“What is wrong with you?” I ask.
Finn stabs his fingers through his brown hair clearing it from his eyes. When it falls back into his eyes I think it more mouth watering than any time before. I approach cautiously, very slowly. He backs away from the door frame allowing me to pass through. I sit on the edge of the bed and pat the seat next to me. Eyeing me warily, he walks to stand in front of me. He merely shakes his head in refusal. I feel rejected and sad. He must know what I have done with Liam. I swallow loudly as tears prick my eyes.
I throw my hands out to the sides. “Talk to me, Finn. Nothing more.” It sounds like a plea, and my cheeks flush with embarrassment. The horrible silence stretches on and on, and I think he may be able to hear how loud my heart is fluttering.
A loud bang sounds on the wall next to us. Both our heads whip in that direction. Next we hear Lana’s muffled, breathy voice. “Oh, Finn. Do that again…Oh yeah, baby! Give it to me! You want my tongue on what?” She throws herself against the wall a couple more times and then falls silent. Finn closes his eyes and shakes his head, a small grin pulling the corner of his mouth up. I laugh. Lana breaks the awkward tension by being obnoxious. A feat surely only she is capable of.
Finn crosses the rest of the room and settles next to me. The heat that radiates from his body envelops me. I sigh loudly, contented for the first time since he was last this close. “I’ve been so worried about you,” he finally admits. I know what he actually means is that he worries what will be left of me after my time at the palace. Tentatively, he gently touches my wrist. I shiver, my skin prickling at the contact.
“You should have known with Lana there I would be more than fine,” I admit, frowning when I remember the deal she made with Liam. With that tiny thought of Liam, my sadness returns. I turn toward the wall, shielding Finn from my pain. I rest my head on his shoulder. Finn stops breathing. He stiffens.
“Tell me about when you felt sadness,” Finn says quietly. He knows. I turn my head to meet his gaze. Finn closes his eyes tightly as if witnessing my tears physically pains him. His eyebrows slant inward and he has to make an effort to right his face when he repeats his command. “Tell me.”
I sob once and I tell him. I leave out nothing. I tell him how I pictured his face and hands instead of Liam’s. I watch Finn’s mouth when I tell him I envisioned his mouth instead of the dark prince’s. Finn blanches and clenches his fists when I repeat the exact words Liam muttered before he ruined me, but he nods and asks that I continue. When I tell Finn that I ripped his heart from my neck and finally felt sadness, he slowly closes his eyes. I sniffle, tuck my hair behind my ears and wait, studying his thick eyelashes as they fan across his cheeks. His breathing is rapid and is the only sound I am aware of. I sense that in this quiet moment, with my most horrible memory laid before him, Finn is making a decision.
His eyes fly open and are full of resolve. “We have to fix your memory of that night. It will be me. Not him. That’s what you wanted then. Do you still want that?”
I exhale loudly in relief. Contentment fills my heart, which now bangs along at a frantic pace. I bring my hand up and wrap it around his neck. His eyes briefly widen then take on a hooded, aroused look—almost like he is sleepy. “You are all I have ever wanted since I knew I could want,” I say. I clasp my other hand around his neck and draw his forehead to mine. “You are all I will ever want. Forever.”
He swings me under him to place me down on the bed. Cradling my head in his hand, his body’s weight presses down on me, making my head swim. My stomach flips and everything shifts. Gravity does not ground me to this moment, he does. Finn’s expression is different from the last time I saw him—he looks at me with more tenderness and less tortured hesitation. I hope the look in his eye means he wants me fully and in every way possible. I understand then that sex with the dark prince makes no difference to Finn, because I wanted it to be him…because he always wanted it to be me.
His solid, unfortunately still clothed body rests between my legs. Raising my hips I try to bring myself closer to his body. Everything below my waist burns with need. His fierce gaze is still latched onto mine when he rocks his hips forward, thrusting against me, giving me that perfect pressure. He grins and halts the motion.
Without removing his hands, he slowly inches his face down to kiss one corner of my mouth. I cannot control the small moan that escapes my lips. I feel more with a kiss-but-not-really with Finn than all the overtly sexual things I have done with Liam. Finn is still smiling when he creeps down, once more, to press his soft lips to the other corner of my mouth. Feeling his smirk against my lips, I grab his face in my hands. Tracing the curve of his cheekbone and the hard, angular lines of his face, I know my memory of Finn did not do him justice. He is so much more vivid and perfect than anything my mind could conjure.
I push his brown shaggy hair out of his eyes. “I have never desired anything more than I do your kiss,” I say, alternating my gaze from his wet mouth to his lighted, zestful eyes. When I pull his face—his lips–toward mine, he does not resist. His mouth is finally mine. Our lips melt together. His tongue meets with mine and I hear him groan. It only stokes the fire I feel growing. Our tongues swirl, tasting, learning, and claiming. His stomach tightens beneath me, and I know his self-control is leaving…just as I want it to. The second our lips met, my soul claimed Finn as home. This is a kiss I will never recover from. It is a forever kiss.
My hands trail over his shoulders and down his thick, strong arms. His muscles flex and strain under my fingertips. I pull on the bottom of his shirt without stopping our moving lips. He breaks free from our kiss, panting, as he leans up on his knees to pull his shirt over his head. I look at him and know with certainty that this is the man who is made for me. He is like something from the old world—a perfect storm.
Finn is devastating.
He claims my lips once more, tantalizing me with small licks and furious growls that force my muscles to clench. He runs his heated hands down my neck and shoulders, careful where his hands graze my body. I want more. I want all of him.
I pull the hem of my shirt and camisole over my head, and press our naked chests together. I remember the last time we were this exposed to each other. Louis. Now it is out of emotion that we come together. When Finn trails his lips down the front of my neck, I repress a shudder. Liam did the same thing. My body cannot tell a difference, even though my mind is well aware this is Finn.
Sensing my slight change in demeanor, Finn stops. He does not remove his lips from mine, but as his hands still cradle my neck, he taps one finger lightly three times against the side of my neck. With this silent, comforting signal, I know this is not Liam. Finn’s lips are softer. My heart beats for only him. I lean up and watch as he brushes light kisses over my breast, his brown hair falling into his eyes. His tongue darts out and lightly flicks my nipple. Pleasure blasts through my body causing every cell in my body to hum.
I start fumbling with the button on my pants, unable even to think clearly. All I know for certain is I want Finn inside me, filling me—completing me. I want to be his. The pressure between my legs beats at the same tempo of my heart. The need is almost unbearable. His eyes dart up to mine, his mouth locked on my body. He looks startled. He moves up while shaking his head softly. He licks his lips and presses them to mine again. This kiss is soft and sweet.
I gasp when his weight presses down on me again. “I want all of you, Finn,” I say. He shakes his head again, his wet lips brushing across my lips as he tells me no. I pull away.
“Not yet,” he explains, sensing my shift.
I think it is because of the decree and it angers me. Liam has stolen something else from me. I want to break all the laws. I want to feel alive. I want to be with Finn in all ways. I want control. Finn sighs and then presses another languid kiss on my lips letting his tongue twirl with mine briefly.
“I want to be in love with you when we have sex,” he says.
“Oh,” I say, and immedia
tely regret such a trite response, but I am hurt. My heart crumbles a tiny bit. I should not expect him to love me after what Liam has done to me. I am surprised he even says he will break the decree for me. I close my eyes in an effort to keep the tears away.
“It’s not like that,” Finn tells me, cupping my face gently in his hands. “I want to have sex with you…very badly. Hell, I’ve waited a long time to even kiss you. Do you know what thinking about you naked does to me? I want you, but I had to…” His eyes go distant, as his words trail. He is far away from here. I lean up and put my lips to his, only wanting to connect with him in some way. He finally looks at me.
“Tell me,” I order, using his command from earlier.
“I had to sacrifice an emotion to enter the Dark Citadel,” he says quietly.
Now I feel like I am the one who is far away, disconnected from everything. I know it before he says it. His brown eyes glow a wicked white, lighting my face and darkening my heart.
“Love,” he says.
Chapter Twenty-Five
July 27th, Early morning
“It was my biggest liability,” Finn tries to explain. There are no words he can say that will make his sacrifice logical. It takes my breath away. His loss stuns me. I do not know what love feels like, but I know it is worth more than anything else in this world. Finn still lies on top of me and strokes my face gently. The fact that he is trying to comfort me about this makes me even more furious.
I slide my hands over his. “You never should have come to the Dark Citadel. Nothing nor anyone is worth losing love over,” I say confidently. Love, more precious and powerful than all of the six is what I so desperately seek, and Finn has given it away. His lips press into a firm line and his jaw works. The dimple in his chin appears.
He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip. “I knew I’d find you.” He inches forward and I think he may kiss me again, but he leans away. “I also knew I wanted to fall in love with you. You can’t have the same love twice, Emma.” I stop breathing. I feel my heartbeat in my neck. He replaces his thumb with his mouth. He speaks against my lips. “When I feel love, I want to know it’s because of you. I don’t think you understand—I have never cared so much about anything as I do you. You are my only redeeming quality,” he says. He rolls over and leans on his side, his hand behind his head. His eyes are soft and inviting. I roll toward him and mimic his posture.
I cannot help the smile that breaks across my face. “But you had it already,” I say. I am envious and happy at the same time. He wants me.
He shakes his head. “It’s not the same,” he says.
Staring at his determined face I have an idea. I run my hand over his chest, sweeping his rippled abs and then lower still. When he flinches, I laugh. “If we have sex maybe we can fall in love with each other at the same time.” It makes perfect sense. He rolls onto his back and scrubs his hands down his face, sighing loudly.
“I liked you better when you didn’t have opinions.” He peeks at me through his fingers. At my expression he amends quickly, “That’s not how it should be. When I make love to you for the first time, I want you to feel it as it’s supposed to be felt. Passion, longing…lust pressing on you so heavy you think you might crack. I want forever with you, not just tonight.” I shake my head in awe. Feeling with Finn is effortless. I know I am not able to decide what I feel or when I feel it, but I know without the emotion present, that I will love him. I catch a tear that threatens to roll down my face on the tip of my finger.
I examine the small liquid ball. “I am so happy I am crying. I thought I was confused before,” I admit. Finn laughs. The sound is perfectly lyrical, a salve to the jagged part of my heart. I watch his silvery brown eyes crinkle at the corner. I capture this moment and pair it next to the day at the lagoon. An unflawed moment marked in history. “It brings me indescribable happiness to know that the best moments, filled with emotion, are yet to come,” I tell him as he continues smiling. He watches closely as he drags a finger over my collarbone and down the center of my bare chest. I swallow as the longing for his body immediately begins again. His touch is like a switch.
A loud crash jolts us upright. It echoes through the room, originating outside the broken window. Finn is on his feet and armed in a flash. I pull on my shirt just as he tosses me a knife—my knife, that he must have packed before he left our circle. I catch it and follow behind him to the edge of the window. Lost in each other we left ourselves unguarded and unprotected.
We are at least thirty floors above the heated ground. Ruined buildings line the street spanning as far as the eye can see. Lana swings out from the window next to us. She wears a devil-may-care smirk and swings her bow around her wrist, while teetering on one foot. She flirts with disaster as easily as she handles witch princes, darklings, and angry savages.
“You guys heard it too? I wasn’t sure if you would. You were making so much damn noise in there,” Lana says. She smiles and sighs as she grabs the ledge and shimmies herself into the room where we stand. Lana casually glances at Finn’s shirtless chest and for the first time, I feel jealous she stares so openly.
She clears her throat too loudly. “I’m glad to see you’ve kept your good humor since you’ve arrived at this pleasant location,” Finn says, irony lacing his words.
A shot of fire blazes from the ground up into the air by our window. Lana shakes her bow at it. Finn walks over and grabs his shirt off the bed, and shrugs it on. He flips his brown shaggy hair out of his eyes and starts assembling some mechanical contraption on the table.
“The only way out of the Dark Citadel is by spell,” he says. “The sorceress who guards the abandoned city has the ability to get us back into the forests that surround the circles, but we’ll have to make it to her first.” Finn peers out the windows at the winged creatures, and then picks up the machine he is working on. I recognize it as a gun from the old world. “I’ve found that guns works better for getting them out of the sky.” Thoughts of the desert circle and of Louis cloud my mind. It seems a lifetime ago that the nasty attack was the worst thing in my life. I laugh. Finn peers at me curiously.
Lana scoffs. “Better than my arrows would? I seriously doubt that.” I bite my lip to keep from laughing. Lana tells Finn that the Prince and his guard are after me and we do not have much time to waste. Finn tells Lana that he gave away love for the ability to enter the Dark Citadel. They come to the conclusion that we are stuck. If I cannot feel the last two emotions in a week, I am to go back with Liam. If he finds me, which seems doubtful in this place, I will have go back with him as well. So, we hide and we run.
“Well why don’t you guys just fucking feel already? The last ones are always the easiest!” Lana hisses. “Should I lock you in this room for a few days? I’ll go kill shit for fun. Sound like a plan?” A beastly roar sounds from the window. I swallow loudly.
“We’ll feel no emotions in this hellish place. Obviously.” Finn points the gun out the window and fires it. I cover my ears as the blast echoes in the room.
The scaly green creature swoops down, but returns to hover in the air next to the building. It is too large to come in, but the fire that steams from its mouth promises pain.
“Emma you can’t use any dark magic. You can’t let it surface at all. It’s how the witches will track you. They can’t take what they can’t find. This place is enormous and they will be out of their element, as it hasn’t been touched since the old world. They will be in just as much danger as we are. A lot of their magic is subdued in the abandoned city. The sorceress who so kindly took my emotion as toll into this place told me she wasn’t a fan of the witches.” Finn looks out the window again and fires the gun just as the winged beast sucks in a breath to blast fire. It dips below, and this time, stays down. “She also told me not to kill her pet savages, but we don’t have a choice.” Reloading his gun, he shrugs.
“Great! So you’re pissing off the bitch who has our only way out of here?” Lana screams.
Whi
le Finn and Lana bicker, I stoop down and open my backpack. I pull out the onyx charm and place it back on the necklace with Finn’s heart. I clasp it around my neck and unwrap the cakes I have packed. I hand one to Lana and one to Finn. His eyes widen as he sees the intricately designed layers of sugar that are weaved into the confection. I smile, remembering the novelty of the lavish foods at the palace. Lana shoves the whole cake in her mouth and chews it. Spitting crumbs from her mouth, she screams profanities out the window.
“Liam does not want an heir. He just wants me,” I tell Finn.
He takes a deep breath and hikes his shoulders. “Of course he does,” he says, defeated. I bring my hands up and rub my eyes. “Go get some sleep, Emma. I’ll make sure you’re safe,” Finn says as he pulls me into a hug. He kisses me lightly on the mouth and smiles contentedly. Lana catcalls from behind us. I ignore her and walk to the bed, and fall into the ash covered blankets. A puff of dust billows into the air around me.
Right before blackness takes me over, I hear Lana and Finn whispering. “You are on thin ice after you cranked off Louis’ head. You won’t be able to get them to budge.” Finn responds so quietly I do not hear his words. “What? That’s a horrible idea!” Lana rasps.
I hear Finn say, “Go to bed, Lana. I’ll crank off more heads so you can get some rest.”
I feel the bed weigh down next to me. I fall blissfully asleep.
Chapter Twenty-Six
July 27th, Morning
Heat and gunfire jolt me awake and I think it is probably the worst possible way to come to consciousness. The room lights with orange fire and Finn is shooting into the flames at a creature hovering just behind the large blaze at our window.
Time stands still. A small drop of sweat rolls down his face then he looks at me. “Come on, ladies. Time to get out of here,” Finn yells averting his eyes back to the target.
Lana and I stumble out of the bed. I grab my pack and knife as Lana struggles to scrounge Finn’s things off the floor before we exit into the hallway. We take the same stairs as the night before, almost flying down. I know my magic would be surfacing now if I did not wear my onyx pendant to control it. I am scared and I know my heart is thrumming because I do not know what comes next. Lana and Finn are flinging orders to each other.
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