by Ryan, Lexi
And leave her alone and jobless to raise the child? “I didn’t say that. You have to admit that, given the timing, I have a right to ask questions.”
There’s a scrape in the lock. The door swings open and Ava walks in, her face drawn tight. She was so happy when she left here this morning. So was I.
She looks at me and then the phone in my hand.
Molly exhales heavily. “I need to go. I’m not going to talk about this anymore.”
I open my mouth to object, but the call ends before I can say a word. I take the phone from my ear and stare at it.
“Who was that?” Ava asks.
The anger in her eyes feels like a punch in the gut. “Molly.”
She nods and turns away, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “So have you known all this time about her kid, or was it a surprise to you, too?”
I toss my phone onto the coffee table. That call was supposed to give me answers and make me feel better. It did neither. “I found out when you did.”
She rubs her arms. “I should have realized something was going on when I saw how much the news affected you.” She laughs. “I thought you just felt sorry for me. Poor Ava has such a screwed-up relationship with her sister that she didn’t even know she had a nephew.” She tosses her purse on the couch and paces between the front door and the kitchen. “But the joke’s on me, because you fucked my sister nine months before she had this secret baby.”
Everything inside me feels like it locks up at those words. “Who told you that?”
“Harrison.” She stops pacing, her back to me, and releases a sardonic laugh. “God, you’d think I’d get to learn something like that from someone other than my ex-husband, but no. What fun would that be?” She turns slowly and meets my eyes. “And you can’t deny it, can you?”
I swallow, but the lump in my throat refuses to budge. Standing, I cross to Ava and take her hands in mine. “I was upset that you’d rejected me. I was drinking, and she was there and . . . it was one night.”
She tugs her hands away. “One night is all it takes. One night was all it took for Harrison to ruin our marriage, and one night was all it took for you to give Molly a baby.”
“Don’t compare me to him. I was with Molly after you shut me down and sent me away. I would never cheat on you. I wouldn’t betray you like that.”
“And yet you’ve had five years to tell me that you slept with my stepsister, and you’ve never said a word.”
“I’m sorry. I swear I didn’t know about Noah. Molly never told me she was pregnant or that she had a kid.” I turn up my palms. “I still don’t know anything, honestly. She didn’t want to talk about it. She said he wasn’t mine, but . . .” But she wasn’t very convincing. “Ava, we’ll figure this out together. I promise.”
She wraps her arms around herself. “Do you know why I realized I couldn’t let you give me a baby?”
My jaw hardens. “I like to think it was because you loved me and wanted more than my sperm.”
She shakes her head. “No. That’s not why.”
“Why?” The word is raw, just like every inch of my heart.
“Because I know you, Jake. I know that you do the right thing. If I’d gotten pregnant, you would have been right there by my side, helping, and fathering, whether that was the life you wanted or not. I know you’ll do the same now for Molly and Noah.”
“She said he’s not mine.” I’m desperate. Panic and confusion twist inside me like snapping fuses creeping toward an ugly explosion.
“Do you believe her? She’s kept this child a secret from everyone for four years, and you’re going to believe he’s not yours just because she said so on the phone?” She studies me, and her expression falters. “You don’t believe it. I see it in your eyes. You think she was lying to you.”
I close my eyes. A few days ago, the only child on the horizon was the one I might make with Ava, and now I’m contemplating the logistics of making Molly do a paternity test on her son. “I don’t know what to think.”
“I can’t see you anymore.”
At first, I’m not sure I heard her right, and then once the words register, they hit me like a sledgehammer right to the chest. It’s a wonder I’m still standing. “Don’t say that.”
“I can’t work at the bar anymore either. I can’t do any of it. You have shit to figure out, and so do I.”
“So we’ll figure it out together.”
“We aren’t any good for each other.” The words vault out of her like rocks thrown at a window. I crack at the impact.
“You’re angry and confused right now, but we’re going to figure this out.”
She nods, her face pale. “I know you will, but not with me. I’m sorry.”
I reach for her, and she steps away, dodging my touch. I don’t have much of a temper, but the little I do have is brewing like a dark storm in my chest.
I can’t lose you.
When she looks up at me, there are tears rolling down her cheeks. “I think you’re amazing.”
Shit. I shake my head, my desperation and panic morphing into anger. “Are we beginning the it’s not you, it’s me conversation? Because I’m really not in the mood to hear that bullshit right now.”
She holds up a hand. “Let me finish.”
I force myself to take a deep breath.
“Thinking about you touching her makes me want to crawl out of my skin.” She shakes her head and squeezes her eyes shut. “Maybe I can get over that eventually. I don’t know. But I do know that I can’t be the second family. I already told you that. I can’t, Jake.”
I’m not even sure where to start. She just carved out my guts. Am I supposed to be empathetic? I understand how hard her teenage years were on her—living with her asshole father and being made to feel like she was a guest in his home. To nod along while she throws me into a category with the man who cheated on her and confirmed all her insecurities? “Do not compare me to the two worst men in your life.” My words snap with anger and desperation. “You’ve never been second to me, and you never will be.”
She shakes her head and presses a hand to her stomach. “I can’t be second, and I can’t be the reason you don’t do what you know is right.” She steps around me and grabs her purse, heading for the door.
“I would never hurt you like they did.”
“You already did.”
Those words hit me center mass and take the fight from me. I already did. “Don’t go. Don’t leave like this.”
She stops with her hand on the knob and looks over her shoulder. “I have to.”
The door closes with a quiet thunk, and I feel like she just buried me alive. What am I supposed to do with all this anger and frustration and helplessness clawing at my chest?
I walk to the window and watch the sidewalk until Ava appears and walks away. I prop my hands on my head, as if that might give my lungs the room they need to expand when they’re being compressed by all this shit.
It doesn’t work. I want to run after her and demand that she undo what she just did. I want to drop to my knees and beg her to stay.
But I can’t do that until I talk to Molly, and I know now that the conversation we need to have isn’t one we can have on the phone.
I need to go to New York and find out if I have a son.
Ava
“More ice cream?” Ellie offers me the tub of chunky monkey peanut butter something-or-other. “Or more vodka?”
I push away the carton and groan, rubbing my stomach. “God, I can’t. There’s no more room.”
I called her when I left Jake’s apartment, and she met me at my house. After I tearfully confessed everything leading up to and including my breakup with Jake, we spent the entire day binge-watching old Grey’s Anatomy episodes and eating comfort food.
Her gaze drops to my hand, and she frowns. “What happens if you’re pregnant?”
The word makes my chest twinge, but I shake my head. “I won’t be. I tried to get pregnant for two years wi
th Harrison and never managed. It’s pretty unlikely that one weekend with Jake is going to leave me knocked up.”
“But what if it did?” Ellie asks softly. She’s been really good about listening and not sharing her opinion today, so I’m unreasonably irritated that she’s pushing this.
“Then I’d have a baby and wouldn’t need to pay a fertility clinic.” I pull my feet onto the couch and wrap my arms around my legs. “I’ll never see a child as a mistake, Ell. No matter what.”
Her expression softens. “Of course you wouldn’t. I just mean Jake would want to be part of the kid’s life too, right?”
I swallow hard and look away. When did my life turn so dramatic? Molly has a baby she didn’t tell anyone about that might be Jake’s, and I had unprotected sex with Jake and might be carrying his child. “I guess I’ll cross that bridge if I get to it.”
She leans her head on my shoulder. “Give yourself time to hurt, to be angry, but then talk to him. You can’t cut Jake from your life. You love him.”
“He broke my heart,” I whisper. “The night they slept together, I was trying to decide if I should give Harrison his ring back so I could try being with Jake. I was ready to flip my life on its head, and he was jumping in bed with Molly. That makes me feel like a fool.”
“But he came to you first, right? He was drunk and upset, and that’s the only reason he ended up with her.”
I nudge her shoulder and scowl at her. “I’m not ready for you to defend him yet.”
She nods. “Right. He’s a jackass who did a bad thing. It’s true. We don’t need to discuss the nuances of his choices for at least a couple more days.”
I reach for my water and take a sip. “Thanks.”
“Have you called Molly?” Ellie asks. “Maybe you’d feel better if you heard about the kid from her.”
I shake my head. “I’m pretty mad at her, too.”
“For sleeping with Jake, or for keeping her son a secret from you?”
“Both,” I whisper. I thought I was done crying, but hot tears prick the backs of my eyes again. “But mostly, I’m angry because it hurts to know she already has what I might never have. And that might mean she gets Jake, too.”
Jake
When I texted Brayden to see if we could talk, he said he was at Ethan’s having coffee with Mom. I find them at the kitchen table and kiss Mom on the forehead before pulling out a chair to join them.
“Where’s Ava this morning?” Mom asks. She looks good today. There’s color in her cheeks, and a light in her eyes that, a short month ago, I was afraid was being snuffed out.
“She’s at home.” It’s only a half-lie. Ava is likely at home, but I don’t know that for a fact, since she still isn’t talking to me. I don’t want to worry Mom with our breakup. Not when I’m still clinging to the hope that I can fix this mess somehow.
Mom nods. “Well, I sure enjoyed having her with us at the cabin again. It was like old times.” She pushes out of her chair and grabs her crutches. Brayden and I both stand at once to help, but she waves us away. “I’m going to go read for a bit and let you boys talk business. You’re making your father’s dreams come true.”
We watch her leave, neither of us bothering to sit again once she’s disappeared into the apartment behind Ethan’s garage.
“I need you guys to cover the bar for me for a couple of days,” I say when we’re alone. “I need to take a trip.”
“No problem. Is everything okay?”
I shake my head. My world is in shambles and he asks me if everything’s okay. “It will be.” I sound more confident than I feel.
Brayden walks over to the coffee pot and refills his cup. “Did you talk to Molly?”
I draw in a breath. “Yeah. I called her this morning.” When he looks at me expectantly, I shake my head. “Was Levi serious? Did something happen between you and Molly when you went up there?”
Brayden takes a sip from his mug and seems to ponder this. “I’m usually more professional than that, but we’d had a long day and a few drinks with dinner. One thing led to another. She’s stunning, you know. Not just beautiful but . . .” He shakes his head. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell me about the kid. Is it true?”
Guilt sits heavily on my chest. I hate this. It doesn’t bother me that Brayden slept with a woman I had a drunken night with, but I don’t think he’ll feel the same. “I called her this morning, and Noah is her son. I don’t know who the father is, though, and she wouldn’t tell me. I’m going to go up there and see if I can get more out of her in person.”
He makes a face. “Why do you care who the kid’s father is?”
“I need to know.”
“But why—” I see the moment it clicks for him, and he blinks at me. “Fucking hell, Jake. You slept with her?”
“It was one night.” I wait a beat, then force myself to say the rest. “One night in August five years ago.” I can practically see him doing the math in his head, and he closes his eyes. His mug clangs as he slams it on the counter.
“I’m sorry. The kid came as a shock to me too, and—”
“Stop talking.”
“I don’t even know if he’s my—”
His fist connects with my jaw. The right side of my face explodes with pain, and I grab it.
“Go be a fucking man and take care of your kid.” He storms out of the house, and I let him. There’s nothing else to say.
When he’s gone, I grab a bag of peas from Ethan’s freezer, press it against my jaw, and pull out my phone to book my flight.
The sun is setting when I knock on the door to Molly’s Brooklyn apartment. I close my eyes. Every step that got me here has felt like autopilot, and my brain hasn’t stopped spinning. When Molly asked me not to tell Ava about our night together, I thought it was because she didn’t want to hurt her relationship with her stepsister. Now, I see her request for secrecy in an entirely different light. Why didn’t she tell me she was pregnant? Even if she was sleeping with someone else at the time, there’s a chance the kid could be mine. Why didn’t she tell me she might have had my fucking baby?
Her reasons don’t matter. Ava’s right. At the end of the day, if I have a kid out there, I’m going to be part of his life. So here I am. Because I might have a child. Because this is the right thing to do.
Molly opens the door, and her brow wrinkles in confusion as she looks at me. “What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk.”
She lifts onto her tiptoes and looks over my shoulder. “Where’s Ava?”
“She’s at home. She broke up with me and won’t answer my calls, so bringing her along would’ve been tricky.” I sound pissed, like all this is Molly’s fault, when it’s not. Some of it is, sure. But if this kid is mine, I have to own up to the part I played in that. What a mess.
“Broke up with you? Does that mean you two finally got together?”
“Yeah. Briefly. Until she found out about my night with you and your son within a couple of days of each other.”
“Mommy?”
My chest clutches so hard and tight at the little boy’s voice. I brace myself on the doorframe. I’m not sure I believed he existed. Don’t think too much. Just do the next right thing.
Molly looks over her shoulder and calls into the apartment, “Noah, honey, Mommy will be back in a minute. I need to speak with someone in the hall. You can watch cartoons.”
“Even Pider-Man?” he calls back.
“Even Spider-Man,” Molly says.
I feel like the floor has disappeared from beneath my feet.
Molly steps out of her apartment, and I move out of the way so she can shut her door. She tilts her head to the side and studies my face. “You didn’t need to come. I’m sorry about you and Ava, but like I told you on the phone, this has nothing to do with you.”
I stare at the apartment door, thinking of the little voice from inside. “You didn’t give me much reason to believe you.”
When I look back at Mo
lly, her eyes are wide. “Reason? You need a reason? He’s not your kid. Be happy. You’re off the hook. You and Ava can live happily ever after.”
“Then whose is he?”
“He’s mine.” It’s gotta be pushing ninety out here in the corridor, but her words have the bite of the winter wind.
“Who is the father, Molly?”
She meets my gaze with fiery eyes. “I don’t owe you this. I don’t owe you anything.”
“Do a DNA test, then. Prove to me he’s not mine. I can’t walk away until I know.”
She throws up her arms. “You want to waste your money like that, then why not? Must be nice to have cash to throw down the drain.” She waits a beat, then says, “You seriously don’t remember?”
“Remember what?”
“Jake, the night we were together, we didn’t even have sex. We were both drunk, but you were toasted out of your mind. When we went up to your apartment, I thought we were headed for your bed, but instead . . .” Her shoulders sag as she exhales. “We messed around for a while, then you stopped us. You said Ava wouldn’t forgive you.” She holds my gaze as she says this. “Noah can’t be yours because you and I never slept together.”
There’s a special place in hell for assholes like me, because I’m swamped with nothing but relief. I don’t have a kid with Molly. Her little boy isn’t mine.
Please let this be true.
Her eyes are pleading. “Now would you please forget you know anything about this?”
“I don’t understand. If you weren’t keeping this baby a secret to protect me, then who . . .”
She laughs, but her eyes fill with tears. “You really think I’d have been hiding in New York if I’d had a Jackson’s baby?” She clutches her stomach, and I can’t decide if she’s trying to hold in a belly laugh or if she thinks she might be sick. Tears spill onto her cheeks, and she wipes them away. “Will you please leave?”
“Whose is he? I’m not walking away until you tell me.” Ava won’t believe me until I have an answer to that question.
“I can’t.” Her voice is hard, brittle at the edges, her words faltering. “It doesn’t matter.”
