Demi-Monde’s nonFemme fraternity. Therefore, her efforts have been directed towards the development of a gender-specific bacterial agent – Ptah refers to it simply as the Plague – which would efficiently eliminate most of the male population of the Demi-Monde. The One Per Cent Stock needed to provide reproductive … input would be held in isolation safe from the Plague’s depredations.’
Su Xiaoxiao interrupted. ‘We have been informed by our agent Mata Hari that all the nonFemmes who made up the One Per Cent Stock have already been transported to an unknown destination where, presumably, they are to be held in quarantine. Only Scientist Mendel was able to evade this round-up, a round-up which indicates that Project YiYi is now a reality.’
‘That is a correct supposition, Femme Su,’ agreed Ki Song. ‘According to the documents recovered by Femme Williams, the Plague weapon will be ready for deployment on Lammas Eve.’
Now that was a statement that got the attention of everybody in the room, especially the men. It also persuaded Trixie Dashwood to make an observation. ‘Which is obviously why the defences of the Coven were in such a state of neglect. That the ForthRight have taken Rangoon and Tokyo is irrelevant to Empress Wu; all she’s ever been intent on doing is hunkering down behind the Great Wall until the Plague was ready to be used. Once she’s done that, the ForthRight Army will be history—’
‘Along with just about every other man in the Demi-Monde,’ added Norma quietly.
Ki Song continued with his explanation. ‘The papers brought from the Forbidding City tell us that Ptah’s experimental work is being conducted in Hereji-Jo Castle and it is there that the production facility – called the Fermentation Plant – for the Plague has been built. If we wish to forestall Empress Wu’s efforts to destroy nonFemmes, then we must attack Hereji-Jo Castle and destroy the Fermentation Plant before Lammas Eve.’
A derisive snort from Trixie. ‘With the greatest of respect, NoN Ki Song, when I was commanding the Covenite Army I had an opportunity to study the plans of that castle and without an army, without artillery and without the time to make an adequate siege it is impossible to reduce the place; the walls are too strong and the garrison too large. After the Forbidding City it is perhaps the best fortified and best defended citadel in the whole of the Coven.’
‘We must destroy the Plague,’ persisted Su Xiaoxiao.
‘Then we must rely on brains rather than brawn—’ began Norma.
‘I object to the implication that I am incapable of employing both,’ snapped Trixie.
‘I’m sorry, Trixie—’
‘Colonel Dashwood!’
Oh, for fuck’s sake!
‘Colonel Dashwood, then. I was merely suggesting that rather than making a frontal assault on the Castle, this might be a job for a person adept at breaking and entering.’
‘I’m a dab hand at breakin’ an’ enterin’,’ announced Rivets as he gave Dong E a beaming smile.
The smile didn’t last long: the boy began to wriggle uncomfortably as the eyes of everyone in the room settled on him but being Rivets, he decided to brazen it out. ‘Yus, I’m the bee’s knees when it comes to gettin’ into places that shouldn’t ought to be got into.’
Burlesque spluttered on the mouthful of Solution he’d just taken. ‘Nah you ain’t, you’re a rotten crib cracker, yous is.’
‘Bollocks. Admit it, Burlesque, it was me ‘oo broke us into that Convent place in Venice an’ that wos guarded by vampyres.’
‘Vampyres?’ The question came from a very dubious-sounding Trixie Dashwood.
Rivets bridled at her derisive tone. ‘Yus, vampyres,’ he said emphatically.
‘Anyone of a RaTionalist turn of mind knows there are no such things as vampyre
s.’
Norma couldn’t resist. ‘Just as there are no such things as Daemons, Colonel Dashwood?’
Before Trixie had a chance to respond, a somewhat aggrieved Rivets came back at her. ‘Yus there are vampyres and I’ve still got the bruises round me neck to prove it. That’s ‘ow close the cow come to scragging me. Yus,’ he said firmly, ‘vampyres exist all right and they’re mean as catshit and twice as nasty. An’ for your information, Colonel Trixie, sir, iffn I can bust into a Convent guarded by vampyres, I’m certain sure that I can bust into some rotten old Chink castle.’ There was a brief pause before he added quickly, ‘Long as it ain’t guarded by vampyres that is.’
‘You can rest assured on that point, nonFemme Rivets,’ observed Su Xiaoxiao, ‘there are no vampyres in the Coven. But are you seriously suggesting that you undertake this mission alone?’
‘Er …’
Burlesque stiffened in his chair. ‘I’ll go wiv ‘im. Somefing like this needs an older ‘and on call.’
‘Dans ce cas là il faut que je vienne aussi,’ announced Odette. ‘I must also of the accompaniment make. Eet ees of the impossibility that mon cherie Burlesque goes on the adventure dangereuse without the ‘elp of a woman ‘aving of the geater intelligence than ’im.’
‘I will help you too, Rivets-san,’ said Dong E quietly. ‘To break into a Chink castle you will need help from a Chink.’
Su Xiaoxiao smiled. ‘It seems we have a group of master burglars in our midst, though I suspect that they will be a trifle less confident when they have seen Hereji-Jo Castle. It is a daunting place.’ She gave Rivets a rueful smile. ‘But if you are determined?’ There were nods from Burlesque, Odette, Dong E and a blissfully happy Rivets, who was sitting at the table lost in rapt adoration of the Chinese girl. ‘I hope that four of you—’
‘This is ridiculous,’ sneered a disgruntled Trixie as she rose from her chair. ‘If it is the intention of the SheTong to put the responsibility for the safety of the Demi-Monde in the hands of hooligans and children …’
Norma almost laughed: as best she could judge, Trixie was actually younger than both Rivets and Dong E.
‘… then there is no purpose to my staying here.’
‘Please, Colonel Dashwood, I would appreciate it if you would remain.’ There was something in the way Su Xiaoxiao spoke that made even the redoubtable Trixie pause. ‘I never supposed that the WFA would be used to assault Hereji-Jo Castle. There is another task I would urge them to undertake, a task similarly vital to the safety of the Demi-Monde.’
At the silent urging of Wysochi, Trixie sat back down.
Su Xiaoxiao looked over to Grigori Mendel. ‘Perhaps, nonFemme Mendel, we might move on to the consideration of the second file brought from the Forbidding City, the one that relates to the translation of the Flagellum Hominum.’
Reluctantly – and only after much urgent signalling from Ki Song – Mendel stood up to address his audience. ‘Although, as Femme Su Xiaoxiao alludes, Mao has managed to translate the Flagellum Hominum,’ he began in a faltering voice, ‘the book is written in a style similar to that used to compose the verses that adorn the Column of Loci and hence is similarly opaque in its meaning. As a result, the Flagellum Hominum remains enigmatic and ambiguous, so much so that at first I was uncertain that the book’s real meaning would ever be fully understood. However, I received inspiration from other papers stolen by Fresh Bloom Dong E, these being extracts from the book Daemons, Messiahs and Other ABBArational Beliefs written by the great Confusionist and TooZian philosopher Xi Kang, a book previously unread because of its inclusion in the Coven’s Index Librorum Prohibitorum. In these extracts, Xi Kang proposes that the ultimate purpose of the Demi-Monde is to allow ABBA to test the five varieties of humanity – the Five – He had used to populate the Demi-Monde and, by doing so, decide which will be His prototype for perfection, this prototype being used as the basis for the final version of HumanKind.’
Trixie Dashwood was provoked into asking a question. ‘I’m not sure I understand what you mean by the “various expressions of humanity”. Are these the various races that populate the Demi-Monde’s five Sectors?’
‘No. With all respect, Colonel Dashwood, that is the obvious and somewhat superficial interpretation many will make. My own belief – and that of AcademicianNon Ki Song – is that the Flagellum Hominum refers to more subtle and esoteric differences within the peoples who occupy the Demi-Monde. De Nostredame’s work in identifying and describing Dark Charismatics – the race he calls H. singularis – demonstrates that there are secret and secretive species of HumanKind alive and active within the Demi-Monde, races of which we are afforded only fleeting glimpses.’ He glanced towards Rivets. ‘Perhaps the vampyre encountered by nonFemme Rivets was a member of one of these secret species.’
Rivets beamed at having someone as eminent as Mendel support his belief in vampyres. He couldn’t resist the temptation to stick his tongue out at Trixie.
‘But who are the Five?’ asked Norma.
‘The Flagellum Hominum assists us here, though only four are given names:
The One Are the Lilithi
The Two Are the Grigori
The Three Are the Kohanim
The Four Are the Fragiles
But there are Five.’
‘Sounds like a lot of old bollocks to me’ was Burlesque’s comment.
‘I agree, nonFemme Bandstand, that there is much here to fuel doubt, but there are other lines that could support a more generous interpretation. These come in the final two stanzas contained in the book:
And the Key to Life and to Destiny?
The Column Tall and inviolate
Measured to Perfection
And adorned With the Secret
Of Life.
Whoever places it in the Centre
Of the World Places it
High in its Resting Place
Will be Perfect
Before ABBA.
‘This, I would suggest, is an exact description for the Column of Loci, now housed in the Galerie des Anciens in Venice. With the Column being constructed of Mantle-ite and weighing two hundred tons, it is most certainly “inviolate”. Further, I have examined illustrations of the pictograms shown on the sixth face of the Column and note that these are a perfect representation of the manner in which traits of living organisms are transmitted from generation to generation. Before I was exiled to the Coven, I did extensive experimentation regarding the breeding of plants, principally those of the common pea or Pisum sativum variety. My research showed that certain characteristicsof the original, parent plants are present in their offspring without any blending or averaging of the original, parental characteristics. This principle of inherited characteristics may be illustrated in a quite satisfactory manner by an algorithm very, very similar to the one shown on the Column. Thus, I can say with all confidence that the Column really is “adorned with the Secret of Life”. I have no doubts that the Column of Loci discovered by Michel de Nostredame is the Column referred to in the Flagellum Hominum as “the Key to Life and to Destiny”.’
‘And the final stanza?’ prompted Norma. ‘Where do you suggest the “Resting Place” of the Column is?’
Mendel took a deep, deep breath before replying. ‘This, I think, is obvious. The hexagonal plinth of the Column precisely aligns with the shape of the hexagonal platform Speke observed atop the Great Pyramid when he surveyed Terror Incognita by balloon. This symmetry is too remarkable to be ascribed simply to coincidence, and of course the Pyramid is in the centre of our world … in Terror Incognita. It is my belief that whoever takes the Column of Loci and places it atop the Great Pyramid will emerge victorious from Ragnarok.’
There was shocked silence around the room. Finally Trixie began to laugh. ‘I’m sorry, Academician Mendel, but what you are suggesting is impossible to accomplish.’
‘Impossible?’ asked Mendel.
‘Of course. For one thing, the Column of Loci is in Venice and we’re maroon
ed here in Rangoon surrounded by the SS. And secondly – and most importantly – no one, absolutely no one, has ever entered Terror Incognita and returned. The ForthRight sent two regiments of SS across the Wheel River last Winter and nobody ever heard from them again. Taking the Column and erecting it on top of the Great Pyramid isn’t just impossible, it’s suicidally impossible.’
‘Hopefully, not quite as impossible or as suicidal as you believe, Colonel Dashwood,’ said Su Xiaoxiao quietly. ‘I have received a PigeonGram from Nikolai Kondratieff in Venice who has also come to understand the significance of the Column. Although necessarily brief, the message advises that Kondratieff has devised a plan to thwart the powers of Darkness and to achieve this requires the use of a steamship capable of hauling a pontoon of three hundred and fifty tons of laden weight. His wording is elliptical but my suspicion is that the pontoon will be used to transport the Column to Terror Incognita.’
Norma whistled. ‘Kondratieff is trying to steal the Column?’
‘So it would appear, and to do that he needs a steamship.’
‘This Kondratieff of yours doesn’t want much, does he, Femme Su?’ observed Wysochi. ‘That’s a powerful steamship he’s looking for.’
‘Correct, Major Wysochi, and one that will need an able commander to captain it.’ Su Xiaoxiao’s gaze came to rest on Trixie. ‘I understand that you, Colonel Dashwood, have something of a reputation as an exponent of river warfare.’
Trixie Dashwood eyed Su Xiaoxiao warily. ‘If you are alluding to my exploits when I seized three barges from the ForthRight, then the answer is yes; if, however, you are alluding to my competence as a sailor, then the answer is no. The sum total of my naval experience is managing a steam-barge for one hour when I ran it up two miles of river.’ She smiled. ‘Anyway, this discussion is moot: we don’t have a steamship.’
