by Jessica Ashe
Once I logged off, the metaphorical weight off my shoulders disappeared in an instant. It was all out of my hands now. I might have just fucked up my life, but the email was out there and there was nothing I could do about it anymore.
One feeling that didn’t fade was the guilt. Without the fear for my job clouding my judgment, I now realized just how much I’d betrayed Barton. I’d pretended I was just a disgruntled employee who’d had no choice. But I’d had a choice and I chose to work for Leona. I’d done my best for Barton though. Hadn’t I? Was there more I could have done to help him if I’d not been trying to keep Leona in the dark?
I knew the answer to that one. I’d only done half a job at best for Barton. I’d been juggling my loyalties towards him and Leona. Now all three of us were going to lose.
* * *
“Kristi, I’m heading out,” Tasha yelled. “And I’m staying at Clyde’s tonight, so you and Barton have the place completely to yourselves. No interruptions, I promise.”
“Sure you haven’t arranged for Mom and Dad to pay a visit this time?” I joked.
“Yeah, sorry about that. I’d completely forgotten that I’d invited them over.”
“Uh-huh. Sure.”
“What? Why are you saying it like that?”
“Oh come on, Tasha. You wanted to introduce Clyde to Mom and Dad. It was sweet.”
“That wasn’t it at all,” Tasha insisted. “We’re still just having fun, and I really wish you wouldn’t make such a big deal out of it.”
“What’s gotten into you today?” I snapped.
Tasha had been acting funny all day, and it was beginning to get on my nerves. I hadn’t heard back from Leona after sending that email, so my job was still in limbo. What did Tasha have to worry about?
“Nothing,” Tasha replied. “I’ve just been getting an earful from Mom and Dad about Clyde, so I could do without it from you as well.”
“Perhaps you shouldn’t have introduced him to—”
“I didn’t mean to,” she yelled.
“Okay, okay. Whatever. You two are still getting on alright though?”
“Fine. We’re just fine.”
“So you’re stressed and on edge because…?”
“Because people keep asking me questions about him. I just… I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do with him now.”
“You’ve never struggled to keep men entertained. Trust me, I’m in the room across the hall, I know.”
“We’re not having any problems in that area,” Tasha said. “Far from it. It’s the other stuff that bothers me. We go out for dinner, sit in and watch television, or just play games with his roommates.”
“And that bores you?”
“No. Not at all. But it should. I usually hate all that stuff.”
I laughed, but quickly stopped. Tasha was being serious, and she looked genuinely anxious about her evening with Clyde.
“You usually hate all that because your previous ‘boyfriends’—and I use that word lightly—couldn’t hold a conversation if their lives depended on it. You’ve never dated a guy you’ve actually connected with mentally as well as physically.”
Tasha frowned and looked at me curiously. “When did you become the expert on relationships? Never mind, I know the answer to that one. Around the time Barton stuck his huge cock in you.”
“Partly,” I admitted. “But also when he took me up to his parents’ house and we spent the night there.”
“You did? You never told me that.”
“I knew you’d ask loads of questions.”
“What happened? What was it like? Was it weird being there even though his parents are dead? Clyde told me they passed away a few years ago.”
“Point proven. It’s a lovely house and we had a great time. We just… talked. A lot. We fucked as well—”
“Of course.”
“But mainly we talked.”
“Shit,” Tasha remarked. “You’ve tamed him.”
“I wouldn’t go that far. He’s still pretty wild when he wants to be. And when I want him to be.”
“Go easy with him,” Tasha said seriously.
“You want me to go easy with Barton? Have you seen the size of him?”
“I mean emotionally. Look, maybe I’m being a bit dramatic about all this with Clyde, but I bet Barton is feeling something similar. He’s used to being a free spirit like me, and now he faces being trapped.”
“I don’t think I’m trapping him. Am I?”
“Not a good choice of words, but you know what I mean. Just remember, that this is new for him. It might have him feeling so nervous he wants to throw up. For example.”
“Why don’t you tell Clyde how you feel?” I asked, desperate to take the conversation away from Barton. Tasha meant well, but I hoped Barton wouldn’t throw up at the mere thought of me.
“He wouldn’t understand,” Tasha replied. “I think he’s falling in love with me.”
“Oh shit. Well, that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Just tell him you need more time.”
“I will. In the meantime, try not to get too obsessed with Barton. I may have to break Clyde’s heart, but it will be even worse to see you get yours broken, too.”
I nodded and smiled as Tasha walked out of the apartment.
“Too late,” I said to myself. “Too damn late.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Barton
“You need to get your head in the game.” Coach called me to one side after what was admittedly an awful training session. Nothing had gone right. I’d passed the ball into open spaces, but the receivers never read my intentions. I got sacked more times than I cared to remember.
“I’m fine,” I replied. “It’ll all come together on the day.”
“That’s not good enough. We can’t just hope that you’ll do the job on game day.”
My head was in the game, so I had no idea why things weren’t coming together. Kristi didn’t distract me anymore. Not really. We were strong, so I didn’t worry when I wasn’t with her. I knew I’d see her again soon and that kept me going.
So why did it feel like everything went wrong today?
“You’re not hitting the receivers,” coach continued.
“They’re always in coverage,” I explained. “I’ve been throwing it into the gaps, which they should move into.”
I knew I sounded defensive, but I’d worked hard and listened to all Milton’s advice. I didn’t deserve the ear-bashing.
“We plan the plays for a reason,” Gordon replied. “The receivers are where they should be. When you have more experience, you can start anticipating where the receivers can go. For now, you need to just throw it where the receivers are heading.”
“Okay, boss.”
“And keep an eye on the pocket. You’re getting sacked far too often. You need to be aware of your surroundings.”
I nodded in agreement and got changed as quickly as possible. I needed a night with Kristi more than ever now.
* * *
“You’re so beautiful.”
“You always say that,” Kristi replied bashfully. A thin sheet covered her naked body, showing off the curves that had driven me wild the second I’d walked through the door. We hadn’t even spoken; the first words I heard Kristi say were “I’m coming.”
“It’s true,” I insisted. “You could be a model, although I’d rather no other men got to see you naked. You’re all mine.” I leaned over and nuzzled at her neck.
“You sure know the right things to say,” she moaned.
“I’m not just saying it. I mean it.”
I grabbed my phone from the side of the bed and got up on my knees. “I want to capture this moment forever.”
“No,” Kristi screeched. “Don’t take a photo of me in bed. I don’t want to be the victim of one of those phone hack things.”
“You’re not naked. I just want a picture of you in bed looking innocent and glorious, even though we just fucked like animals.”
/>
Kristi smiled. “Okay, but only with the cover over me.” She pulled the cover up even further and turned her head to one side, facing away from the camera.
I meant it when I said she looked like a model. The image I snapped on my camera could easily have been part of a model photoshoot, or an album cover. Now I had the picture forever. Or until I messed up and deleted it by accident.
I lay down next to Kristi as she wrapped her arm around my neck and rested her head on my chest.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. After having sex, she hadn’t quite seemed herself. Her mind appeared to be elsewhere. It wasn’t often that a woman thought about anyone other than me in bed.
“Nothing,” Kristi replied. Her voice completely lacked conviction. If I hadn’t known before, then I knew now.
“Come on, spill it.”
She paused briefly before answering. “I’m worried about Clyde and Tasha.”
“I think your sister can look after herself. Besides, they seem to be getting on really well. Clyde is really into her. I’ve seen him get a little love struck before, but this is different. He’s really into her.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. My sister is… flaky. That’s the kindest way I can think to put it.”
“Do you think she’s going to ditch him?” I’d seen the two of them together just two nights ago, and they looked almost as into each other as Kristi and I. Tasha looked at him with an intense longing that looked like more than lust to me.
“I don’t know,” Kristi replied. “Tasha’s really into him, but she’s not used to relationships. I reckon she might try to slow it down. She’s panicking.”
“That sucks, but I reckon they’ll make it through. They have a connection. I know about things like that now.”
Kristi looked up at me with a smile. “So you’re not panicking?”
“About Tasha and Clyde? I hope they stay together, but I wouldn’t say I’m panicking.”
“No, silly. I mean about us. You’re not used to relationships either. I’m not saying we’re in a relationship but—”
“We are in a relationship,” I said firmly. I’d not looked at another woman in weeks, and I would hate to think of Kristi with another man. That made it a relationship in my book.
“We are?”
“Yep.”
“Do I get a say in this?”
“Nope. I’ve made the decision. No arguing.”
“Hmm,” Kristi murmured. “Well, I guess I can live with that. Does this mean I have to stop sleeping with other people?”
“Yes,” I growled.
Kristi sighed theatrically. “I guess I need to make some phone calls.”
“You’d better be kidding.”
Kristi smiled and kissed me on the cheek. “Be right back.”
I watched, almost hypnotized, as she walked to the bathroom, bathing in my own smug sense of smug satisfaction. How had I landed a woman like her?
I grabbed the phone and pulled up the photo gallery to look at the picture I’d just taken. I saw a picture of an email instead. I must have picked up Kristi’s phone by mistake, but I saw my name mentioned in the email.
Why would anyone take a photo of an email?
I zoomed in on the image and found out.
* * *
I was glad I lived alone. By the time I arrived home, I needed to punch something.
I shouldn’t have read the email in the first place, but it was a work email about me. I’d literally paid Kristi to write that email. Okay, it was still a shitty thing to do, but not as shitty as what Kristi was up to.
The email didn’t make much sense at first. When Kristi came out of the bathroom, I asked her what it all meant and she immediately blurted out a confession. She’d been working against me the entire time.
I’d put my career in her hands. I’d trusted Kristi, but the entire time she’d been trying to make me look like an ass. Kristi yelled something about her firm making her do it, but it was a feeble excuse and I wasn’t buying it. She was an intern; she should have just quit.
It didn’t take long before the messages from Clyde started coming through. No doubt Kristi had talked to Tasha, who’d then blabbed to Clyde. I ignored them. I even ignored my sister, but the third time she called I picked up the phone. May occasionally had child-based emergencies, so I couldn’t ignore her forever without feeling like a shitty uncle.
“What’s up?” I asked grouchily.
“Nothing,” May replied.
“Okay, then you’re calling because….”
“Maybe I just want to speak to my brother.”
“Get to the point, May. I’m really not in the fucking mood.”
“Clyde texted me,” May said, letting the words hang in the air.
“Did he indeed?” Clyde always wanted the best for me, but I could still slap him right now for telling on me to my older sister.
“What did you do, Barton?” May asked, in her best big sister voice.
“What did I do? Did it ever occur to you that perhaps she is the one in the wrong?”
“Well, honestly, no, it didn’t. I warned you about messing around with other women, Barton. Kristi isn’t the sort of woman you cheat on.”
“For fuck’s sake, I didn’t cheat on her. I haven’t even looked at another woman since I met her. She’s been my entire fucking life for these last few weeks.”
Damn, that felt good to say aloud. I should have told May all this earlier. Was it really that bad to admit you had feelings for someone else? To admit you were in love?
May was silent for a few seconds, which meant she was either genuinely taken aback with what I’d said, or she had muted me while she talked to Lance? I certainly wouldn’t be surprised to find out I was on speaker, although hopefully she’d put the kids to bed by now.
“What happened, Barton?” May asked softly. “Surely she didn’t cheat on you.”
“Kind of,” I replied. “Okay, no not really. But she did betray me.”
“You have to give me more than that Barton.”
“I’m really not comfortable talking to my sister about this.”
“Tough shit. Over the last five years, you’ve given plenty of gory details about what you’ve done with women. I’ve earned this.”
“Fine. You’ll probably hear from Clyde soon enough. You know how Kristi was supposed to be helping me clean up my image?”
“Yeah, and she was doing a great job.”
Surprisingly, that was true. Kristi had done a lot of good for me in the past few weeks, even though her mandate had been to make me look stupid and get me kicked off the team.
“Kristi wasn’t helping me,” I replied. “Not really. My agent hired her firm to help manage my profile, but behind my back, the plan was to keep me looking like an idiot in the public eye.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” May protested. “Kristi has changed you a lot.”
“I don’t know why she did that. Must have been part of the plan. Look, I saw an email, and she admitted it. I’m not making this up. Apparently, I can make more money from sponsors if I get in the news a lot. One way to get in the news is to get in trouble. Not all sponsors have a problem with that.”
“Okay, well first, you need a new agent.”
“I need a new girlfriend,” I snapped back.
“Girlfriend?”
“I meant, I need a new woman. Just something different to screw.”
I wasn’t fooling anyone, but May didn’t push the point. She’d usually be delighted to hear me talking about having a girlfriend, even if it was because I’d just broken up with one.
“You need to talk to her, Barton. I’m sure she can explain all this.”
“I did talk to her. Sort of. She admitted everything. Kristi’s been playing me this entire time.”
“Kristi helped you,” May insisted. “You can’t deny that. Even if her firm was working against you.”
“It doesn’t make any difference. She’s been lying to me this
entire time. It looks like she had a change of heart after we started screwing, but that doesn’t excuse any of this.”
“She made a mistake, and you’re being overly dramatic. You’re just looking for an excuse to get out of this relationship because it scares you.”
“Cut out the pseudo-psychological bullshit, May. You’re a history major, not a doctor.”
“I know more about relationships than you, especially from the women’s perspective. You should listen to me.”
“I don’t need help pleasing women. Goodbye.”
I turned off my phone and slammed it down to the floor. It didn’t break. How could a guy make a dramatic moment when phones were made of goddamned bulletproof glass?
I had to stop thinking about Kristi. I considered calling a hookup, but that wouldn’t help. I’d just end up feeling guilty as well as angry. For once, I had the upper hand. I was the one in the right.
It didn’t feel as good as I thought it would.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Kristi
Red wine served as a great accompaniment to red meat, cheese, and pasta. I’d learned it also went well with misery, ice cream, and The Big Bang Theory. You could also drink it during the day. Who knew? They should put that on the bottle. It was actually quite a versatile product.
“Move your legs,” Tasha commanded.
“I’m comfortable here.”
“Yeah, no shit.”
Tasha looked down at me lazing about in my pajamas with my legs up on the sofa, glass of wine in one hand and spoon in the other. I’d been here for most of the weekend, and the cushion now had an outline of my ass that might never come out.
“You’ve been comfortable for days,” Tasha continued. “Move it.”
