by Candice Dow
She pushed my forehead. “I guess that’s the least I can do for your birthday.”
“Yeah. How about it?”
She put her robe on and headed to the bathroom. I hopped out of bed and followed behind her. “Baby, let me hop in there with you.”
She smacked her lips. I snickered. When I walked in the bathroom, she had begun brushing her teeth. Her question was muffled, “Why you got to get in here with me?”
I shook my head and turned the shower on. “Maybe because I want to.”
She rinsed her mouth out and took off her robe and underclothes. Knowing she’d complain, I jumped in and stood at the front. She stepped in behind me and tried to wrestle me to stand behind her. I joked, “C’mon Ku. It’s my birthday. It ain’t fair that you always get to stand right under the spout and I gotta stand back there and freeze.”
She took the bulldog tactic and tried to bite me. I yanked my arm away. “All right. You win.”
As I slid behind her, a smirk of victory graced her face. “Thank you, honey.”
“Whatever, man.”
She grabbed my washcloth from the shower caddy and began washing me up. She stood on her tiptoes. “Give me a kiss honey.”
Reluctantly, I bent down to kiss her. As her soft hands touched all over my body, my nature began to respond. I massaged her shoulders and pushed up against her. She wrapped her arms around me. Just as I was about to make love to her, she sighed. I asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Do you love me?”
I frowned. “What?”
“Don’t act like I’m crazy.”
“Akua, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Do you still think about Taylor?”
As my nature wilted and lost all sensitivity to Akua’s touch, I knew that Taylor still had an effect on me. As if I was offended, I rinsed the soap from my body and hopped out of the shower. While I dried my face, I ranted, “I don’t believe you gonna bring something like that up on my birthday.”
The water stopped running and still she stood in the tub. I snapped, “Are you making breakfast or what?”
“Do you?”
I huffed. “No. I don’t think about Taylor. Where did that come from?”
Finally, she slid the shower curtain back and looked into my eyes. “I think about it every day.”
I dried my face and asked, “Why?”
“I just do.”
Initially, I was angered by her accusation, but suddenly I felt sorry for her. I reached out to hug her. She stepped out of the shower and leaned into my chest. I stroked her back. “Akua, I love you.”
She nodded. “Sometimes I wonder if Taylor hadn’t been with Devin, if you would have tried to go back to her.”
How was she so sure that Taylor had been with Devin? It’s funny that Devin’s visit was triggering a bunch of what-if emotions in her as well. I kissed her forehead. “Akua, I’m happy with my decision.”
She backed up. “Are you?”
I leaned in and kissed her mouth. “I can’t imagine how I could have been so stupid in the first place.”
An assured blush sat on her face. I nodded. “My bad, baby.”
As her esteem resurfaced, she chuckled. “Yeah, your bad.”
I kissed her again to affirm my feelings. “I love your crazy ass.” Then, I twirled my towel and hit her bare bottom. “Hurry up. Devin should be here in a minute.”
As she scurried out of the bathroom, she mumbled, “Don’t rush me.”
I looked in the mirror to see if Taylor was written on my face. Hoping I could erase the vision of her sleeping with Devin, I washed my face again. The doorbell rang and I yelled to Akua, “Baby, you ready?”
She dashed past the bathroom door, already dressed in her scrubs. When the door opened, I heard smooches and my mind automatically reverted to him locking lips with my other girl. Attempting to suppress my irritation, I yelled from the bathroom, “What’s up, dawg?”
“Nothing man. You got me up early enough this morning.”
As I headed into the bedroom to get ready, I said, “Akua told you to get up here this early. You know she’s a hater.”
She laughed. “Whatever Jason. I was trying to do something nice for your lazy butt.”
“You’re right, baby. Anybody who doesn’t wake up at the crack of dawn is lazy.”
“Go to hell Jason.”
Devin shook his head and I joked, “Sometimes, I wish I could tape her smart-ass mouth shut.”
52
DEVIN
I studied the interaction between the two of them. It was if their relationship never had a ripple. What kind of spell did Taylor put on him to make him believe he could leave?
I took a deep breath. Obviously, the same one she put on me, because I have yet to stomp her innocent smile out of my memory. We exchanged casual conversation while eating breakfast.
Jason and I were barely out the door when I asked, “Yo, what happened?”
He chuckled. “Whatchu talking about?”
“Man, we’ve been dancing around this shit for weeks. How did you and Taylor get together? When did you leave Akua? Shit nigga, what happened?”
“Yo, I was in love with Taylor.”
“When did y’all hook up?”
“At our class reunion.” He smirked. “That was my boo in high school.” He shrugged his shoulders. “She’s the girl that you never forget. I guess I was just vexed that she was still single and that I could possibly have everything I ever wanted.”
I smiled as I visualized her. “Yeah, I know.”
He snapped from his gaze. “Man, whatever. It’s a good thing I didn’t leave my girl for her ass.”
A part of me felt like he didn’t believe that, but I let him slide. He saw what I saw in her. The burning question remained though. Is she really a shady person?
Finally after a few rounds, I asked, “Are you really glad you stayed with Akua?”
He laughed nervously. “Yeah. I know she loves me.”
“Who do you love?”
He sighed. “I love both of them, but Taylor is no good for me.”
“Do you really think she’s no good though?”
He grabbed his golf bag and headed to the cart. Before answering, he gulped his beer. “Taylor’s a good girl.” He took a deep breath and looked at me as if we’d be rumbling if I even considered taking it further with her. “I definitely don’t want to see her with my boy.”
I squinted. “Whatchu saying, dawg?”
“Yo, after your party that shit bothered me. I kept convincing myself that she did it on purpose, but I don’t think she did.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
He chuckled. “I didn’t want to look like a little bitch.”
“What nigga?”
He laughed. “If y’all get together, I’m not going to be happy about it.”
“I feel you, dawg.”
I made a promise to myself to stay away from Taylor Jabowski. Jason had been through some rough times with me. She probably wasn’t worth losing a good friend over. I shook his hand and thought back to when we were on line and we all identified the girls on campus that were off limits to the bruhs. Of course, Clark was the only chick on my list that I would have to shoot someone over. The look on Jason’s face told me he felt the same about Taylor.
Though it was a relief to know that I wasn’t totally wrong about her, it was rather disheartening to know I couldn’t even consider pursuing her.
Traveling to DC was a constant reminder of what I couldn’t have. Late as usual, I rushed into Penn Station trying to hop on the 7:00 A.M. train. Luckily, I skipped onto a car just before the doors closed. My heart beat rapidly as I walked through the train searching for a seat. The conductor announced. “Today is make-a-friend day. There are no single seats on this train. Please clear the seat next to you. Passengers searching for a seat, please sit at the next available seat. Again, there are no single seats on this train.”
I hu
ffed and tossed my jacket overhead. I spotted the back of a brother’s head and it appeared he was sitting alone. I plopped down beside him and slightly glanced at him. It wasn’t until I got situated that I realized who was beside me. I started to change seats. Do I pretend I don’t know him?
I looked down the aisle searching for another available seat. Finally, he said, “Devin?”
I turned to face Clark’s brother. The last time we’d come face to face was when we fought in a nightclub. He never thought I was good enough for his younger sister. Though it has been over six years ago, I tensed up and nodded. “Yeah. Reggie, right?”
He extended his hand. I was baffled. This was the most self-righteous bastard I’d ever met in my entire life. We shook hands. He smiled. “How you been man?”
From what I recalled, this was probably more than he’d said to me through the entire course of my three-and-a-half-year relationship with Clark. I nodded. “Good.”
He asked, “You still in New York?”
“Yeah. You?”
“Yeah, I’m trying to get out.”
“Are you still in banking?”
“Yeah, man. I’m going down for an interview today with Smith Barney.”
I nodded. I wanted to ask about the love of my life but I figured I’d allow him to offer the information. He has two kids by Clark’s best friend who also lives in Baltimore. How was he able to be away from his kids so long? Maybe he was finally growing up. I chuckled. “I guess your little man is getting to that age where you gotta stay on his heels.”
He nodded. “Yeah. You know I’ve had him since . . .” He paused and frowned. He took a deep breath. “Since, Tanisha died.”
If he said what I thought he’d said, it would be too painful for him to repeat. I squinted. He nodded. “Yeah, he’s been with me for six years.”
My stomach balled in knots. Finally, I said, “What?”
“Tanisha’s boyfriend took her life about six years ago.”
He and Tanisha had an on-again, off-again love affair until he got engaged to a chick named Sheena in New York. Then, Tanisha found some flunky to take his place. I couldn’t even remember the guy’s name. I sat stunned. “Yo, he killed her?”
“Yeah, it wasn’t until she was gone that I realized how hard life was without her.”
He took a deep breath like he didn’t want to discuss it anymore. I dropped my forehead into my hands. Tanisha was probably one of the sweetest people I’d ever met. His expression looked like he agreed. All I could say was, “Damn, dawg.”
He nodded. “Yeah, if it wasn’t for my kids, I would have taken my own life.”
My mouth hung open. This had completely humbled him. I repeated, “Damn, dawg.”
“Yeah, a part of me definitely died with her.” He sighed. “That was my baby.”
It’s a damn shame that it took him until she was gone to realize how much he loved her. As I pitied him, I calculated in my head when this had obviously all occurred, and I wanted to throw up. Clark lost her best friend around the same time she lost me. Why didn’t she attempt to contact me?
I couldn’t hold back anymore. “How’s Clark?”
He had always adored his sister. As I watched his dim eyes brighten, I imagined he felt the same for her as I felt for my own daughter. He nodded. “Clark is doing well. She’s happy.”
As much as she deserved happiness, it hurt to hear that she found it without me. I nodded. “She got married, right?”
“Yeah. She married a good brother.”
“He must be a good dude if you approve.”
“Yeah.”
We both laughed. “Does she have any kids?”
“She’s a stepmom and she has custody of my daughter.”
The wicked side of me was thankful that aside from a ring and a document there was nothing more connecting her with her husband. Hell, divorces are a dime a dozen, especially over thirty. A grin must have begun to peep through the cloud on my face, because Reggie felt the need to add, “Yeah, she’s good with both of the girls. They love her to death.”
How could anyone not love her to death? I nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
“I’ll have to tell her that I saw you.”
“Yeah, tell her that I asked about her.”
He nodded. “I certainly will. She’ll be happy to hear that.” He laughed. “I think.”
I forced a chuckle. “I hope.”
“You’re still married, right?”
I took a deep breath. Clark obviously didn’t share with him that I tried to contact her after my divorce. They used to be so close. She must have really been through with me by that time. I shook my head. “Nah, I’ve been divorced for almost five years.”
He chuckled. “That’s everyone’s story.”
I frowned. “You?”
“Separated.”
“That’s the rough period.”
“My whole marriage has been rough.”
I laughed. “I know what you mean man.”
“Yeah, it’s crazy.”
I felt sorry for the brother. “Yeah, a lot of us have made the same mistake, though.”
He shook his head. “If I could do it all over again, I would have married Tanisha. She would still be alive and I’d probably be a much happier man.”
“I feel you man.”
“Next time, I’ll go with my instinct.”
Instinct? That was a strange choice. “As opposed to what?”
He sighed. “As opposed to all the other superficial stuff that we think will make us happy.” He paused for a second as the words seeped in. “Life is too short. You have to go with your instinct.”
My instinct told me to stay with Clark. My mind forced me to marry Jennifer. My instinct said that Taylor was the one to help me forget about my past mistakes and brighten my future. My loyalty to my homeboy forced me to suppress the attraction. Who’d ever think the best advice I’d heard in years would come from a man I used to consider my enemy?
53
TAYLOR
I decided to celebrate my birthday at Ozio’s on M Street. We rented the loft that overlooked the club on the Friday after my birthday.
As I got fly for my night, I absorbed my world. There was no reason to complain. Thirty. Flirty. And fly. Hell, you can’t have everything. I squeezed into my tight black T-shirt that I had made in honor of that damn Devin Patterson. Our two-week relationship still crosses my mind. Anyway, the T-shirt had PROVIDING QUALITY SERVICE SINCE 1977 stitched in white.
Thirty gave me a sense of accomplishment. The world should know that now they have to respect me. When I strutted in the club, my confidence was obvious.
Courtney laughed. “Oh, I guess that’s your new mature walk.”
“Yup, love me or leave me alone.”
We slapped five. I said, “You’ll see how it feels when you turn thirty.”
She rolled her eyes, saying, “Ho, now you taking this shit too far.”
We laughed at my overconfidence. As we danced the night away, several of my other friends rolled in. After the waiter seemed to bring a constant stream of appetizers out, she finally brought the carrot cake. Courtney gathered everyone from the dance floor to sing “Happy Birthday.” I sat on the couch, with my knees clenched together, my hands folded on my lap, while my friends sang to me.
The big three-oh flickered on the cake. Finally, it was time to blow out the candles. I sucked in all the emotions that plagued my late twenties. How was I to turn thirty without a prospect?
I blew out the candles and it seemed like the flame of desperation was finally extinguished. I was thirty and I felt damn good. So what, there was no prospect. I inhaled a feeling of freedom. Everyone clapped. I clapped too. I celebrated my life.
When the loft emptied, Courtney and I stayed there dancing. I looked over the ledge. Oh shit! Devin Patterson. Assuming his presence was coincidental, I huffed. He smiled. He walked toward me. Butterflies lined my stomach. His black blazer covered one of the white letter
s on his T-shirt. My eyes refocused when I saw the letters, “AY”. As I fantasized about him trotting up on a white horse, wearing a shirt with my name on it, he walked up the stairs. The abstract picture of Ray Charles and the letters R-A-Y struck me back down to earth.
Courtney whispered in my ear, “I invited him.”
I wish I could say I was mad at her, but I wasn’t. I was just happy he decided to come. He hugged me and kissed my cheek. “Happy birthday, lady.”
I smirked. “You’re late.”
“But I’m here.”
“I’m glad you came.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”
Considering he hadn’t responded to any of my e-mails or phone calls since his birthday party, he could have fooled me. I cleared my throat. “Now, you wouldn’t just happen to be taking inventory.”
He laughed. “Okay. You got me.” Then, he leaned his body close to me. I smiled and he kissed my cheek. “Yeah, I am.”
“So am I the best of the worst?”
He chuckled and his lips grazed my ear. “Nah, you’re the best thing on the market.”
“You could have fooled me.”
He rested his arms on my shoulders. “Taylor, you know what happened.”
Not really wanting to explore the whole Scooter dilemma, I shrugged my shoulders. “Do you want some cake?”
“Can I eat it, too?”
“Devin, don’t be silly.”
The DJ obviously knew I was celebrating my thirtieth birthday, because he was spinning all the old-school hits. BBD’s “Poison” blasted through the speakers. Devin and I burst into laughter. He sang the lyrics. “It’s driving me out of my mind. That’s why it’s hard for me to find. Can’t get her out of my head. Miss her. Kiss her. Love her.”
He landed a kiss on my lips when he finished his singing episode. He looked into my eyes. “Taylor, I didn’t want to mess up again.”
“Did you really have to act so ugly?”
He shook his head. “Taylor, I’m sorry.”
“Are you really sorry or are you just tired?”
“Nah, I want you in stock.” He kissed my cheek. “I want you to be the only product on my shelf. I knew it from the moment I met you. As much as I wanted you, I still was scared. So, when everything went down, it was just an easy out.”
