by N'Tyse
“With Shun, honey,” I lied. It was a damn shame how lies seemed to roll off the tip of my tongue with hardly any effort. I was becoming a habitual liar. But my excuse was that I was lying for a good enough reason.
“She needed me to watch the kids for her these past couple of days, while she went job hunting,” I continued. “You know that Jo Jo is the only one in school, and she can’t afford to send the other three to day care or pay for a babysitter. So I help her out sometimes.”
I was just lying my black ass off, knowing damn well Shun had them kids in day care and she wasn’t at all out of pocket. The government was paying for it. She dropped them off at six in the morning and didn’t pick them up until the place closed.
He turned to face me, looking oddly expressionless, as if he was trying to read me. His left hand rested under his chin as he stared me down.
“They called about your grandma,” he said.
“What!” The spit I had just swallowed was almost my cause of death. I choked so badly that the clamp holding my ponytail in place flew off and my watering eyes could have been mistaken for tear-filled ones. I looked up at him after catching my breath. “Who called?”
“The nursing home.”
I almost peed my pants. I was already tripping over words, and now I couldn’t think of shit to say. I continued to stand there in astonishment, feeling bewildered, trying not to give myself away with my reactions.
“How come you didn’t tell me you were going to put her in a nursing home, after all? You sly thing, you. I knew you would see it my way sooner or later. It was best,” he said, smiling and rising up from the mattress.
I hadn’t blinked once. I was still standing there, in shock. I wanted to ask more questions. I wanted to drill him and ask who, what, when, where, but I didn’t. I had to follow along.
“Yeah, honey. I forgot to mention that. I was saving it for a surprise. I was going to tell you over dinner. I also have some more exciting news.”
“What?” He was still looking deep into my eyes, not letting the eye contact break.
“I was talking to a wedding coordinator, and she suggested that we do a fall wedding. I told her the baby was due in April, I mean, is due in April, and she said that if you wanted to be married before it got here, then we should do it now, while there aren’t many fall weddings already booked. I was thinking this month.”
“You want to get married this month?” He looked at me like he had a hard time hearing.
“Sure. I think it’ll be better. Like you said, let’s do it before the baby gets here.” I was flipping shit around every which way. “I actually think it’s a terrific idea, because when Mariah gets here, I will already be Mrs. Rene Montgomery.” I flashed a smile and waved my ring at him.
Vincent was still looking at me funny, but I guessed he was just admiring me like always. “Well, if you’ve thought this over, and that’s what you want, let’s do it.” He smiled, then leaned in to kiss me on the cheek.
In the meantime, I was trippin’ over who could have called. All of a sudden my imaginary grandma had become real. That was a measly problem for the time being. It could have just been a coincidence, and if indeed it was, it was perfect timing. I still had to play it safe, though, just in case. I hopped on the Internet and typed in “Ways to get pregnant fast.” I jotted down all the sex positions, the foods that were recommended, the home remedies, and a list of fertility drugs that were highly ranked to speed up the process. I had to get pregnant quick. Vincent was in for the ride of his life. Remedy number one: the more sex, the better the chances. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Sand
“Hello.”
“I know you’re sleeping with my girlfriend. I’ve seen the both of you in clear view. Her legs wrapped around your head, you two kissing and slobbering on each other. I can’t stand women like you. It’s disgusting.” Click.
The caller disconnected the call. I couldn’t tell if the voice on the other end had belonged to a male or a female. The caller had whispered the entire call. I had no idea who it could have been. Jasmine was the only female I had fucked with that could have possibly been involved with anyone. I didn’t understand how somehow, someway, she still managed to cause chaos in my life.
I looked around the house, and suddenly the loneliness and the emptiness that I was feeling reminded me that I was missing the hell out of Rene. It had been three days since I slept next to her. I couldn’t stand it. The cucumber smell coming from the plug-ins that she had in every electrical outlet reminded me even more of her.
I went into the kitchen and fixed a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. I sat on the couch, ate, and watched a rerun of the show Martin. Pam and Martin were going at it, like always. I found myself laughing out loud.
My mind started wandering off. I thought about my deceased mother and my father, who I had not seen in years. I wondered how my pops was doing and if he thought about me as often as I thought about him. I wondered if my aunt Maba was still sick with diabetes and if my uncle Robbie, my dad’s youngest brother, was up in heaven with my mother. I had heard from one of my cousins whom I had bumped into at the mall that he had passed a few months before my mom did. My cousin Jimmy had told me that Robbie suffered from the “gay man’s disease.” I knew he was talking about AIDS. I really missed my family, and at that moment I was missing my girl. I watched television until nothing was on except for infomercials. My eyes began to get heavier as I tried to fight off sleep. I took a few more hits of the Black & Mild cigar I had lit up and then slowly drifted off on the couch.
The following day I sat in Nessa’s chair, getting my hair braided for opening night. She was braiding and chatting with a friend at the same time.
“Sand, I’d like you to meet my friend Deja.”
I straightened my posture after being slouched down in the same position for so long. It was going on two hours, and Nessa was still braiding my hair. She’d said she was going to do something that nobody had ever had. My ass was cramped up, and my legs had fallen asleep on me. My ass was hurtin’, and I had to pee, but the single bathroom stall was out of service, so I had no choice but to hold it.
I hadn’t seen Deja walk in, because I was nodding off to sleep, but I knew that if I had, I would have been hawking. Nessa turned my chair around so that I came face-to-face with a statue of beauty. Deja was about five feet seven and 150 pounds. She was one of those smooth-skinned, Hershey’s chocolate sisters. She had almond-shaped dark brown eyes, thick curled lashes, and perfectly arched eyebrows. She even had deep dimples like Rene. Ooh, shit, and those lips were screaming my name. Not too big and not too small, they were perfectly designed for kissing. Her makeup was light and natural, with an added touch of lip gloss to accent those luscious lips. She eyed me as she extended her hand.
“Sand, Deja’s gonna come with me tonight to check out your new club.”
Deja can go anywhere she pleases, I thought to myself. But I didn’t have to think this; my facial expression and my body gestures gave me away. Deja was bangin’. I bit down on my bottom lip and stroked my invisible beard. My hand met hers. Hers was softer, smoother than mine. I wanted to just kiss each fingertip and caress her hand with my tongue.
“How you doing, Mrs. Deja?” I said. I hoped Nessa still had a long way to go on my hair, because suddenly, I had all the time in the world.
“Oh, I’m not a Mrs.,” she said, correcting me. She smiled, affording me a beautiful view of her pearly whites. I could definitely picture her on a Colgate toothpaste commercial.
“I apologize,” I said. “I was just sure that a nice young man had already scooped you up and taken you off the market.”
She looked at Nessa and burst into laughter.
“What? Did I say something wrong?” I was looking at both of them, trying to figure out what it was that I had said that was so funny.
Nessa kind of shook her head. I looked back at Deja. She flicked her tongue at me, and there it was, a rainbow-colored tongue ring. So she was fami
ly, and a reunion for me it was about to be. Before I could go any further, she felt the need to enlighten me about a few things.
“I fuck with women, but femmes only. I don’t do studs. It defeats the purpose of being with a woman.”
“Aw, shit,” I heard Nessa say, predicting the conversation was headed for a sharp turn.
“What do you mean, it defeats the purpose?” I asked in self-defense, as well as out of curiosity. I sat up a little straighter and folded my hands in my lap, waiting for her to tell me.
“It just does, for me, anyway. I don’t see myself ever being with a man again, so why would I want a woman who dressed like one to remind me of that? I mean, if you have to pretend to be something you’re not just to get a woman’s attention, then evidently you’re confused about your own identity.”
I sat still, listening to Deja, who was even sexier when she spoke. Luckily, there were no guys around, because if there had been, we wouldn’t have been able to carry on this heated discussion.
“Oh, hell. She about to go deep on you, Sand,” Nessa said jokingly, cautioning me before I could dig myself into a deeper hole.
“Well, Mama, I can understand where you comin’ from, but I really don’t agree with that. Have you ever tried looking at it from another angle?”
“What you mean, another angle? I don’t look at the sideshows. I watch the main event,” Deja replied.
Nessa started laughing. “I told you, Sand. Don’t do it. She’ll skin you alive.”
I shifted my position in my seat. “I’m saying, have you ever looked at it another way? Like in someone else’s shoes?”
“No, I haven’t had to.”
“Has it crossed your mind that if someone was born a woman but dressed like a man, they did it because that’s the way they viewed themselves? I mean, I can see how you could have formed your opinion on the matter, but not all studs view themselves as women trying to be men. Some of us feel like we are men trapped in women’s bodies.”
Deja sat down in one of the nearby barber chairs. She was still facing me, and I had not removed my eyes from her. She had me caught up in her love spell.
Nessa was just tuning in and braiding at the same time so she could be finished before her other scheduled clients arrived.
“So, are you telling me”—Deja took a breath—“that you feel like a man trapped in a woman’s body?”
I normally didn’t discuss my personal life with a stranger, but this was an exception. Somebody had to open baby girl’s mind up a little bit more, and I just felt that me being the one could be considered a privilege.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
She stood up, walked over to the vending machine, and retrieved a Diet Dr Pepper. “So you believe it’s something like a birth defect?”
“If that’s the way you wanna put it, yeah.”
She sat back down in the chair and took a sip of her soda. “Hmm,” she said, jerking her head back, pondering all she had just been told. “That’s something . . . a birth defect. I never looked at it like that.”
I suddenly remembered that I was pressed for time. I had a grand opening to get ready for. “Well, you can’t be in the game and not know everyone’s position,” I said and winked.
She looked at me crazily. “I thought I needed only to know mine.”
“No, ma’am. Not when you’re on the same team,” I replied.
She suddenly got quiet, and all you could hear was the boom box Nessa had on, which was playing one of Keyshia Cole’s latest hits. “I should’ve cheated. . . ,” the singer lamented.
“All finished,” Nessa said, turning me back around in the chair so that I faced the wall mirror. I loved the style before I could even see it all the way. She had hooked me up. She had done small-sectioned zigzag braids at the top, Iversons on the sides, and straight braids at the back, with black and green beads dangling from the ends to match the hunter-green and black camouflage pants and black muscle tee I wore. She’d sprayed me down with oil sheen. I had the diamond studs in my ears that Rene had gotten me for graduation, and they were shining. The reflection in the mirror was gleaming in Deja’s face.
“Damn, this is tight.” I used the handheld mirror to check out the back.
“I know this.” Nessa laughed, pointing to herself. “I’m that bad bitch.” She sang along with the song that was now playing on the radio. I thought the cat’s name was Webbie.
I peeled off a fresh and crisp big face. “Will this do it?” I asked, handing her the one-hundred-dollar bill.
“Fo’ sho.” She tucked the bill into her bra, as usual.
“I’ma see you tonight, right?” I asked her.
She stood behind me and removed the cape. “Yes, Nessa will be in the house. I already worked out my arrangements with my baby daddy, so I will be there, getting loose.”
“Uh, not getting loose,” I teased.
“Yes, loose, baby. Like this.” Nessa danced to the music, rotating her butt and backin’ it up. She was crazy.
Deja walked up to me. “Nessa, I like that.” She was looking me over, and even though she was behind me, checking out the artwork on the back, I could feel her eyes in other places. “So, who’s Rene?” She was now looking at the beautiful woman whose face was tatted on my upper left arm, with “Rene” written below it.
“My girlfriend,” I answered proudly.
“She’s pretty.”
“Thank you. Well, I gotta be going, Nessa.”
Nessa was sweeping the floor, picking up the hair she had clipped off. It looked like a chunk, but my shit was still down to my shoulders.
“Come on, Deja, so I can bump your hair,” Nessa said.
Deja brushed past me and flopped down in the seat that I had warmed up. “Sand, I want you to know that I heard everything you were saying earlier. No hard feelings, right?”
“Oh, none at all.”
Deja showed me that Colgate smile again.
I smiled back. “See you sexy ladies tonight,” I said, and then I headed out the front door. I had to get back on schedule. I had a lot of shit I needed to do before nightfall.
Today was the big day. So far everything was working out according to plan, and even the weather was in my favor. I rode down the streets of Pleasant Grove, heading home. I needed to make some calls and drop some clothes off at Smith’s.
I pulled up to the apartments and Rene’s car was not parked in the usual spot. It was gone. The apartment felt empty the instant I stepped inside. There was a note on the dining room table. It was from Rene. I picked it up and began to read.
To Sand:
How could you? I thought I meant everything to you. How could you do me like this? As much as it hurts me to write this, I realize now this letter was long overdue. All these years, all these years, Sand, I thought we knew each other. Knew what each other wanted and desired. Evidently, we both were wrong.
I let you raise me into something that I’m not and would never be, but because I loved you, I couldn’t leave. I loved you as a person and for who you were inside, but you took advantage of my vulnerability and kindness. My mistake was that I didn’t recognize it in the very beginning. I opened up to you. I shared everything with you. And as much as I pretended along with you to be what I knew all along I wasn’t, you still managed to hurt me. You were a selfish lover at that, while I shared my inner soul.
Well, it’s too late now. I knew there was something missing in our relationship all along. Trust. I found myself someone new. Yes, Sand, someone that I can share lovemaking with, instead of feeling like a damn kitchen appliance that only gets used when someone needs a quick fix.
That’s all I have to say. Have a good life, and thank you for making my transition into my new life so much easier. Good-bye . . . forever.
Rene
P.S. I met her. I hope you two are happy together.
Sand
What did she mean, her transition into her new life? And what she mean when she said she fe
lt like a kitchen appliance? She was truly trying to crush me, and her mission was almost accomplished. Rene needed to know that I had never loved any other woman except for her. She was all I needed. I had fucked up. I admitted it. That was a mistake. I had known that eventually the shit would come back around on me some kind of way. I had known that I would not get off scot-free. I could fess up to my mistake. If I could only talk to Rene, I’d admit to all the wrong shit that I had ever done. I couldn’t let her leave me like this.
I began to feel a void in my heart just from reading the letter she had written. The words began to sink in more. She had hit me hard, and it hurt like hell. I balled up the piece of paper and chucked it in the trash. I headed to the bedroom and checked the drawers. Most of her things were gone. I checked the bathroom. Her toothbrush, makeup bags, and perfumes, which were normally on the counter, were also gone. Rene had left me.
I knew she had to be at Shun’s house. I searched the caller ID on Rene’s phone. There were no phone numbers that I recognized off the bat. If I knew Rene like I thought I did, her homegirl would have been the first person she called before she walked out the door, especially since I had her cell phone. That was, if Shun hadn’t been here with her, helping her pack up her shit. I took my chances and hit the redial button on the receiver, hoping it would direct me to where she was. A little boy answered after the third ring. It was Jo Jo, Shun’s oldest boy.
“Is Rene there?” I asked as soon as he said hello. I could hear loud noises in the background.
“My aunt Rene not here.”
I could hear Shun’s big-ass mouth also, hollering over the television. “Jo Jo, who that on the phone!”
“My mama said, ‘Who calling?’”
“Tell her to come to the phone, li’l man.”
“Mama, somebody want you. They said to come to the phone.”
I could hear Shun’s voice getting closer and closer. “Clean up this damn house and get y’all’s black asses off that damn video game before I throw it in the trash. It don’t make no sense, my house looking like this! Hello.”
