The two men were so different. Rayn’s control was a natural part of him, bred into his race over countless generations. Rayn didn’t let his control overshadow everything else in his life. He’d been able to survive without hurting others and without denying his emotions. He had built friendships, had helped others, had even loved. With a little prodding, she added with a smile.
But Kyl . . . Kyl’s control was like a beast he carried on his back—an angry, demanding, relentless beast, who could never be denied and could never allow anything or anyone else to intrude.
By the time they made camp, there was strain on Kyl’s face. Not pain, exactly, nor exhaustion, but the strain of effort, as if he were carrying a huge burden. Was the beast getting to him? Silly, she thought. It was probably nothing more than the wound on his side bothering him.
“Yesterday . . . I knew what I was doing. I wasn’t in some fevered delirium. I knew exactly what I was doing to you.” His voice sounded as strained as his expression, as if he were reluctantly confessing sins to a confessor. But his eyes didn’t shy away from her. He caught her gaze, and his eyes glowed gray-blue in the soft light.
She glanced away, afraid of the rawness in his eyes and voice. “Kyl, listen to me. It’s over. Besides, nothing happened that a needle and thread can’t fix. To the Void, I’m sure I came off as asking for it.”
“No, you didn’t. If anything, you wanted me to make love to you. But that wasn’t love. Oh, aye, I do know what love is, and that wasn’t it. That was need, pure and simple, without regard for anything else. Gods know I’ve done many a reprehensible thing in my life, but never to try to take a woman . . . like that. Never, until now.” His voice was barely more than a scratch of sound.
She looked back at him. No, she hadn’t wanted to make love to him, but her denial caught in her throat at the sight of the pain of past events now plainly evident in every feature of his strong face. Sweat dampened the long strands of hair that hung over his eyes, and his lips, still parted, beckoned with a softness she had never beheld on the hard mouth, but his eyes showed her more than anything else. His gaze shifted to random points on the horizon, as if lost. She knew her own pain, her own anguish, but she couldn’t even guess at what could have happened to this man to bring him such suffering. Was this his only alternative to the harsh control he subjected himself to?
“Kyl, look at me.” When he didn’t move, she sidled closer to him, placed her hand alongside the hot skin of his cheek, and turned his face toward her. When she peered deep into his lost eyes, she wanted to cry. Instead, she continued to hold his face, smoothing the hair out of his eyes. He endured her caress, as an untamed beast might momentarily tolerate a gentle touch. This was a side of him she’d never seen before. She needed to learn more about him now, while he was vulnerable.
“Talk to me,” she whispered. “Tell me what happened to hurt you so much.”
He ringed her wrists securely and dragged her hands down.
“No.”
“I know what I’m asking, and it’s not something I ask lightly.”
“No, you don’t know what you’re asking.” His voice already was hardening with each word. “You don’t know a thing about me. All you know is that I’m a criminal of the worst kind. A raider without scruples or conscience, dealing in any cargo that will fetch a profit, including human flesh. By your own admission, you wouldn’t have shown me any more consideration than any other murderer or thief. And after the way I’ve treated you . . . no, I apologized for what I did before, and that’s that.”
She watched, as the beast that had been so close to her bolted and ran, far from her reach. His face hardened, and his mouth once again was framed by hard lines.
“So that eliminates any misplaced feelings you may have developed for me,” he continued. “What else is left? I won’t be the object of pity.”
The icy words stung her like freezing rain, and she fought to hold the tears that had been so ready to flow only a moment before. She wouldn’t cry in front of this monster. But, no, she thought. He’s not the monster he portrays himself to be. She knew it with absolute certainty.
She looked him straight in the eye. “You know damn well that what I feel isn’t pity. I don’t believe anything you just said, and I think you know that. But if you’re going to continue to let your beast rule you, then I suggest that when we arrive in Paradise, you get the best price for me that you can and be rid of me. Heaven forbid I interfere with your happy pursuit of the criminal life.”
His eyes narrowed. As raw and vulnerable as he’d seemed a moment ago, she now felt effectively squeezed out of any breach she might have seen in his emotional armor. “Interfere? You have no idea how much havoc you’ve already wreaked in my life. It’s well rid of you I’d be. You’re nothing but poison for the likes of me.”
Unable to stand any more of the sharp words he flung at her, she turned and strode away with as much dignity as she could muster. He didn’t come after her. By now she knew he would be seething with fury. For a few brief moments, he had allowed emotions to surface that had been buried deep for Gods knew how long, and she was the cause of it. He would blame her, of course, and would resolve to harden himself that much more against her. She fully expected the voice-keyed cuffs to be back on her wrists the next day.
Dina found a tiny windswept tree and sat down under it, wriggling into a concave spot on the ground. Long, slender roots reached out on either side of her like arms on a chair, and she hunched her knees up to her chest. She had no will left to staunch the flow of images that tumbled through her mind like flood waters. She saw him again locked in the prison of his nightmare and relived her inability to free him from it. In her mind’s eye she saw him above her, tearing at her clothes. In the torrent of images she reached out for a saving gentle touch, a word or caress that would indicate that he felt anything other than an animal need for her, but there was nothing to grab onto. Why did she care? She shouldn’t. But she did. And something inside her told her that connecting with him was the key to her survival.
She sat for a long time in her haven of dirt and roots, even as the hours chilled her to the bone, preferring the cold of the weather to Kyl’s cold stare and biting words. It occurred to her that if she stayed too long he would come for her and drag her back to camp. Then again, maybe he wouldn’t concern himself with her at all.
She chose to remain where she was, curled on the ground, and when her hands instinctively reached for the star-stone pendant, she thought about Rayn. Rayn had bandied barbed words with her, but had never treated her cruelly. Rayn had had a difficult life, too, but it hadn’t turned him into a cold, unfeeling ghost of a man. She wondered again what could have happened to Kylariz years ago. She fell asleep at last and dreamed of the desert.
She heard the flapping of great wings, like death, and there was a final moment of despair before a gentle peace settled on her. With each beat of the mighty wings, a ray of light appeared, until golden radiance filled the vision of her sight and mind, and she rejoiced.
“You’re safe now, little girl.”
She spun around, seeking the source of the words that blew through her mind like a cool breeze, and when she again faced forward, he was there. A hawk-man, with the legs and torso of a man, and the head and wings of a golden bird, blocked the light behind him.
“You came for me.”
She heard the words and was surprised to realize they were hers.
“I will always come for you, little girl.”
The golden wings extended and enfolded her, and when she reached out to touch the shiny feathers, the hawk melted away. Powerful wings shrank to tanned, muscled arms, the round hawk eyes elongated to human eyes of a clear golden-brown, and the beak rose to become a widow’s peak beneath which a face of masculine beauty and strength appeared. The man shook his head, and the remainder of the feathers blew away, revealing long
shiny hair the color of the deepest mahogany.
“Remember that, Dina.”
He leaned forward to kiss her, and the full lips infused warmth in her greater than the desert heat. Warmth, and a promise . . .
DINA AWOKE WITH a start and shuddered with the reality of the dream.
Rayn. The dream had been as real as the astral projection Rayn had shown her on Exodus. Distance was of no matter, Rayn had said to her. Was it possible after all . . .?
Her eyes fluttered open, and she realized she was covered by a blanket. But her first thoughts were of Rayn, not the man who had covered her in the night.
Rayn, come for me, please, please . . . She threw the entreaty to the heavens with as much force as she could, knowing the folly of it, but unable to stop herself.
But with each plea she felt more powerless and forlorn. The dream had been only a dream. Rayn was half a galaxy away, with no way to know where she was. She would never see him again, and the sooner she accepted the fact, the sooner her torture would end. She sat until her mind relaxed, and she forced herself to deal with the present. It would be another endless, bitter day, and she would need all of her strength to deal with the man she was with now.
So he came to me, after all. She was surprised that he had made the effort to cover her. Working the kinks out of her stiff joints, she walked back to the camp, where Kyl sat on the ground, finishing his morning meal.
“Thank you for this,” she said, holding the blanket. She figured that civility would be better than trying to ignore him.
“No one’ll want to buy you if you catch cold and have a red, runny nose.”
Was it a morbid joke, or was he serious? If he was joking, she certainly would never know it from the cold mask he showed her. When she had suggested to him that he get the best price for her and be well rid of her, she hadn’t meant it and never dreamed he would think she did. She didn’t answer, afraid he was indeed as serious as his expression suggested. She was silent after that, and again spent the grueling day accompanied only by her gloomy thoughts.
That evening they camped just outside Paradise and shared a meal of space paste while sitting on the ground. She needed to know what he meant to do with her, now, before they arrived in Paradise.
“Kyl, tell me truthfully. Do you really intend to sell me?”
He stared at her, then looked away. A muscle in his face twitched, and his gaze shifted yet again. When she thought he wouldn’t answer, he spoke. “I don’t know. What do you think?”
She pounced on his indecision and realized she needed to exploit it. She needed him to forget about selling her. She knew more than ever in her heart that she needed him for her survival.
Survival was the one thing that had been pounded into her day after day in the academy. Survival against an enemy. Survival against the odds. Survival was not giving up. Survival was taking matters into her own hands. She needed to do that now. Rayn finding her across the galaxy was an impossibility. She couldn’t put her survival hopes in that basket.
“I don’t think you’ll do it,” she said carefully. She held her breath, waiting for his reaction. She expected a laugh but prayed for more.
No laugh came. His eyes, like cuts on his face, were sharp and narrow. She tried to take it as a good sign that he hadn’t dismissed her with laughter.
“Once again, you seem to have me all figured out.”
A remnant of a memory floated up to her. Rayn had said much the same thing to her, once. She batted the memory away. And as with Rayn, she lost her patience. “Damn you! These are your games we’re playing, not mine. You’re the one who won’t talk to me, who rebuffs every well-meant word or gesture with a cold stare, a nasty reply, or a yank on the arm. Don’t you dare try to make me out the villain in all this!”
She could take no more. He had the nastiest way of making all her words backfire. She stood and turned her back on him. Think, think, think! Somehow she needed to make him care enough about her that he wouldn’t want to sell her, but trying to make an emotional connection wasn’t working. The man simply wouldn’t open up to her.
The obvious hit her, and she closed her eyes, as if that would shut away the reality of what she knew she had to do. If not an emotional connection, she would have to foster a physical relationship. She knew he wanted her. That much had been clearly evident when he’d kissed her. And as she’d noted before, he was attractive and not lacking in masculinity or sexuality. But could she do it? Could she betray Rayn like that? She wanted to find some other solution, wanted to think about the ramifications of such a decision. But there was no time. Tomorrow they’d be in Paradise. If she couldn’t convince Kyl to keep her, he’d sell her to some slave broker. A broker would perhaps take her off planet and sell her to a buyer on some world in a remote corner of the galaxy. The farther removed from Kyl, the smaller her odds of ever getting back to Glacia or B’harata. She’d never see Rayn again. Would never hold him, kiss him. She’d never again touch his mind. Survival. The word rang in her mind. If she was going to do it, it would have to be now.
Kyl spoke, shaking her from her thoughts. “Oh, I don’t make you out the villain. I’m the villain here, to be sure. I don’t hide it, and I don’t deny it. Villain I have been, villain I am, and villain I shall continue to be.” Though the words were hard, the voice was soft, but the result was more chilling than if he had ground the words at her.
Anger at him and Ror and the galaxy itself burned through her. She turned and launched herself at him, not caring if he hurt her. She used not her well trained arrest tactics on him, but simply fought with the emotion of an enraged female. She grabbed him around his neck and tried to bring him to the ground, kneeing him in his side. He tried to unpeel her arms from around his neck, but she also had a fistful of thick hair in her grip. She kneed him again, perilously close to his still healing wound, and he apparently decided enough was enough.
He executed a nerve pinch on her neck, and she dropped to the hard ground like a stone. She lay panting for a few seconds, waiting for the tingling sensation in her neck to disappear. He stood next to her, seeming to tower over her. Well, she thought, the taller they stand, the farther they fall. She whipped her leg out and performed a perfect leg sweep, catching him off guard and knocking his legs out from under him. He fell heavily to the ground beside her.
She laughed at her small victory and reached over to brush back the long strands of hair that were forever falling over his eyes. He grabbed her wrist, and she expected him to fling her away from him, but instead he simply held her and laughed with her. The sound was not cold with derision, as she might have expected, but warm and rich. His eyes narrowed with the laughter, and his white teeth flashed at her. He slid his hand up her arm and tugged gently, bringing her closer to him.
As if her body belonged to someone else, she slid on top of him and kissed his mouth, softly at first, still unsure of herself and him. She felt him shudder, and it was as if something deep within him was being released. He moved his hands to her waist while she continued her exploration of his mouth, tentative, teasing, but conveying a need she hoped he would respond to.
He apparently did. He rolled her over and looked deep into her eyes, asking the question. When she didn’t move, he lowered his mouth to hers, and this time he was in command. His lips touched hers lightly, and it was his turn to tease, pulling his mouth away just as she thought the warm softness was hers. The teasing was maddening, and she reached up to him with parted lips, brushing the roughness of his jaw until he gave her his mouth again. This time he lengthened the kiss, and she moaned deep in her throat, surprising herself. She tamped down the feelings of guilt that threatened to rear and forced her body to simply respond on its own. She bowed her back against him, and she answered his summons, admitting his hot tongue to the warmth of her mouth.
He continued kissing her tenderly and deeply, with none o
f the hardness of before. Pulling away from her mouth, he proceeded to kiss every sensitive spot on her face and neck. He kissed her eyelids, the spot on her temple where her blood raced, her earlobe, jaw, and all the way down her neck to where her carotid throbbed. His lips lingered there, and her body responded with a wave of arousal that ran from her throat to her core. Her lips wanted his again, and when she could stand the denial no longer, she took his face in her hands and guided his mouth back to hers. When his lips claimed hers this time, there was an urgency to his touch that had been absent in the teasing of a moment before. Her body was on auto-pilot now, throbbing with a sweet tormenting ache.
She didn’t have to try to convey her need to him. His hands slid her shirt upward over her breasts. She aided him by raising her arms over her head, and his mouth released hers so that the shirt could slide over her head.
“Dina.”
The single word was like a plea from a lost soul, and this time she couldn’t turn away from the firestorm of emotion she heard in his voice. Was sex the key to his soul after all?
She responded the only way she knew how, clutching the front of her utilitarian bra and pulling it over her head. With her arms still held above her head, he grasped her forearms and held them tight, nothing now between his mouth and her breasts, her labored breathing lifting them toward him. He caught one nipple in his mouth and drew it deep into his mouth.
She heard his name and realized that the sound had been torn from her lips. She tried again to think, but though her mind failed her, she heard her heart’s voice, telling her this was wrong. Wrong, but she couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop, any more than he could. I need you to want me. With that thought, every other thought shattered, every ounce of will was consumed by the need she felt in him. She arched into him, demanding he take still more of her, and she felt his immediate response. He suckled her as if she were a river that could flow into him and give him life, and she cried out when he released her at last, nipping the sensitive skin with his teeth.
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