by Vicki Green
Again I sit there reminiscing of my friends. I miss them. I really need to call Stella.
I sigh. “The Manager-Owner, Stella and all the people that work there became my friends. They showed me everything and were constantly trying to get me to go out and do things as well as trying to fatten me up. Their words, not mine. Ha!”
Jesse laughs again. “Well, um, I can see how they would. You are a little on the skinny side. I think that is my new mission in life. To put a little meat on those bones.” He pokes his finger in my good side. I giggle.
I look at him with a smirk on my face. “Well ok then. But don’t get too carried away.” I smile.
“Never,” he said with a devious smile.
“So, that’s basically my story, such as it is. What about you? What’s your story? Fair is fair.” He rolls his eyes at me. Really?
“Hum, well I’ll share but not tonight. I think we’ve had enough depressing stories for now.” He smiles. “We can have that discussion another time. I think maybe it’s time to get a good night’s sleep, ok?”
“But I’m not tired,” I say with a huge yawn.
“Ha, yes I can see that. Come on, let’s go,” Jesse laughs.
He gets up and starts gathering the popcorn bowl and soda cans and heads to the kitchen. I stand and stretch slightly trying not to hurt my ribs any more than I already have and go to the stairs. By the time I reach the bottom of the stairs Jesse is coming up behind me, turning off lights as he approaches. I begin to ascend the stairs and can feel his hand on my lower back. Sigh, I can really see myself with him, here forever.
Chapter ten
The faces are back in my head, the movements, and the horror. “Make it stop!” I scream. I am tossing and turning, getting all twisted up in the sheets. I am sweating and screaming. “No, NOOOOOOOOO! Stop!! Let me go!!! Jesssseeeeeeee! Help me!”
Quickly I am in Jesse’s arms. He is rubbing my back and whispering comforting words in my ear. He has one hand on the back of my head pressing my screaming and crying face into his chest, all the while he is rubbing my head. “Shhh, baby. I’ve got you. I am here. You’re ok, baby. Shhh,” he keeps repeating over and over.
I begin to calm down my breathing and the hiccups start. I can’t stop sniffling though. That was the worst nightmare I think I have ever had, and I have had plenty in my short life.
Jesse lays us down and wraps me in his arms. He whispers, “Is this ok?” I nod as I lay my head on his shoulder. “I wish I could take away your nightmares, baby. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but I’m glad it was me who found you.”
We lay like that for what seemed like hours. He kept softly whispering to me until I drift off to sleep.
The next few days I feel my shyness wearing thin where Jesse is concerned. I am scared and excited at the same time. What if he doesn’t want me because I was raped? I feel so dirty and cheap. What if I turn out to be pregnant? What will I do? All of these thoughts keep invading my head.
One afternoon as we were cleaning up the kitchen after lunch, I look over at Jesse who is wiping off the counters. I can see a tattoo peeking out from under his shirt sleeve.
“Um, Jesse?”
He continues to wipe and looks over at me, “Yeah?” I shift back and forth where I stand, nervous for some reason. “Is-is that a tattoo on your arm?”
He smiles and nods at me. He stops wiping the counter and sets the cloth down. Walking over to me, he pulls up the sleeve on his shirt over his shoulder. Once he reaches me he turns so that his left arm is in front of me.
“It’s a symbol that means forever. I got it after mom died. I wanted something that meant I would remember her forever,” he says with a small smile.
I reach up to his arm and lightly trace it with my finger. “It’s beautiful.” I slide my finger over it, following the pattern. It’s a heart but has lines going around it from either side and through the middle.
Jesse looks at me and smiles. I shiver and feel heat go down my body at the same time. He drops his sleeve and reaches over and lays his hand on my shoulder. “Are you ok, Cassie? Are you cold? You’re shivering,” he asks concerned.
I blush. “Um, no. I’m fine, really.” I smile shyly. “I’m, um, gonna go lay down for a bit, ok?”
He nods at me with a frown. “If you’re sure you’re ok.”
I compose myself and nod my head, maybe a little too much. “Really, I’m fine. I just-” I stop and wonder if I should say how I am feeling. No, it’s too soon. “I’m just gonna go lay down.” I smile, turn and go upstairs.
~*~*~*~
I feel refreshed after my nap. I go downstairs to the kitchen and get a diet coke. I pop the lid, take a giant gulp and sigh. Just what I needed.
I walk into the living room looking for Jesse and don’t find him. I walk down the short hall towards his office, and I see the door is slightly ajar. I can hear him talking to someone but only hear his voice. He must be on his phone. I feel like I am eavesdropping but can’t stop myself.
“Oh, that’s great! They will love that. Yes, that’s perfect. Ok. I know! Don’t you think I know that?” He sighs. “I should have more time to spend on that, at least for a while. Thanks, Betsy. You know I really appreciate you and all that you do. I couldn’t manage without you. I love you too. Bye.”
I don’t know why but jealousy begins to rear its ugly head. Where is that coming from? I have no business, no right, to feel this way. But I can’t help it. Who is this Betsy and what is he appreciating so much? And he loves her? Grrrrrr.
I can hear him push back a chair so I jog, as much as my injured body will let me, down the hall into the living room and sit on the couch. I grab the TV remote and turn it on. I have no idea what’s on the screen.
Jesse walks in and stops beside the couch. “Oh, you’re awake. Did you sleep well?” He asks. I turn my head and look up at him and give him a half smile. “Um, yes, I did. Thank you,” I say with a bit of a snap. He looks at me, his face showing confusion. “Ohhh, kay,” he says. He looks over at the TV screen and then back at me, his confused expression turning into a smirk. “And what are you watching?” He says as he cocks his head.
I quickly look at the screen. Looking back and forth between the screen and Jesse I say, “Well, it’s a great show about making plastic containers. I am really learning a lot.” Oh, my God! This is horrible and so not believable.
He stares at me. I wiggle in my seat, so uncomfortable. “Hmmm, didn’t seem like you were the crafty type,” he says with a smirk. I look at him even more unsure now. “Well, I do like to make things, um, sometimes. It’s nice to get ideas,” I say with a shrug.
“Ok then. Well, I am gonna go clean up,” he says. I can’t say anything so I just nod.
After dinner, we are sitting on the couch watching a movie. Jesse has his arm across the back of the couch almost touching my shoulder. I feel my body starting to heat. I don’t understand these feelings. I’ve never had them before. I am feeling bad about the way I acted earlier. As the ending credits of the movie roll up the screen I turn, tucking my legs under me and face Jesse.
“Jesse?” I hesitate. “I’m sorry I was a little, um, short with you earlier. I overheard you talking on the phone in your office and, well, um, who’s Betsy?” I look down then, studying my hands that I have clasped together and am nervously wringing. “I mean, it’s really none of my business,” I start to say.
Jesse turns to me. “Oh! Betsy? Well, she works for me. Why? Wait!” He stops abruptly. He slides closer to me and lifts my chin with his finger. He looks deeply into my eyes. “Are you, are you jealous?” He asks with a cocky grin.
I snap my head out of his grip. “No! No! Why would I be jealous? That’s the silliest thing I have ever heard.” My face heats up. Oh, my God, I am blushing so bad right now.
He laughs. “Hmmm, ok. My mistake. But that color looks beautiful on you.” I drop my head. How embarrassing. “I, I, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say to my chest.
The next thing I know I am being pulled to Jesse and his lips are on mine. I moan. He holds the back of my head in his hand and is rubbing up and down, stroking my hair. We deepen the kiss and both moan in unison.
When we finally break away we are both panting. “I’m sorry,” I say looking into his blue eyes. He looks at me worried. “I’m not. I have feelings for you, Cassie. Feelings that I can’t stop. You need to tell me to stop, if it’s not what you want. I don’t think I can stop on my own,” he says, his eyes searching mine.
He has such a gleam in his eyes, such concern and love? I shake my head. No. It can’t be love.
I take his hands in mine. “I’m not sorry for that. I, I have feelings for you too but I-” I stop and take a deep breath. “I’m not sure I’m ready to act on them fully yet. I’m confused, and I am trying still to figure things out.”
Jesse pulls me in an embrace. “Baby, you take all the time you need. I know you have been through so much. You’re so brave.” He pushes me back a little and stares into my eyes. “Do you know how brave you are?” I shyly shake my head. He pulls me back and holds me again. “Oh, baby. After all you have been through in your life, I think you’re the bravest person I know.” Tears form in my eyes. I don’t feel very brave.
Chapter eleven
Jesse walks me to my room, holding my hand. I turn to him. “Will you, will you hold me while I sleep?” I beg. “The nightmares don’t come when I am with you. I feel protected with you.”
He takes his other hand and cups my face. “I will always protect you, Cassie. Come on let’s go to sleep.” He takes me into the room and shuts the door behind him. I quickly take my pajamas into the bathroom, change, wash my face and brush my teeth.
Jesse is already in bed with the covers next to him turned down. He looks at me as he pats the bed. “Come here, baby.”
I slowly walk over, shyly, and climb in. He moves over and takes me in his arms. I feel him rubbing my arm that is laying across him. I begin to drift off, feeling more comfortable. I feel him lightly kiss my head as he whispers, “I will always protect you.” I smile and fall into a deep slumber.
As the days pass by slowly my feelings for Jesse bloom. We kiss more now. I’m not feeling quite as shy around him.
My ribs are healing and the bruises around my eye and cheek are a light yellow now. I am feeling so much better.
As we lay in bed one night talking, I turn in Jesse’s arms. “Thank you,” I say as I kiss his cheek. He looks at me and smiles. “What are you thanking me for exactly?”
I sigh. “For taking care of me, holding me. Sometimes I feel like everything is going so good. Almost too good. Nothing ever works out for me. I’m scared something is going to happen. To you, to me, I dunno. I can’t explain it.” I shrug.
He looks at me with concern. “Baby, we can only take one day at a time. And I, for one, am going to make sure you’re happy and stay happy. Everything will be ok.” He wraps his arm around me tighter.
I snuggle back into his chest and smile. Then I sigh again. “Well, also, I, um. These feelings for you? I.” Oh, my God this is so hard! I can’t look at him. “I want to be with you, um, more, but I don’t understand how you could ever want to be with me. I feel so dirty. Why would you want me like that?”
He lets go of me and turns on his side. He puts his left hand on my face and rubs my cheek. “Baby, God. I know that it’s hard for you after what happened but that’s not what I see when I look at you, when I kiss you or when I touch you. I see a beautiful woman. A brave and remarkable person who has overcome heartache in her life, terrible people who have hurt her over and over again, mentally and physically.” He stops and looks at me with such admiration. “I see the person I want to be with. I see the person who makes me feel more than anyone has ever made me feel. I see the person I want to touch all over and make love to. I see you.”
Tears are in my eyes now and begin to overflow and stream down my face. He wipes away some from my cheek.
He leans forward and pushes his forehead against mine. “Baby, I will wait. I will wait for you to be ready even if it takes forever. Please believe me,” he says softly.
I nod, my forehead rubbing up and down on his. I take a deep quivering breath.
He pulls back and looks at me. “Are you ok?” He asks as he brushes the hair out of my face.
I look into his eyes and sigh, “Yes, I’m ok now. Thank you for being so good to me.” He leans over again and kisses my forehead, his lips lingering there.
He lays back down, pulling me with him. We lay there for a while not saying anything. He goes back to rubbing my arm as we lay in there. I manage to finally fall asleep thinking how lucky I am.
Chapter twelve
The next afternoon we’re watching TV. I look over and Jesse has fallen asleep on the couch beside me. I go over to the chair and pull the afghan off and place it over him. I decide to take a shower and take a nap myself.
I feel so alone in the bed but he was sleeping so peacefully, I didn’t have the heart to wake him up. Finally I drift off.
Next thing I know I am screaming into Jesse’s chest. I was hitting his shoulders with my hands.
“Shhh, baby. It’s ok. You’re ok. I’m here. I’ve got you. Shhhh,” he says in my ear. I start to calm down, I am breathing hard.
I pull back slightly, still sniffling, with tears rolling down my face. “Jesse, make it go away. Make them go away. Please!” I begged. I am searching his eyes as he is mine.
“Oh, baby. I wish I knew how, I truly do. I would do it in a heartbeat. Tell me how. Tell me how,” he pleads.
“Make love to me, Jesse. Take the nightmares away. Touch me, feel me. I need to feel you. I need you.”
Jesse looks at me with his eyes moving back and forth between mine. I can see the tears forming in his beautiful eyes.
“Are you sure, baby? I don’t want to hurt you in any way. I need you to be sure this is what you want.”
“I have never been surer of anything in my life, Jesse. I want you. I need you.”
Jesse looks at me with love in his eyes. Wait, love? No, way! That can’t be. It’s too soon to be love and why would he feel that way anyway? No one has ever loved me since my parents died.
“I would love to be your first. Truly you’re first,” he says with a lone tear falling down his cheek. I rub the tear off his face with my hand and smile.
He lays me back onto the bed and hovers over me, leaning on one elbow at my left side. “I will be extra careful of your ribs, but you tell me if I am hurting you in any way or you need me to stop, ok?” I nod at him and pull him to me.
We begin to kiss slowly, softly, but soon he starts to deepen the kiss and I follow, willingly. Oh, so willingly.
“You have way too many clothes on,” he says with a smirk. I sit up taking my hands to the bottom of my shirt. I pull it over my head and throw it on the floor. I have no idea where that just landed. Jesse looks down at my bra, looks back up to my eyes and reaches around me and unclasps my bra. He slowly pulls one strap over my shoulder and down my arm, then the next. He takes my bra and throws it on the floor. Crash! Oops! Ok, that wasn’t the floor. It landed heavily against the lamp on the dresser. We both can’t help but laugh.
“I’ll get a new one. I don’t care,” he says as he gently pushes me back down.
He looks at my chest with his gleaming blue eyes. “Beautiful.”
He attacks my mouth with his and we go deeper than we did before. It’s as if we cannot get enough of each other.
I can barely take a breath but who cares at this point. Who needs to breathe? Breathing is so overrated.
As our tongues explore each other’s lips and mouths, he moves his left hand down to my breast. He softly rubs my nipple between his thumb and finger. Oh, my God that feels soooo good! I begin to feel something down in the pit of my stomach and all the way down to my groin. I begin to moan with pleasure.
He trails his left hand down to my stomach. As he pu
lls his mouth off of mine he begins kissing my body following his hand. My body begins to wiggle beneath him and the feelings I am having are escalating. What is that? I feel like I could explode. I have heard of orgasms, sure, but I have never had one.
He gets down to the top of my pants and looks up at me. “Are you still ok?” I nod as I can’t speak. He smiles. “Still too many clothes on.” He looks up into my eyes and keeps them there as he begins to slowly pull down my jogging pants. He breaks our eye contact and moves down as he finishes removing them. He throws them on the floor next to the bed, more carefully.
Jesse crawls back over me and continues kissing a trail down until he is at my mound. Oh, my God! Hurry, please hurry, I can’t take much more!
Jesse looks up at me and smiles a little nervously. “Are you sure you’re still ok, baby?”
I am squirming on the bed now. “Jesse, please, please. More, I need more.”
His look changes immediately to driven lust and just as quickly he has his mouth over my opening. “GAH!!!!” I moan. My heart is racing so fast it’s about to beat out of my chest. Oh My God that is so good. And I fall. I am falling and falling into bliss. My eyes feel like they have crossed, and I see dots in front of them. Wow! So that’s what an orgasm feels like. I want more, oh so much more!
Jesse looks up at me smiling then continues to kiss and suck. I feel his tongue delve into my core. I moan so loud it should be embarrassing, but I’m not. I can’t control my body as it starts bucking up to his mouth.
