“I’m sorry I haven’t told you, Sadie,” he whispers.
“Why didn’t you?” I ask, unsure of the question coming out.
“I was embarrassed. I don’t want you to think I will end up like that.” He glances back over to Vince.
“I shared everything with you, Brady. Why didn’t you give me the same courtesy?”
“I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how.”
“You just say it, Brady. You just spit it out,” I say, my voice escalating.
“Are you going to break up with me?” he asks and my heart breaks.
“Of course not,” I assure him, placing my hands on either side of his face. “But you need to start explaining some things.”
Chapter 24
Brady grabs my hand and leads me away from Vince, who surprisingly has turned around to resume staring out at the field. The apprehension rolls off of Brady and I can tell he’s worried. I remember my own insecurities when I told him about my past. I know I need to reassure him like he did me. That no matter what he tells me, it won’t change my feelings for him.
“Brady, let’s go somewhere private, just us,” I request, remembering how he held me the whole time I told him my secrets.
He stares down at me for what seems like minutes and then says, “I want to show you something first.” Then he turns us in another direction and goes right into Shubert Hall.
I tense when we walk through the doors that I just saw the mystery woman walk through. He walks me down the hallway, passing auditoriums filled with different instruments and classes being conducted. He stops us in front of a wall, filled with pictures of professors and deans, current and past. A picture of a cleaner, more well-kept version of Vince is positioned high on the wall with the label ‘Dean Vince Carsen’ under it.
“Obviously, you already figured it out. Vodka Vince is my dad,” he says and I see him wince, referring to his father by that name. “He chooses to live on the streets instead of staying with me or Maura. He worked here until last year, but when the drinking got too bad, they forced him to retire. They tried to work with him, but he left them no choice.” His voice is quiet. Staring at the wall, I notice the picture of the woman that just walked in. She looks a couple years younger in her picture, which identifies her as Professor Jeanine Billings.
“Who’s that?” I point to her picture on the wall. I pray he tells me the truth.
“It’s Kara’s mom,” he informs me.
“Oh.” I don’t know what else to say. I hope the mother doesn’t feel the same way about Brady as her daughter.
“Yeah, I’ll get to all that in a second,” he assures me. “So, my dad has always enjoyed his cocktails but became a full-fledged alcoholic after my mom left us. I was sixteen when it happened and Maura was completing her doctorate. Although she lived at the house, she was rarely home. She and Brandan, her husband, had just met so she spent most of her time with him, leaving me with my dad. I kept his secret the best I could, taking care of him and getting him to bed. At first he could function during the day, only getting smashed at night. Like the movie “Groundhog Day”, he would wake up and do the same thing the next day. But then it got out of control. He stopped coming home at night and then a year and a half ago, he left all together, living in shelters and on the streets. The only time I see him now is when I come to visit him here or get a call from the police. Maura and I run interference the best we can, but he refuses our help in any way and won’t go to rehab.” He walks me out of the building and I see his car parked in the lot. “Will you come with me?” he asks.
“Always,” I try to reassure him, squeezing his hand in mine.
We get in his car, unsure of where we’re going. “I’m sorry, Brady, for what you have to go through.” I don’t want to try to solve his problems, I just want to listen.
“Thank you. I handle it better now. When I saw you leave money for him that day, I wanted to run over there and rip the money from him. I knew what he would use it for. That’s why I told you to stay away. I didn’t want you wasting your money or your time on him.” Anger fills his voice. We sit in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes until Brady starts talking again. “He told me about you,” he says, his voice a little calmer.
“He did?” I ask, shocked.
“Yeah, I guess after he saw you with Grant, he asked him and Grant told him we were together. He really likes you.” He looks my way, giving me a half smile.
“I like him, too,” I say.
“Thanks for getting him the coat and stuff. I try to get him to stay in shelters during the winter, but he’s stubborn and you have to be sober and usually…he isn’t.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Where does Grant come into this?” I ask.
“Oh…well, that brings up a whole other problem.” He turns his face to me and then starts. “Grant and I were friends since childhood. Up until my mom left, we were inseparable,” he confesses, and I notice we’re pulling up to his house.
“What happened then?”
“His dad was a professor of music as well. Long story short, my mom left with his dad. They were having an affair. Grant’s mom died a few years before, so my mom and dad would go over and help Grant and his dad out. I guess somewhere during that time, they fell in love or some shit.” The anger in his voice appears again. “They decided to move to Florida and Grant didn’t want to go down there so he stayed up here. My dad let him live with us, but I was so pissed at him for what his dad did that he eventually moved in with Kara’s parents. That’s where she comes in. All of our parents were professors of music and we’ve known each other our whole lives.” Finally, I have some answers.
“I saw you earlier, with Kara’s mom,” I admit.
“Why didn’t you say something?” He looks curious but then understanding dawns on him.
“Oh shit, Sadie. I was just telling her about Kara calling me all the time. She said she would talk to her. I swear to you, nothing is going on there.” He shakes his head, exiting the car and walking to my side to escort me out.
“I have one more thing to show you,” he says and takes my hand, leading me into the house.
“What is it?” I ask.
“You’ll see.” I’m happy that none of the guys’ cars are in the driveway. “Good, I think we are alone,” he says, as though he read my mind.
He pulls me up the stairs until we are outside of the door that leads to the third floor. “I lied to you about this.” He stares down at me, but I nod my head in understanding. Then he puts the key in the lock and turns the knob. He moves so slow and hesitant, I’m not quite sure he’s ready to show me this. Walking up the stairs, a musty smell fills my nostrils. Once we get to the top, I find a master suite that covers the whole top level of the house.
There is a king size bed, dressers, and an armchair and ottoman. There are built-in bookcases in a small corner, filled with books from top to bottom. It’s an amazing room and I automatically envision what it would be like to live in this house with Brady.
“This was my parents’ room. I locked it up after my dad left because I didn’t want anyone else going in there. I don’t want any more lies or secrets between us, so I wanted to show you so you knew the whole truth.”
“It’s beautiful, Brady.” I walk around the room, admiring the space.
“Think about it, Sadie. This could be our room.”
I turn around quickly and wonder how the change of topic happened so fast. “Brady, I told you. I have to stand on my own,” I say, hating to turn him down again.
“You can stand on your own while being by my side. Just keep thinking about it.” His head is down now, staring at the floor.
“I promise, I won’t.” I walk slowly toward him.
“I want you with me,” he says quietly.
“Brady, I’m with you. But I don’t want you to wake up one day thinking ‘Why did I let this crazy girl move in here?’” I say, placing m
y hand on his cheek.
“You just don’t get it, Sadie. In my whole life, I have never felt like this. Since that moment I saw you, I felt like there was a purpose in my life. I no longer feel alone and I never want that feeling to leave.” He places both his hands on either side of my cheeks. “I knew I was no good for you, but I was too selfish to stay away,” he whispers and bends down to kiss me.
His confession reminds me of the lyrics to one of the songs that he put on my iPod: ‘I now walk alone…’
“Brady?” I ask while he rests his forehead on mine.
“Yeah.”
“When you told me you have never written a love song, what did you mean?”
“Exactly that. I never wrote a love song…at least at that point, I hadn’t,” he answers, smirking down at me.
“Those songs you put on my iPod, they were slow love songs,” I softly argue.
“No, they were slow songs but there was no love in them. I wrote those songs out of pain, not love.” He starts to kiss my neck.
“Oh, and here I thought some girl had completely destroyed you,” I say.
“You’re the only girl that could destroy me,” he admits and I capture his lips.
“I love you,” I murmur against his mouth.
“Say it again,” he requests as his lips make their way down my neck.
“I love you, Brady Carsen,” I whisper again.
“I don’t think I will ever stop wanting to hear you say those words.” He picks me up and I wrap my legs around him.
“You don’t have to worry about that,” I confess and lick his neck up to his earlobe. “Now…fuck me, Brady.” I try to say it straight-faced and with a sexy voice.
“Yes, ma’am.” He walks us over to the bed and places me down before climbing on top. “Just think, baby. I could do this to you every night.” He grabs the hem of my shirt, raising it up to expose my blue lace bra. “I could make you come every morning.” He starts to unbutton my jeans and then scoots them down my legs. “Staring at you with only your panties and bra on makes me want to kidnap you and lock you up here until you agree,” he jokes and I giggle in response.
“Why don’t you show me what I get if I decide to move in?” I smile up at him.
“Do you want me to do a strip tease?” he asks, slowly pulling the hem of his shirt back and forth. I scoot to the top of the bed and rest my body against the headboard to enjoy the show.
“I would never deny myself seeing your body,” I answer.
“Well then, baby. I believe you asked me what you would get if you moved in.” He slowly moves his hips side to side, a playful smile spreading across his lips. “You see this flat, amazingly defined stomach?” he teases and I nod in response. “You could touch, rub, kiss, or lick it whenever you want.” He throws his shirt to the floor while kicking his shoes off. “If you move in with me, these smooth, large feet can warm your small ones on cold winter nights,” he continues to talk, slowly taking off his socks and I giggle, enjoying this immensely.
“Hmm…as appealing as it is to see you shirtless with those jeans hanging low, I think I need more convincing,” I say, leaning forward.
“I’ve been waiting to pull out the big guns, baby.” He unbuckles his jeans and undoes his zipper, his eyes never leaving mine. The mood is starting to get more intense and less playful. When his jeans hit the floor, my eyes fixate on him. The tight, grey boxer briefs show me how excited he already is, making the ache grow inside of me. “Ready?” He smirks at me and my eyes jerk up to his.
“Come here, Brady,” I say quietly, motioning with my finger.
“Did I convince you?” he asks and climbs toward me on the bed.
“It’s not just looks, babe. I need to see how you use your body,” I state, surprising myself how easy this feels.
“Sit back my darling and enjoy. After I finish, you will be begging me to move in,” he softly says and starts to take my bra strap down, kissing my shoulder. “Let’s see, do you want me to show you with my tongue or cock?” he questions, and I think I just became wet from his words. When I don’t answer, he asks, “Sadie?”
“Tongue…please,” I desperately request and he licks down my body, unclasping my bra and throwing it off the bed. His tongue moves in circles around my nipple before his mouth closes over it, twirling my nipple around.
I moan when he moves over to the other breast, doing the same thing. Then his tongue licks down the center of my stomach and over my belly button, moving slowly under the top of my panties. When I feel his tongue graze over my clit, I realize I never felt him take off my panties. Placing his hands against my thighs, he pushes my legs farther apart against the mattress, displaying me in front of him.
“Is this what you want, baby?” he asks and I groan an inaudible yes.
He slowly licks all the way up and back down, inserting his tongue inside of me before moving to my clit. He sucks and twirls it around his mouth, making it hard for me to keep control. My body rapidly approaches an edge I won’t be able to hang on to. “Please, Brady.” I squirm underneath him, desperate to find my release.
“You asked for tongue…,” he teases me, peeking up at me through his eyelashes.
Taking his fingers, he widens me more, giving himself better access inside of me. His tongue feels incredible as he moves it teasingly from my clit and then back again inside of me. I grip his head and twirl his hair around my fingers, trying to keep him in place. He starts working faster, urgently thrusting his tongue into me while moving his hands to my ass, holding me in place. As soon as I hear him moan, I shudder, feeling the tingly sensation flow through my body.
“Do you want me to ask the question now?” he asks, moving over me and I can feel him at my now slick opening.
“Not yet…you still need to prove one thing,” I taunt, already feeling relaxed.
“Thank God,” he says, and thrusts into me deep as I grab his biceps to hold myself steady. “I love fucking you, Sadie.”
“I want to see you, Brady,” I say and he picks his head up, staring into my eyes. He moves back and forth inside of me and I raise my hips to join in. “I love you,” I exclaim.
“I love you…so, so much,” he responds and stills inside of me before collapsing. I think that was the fastest and quietest Brady has ever come. He runs his fingers through my hair, resting on his forearms above me. “So, Sadie. Did I convince you?” he asks and, although he still seems to be playing around, I see that he desperately wants me to move in.
Right before I’m about to answer, loud footsteps hit the stairs and I suddenly remember that we never shut or locked the door.
“Why the hell is this door open?” Dex’s voice asks.
“I don’t know, do you think Brady…” Trey’s voice trails off when he reaches the top.
In those two seconds, Brady was able to turn to the side and shield me from their view. “Fuck, sorry guys,” Trey says laughingly, turning around while pushing Dex down the stairs. “Nice ass, Carsen,” he calls out before we hear the door slam shut.
“You might as well move in; all three of the roommates have already walked in on us having sex.” Brady laughs and stands up to hand me my clothes.
I quickly get dressed before someone else walks in, thankful that Brady hasn’t asked me again. I was about to say ‘yes’, but I don’t know if it is from looking in his eyes while he pleasured me or if I truly am ready to take this next step. The last thing I want is to disappoint him, so when I say yes, I want to make sure it’s for the long haul.
Chapter 25
It’s Friday and The Invisibles are playing Grant’s frat party tonight. To say I’m less than thrilled would be an understatement. After all this time, the last place I want to be is a frat house. Not only because of my past experiences in them, but also because of Theo. He loved his frat. It was the brotherly bond he always wanted when we were younger. He begged my parents to have another child after us, praying they would have a boy but that never happened. When we were you
ng, he would bribe me to play baseball, basketball, and football. He had turned me into a tomboy of sorts, but I secretly loved it. Not to mention, I never told anyone all the times he played house or Barbies with me.
Brady could feel my apprehension so he already told the guys the set would be short and we would be leaving right after. I said it would be okay and Jessa jokingly told Brady that she would protect me, not letting any frat douchebag touch me. He insisted on driving me, even though Jessa said she would bring me right before the show started. ‘I want all those fuckers to know she’s mine when we walk in,’ was his response to her.
When I open my dorm door to Brady, he looks me up and down while I wait for his signature smirk. Instead, the first words out of his mouth are, “You aren’t wearing that”.
I look down at myself, confused. I’m wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a looser fitting pink blouse that falls off one shoulder. My hair is pinned up into a messy bun style with fallen strands down the sides of my face. “How about, you look beautiful baby?” I tease, smiling up to him but his face is serious and his lips are tight.
“Sadie, I will be up on stage. If I was going to be by your side tonight, I would say okay. But do you know how many guys are going to look at your shoulder and neck, imagining what it would be like to kiss it?” He walks into my room, clearly thinking I will change my outfit.
“You only think that because it’s your favorite spot to kiss,” I inform him, and turn around to my dresser, putting my earrings in.
“I wouldn’t say my favorite spot.” He comes up behind me, starting to kiss my shoulder. “Definitely the top five though,” he agrees and I catch his eyes smiling at me through the mirror.
Don't Let Go Page 18
