I think about our mother, remembering how my father would grab me by the hair and shove me against the wall in the clubhouse where a piece of metal stuck out. He’d slam me against it to make me bleed, telling me I’d better never act like my slut of a mother.
I close my eyes, imagining her. She was as trapped as I was and one day, she just vanished, like a ghost in thin air. Only I was still there, and that was even more terrifying. She took the brunt of my father’s wrath. My brother didn’t turn into his protégé until after she left, raising his fist to me, making me feel weak in whatever way he could. She’s been gone for a couple of years now, each day getting progressively worse.
The flick of a lighter brings me back to my present. I know the sound of metal rubbing together to spark a small flame. His grimy hands grab my face, yanking me forward. A popping sensation flows through my neck and I know it isn’t good. I’ve just pulled something, but there’s no way to tell what it is. My father kneels down to my eye level and speaks to me, “Tsk. What trouble you’ve caused us, Ivy.”
His black eyes glower down at me, darker than I remember. He yanks the rope he put around my neck a few days ago, right before he sent that video to Kade. It makes me sick to even think about it. How he’s using his own daughter to bait the Reapers into a trap. I look down for a second, the word ‘traitor’ marking my skin.
I remain kneeling in front of him, keeping my silence. “If you were a smart girl, you might apologize for what you’ve done. After all, you fucked up.”
I shake my head to the left and the right with no intention of ever apologizing to him again. “I won’t apologize because I’ve done nothing wrong.” Before I even spit out my enraged words, he shoves the lighter against the top of my shoulder, causing me to scream out in agony. I’m surrounded by the stench of my flesh burning, dying with every moment the flame is pressed against my skin.
“Now, tell me that again. How have you done nothing wrong, girl? You’ve broken every rule I’ve set for you. You fuckin’ left your family. Meanwhile, you didn’t just leave. You’ve been shackin’ up with one of the Reapers!” The quick slap of a hand against my face rocks me. It makes me realize at that moment, the only thing I’ve ever felt from him is pain.
Agony. Despair. Misery. Torment. These are all things that my father has caused me. Each and every one of them is all too familiar.
“Our home is a prison, one I’ve been trapped behind the gates of!” I scream at him, not backing down from my truth. He moves the flame a bit lower, burning unharmed skin. I clench my teeth and try to not show him how he is affecting me, but it’s no use. He wants to harm me. In fact, he’s always wanted to harm me.
“Prez. Our scouts are telling us that the Reapers are on the way. You and Connor should get out of here before shit goes down,” one of my father’s minions shouts. I hold my scoff in, of course, they’d want to protect their cult leader and my lovely brother.
My father turns his head over his shoulder, “I need ten minutes. Keep them away until then. Can you do that?”
I can’t see the body of whomever he’s speaking to. There are so many of them these days, I can’t keep track.
Turning his head back in my direction, he looks to my brother. “Connor, give me your knife. We won’t let your sister ever forget what she is.”
He takes the lighter from my skin and tosses it on the floor below him. Connor hands him his hunting knife. I take a good look at it, knowing it’s the same one that he uses to skin the hides of elk that he kills.
Before I even realize what is happening, the blade is in my skin, being directed downward. I think my father is done with his cut when it happens again. It’s as if I am being ripped apart. My skin is being separated, and blood oozes down the rest of my arm. I make the mistake of glancing down, the crimson red color reaching the bottom of my fingertips.
I don’t notice my brother on my opposite side until the same agonizing pain floods through the left side of my body. Blades slice me apart and I’m not quite sure what their prerogative is, other than to cause me even more pain. The rope tightens around my neck, and my worst fears become a reality. Are they trying to kill me?
I focus my breathing in and out, clenching my hand into a fist trying my best to distract myself. I don’t want to give these two the satisfaction of seeing me pass out. I know it’s what they want, and no matter how hard I try . . . none of it matters as my body decides to call a time out and everything goes black.
“Ivy?”
It’s Kade’s voice, but I know I have to be mistaken. There’s no way I’m hearing him. I’m in the Bears clubhouse . . . or was it all a dream? Cool liquid rushes over my face, causing me to cough. I stretch my arm out, reaching for him but as I do an indescribable pain floods over me. A scream unlike any other that has passed my lips comes rushing out.
Fluttering my eyes, I open them to Kade kneeling beside me. His hand is on the top of my forehead, a worry-stricken look crossing his face. If I’m not losing my mind, he may even have tears sliding from the corner of his eyes. “Thank fuck, you’re s-still alive,” he mutters, choking mid-way through his sentence.
An older man with a long beard is standing behind him, looking nothing but disappointed. This must be Fist, and fuck my life for having to meet him this way. The way he’s looking at me doesn’t make me feel like he sees a woman who’s been through hell. No, instead . . . he sees the enemy. This was my worst fear when we started dating, that I’d be viewed as the enemy and nothing more.
“Where’s that fuckin’ first aid kit?” Kade roars out.
Turning my head to the right, more of the Reapers come in. A bulky, built man approaches. He has dark eyes with a thick black beard. He opens the kit and I watch as the two of them make a concerned face.
The bearded man pulls out a small bottle of alcohol and a tiny pack of wipes. “There’s no way we’re going to be able to disinfect every cut on her body with this.”
Now, I muster up the courage to glance down, and nothing but dried blood mixed with fresh. From my shoulder to the top of my foot, I am carved like a pumpkin. “Jesus . . .” I gasp out, trying to hold back my tears.
Kade grabs my hand, giving me a good squeeze. I’m silently thanking God that he didn’t grab the hand Connor stepped on. Thinking of that, I bring my left hand to my face and it’s covered in purple and blue.
“We need more disinfectant, Dad,” Kade tells Fist. “I can’t leave her.”
He nods once. “Understood. There has to be some alcohol in this joint. Brandy. Vodka. Somethin’?”
“Check in the bar. They hide the good stuff in a compartment under the fridge,” I say, closing my eyes. My entire body feels as if I’ve been put inside a food processor.
“Alright.” The bearded man walks off and leaves us alone with Fist, who keeps staring at me like I am the devil himself.
Kade glances up and down my body repeatedly. Meanwhile, I’m shocked I even have some sort of bra or underwear on. Who knows when they stopped cutting me, but in a way, I am relieved that I passed out during it. I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of showing them how much they hurt me, so maybe passing out is a blessing.
“I want to stand you up. I know you hurt, baby. I just know there are cuts on your back from the blood spilled on the floor . . . and it can’t be clean.”
I nod, positioning my hand under me. Kade goes to grab my forearm, but I pull my arm back. “The cuts are everywhere.”
“Alright.” He takes a step back, standing up but leaning his body down toward me, in case I need to use him to help me. I place my hand on his shoulder and move forward with him, but as I move, the pain grows exponentially worse. It feels like my entire body is being held together by one shred of skin.
My feet fall out from under me but Kade is quick to grab me. His embrace normally gives me the most comfort in the world, but today it is an immeasurable amount of agony. Even so, I know it can’t get any worse from here. In this moment of the purest pain, I kn
ow things will get better.
There’s something Kade told me once and he whispers it again, holding me together in his arms. “In the dark is where we find the purest light.”
Chapter One
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide to not be reduced by them.”
~ Maya Angelou
Ivy
Present Day
“You doin’ alright, babycakes? Look like you just saw a ghost,” Raven, my co-worker, and fellow bartender says to me.
She’s in her mid-twenties, a short little thing, who can’t be more than five foot two with an exotic blue hue in her hair. I work in a bar in Billings. Not the same one I was working at before my father and brother took me. After a much-needed couple weeks of rest and rejuvenation, Kade suggested I do something to get out of the club. I was struggling to take a step out of our bedroom, so how was I supposed to be ready to go out in the open after everything I’d been through?
The answer was simple. I wasn’t supposed to be ready. In reality, I wasn’t supposed to be anywhere close to going into town and getting a job. His suggestion was sweet, telling me to get out for a day and that he’d go with me. He did, and when I walked into this bar all by myself and applied for a job, I think he shit himself.
I knew I couldn’t just wallow in that room for the rest of my days. I was either going to get out and move forward, or sit in that room and never want to see another soul ever again. I chose life, and to not live in my horrors.
I smile, wiping the inside of a pint glass after it’s just come from the kitchen. We make sure they’re dry before ever putting them up. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just got stuck in my head for a minute.”
“Oh, yeah! Stuck in that big noggin’ of yours. What were you doing, thinking about getting stuck somewhere else, huh?” She adds a wink at the end, failing miserably at her sexual innuendos.
I hated Raven at first, and I mean . . . I loathed her. I don’t really think it was her, though. It was merely the fact that everything in the outside world was a bit too much for me at first. I didn’t ease my way into the freezing cold waters, so to speak. Instead, I took a fucking nose dive. Mentally and emotionally, I just wasn’t prepared. Things have gotten a bit easier day by day, and I’ve come to like my new friend.
“God, you’re such a perv.”
“Oh, come on. I’m so not a perv. I’m the woman who gets the least amount of action in this joint. You have this hot biker of a boyfriend and you should be riding him like a bull every night!”
“There is a guy at the club named Bull that I’m sure would let you ride him.” I’m pretty sure he’s single. Raven looks like the girl who would be his type, but he and I haven’t spoken too much. He’s quiet and I’m well . . . reserved.
She shakes her head, “I’m not into mammals. I have a thing for birds.” Raven told me how a few weeks ago, she met this guy named Hawk. Apparently, he came by with a couple of bikers from the Reapers. She’s been thinking about him ever since. Kade told me a few of the guys went down to Las Vegas to start up the new charter. Hawk is one of them.
“I forgot you’re hung up on the guy you’ve only met once.” I feign, cackling at the end.
Raven smacks me on the back of the shoulder. “Don’t be such a dick, Ivy. You’re not one to judge. I know you must’ve seen that fine piece of ass come into the bar you were workin’ at and just knew.”
She isn’t wrong. I think part of me did just know, and it’s how Kade and I started. He was a bit of a relentless bastard coming back around a few times a week just to see me.
“So, what’s the plan? Hmm?”
“I’m going to sit my pert little ass here at this bar until he comes rolling back around. He won’t be in Vegas forever, will he?” She looks at me with conflicting eyes, and I think she knows I don’t have the answer.
All Raven knows about me is that I’m dating Kade, and that Fist doesn’t exactly like me because he’s not a fan of my father. Explaining any further would mean I have to go into the gritty details and honestly, I don’t want to do that.
I shrug my shoulders. “I’m not really sure. I’ve never met Hawk, and all I know is that he went down to get the new charter started. Kade hasn’t said anything to me about him coming back up, girl.” I give her a half smile, wishing I had better news for her.
Her douche bag of an ex is the bar manager here and gives her shit every day. She was dating him a few weeks back, and finally got the courage to tell his sorry ass to fuck off. He even threatened to fire her, but she made sure that bastard would be sued for wrongful termination. In the lovely state of Montana, you have to give a reason for terminating someone. There’s no way CJ would’ve been able to come up with a way to terminate her legally. He’d make up some bogus shit to try to get her out the door.
“Well, if your man ever talks to him, make sure he passes along a message that Raven says hi.” Throughout her words, I can hear the hopefulness in her voice.
She’s looking for something more with Hawk. I’m not exactly sure what it is. Is it a quick fuck to get all her bad boyfriends out of her system, or is she looking for something real? The only issue with the latter is that it’s hard finding anything real these days. It’s why I consider myself lucky when it comes to Kade. He could’ve stopped any moment, could’ve chosen to walk away after he found out my identity, but he didn’t. He kept insisting that we could make this work, and while it isn’t easy, we’re both putting in the effort.
I set the glass down, picking up another and do the same. “I sure will.”
“Weed!” I turn my head to the other direction of the bar and see one of our resident drunks, err . . . I mean patrons, Marty. Whenever he gets to be three sheets to the wind, he decides to call us nicknames based off our names. I’m Weed and Raven is re-named Crow. “I need another . . .” He looks down to his glass and slurs out something.
“Jesus. It’s only ten and he’s already this shitfaced?” Raven murmurs next to me lowly.
“Sure thing, Marty!” I call back over. Raven looks at me like I’ve lost my damn mind and meanwhile, I take the glass I have in my hand and put it under the sink, pouring water in it.
She narrows her eyes, “No way. You’re not going to try to fool him, are you?”
“He’s too drunk to even notice. Watch.”
I walk over to the end of the bar and put it in front of him. “Here’s a nice, light draft for ya. Drink this and I’ll get you another. In the meantime, I’ll get you some chili cheese fries. Okay?”
“I l-like you m-more than Crow!” he shouts out.
The other customers around him look at him like he’s senile, but they’ve been in this state before. They’d best not be judging him for having a bad night. Marty tends to have a few bad nights, though.
Walking up to the kitchen, I call out to Frank. “Can you get an order of chili cheese fries up for Marty? He needs something in his stomach to help with the drinks he’s had tonight.”
“Who’s gonna pay for them? You again?” The judgment in his voice is clear.
I don’t know why I take pity on Marty, but I do. He’s a local in town and since I’ve been here, I’ve heard all the stories. His wife died about ten years ago and left him widowed with a small child. Leukemia took her three years ago, and he’s been lost ever since. If you ask me, he’s been through a world full of pain and it can’t hurt anything to be kind to him.
I cough, strumming up my serious tone. “Yes, if I have to, I will. Now, fuck off and make him some food.”
The front door comes open with a creak, and I turn my head to see Kade walk in. He takes off his helmet and gives me a smile before stepping up to the bar and leaning over it, puckering his fine lips in my direction. I take a few steps and meet mine with his own. “Having a good night?” he asks, pulling away.
“Have you taken a look around here, smalls? It’s as dead as a ghost town!”
“I’m beginning to think you two forget that Halloween
is tonight. Everyone is out Trick or Treating with their kids.”
Raven huffs, “Dammit! I want some candy.”
Kade digs into his jacket and throws her some sort of chocolate bar.
“You’re my favorite biker.” She smiles widely, tearing it open.
“Oh, alright. So, I should tell Hawk that the next time I talk to him?” Kade raises his eyebrows, clearly fucking with her.
Her mouth snaps shut, eyes widening before she can come up with some smartass remark.
“She might kill you if you tell him that,” I say, seeing her nod away.
Kade snickers, taking a seat on the barstool in front of me. He looks right at Raven, “I did talk to him today. He wanted me to tell the ‘cute bartender’ hi.”
Raven’s eyebrows shoot up, “Uh . . . he said I was cute?” She darts over to us and immediately starts questioning Kade.
The bell from the kitchen counter goes off, signaling me that the fries are ready. I turn around and grab them off the metal window, taking them over to Marty. “Can I have another beer? This one was really g-good!” He says a little bit more afterward, but I can’t quite make it out. Instead, I grab the pint and sit the fries down.
“Sure thing, go ahead and eat a few and I’ll be right back.” I walk down to the middle of the bar by the drafts and fill the pint up again with water, taking it back over to Marty and sit it in front of him.
Raven and Kade are still chatting up a storm, so I walk over. Kade looks at his watch. “You two are supposed to be out of here by now, and you’re babysitting Marty? Are you paying for his food again, babe?” Kade looks at me with the same judgmental gaze Frank gave me. I don’t remember when it was a crime to show a little bit of humanity every once in a while.
Chaos: A Reapers MC Boxset Page 2
