I removed my shirt and headed to the bathroom to take a leak. At the very least, I could get some sleep and then apologize to Mal in the morning. After brushing my teeth, there was a knock on the door. Maybe it was Fish—I had neglected to tell him I was leaving the bar. Fuck me twice.
Glancing through the peephole, I spotted Mal, and my stomach lurched. His salt-and-pepper hair looked mussed from his fingers, the tats on his bicep pronounced as he flexed his arm against the door. His face was a mask of uncertainty mixed with determination.
When I pulled open the door, he glanced up and down my bare torso, and for a split second I thought he was going to slug me. Except I recognized the raw need in his eyes as his gaze lazily slid to meet mine, and regardless of whether or not I had called it, I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.
He cleared his throat. “Just checking on you. I don’t want there to be any hard feelings between us.”
“It’s me who should apologize,” I mumbled. “I’m the one who…crossed the line.”
Without meaning to, my gaze locked on his plump lips before slipping back up to his eyes. There was a soft intake of breath as thick silence fell between us.
“That the real reason you’re standing at my door?” I finally asked and watched as color rose to his cheeks. “Maybe just say what you mean. What you need.”
“What I need is…” A heavy breath, his hand shaking as it raked through his hair. “Fuck, it’s late. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Before I could make sense of any of it, he was gone and I stood staring at an aging ornate carpet in the empty hallway. Damn, I had spooked him. Truth was, I had been scared out of my mind too when, years earlier, I’d realized for the first time I was attracted to a man. Had it not been for some dude who took pity on my sorry ass and walked me through it, it would’ve been way harder to deal with.
I needed to be that somebody to Mal, whether this was a one-time thing or not between us. I pushed back the idea that it might also ruin the tenuous friendship we had built. Hopefully, we could be grownups about this.
Giving myself ten minutes to get my head together and my pulse under control, I slipped on a shirt and charged out the door and around the corner. Thankfully, his room was located at the very end of the empty hallway.
After I gently rapped on Mal’s door, he swung it open, wearing only his well-worn jeans. Holy fuck. I had never seen Mal bare-chested, and I could not keep my gaze from roving all over his well-defined pecs as well as his flat stomach. The cluster of downy hair that ran in a line to the waistband of his jeans was also salt-and-pepper, and it made me long to see if other areas on his body were as well.
“You shouldn’t. We shouldn’t…” he remarked in a strained voice, and when I looked into his eyes, they burned even brighter with need as well as trepidation.
I wasn’t about to go another round with him. I looked down the hall to be certain it was still empty. “Just let me inside so we can talk.”
“It’s late. I’m tired,” he protested, but he stepped aside anyway.
As he closed the door behind me, I noticed his room looked identical to mine. Mal’s bag was lying open on the floor and his phone was on the nightstand. “Listen, I was a dick before. I shouldn’t have put you on the spot. It’s just…I’m not imagining things. I know what I saw.”
His hand shoved into his pocket; it was the most vulnerable he’d ever looked. But I wasn’t fooled. Things could shift at a moment’s notice. He was still the tough and fearless leader of the Disciples. And that unpredictability only made me want him more. To take me right then, bend me over, and make me beg for it. It had been too long since I’d been able to enjoy a man, and I was nothing if not a needy bottom.
“What exactly do you think you see?” he asked, his jaw ticking.
My eyes met his in defiance. “You’re attracted to me, and that terrifies you. Am I wrong?”
His gaze darted to the floor. “You know how much this could cost me?”
“It’d cost me too. I’m not stupid enough to believe anything…” I took a deep breath. “Listen, if you’re not even going to be honest with me, then I want no part in this.” I backed a step away. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Mal suddenly crowded me against the door, his palm slapping against the wood. Panic and excitement rolled through me all at once. I swallowed down the whimper in my throat.
His breaths were heavy as he stared into my eyes as if pleading with me to understand his internal struggle. And maybe even take the lead, which I wasn’t opposed to doing. Not in this case. “I can’t…I’ve never…”
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I know you haven’t.”
His eyes closed momentarily. “Don’t know how to—”
“Doesn’t matter,” I replied, attempting to keep my hands at my side. No way I wanted to spook him again. “You only have to feel.”
5
Sawyer
His gaze burned into me and he nodded briefly before he leaned forward and buried his face into my neck. Holy shit. His lips rested at my throat and he sniffed deeply.
“I like how you smell, which sounds fucked up,” his voice rasped.
“No, it doesn’t. Is what it is,” I panted as his hot breath heated my skin. “What else do you feel?”
“Fuck.” His lips found the shell of my ear. “Like I want to touch you.”
Pulse hammering, I lifted my arms above my head in a show of surrender. I figured it might make him feel less vulnerable. “Then do it.”
He took a step back and studied me, his gaze sliding from my lips to my groin. His stiff length was prominent against his zipper, so I knew this was more than mutual.
It was all I could do not to pull him against me and grind our rigid cocks together.
Mal swallowed thickly and as he lifted his hand, his fingers were trembling. Here was a man who was the head of a rough-and-tumble motorcycle club, and he was nervous about touching a guy for the first time. It was completely heady, and I didn’t think I’d ever forget that look in his eyes. It was raw and needy and one of complete wonder.
His rough fingertips traced over my jaw to my ear, and feathered through the hair at the nape of my neck, making me shudder. When his thumb outlined my lips and studied them like they were a delicacy, damned if I didn’t want him to take my mouth in a kiss scorching enough to match the fire he’d created inside my chest.
But that might’ve been too much for him. Too intimate for a first time.
His other hand traced across the hem of my T-shirt, creating gooseflesh along the skin at my waistband. “Take this off,” he said in a gruff tone as if only holding on to a flimsy measure of control.
I fished the material over my neck and waited for it to drop on the floor before placing my hands back in the same position above my head. Starting at my throat, his fingertips drifted downward, tracing over my collarbone to my pecs. When his knuckles brushed across one of my nipples, it puckered at his touch. I bit the inside of my cheek, attempting to hold back a moan.
“Everything is so different…” he said in awe as he traced one of the tattoos on my bicep. “Yet so…sexy.”
“It does feel different,” I replied. “But that doesn’t make it wrong.”
His gaze shot to mine and seared into me as if wholeheartedly registering my words. He took a deep breath, lifted his hand, and continued mapping patterns over my skin. I had never felt so alive and on display as I kept my arms at bay, hoping like hell I finally got the opportunity to touch him in return.
When his fingers gingerly traced against my zipper and over my erection, I hissed, apparently startling him out of his spell. “Fuck, what the hell am I doing?”
“Turning me on.” I arched my neck as the hand cupping my hardness through the material paused. “Goddamn, don’t stop now.”
When he increased the pressure, my arm swung downward toward my waistband. “Do you want me to unbutton?”
“Ah, fuck.” He held his br
eath and then let it out in a harsh pant. “Yeah, I do.”
My fingers made quick work of releasing my dick from the confines of my jeans and underwear as I pushed the material to my knees. My cock was stiff, the tip red and leaking.
“Holy shit,” Mal bit out as he stared at my length and instead of fear, I saw desire flare. Nervous he’d be easily spooked again, I gingerly moved my hands to the same location above my shoulders. He followed the motion and his gaze softened with gratitude.
When his fingers grasped my cock, and his thumb swiped over the slit, I moaned. It was as if instinctually he knew how to handle a cock from having held his own in his hands. “How does this feel?”
“Like you’re going to make me come any minute now,” I panted out.
His mouth dropped open. “But I haven’t even—”
“Do you not realize how fucking sexy you are right now? I could jizz all over myself just from you looking at me.”
His palm increased pressure as if my words had given him renewed confidence, and he stroked me from root to tip.
I clenched my teeth, trying to hold onto some semblance of control. “But I don’t want to shoot until I get a chance to see you too.”
He made a noise in the back of his throat as his length appeared to swell against his zipper. “Oh, fucking hell.”
“S’okay if you’re not into it, though,” I added. “No pressure. Besides, if I had a look, not sure I’d be able to hold off wanting to touch you.”
“Goddamn, do you even know what the hell your words do to me?” He took a step back and unzipped his jeans with shaky fingers. His lower lip fished between his teeth, he reached inside his pants and fisted his own generous length.
“Let me see that gorgeous cock,” I said, practically drooling over the sight of all that smooth skin along his abdomen.
He pushed down his jeans and boxer briefs and boldly stepped out of them, now standing completely naked in front of me. My breath caught in my throat as I stared at his thick cock, red at the tip and seeping, a thatch of dark hair at its root. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.”
The compliment made him hesitate briefly as his eyes rose to meet mine. “Never thought I could say that ’bout another man, but have you taken a look in the mirror?”
My hand reached tentatively to his hip and I drew him closer to me. “Come here.”
When he stepped flush against me our cocks aligned perfectly together. We both groaned as he rested his head on my shoulder as if to use me as an anchor.
“Rub against me,” I whispered in his ear as my fingers forked through his soft salt-and-pepper hair. It felt fucking perfect to finally touch him.
When he angled his hips against mine, he let out a strangled gasp. “Holy fuck, why does it feel so…”
“Good?” I finished for him. “Just does.”
“Please. I need to…” His words trailed off as he dug his face into my neck.
After spitting into my hand, I wrapped my palm around both of us and started pumping. A half moan, half whimper escaped from his lips as he braced his knuckles against the door and nuzzled his mouth against my throat.
Establishing a rhythm, Mal thrust upward, his groin sliding perfectly against mine. I pulled on our cocks in long strokes, loving the feel of his wet mouth brushing against my nape.
Unable to stop myself, I leaned in to kiss his shoulder and then sank my teeth into his skin. A groan tore from his throat as he arched his shoulders, his eyes screwed shut.
“Fuuuuuuuck,” he moaned in a long, hot breath against my ear and without warning shot like a geyser over my knuckles. Two more solid pumps and I spurted all over my hand as well, our come mixing together and dripping to the floor.
Shuddering, he sank his weight against me and panted into my neck. I loved his bulk and wished I could feel him from shoulder to knee pinning me down. His heated skin next to mine was equally as good as we caught our breath, his fingers gripping my hair just the way I liked it.
Expecting the guilt of what we’d done to settle in on him as he came back to his senses, I stretched for the tissue box on the entry table. Grabbing a wad, I began wiping off my hand and dabbing my softened cock.
Mal had trouble meeting my eyes as he stepped back and bent for his clothes that had been discarded on the floor. Happened to the best of us. So I wasted no time pulling up my trunks and jeans, stretching my shirt over my neck, and throwing the tissue in the wastebasket. “Sawyer, I…”
“Save it,” I said as my hand reached for the knob. “It’s all cool. But if there ever were a next time? I’d want your cock in my mouth.”
Just as I swung open the door and stepped into the hall, I heard him whisper, “Fuck,” under his breath.
6
Malachi
Jesus, I hadn’t come that hard in I didn’t know how long. In the bathroom mirror, I stared accusingly and asked myself what in the hell I was doing fucking around not only with a man but a member of another club. The Disciples and the Scorpions had always been on somewhat solid ground, but I knew from experience, that could change in the blink of an eye. It only took one wrong deal or false rumor, and everything would go to shit.
As I splashed cool water on my face, some of it sloshed on the tile floor because I was shaking like a fucking leaf. Over being with a guy, for Christ’s sake, when way more terrifying things had happened in my life. Hell, the self-doubt alone could send a man into a tizzy. I suddenly felt guilty for even questioning Smoke’s attraction to Vaughn.
Exhausted, I lay down and fell into a restless sleep, dreaming of colorful tattoos, sexy nose rings, and piercing blue eyes that seemed to stare into my soul.
The following morning I woke with a raging hard-on. I wanted to ram my cock inside my fist. Or someone else’s fist. I tightened my grip on my shaft and yanked in earnest, imagining Sawyer’s hot hand on mine.
Imagining what other things might feel like. I’d want your cock in my mouth.
After I spurted all over my stomach, I reached for the tissue box on the nightstand and wiped myself down, shame replacing desire, quick as a lit match.
I heard my father’s voice in my head. Damn faggots. But my father was a junkie who had carried his own type of humiliation. He might’ve even sacrificed his own child for the next hit.
Which brought me back to Sawyer and his haunted dreams. How strong and brave and giving he’d been over these past few months. Wanting nothing in return except to be part of a brotherhood because he had nothing else to call his own besides a bike and a shitty apartment.
I felt like I could trust him, confide in him, be myself with him. It took months to get to that point and mostly it was Sawyer coming to me with intel after leaving the Asylum compound. I’d notice how weary and downtrodden he seemed, so we’d kick back with a whiskey and shoot the shit or watch some TV. It didn’t take long for me to feel comfortable enough to let him in, let my compassion show, allow him to see the real me.
And realize I was attracted to him. That was the huge bell tolling in my brain. I was completely drawn to this guy. Everything about him. And I wanted more of him.
The previous night Sawyer was an amazing mix of gentle and scorching hot. How he surrendered himself and allowed me to set my own pace. And right before I came, the way he moaned and sank his teeth into my shoulder like he knew I needed to be grounded. Fucking hell. I imagined him on his knees pleasing me and loving every minute of it. And I’d kill for him to do it—that’s the kind of power he was starting to have over me.
I rolled out of bed, needing to get my head in the game. We were here this weekend for a reason. If all went well, the Disciples would be one step closer to being an independent club earning an honest keep, with men under my charge I fully trusted. According to Fish, the Scorpions wanted the same thing, and I hoped like hell that was true, but in reality, I could only worry about my guys and doing what was right.
I showered and changed into clean clothes. Just as I was fastening my belt, there was a knock on t
he door. When I opened it, Felix stood holding two cups of steaming coffee. Just what I needed.
“Thank God,” I said as I stepped through the doorway. He handed me the cup and I took a sip, allowing the hot and bitter liquid to warm my stomach, which felt slightly queasy.
“You okay?” I asked as we rounded the corner to the elevator. “Assuming you had a good night?”
“Definitely,” he replied with a satisfied smile on his face. “Sweet girl. Even got her number. How about you?”
“I…” I swallowed roughly, nearly choking on the swig of coffee. “Nah. Just hung at the bar and then went to bed.”
“Sawyer said the same thing,” he remarked, as he stepped into the open elevator. “I just passed him in the hall.”
My chest constricted so tight, I could barely draw breath. “Yeah, so?”
His eyebrows wove together. “So nothing. Just making conversation. Everything all right?”
I was being an idiot, and I needed to cut it out. No way he could guess what went down between us. “Fuck, sorry. Just a little on edge.”
“About the meeting?”
“Guess so,” I said pushing the button for the first floor. “Ain’t never fun to have to answer to anybody.”
We walked into an already crowded conference room. With the way the men were hoarding the donuts and bagels in the back of the room, you would’ve never guessed we were a group of MC presidents about to discuss the finer details of having obliterated some of our own kind. It only served to reinforce I was done with this game and though I would remain on friendly terms, I would not double-cross or backstab anybody for retribution. Not anymore—no matter what relationships my father had set up with these clubs long ago. The only reason we got involved in this latest bullshit was because it involved one of our own.
Felix and I sat down at the large rectangular table across from Fish and Sawyer. We made eye contact and nodded in greeting. Fish was wringing his hands, and it was a nervous habit I recognized, especially in those days before the big showdown. I understood why he was on edge. If his actions rubbed anyone here the wrong way, they could make his life hell. Sawyer only made brief eye contact with me, looking equally anxious, undoubtedly because he wanted to finally put all of this behind him.
The Faintest Spark: Roadmap to Your Heart, Book #1.5 Page 4
