by N'Tyse
“Mama,” I kept saying. “Why are you in my room, in my things?”
She walked up to me slowly, holding the letter in her left hand. She raised her right hand, and a forceful slap stung my face. I grabbed at the stinging pain that shot through the left side of my jaw, numbing the entire half of my face. Tears fell from my eyes.
“How could you do this to me?” She held the letter up in my face.
“What, Mama? Do what?”
“So you dyking now? You trying to be one of them there funny people? You’re in love with some girl that has the same thing in between her legs as you do? Damn you, Cassandra! You’re a disgrace! I went through nine hours of hard labor to give you life, and this is how you repay me?”
I stood there, face-to-face with my mother. She was still crying, allowing me to witness the tears free-fall from her eyes onto the paper.
She shook her head. “This is nonsense, Cassandra. How long? When? Why? I thought we raised you better than this.”
I couldn’t reply. I was too mad at her for fumbling through my things. Almost ashamed that she had to find out about me this way. But why was she even in my room to begin with, searching through my personal belongings? “Mama, why were you going through my stuff?”
“Do you pay the goddamned bills around here? Huh? Do you? Hell, no you don’t! I can look and go through whatever the hell I want to go through in this damn house as long as my name is Ruby Mae Ross!”
Spit flew from her mouth and landed in my face. I wiped it away, scared to make any sudden moves. Afraid she would slap the shit out of me again. The last time she had knocked my ass clean across the room with a one hitter quitter. She had thought I was trying to buck up to fight after she had worn my big ass out with an extension cord. Bad grades and that was the ultimate down-home ass beating.
“I want you to get your shit and get the fuck out my house!” Her loud yells sent chills through my body. I walked to my closet to grab the few clothes that were hanging from the racks. “Uh-uh. What are you doing?”
“I’m getting my clothes, like you told me to.”
“Like hell you are! You’re not taking a damn thing that me and your father bought! I mean get your slutty filth. The shit you’ve been hiding in that there closet!” She threw the letter at me that she held in her hand. She pointed to the open shoe box on my bed. “I want that shit out my house right goddamned now, and you along with it!”
“Mama, where am I gonna go? I don’t have anywhere to go.” I was begging for her to take back the threat of putting me out in the streets. She didn’t. “Mama, please!” I begged, crying like a little girl. “I ain’t got nowhere to go.”
“I don’t give a damn where you go. Long as you ain’t here. I don’t wanna ever see your face round here. And don’t bother comin’ round me. You’re dead, you hear me? Dead!”
I grabbed my knapsack and the box of letters that revealed the life that I lived outside of my parents’ home. The life that I had chosen to keep a deep, dark secret.
As I walked down the steps, I saw my dad standing at the bottom of them, his head bowed down, unable to look me in the face.
“Daddy?”
“Just leave, Sand.” I could still hear the cries that came from my upstairs room. “Just leave and do what your mother asks.”
My dad never looked up, and I never looked back. I just headed out the door to face what was coming to me.
From that day on, my life changed for the better. I wanted to be accepted for who I was, not for who someone wanted me to be. I lived my life the way I wanted to live it. When I left that house, I left knowing that I would probably never see my mother and father again. As long as my name was Cassandra Janene Ross, that would be all right by me.
* * *
I pulled up into the reserved parking space in front of my building. Rene’s car was there, so she was upstairs. I gathered all the bags and walked up the flight of stairs.
“Rene,” I called out when I stepped through the front door.
She didn’t answer back.
I put down the bags, which seemed as if they weighed a hundred pounds in all. I heard sniffles coming from the bathroom. I walked in, and there was Rene, bent over the toilet, vomiting.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Her eyes were red, and her hair was all out of place. The puke made my stomach turn once the strong smell hit my nostrils. I slipped off my jersey and helped her up from the floor. “What’s wrong, baby?” I asked again.
She refused to look me in the face. She just continued to sit on the rug and stare at the porcelain toilet.
I grabbed a white washcloth from under the sink, along with some of her personal bathing items. I wiped her mouth. She wasn’t talking, just staring into thin air. I ran her a warm bath with bubbles and aromatherapy bath beads. Maybe she was coming down with the flu or something, I thought.
“Rene, what’s wrong? Did you get ahold of some bad food or something?”
She didn’t respond.
I flushed the toilet and closed the lid. Then I checked her forehead for a fever. I carried her into the bedroom and removed all her clothes. Then I carried her back into the bathroom. I gently sat her down in the tub, then stripped from head to toe, leaving nothing but my boxer shorts on. I climbed in behind her and wiped her body down like she was a two-year-old child. She was still quiet. I rubbed her neck, her breasts, and ran the washcloth down the center of her back. After I bathed her, I ordered her favorite Chinese dinner. After the food was delivered, she just sat and stared at it like she had never seen such a dish before.
“Are you gonna eat?” I asked.
She shot me a look that could kill.
“What’s up with you?” I said.
“I’m not hungry.”
She stood up from the table and started for the bedroom, leaving her food untouched. Minutes later she had fallen asleep. I stayed up watching late-night videos on MTV.
It was 11:56 p.m. when our doorbell rang. I looked out the peephole, and Miss Shun was knocking on the door and ringing the doorbell at the same time. This maniac was about to get cussed the hell out. I opened the door before she could break it down.
She barged in. “Where is she?”
“She’s in the room.” My face suggested the mood I was in. And to make matters worse, I had to see her ass.
She had on her pajamas, and a plastic cap covered her out-of-date Jheri curl. She ran toward the bedroom, causing the pictures and mirrors on the wall to shake. I followed her.
“Rene, are you all right, honey? I came as soon as I got your message.”
“What message?” I asked, confused about what was going on.
Nobody bothered to answer me. I stood there and watched how Shun embraced my woman, comforting her in her big arms. She was rocking her back and forth, and Rene was crying, letting out emotions that she had not shown me earlier.
“What’s wrong with her?” I asked Shun.
She looked at me with a frown on her face and a look of disgust. She rolled her big-ass eyes at me. I stood at the bedroom door, looking helpless and confused. Shun pulled the comforter back on the bed and allowed Rene to free herself from the covers.
“What are you doing? She was resting,” I said.
“Cassandra, you are so damn clueless.”
“What!”
Shun walked past me, and Rene followed behind her.
“Rene, where are you going?” I watched my baby as she walked in front of me, heading toward the front door.
“Can’t you see she need a damn doctor?”
“I can take her, then,” I said. “That’s my job. I don’t need you doing that when I can. Rene is my woman, not yours.”
“Humph. And you’re so sure.” Shun shook her head and smirked.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Shun?”
“Never mind me. She doesn’t want you there.”
Ignoring Shun, I turned to face Rene, who was almost out the door. I quickly walked over to her. “Ren
e, baby, you don’t want me to go?”
She looked at me with so much hurt and pain in her eyes. “No, Sand. Please stay.”
I was hurt, but I respected her wishes. It was nothing but a little cold. Or maybe she was coming down with the flu or something. I knew she would be all right. It was nothing major, I hoped. I kissed her on the forehead, but she turned away at my touch. Why in the hell was she acting so cold toward me all of a sudden? Something wasn’t right, and I could feel it. I stepped outside and watched Shun speed away with my woman leaning on her shoulder.
I went back inside, and the clock radio read 12:20 a.m. I was tired, but my mind was processing a million thoughts per second. Twenty minutes later, my cell phone started ringing. I hoped that it was Shun, letting me know that she and Rene had made it to the emergency room, which was about ten minutes up the street. The number displayed was listed as unknown. I normally didn’t answer calls from unknown numbers, since I had a crazy head calling me, but this late at night, I knew it couldn’t have been anyone other than Shun or Rene.
“Hello.”
“What’s up, baby?”
“Who is this?”
“Don’t act like you don’t know my voice by now.” The attitude sounded familiar. “Look out your window.”
I walked over to the blinds, opened them a tad bit to see if there was anyone outside. I saw no one. “Look, whoever the fuck you are, you about to get this phone hung up in your face and you can talk to the dial tone.”
“Don’t you see me?”
I continued examining the parking lot, using my twenty-twenty vision. I finally spotted a female figure standing near my baby Lady. My precious car.
“Okay, I’ll give you a hint. My pussy is shaved in an S.”
I almost dropped the phone. Now I could make out the fake-ass voice she was trying to disguise with a low seductive one. It was Jasmine. The bitch was stalking me. And how the hell did she know where I lived?
“Jasmine, what the fuck do you want? And how your ass know where I live?”
“Don’t worry. Don’t worry. Ain’t nobody stalkin’ you. My brother lives across the street. I was just over there delivering something to him, and I just happened to spot your car.”
“Why are you even calling me?” I asked, not believing or buying into any of her bullshit. “I told your ass I ain’t feeling you no more,” I blurted into the phone.
She started laughing. “Sand, don’t try and act like you don’t miss me. You know you like the way I back this thang up. I bet your bitch can’t make that ass clap like mine. I’ve left you messages. I know you got ’em.”
“Yeah, I got ’em, and I can’t believe you were bold enough to leave that shit on my muthafuckin’ voice mail.”
“Ooh, sounds like big daddy mad. I’m shaking in my thong, I’m so scared.” She was laughing at me like I had just said some hilarious-ass shit. “Sand, what makes you think you can just start something and not finish it? You got me all fucked up.”
This bitch was certified crazy. I wasn’t about to stay on the phone and listen to her deranged ass. “Jasmine, I ain’t got time for this childish-ass shit you playing. What you want from me, huh? You need money, some clothes, shoes? What? Goddamn, what it take to keep your ass from calling me and poppin’ up all over the place?” My voice grew louder. “Damn, go find you another muthafucka to harass!”
I continued to watch from the blinds. I could see her silhouette bent over on my ride.
“Bitch, don’t fuck with my car!”
I wanted to run down there and kick her ass, but I knew that if I walked out that door, her ass was gon’ get more than kicked. I was goin’ to stomp a big pothole in her ass. Fucking with Ms. Lady was a fat-ass no-no. That was one thing I didn’t play around with nobody threatening. My ride was my everything. Ms. Lady was my main bitch, ahead of everything else.
“Fuck this damn car!”
“Good. Yeah, fuck the car and fuck me. Now, get the hell on, you crazy bitch.”
That’s what I get for falling for her immature ass.
“Bitch? Oh, so now I’m a bitch? You know what? I got your bitch. I bet you won’t be talking all that shit when your little wifey find out that you been coming over to my place when she won’t give you no pussy. I bet you won’t have shit to say then, huh? You ain’t seen crazy yet! You fucked with the wrong one. I’ll show your ass crazy, if that’s what you wanna see!” Click.
I waited about an hour before I went down to check on my car. I didn’t wanna take any chances on running into Jasmine’s psychotic ass.
Ms. Lady was fine and in the same condition I had left her in. She was waxed down from head to toe, with accessorized blingage to go along. There wasn’t a week that went by that I didn’t take her down to my boy Sergio to get primped up. He’d whip her ass up real good, then send her home to Papa. She had screens in each headrest, a plush interior, and was wood grained out. It was like she was a necessity to me. She was my accomplice and my roll dawg. She put niggas in check as soon as she opened her mouth, and her presence alone demanded full attention. She commanded respect when she stepped on the scene and was pregnant with an engine that melted them haters. Her voice was deep with a heavy bass, and every word that she spoke was a tune you could bob to. My bitch was bad, classy, and hella seductive. Ms. Lady was the shit, and not too many niggas could fuck with her around the block.
I surfed my cell, deleting all that crazy bitch’s messages and phone numbers. I had fourteen missed calls, and they were all from her stupid, childish ass. Whatever the hell I had got myself into, it was serious. This bitch was about to cause me some problems. I just knew it. I thought back to the night I last saw that crazy-ass girl.
* * *
“What’s up, Jasmine? Are you busy?”
“No, baby, but you were just on my mind. What are you doing?”
“Shit. Just trying to come through, if that’s all right with you.”
“You know I ain’t tripping, but ain’t your girl gonna be looking for you?”
“Nah. I told her I was gon’ chill out at one of my partners’ house tonight.”
“Damn. And she cool with that shit?”
“Yeah. We going through it right now, and she ain’t been feeling too good, anyway. Why you asking me twenty-one damn questions? You got somebody up over there? Do I need to keep heading home?”
“Hell, nah. Ain’t nobody up in here. If you coming, come on.”
I busted a big-ass U-turn in the middle of the lane. I wasn’t about to miss out on an opportunity like this. All she had to do was say the word. Plus, Rene had been tripping hella hard lately. She had been acting real funny and always complaining about every little single thing. It seemed like she was PMSing every damn day of the week. She woke up with a ’tude and lay down with one. I figured I’d give her a day to herself so she could chill the fuck out with the mood swings.
Jasmine was fine as hell and as enticing as they came. She came to the door in a sexy red negligee with some slide-in matching house shoes, smelling like White Diamonds perfume. Her hair was done in small tight curls. She threw herself at me the moment I appeared in the doorway. I was about to speak, but she silenced me, answering the question I had written on my face before letting me open my mouth. Her long-ass tongue was damn near down my throat, and her free hand found its way under my shirt. I grabbed on to her soft ass, gently gripped it, and gave it a couple of powerful smacks.
When I finally made my way in the door, I saw how she’d taken the time to light candles, burn incense, and put on soft jazz music. The mood was set, and I had all that I needed to work with right in front of me, waiting to be bent over and spanked in the worst way. She was thick as a loaf of bread and sharper than a fresh blade. Slick and full of mystique.
“I got something I wanna show you,” she said seductively. She took small baby steps backward and awarded me with the benefit of a full view of her scrumptious Coke bottle figure. She removed her nightgown, letting it ease down to the
hardwood floor. She was standing in front of me, bare, in nothing but her brown skin. I walked toward her, trying to make out what it was she was pointing to down below her pubic area. I was like, “Whoa!” when I seen the shit. I knew then this broad was on some psychotic shit for real. Her pussy hairs had been trimmed and neatly shaven into an S.
“What the hell is that?” I asked her.
“It’s your initial. You like?”
Now, I could have done one of two things. I could have torn the damn hinges off that door, trying to get away from her ass, or I could have done what I did. Stayed there and got what I had driven way across town for . . . some pussy.
I regretted like all hell going over to her place that night. I should have just taken my horny ass home. Instead, I had let my hormones once again get the best of me. When I had spotted June Bug, who lived across the street, coming out of her place that night, I had automatically assumed her ass was fucking with guys right off the bat. I was about to bounce but wanted to catch her in the act of trying to play this two-way game with me. What she got to say now? I thought, knocking and ringing her doorbell a few times. I knew she had heard me when I hit the neighborhood. Ms. Lady announced herself on every block I strolled through. I had seen June Bug come out of her apartment with my own two eyes, and I knew he recognized my car. But before I opened my mouth to drill her, she opened the door and stopped me.
“That’s my brother, so don’t even trip. He was stopping by to bring me something.”
Small-ass world, I thought. If only he knew that his baby sister was a freaky bitch who fucked with niggas like me.
* * *
The next morning I woke up alone in the queen-size sleigh bed I shared with Rene. She had still not made it home from the hospital, and no one had bothered even to call me to give me her status. I had already made my mind up that I was going to go to the hospital, anyway, to check on her, regardless of whether she wanted me to or not. She hadn’t even told me why she didn’t want me there in the first place. I guessed it was just a woman thing, and I would bet my bottom dollar that Shun’s ass was not gonna pick up the phone to call me to release me from my worry. I would have been the last person on her list to contact if needed. But I was sure everything had to be fine.
