Don't Let Go

by Michelle Lynn

  “Brady, you don’t know me.” I shake my head back and forth, staring down at my coffee cup.

  “Let’s get something straight. There might be things in your past I don’t know. Hell, there might even be things in the present I don’t know about you, but I know you, Sadie.” His brown eyes stare right at me as he slowly speaks.

  “Well…” I take another deep breath. I feel like I’m in the middle of a yoga class with how many times I have sucked air in my lungs over the past fifteen minutes.

  “You know you don’t have to tell me, Sadie. One day, sure, when you want to, but it doesn’t matter to me.” He rubs circles over my shins.

  “Brady, I need you to know. This morning I realized something, and as much as it will kill me if you decide you don’t want this, I have to tell you,” I say quietly, gaining my composure before starting. “I’m not a virgin.”

  Brady’s laugh fills the room. “I never thought you were a virgin. Is that what this is about?”

  “You have been so gentle, never pushing me further than I wanted to go.” I bring my knees up to my chest, suddenly embarrassed.

  “Sadie, I could tell there was something holding you back and I wanted you to be comfortable,” he reassures me and scoots over to me, moving my legs back down across his lap.

  “My past is bad, Brady. I have been with a lot of guys.” I throw it out there fast with the hope that maybe he won’t notice I just called myself a slut.

  “Okay.” His voice doesn’t flinch. I hear or see no hint of disapproval and he isn’t backing away from me.

  “I mean a lot, Brady. I don’t remember all their names or most of the experiences because I was usually so wasted. I woke up in guys’ beds, not remembering. Most of the time they were gone long before I woke up.” My eyes stare at the dark liquid in my hand, not able to see the disapproval in Brady’s eyes while I tell him what I’m sure boyfriends fear hearing the most from their girlfriends.

  “Okay,” he says again, as though I just told him I prefer white bread over wheat.

  “Don’t you have anything else to say?” I finally let my eyes fall on him. He stares right back at me, continuing to massage my calves, seemingly unaffected.

  “Not really. It doesn’t bother me as long as I’m the only one you sleep with now.” He raises his eyebrows, questioning me.

  “You are. I haven’t been with anyone for eight months,” I admit.

  “I assume you are worried if you sleep with me, I’m going to toss you out the next morning?” he asks the question in such a matter of fact manner, it scares me.

  “Yeah,” I respond quietly.

  “You thought I left you this morning, hoping you would sneak out without having to see you?” He continues asking questions regarding my biggest fears, as though he knows my every thought.

  “Yeah,” I answer, softer.

  “Sadie, when you are finally ready to sleep with me, I promise you I won’t leave your side the whole night. I will hold you close to me and when you wake up in the morning, it will be my face you see smiling back at you. We will have breakfast and shower, hopefully together.” He winks over at me. “Then we will spend the day together. I hope like hell it continues like that day after day. I dream of a time when you are in my bed every night and every morning.” He sets his coffee cup on the table, bringing me completely on his lap. “I promise you, Sadie Miller, I will never leave your side, as long as you’ll have me.” He kisses me, firm and soothing.

  “You are really okay with it? I know it’s a lot to handle. I regret that part of my life every day, but I was in a dark time, held captive in self-inflicted pain.” I rest my head on his shoulder.

  “I have to admit, the thought of another guy’s hands on you pisses me off, but that is just selfishness on my part. As long as I’m the only guy that makes you quiver when I touch you. The only guy who can kiss those soft red lips whenever I want.” He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip. “The only guy allowed to climb on top of you or wrap those gorgeous legs around my waist and have my way with you time and time again. That’s all that matters.” Brady turns me so I’m straddling him.

  “You are, Brady. You are the only guy in my life, present and future. Thank you for understanding.” I wrap my arms around his neck while his hands are at my hips, smoothly moving up and down.

  “I need an answer to one question though, Sadie.” He stares at me with those caramel eyes.

  “Of course, anything.”

  “Who is Theo?”

  My stomach drops. I purposely left that part out. I’m not ready to relive the story of that awful night when I became half a person. When I was to blame for someone dying who had been with me my whole life, my other half, my confidant, leaving me alone and abandoned. I know I have to be honest so I say the only thing I can without tears pouring out of my pained eyes.

  “Theo… was my twin brother.”

  Chapter 14

  I was thankful that Brady didn’t ask how Theo died that day. I assume he knows I’m not ready to tell him that story just yet. The sorrow in his eyes was evident, but he never pushed or asked any further questions. He told me that I mumbled Theo’s name that night when he picked me up off the curb. To say I was surprised would be a lie. Theo had taken care of me my whole life. When we got to high school and the parties started with the drinking and drugs, he would always find me somewhere at the end of the night and make sure I made it home.

  Theo was no saint; he drank like the rest of us, sometimes even more. He had worse vices, ones that I would try to keep him from. We were a pair, a pair of screwed-up siblings protecting each other from parents who didn’t seem to care.

  As hard as it is, I try to veer my thoughts away from Theo. Tonight is my time to be happy. Brady is picking me up in a couple minutes to take me away for the weekend. My overnight bag is packed with all of my clothes, toiletries, and a little something special for Brady. After our conversation last Sunday, we haven’t had sex yet but I hope this weekend changes that.

  I believe Brady whole-heartedly, that he won’t leave me after we do. I have never had a guy who has been so affectionate and loving with me.

  “Hey, is this it?” Jessa asks, peering down from her loft. “You finally giving up the boom boom?” I had divulged to Jessa that I had revealed my secret to Brady.

  “Yeah, I don’t think I could hold off anymore even if I wanted to,” I confess.

  “I don’t know how you’ve gone this long,” she replies and climbs down. “Have fun, you definitely deserve it.”

  “Thank you,” I say, smiling over at her. Then there is a knock on our door so I make my way to answer it.

  “Please tell me how you always manage to get in the dorm without calling me?” I jokingly smile at him.

  “What can I say? I have a way with people,” he laughs.

  “You sure you don’t mean a way with the girls?” I playfully respond.

  “Maybe.” He shrugs and pulls me into an embrace. “I don’t notice who lets me in, my mind is solely set on getting to my beautiful girlfriend.” He tightens his arms around me and kisses my neck.

  “Sweet talker,” I say, giving him a small nudge on his shoulder.

  “Dangerous combination. Are you sure you want to go away with him, Sadie?” Jessa teases.

  “She doesn’t really have a choice. If she denies me, I will take her over my shoulder and drag her there,” Brady retorts and picks up my bag.

  “No worries…I like my hot, highly complimentary boyfriend.” I kiss him on the cheek. “See you later, Jessa.” I make my way to the door.

  “Have fun you two,” she says in a sing-song voice, revealing she knows what we will be doing.

  “Don’t worry, we will. Keep an eye on my place, will you?” Brady abruptly glances over at Jessa and then back at me. The look between them appears worried, as though they just got caught.

  “Your place?” I question.

  “You know what I mean.” Brady hesitantly stares back at Jessa an
d she turns around as though nothing just happened. “Our place. I’m the one who keeps it up, the rest of those guys would live in filth if it wasn’t for me,” he tries to joke, but his laugh sounds forced.

  “I always wondered who cleaned that house.” I decide to let whatever just happened go. I don’t want to ruin this weekend.

  “Let’s get going, we have a drive ahead of us.” Brady places his hand on the small of back, leading me to the door.

  “Well…see you Sunday,” Jessa calls out to us and grabs her phone from the dresser.

  Once we get out to his car, which is parked along the sidewalk again with his hazards on, I ask where we are going.

  “You brought your passport, right?” he asks.

  “Yes, but where are we going?” I inquire again.

  “Canada…Niagara Falls to be exact,” he says, smiling up at me as he opens the passenger door.

  “Really? I’ve never been,” I exclaim.

  Three hours later, we pull up to the border and hand our passports over to the customs agent. She peers down at both of us, examining our pictures. After she asks us a series of questions, she signals Brady to drive ahead and we enter into Canada.

  “So, what are we doing now?” I ask.

  “Let’s find our hotel and then we can do whatever you want.” He brings my hand up to his mouth, kissing my fingers that are entwined with his.

  “I would be happy staying in the hotel for the rest of the night,” I admit.

  “Sounds good to me,” he says, glancing over at me. “Sadie, I would be immensely happy sightseeing with you during the day and holding you at night. Anything else…would just be a bonus.”

  “I know Brady but…thank you for saying that,” I respond. We pull up to a high-rise hotel in the heart of the city. “This is too nice, Brady.”

  “Nothing is too nice when it comes to you.” He parks the car and turns to me. “Listen, Sadie. This weekend is about us, as a couple. I have plans to pamper and spoil you, so just enjoy yourself. Your smiles and laughs are thanks enough,” he says and leans forward, giving me a kiss. “Deal?”

  “Alright,” I agree, not wanting his lips off of mine. How is this boy still on the market?

  We take the elevator up from the parking garage to the lobby. Brady carries both bags, placing them down by the front desk. The hotel is amazing. Giving Brady his distance as he checks in, I watch tourists venture in and out of the huge lobby. Observing the elaborate sculptures and water fountains, I wonder how a college student can afford this place. A twinge of guilt hits me, hoping he isn’t going into debt for my benefit. As long as Brady is with me, we could stay in a cardboard box in a dark alley for all I care.

  A few minutes later, Brady comes up alongside me, bags in hand. “Ready?” he asks and I nod, taking one more look at the elaborate water fountain.

  We make our way to the elevators, travel up to our floor, and walk down the hallway. Brady inserts the keycard and I gasp from the doorway. The whole side of the room is lined with windows that overlook the Falls.

  “Babe, can we move inside the room?” Brady asks.

  “Oh sorry!” I reply, moving out of the way so he can put the bags down.

  “I hope this is okay. If you want your own room, I can get you one. Not that I want you to.” He misunderstood why I didn’t walk in right away.

  “Are you kidding?” I ask, walking over to him. “This is way more than okay and I don’t want to stay anywhere you aren’t,” I finish, leaning up on my tippy toes to kiss him.

  “Whew…glad to hear it,” he says, releasing a big breath. “You scared me when you didn’t want to come in.”

  “It’s the view, how amazing…Brady?” I sigh. I know this must have cost way too much.

  “Stop it, Sadie. Do you like it?” he asks.

  “Of course.”

  “That’s all that matters. Now come over here with me and appreciate the view.” He grabs my hand and guides me to the window.

  I stand there, leaning my back against Brady, wondering if the people below are as happy as I am. Brady Carsen is the most amazing guy I have ever known and the fact that he accepts my past makes me appreciate him even more. How I got this lucky I have no idea, but I’m not stupid enough to mess it up.

  “Come on, let’s get ready for dinner,” he says, pulling me away from the view.

  “Alright,” I agree and walk over to my suitcase.

  I shower while Brady stretches out on the bed, grabbing the remote. As the hot water streams down my body, I can’t help but wish he was in here with me. Right now, it takes everything in me not to walk out of here and straddle him in bed. As I navigate the razor across my skin, I imagine Brady’s hands there. Everything I know about him makes me believe his touch will be soft. That he will slowly relish my body when the time comes. Finishing in the shower, I step out, willing myself to cool down. I’m unsure how I will get through dinner, let alone anything else Brady has planned but I know he put a lot of thought into this so I would never ruin it.

  After rubbing lotion across my whole body with the expectation of Brady’s lips trailing kisses over it tonight, I put one of the robes on that the hotel supplies for their guests. I exit the bathroom and Brady seems ready to hop in after me but stops abruptly. “You are making this really hard, baby,” he says, blatantly appraising my body. “You’re naked under there, aren’t you?”

  “Uh-huh,” I respond and bite my bottom lip, giving my best seductive look.

  “You’re killing me.”

  “You are the one with all the plans,” I joke and turn around to my bag but Brady grabs my wrist and tugs me back to him.

  “We will go to dinner, take a walk by the Falls, and then…” he kisses my neck and my hands instantly press against his bare chest. “I’m going to unzip your dress, slowly pulling it off each shoulder, trailing kisses down your body. I will unclasp your bra, letting it fall to the floor. Then I will guide your panties down and watch you step out of them one leg at a time, disposing them on the floor. I will splay your body on this bed and slowly make my way up to you, nibbling, licking, and kissing every area of your body until I capture your mouth. I promise you, I will devour your body, savoring every inch. It will be slow and gentle the first time but after that I won’t be able to control myself anymore. I promise you, Sadie, I will fuck you until your voice is hoarse from screaming my name.” He kisses my cheek and turns around to the bathroom and I almost pass out from the heat surging through my body.

  Once I hear the shower turn on, I lay down on the bed, trying to control my rapid breaths. The anticipation of tonight just got knocked up about twenty notches. After what Brady just said to me, I have no doubt he will satisfy me. I just hope I’m enough for him.

  Brady gets out of the shower a few minutes later, wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist. The room starts to feel small, as though it is closing in on me. His body is nothing short of incredible. Beads of water have fallen from his wet hair onto his chest and back and all I want to do is lick off each drop. I’m positioned in the chair in front of the vanity, applying my make-up while sneaking glances Brady’s way. At one point, our eyes meet in the mirror and he smirks at me, catching me gawking. This dinner is starting to sound more like torture than enjoyment.

  Thankfully, Brady grabs some clothes out of his bag and ventures back into the bathroom. When he emerges, my breath stops and I’m sure my eyes are bugged out of my head. He has on dark charcoal slacks and a crisp white button-down with the top two buttons undone. His dark hair is gelled forward a bit, replacing his rock look with a cover model for GQ magazine.

  I stand up, never taking my eyes off of him. “I’m happy you kept these,” I admit, pulling on one of his black leather bracelets.

  “Really?” he asks, surprised.

  “Yes, I love them. Don’t get me wrong, this look makes naughty things come to mind,” I say, slowly looking him up and down, “but I will always be partial to you in jeans and a t-shirt.” I give him a
brief kiss on his lips before I grab my dress and go in the bathroom.

  “You surprise me, Sadie Miller,” Brady calls out before I shut the door.

  A half-hour later, I’m finally ready to leave the safe haven of the bathroom. My hair is curled in big ringlets that flow past my shoulders. I’m wearing a black cocktail dress, another request by Brady. The dress is tighter than the red one I wore on our first date, leaving one shoulder bare. It fits snug around each curve of my body, ending a few inches above my knee. I smile as I examine myself in the mirror because a few years ago I would have never been able to pull this look off.

  Being away from Brady has calmed my desire a bit, but I know when I open that door and see the blaze in his eyes when he sees me in this dress, it will be back full force.

  Exiting the bathroom, Brady stands up from the chair and walks to me. “God Sadie, you always surpass my imagination,” he compliments.

  “Thank you,” I say shyly, looking down.

  He kisses my lips and slowly enters his tongue in my mouth before pulling away. “This is going to be the hardest night of my life…at least until we come back here,” he says with a wink.

  “We don’t have to go, you know,” I suggest. I would rather stay in and see what luxurious things he has planned for my body.

  “As much as this might kill me, we have to go out.” He holds out his arm for me to take, escorting me out of the room.

  Chapter 15

  Luckily, we don’t go far for dinner…only up ten floors. The restaurant is located on the top floor of the hotel overlooking the Falls. Since it is nighttime, an array of colored lights illuminate the water cascading over the edge.

  “Good evening,” a cute redhead greets us at the podium.

  “Hello. Carsen,” Brady informs her of our reservation.

  “Party of two?” she asks and noticeably admires him.