by S. L. Scott
“The difference in what?”
He stands, all six foot one of him, all muscle and attitude. All Rebel. My heart quickens, a feeling I haven’t had in years coming back. Love and fear mixed together. That’s what Rebel was. I knew he’d never hurt me, but I knew the damage he could do.
“The difference between Reggie and me.”
Now I’m standing, my arms crossed, my defenses in full-effect. “Why would he confuse the two of you? Ever?”
“I don’t want to be the mean man who scares his mother.”
Our gazes lock in a standoff. My breathing shallows. The dust particles glisten in the stilling air and all the wonderful from last night is lost to the past like everything else good in my life. “What did he tell you?”
The sadness. The sympathy. The way people look at me like I’m pathetic for bringing a child into this world, or worse, like I’m a bad mom. I’ve seen that look before. The seconds ticking by are scorching my ears in the silence and I can’t take it. “Tell me.” I run forward and push him as hard as I can, but he doesn’t budge. So I do it again. And again. “Tell me.” I keep pushing him until he reacts.
Grabbing my wrists, his hold is firm, and he stops me. “What are you doing?”
Trying to free myself, I demand, “Tell me what he said right now, damn it.”
“He said a mean man hurts you.” And then I stop when my world falls from beneath my feet. “He hasn’t seen him, but he hears him. Ace hears him hurting you and he knows his name is Reggie. Fucking Reggie. What the fuck is going on, Jaymes?”
“Keep your voice down. He’ll hear you.”
“He hears you. He’s not dumb.”
“You think I don’t know he hears? We talk about it. I know what he hears. But do you know what he hears? His mother fighting to protect him, so don’t come judging me like I’ve done something wrong—”
“Judging you?” My wrists are lowered, the grip loosened, but not released. “That’s the last thing I’m doing. I’m not judging you, but if you think I’m letting you two go back to that hellhole to be hurt, or worse, you’re wrong.”
“I can’t leave my mom.”
“Five years ago you told me the same thing, but guess what? I’m not walking away this time. This time I’m here to stay.”
The fight in me escapes when his commitment is unleashed. “What are you saying, Derrick?”
“I’ve already said it. I love you, Jaymes. I can see how you keep that wall half opened when we’re together, ready to throw it back up at the first sign of trouble. But there’s no trouble here with me. Don’t you see? You could have always come to me. Always.”
“I came to you this weekend.”
“Now I’m asking you to stay.”
I exhale a long sigh and look toward the door. When I seek his blues for comfort, I move in, wanting to believe what he says, wanting to hide from my life and live in his for a while.
His arms come around me and mine around him. He whispers into my hair, “I’m never going to let him hurt you again.”
The tears only come when I finally give in, wholly, to him, to his love, when I finally give in to hope again. He holds me while they fall wetting our shirts and he lets me cry five years worth of tears between us.
“Mommy?” Squeezing my eyes closed, I dip my head down and wipe away my tears. He’ll know. Despite my best efforts to shelter him from the bad, Ace has seen me cry enough to know. “Don’t cry, Mommy.”
When I look at him, I raise my chin high. He looks scared as his eyes dart between Derrick and me. I kneel down. “Come here. I want to talk to you about some stuff.”
Silently he comes to me. “Derrick is a good guy. I might be crying, but they’re happy tears. You and Derrick make Mommy so happy.”
Suspicious eyes turn jolly and trusting again. “Like when you used to play guitar.”
I tap his nose. “Yes, like that.”
Derrick bends down and asks, “Hey buddy, want to come to sound check with me and we’ll give your mom a little time to herself?”
Arms fly into the air and he jumps up and down. “Yes.”
“How about it . . . Mommy? Can he hang with the guys for a few hours?”
We both stand up and I lean my head on Derrick’s chest. “Sure. That sounds great all around.” Turning to face Derrick, I add, “Please remember, he’s five. He can’t be left to his own devices.”
“I’ve got him covered. As for you, you can get a massage or more sleep.”
“I’ve never had a massage.”
“Charge everything to the room. Even the gratuity. I don’t want you paying for a thing.”
“You’re spoiling me. How am I supposed to go back to LA after living the best weekend of my life here?” Ace is bored and runs back into the living room.
The back of Derrick’s hand rubs my cheek and all the playfulness in his eyes is gone. “I meant what I said. I’m going to help take care of you guys. We can talk about it more tonight because I need to get going soon, but think about what that means to you and I’ll think about what it means to me. We can come together on it. I want you comfortable with how we move forward, but I also want you and Ace and your mom safe. That’s a priority.”
Safe. That isn’t a word I’ve felt since that night. Vulnerable. Weak. Frightened. But safe? I need that. Lifting up on my toes, I kiss him. “Thank you.”
“You’ve done this all on your own. You don’t have to anymore. I’m here for you and Ace however you’ll let me.”
I repeat, for lack of anything befitting his words coming to my mind, “Thank you. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“I hope so. Now, there’s a button on the phone for the spa. Just call down and make an appointment and we’ll leave you to it.”
I roll my eyes at myself, but I need to say it. “Thank you again.”
This time he laughs. “Stop thanking me. It’s my pleasure.” I’m swatted on the ass as he walks away, leaving me to squeak I’m so giddy.
The button to the speaker is pushed and I choose spa from the options and am answered immediately by a sultry sounding vixen. “Good afternoon, Mr. Masters, may I book you in for a spa appointment?”
“Hi,” I say, feeling squeaky still and a lot uncomfortable. Visions of what she must think when she hears me run through my head—groupie, one-night stand, hooker. I try to block the names and mortification creeping up my spine, and sound strong, like I belong.
Belong.
Looking around the fancy room, is this where I belong?
Through the doorway, I see Derrick bent down on the floor tying Ace’s shoe and I know where I belong. I belong with him. But I’ll take a massage first. “Hi, I’d like to book a massage in the next two hours if possible.”
The accommodating voice that answered is replaced with the ice queen. “I’m sorry. I made a mistake. We’re completely full today, Mssss?”
“Grenier.”
“I see you’re not listed on the room, so unfortunately we wouldn’t be able to book that appointment anyway. Registered guests only.”
“Hello, this is Mr. Masters. Ms. Grenier is my guest for the weekend. Can you double-check your schedule please? I can pay extra if we need to bring someone in.”
“Oh. Great news. We had something open up. We can accommodate your guest in fifteen minutes. Is that sufficient time?”
With a gleam in his eyes, he says, “She’ll take it. Oh, and make sure to take good care of her. Whatever she wants, make sure she gets it.”
“Yes, sir. We’ll see you shortly, Ms. Grenier.”
“Thank you,” I call out, but I think she hangs up too fast to hear.
Hovering over me, I lean back and he comes closer. “When you’re with me, you’re treated like a queen. Don’t ever settle for less, baby.”
“Perks of being with a rock star?” I run my nails lightly over the exposed skin of his neck.
“You say that as if you’re the lucky one when it’s me who’s fortunate to have y
ou back in my life.”
“You always were so damn charming.”
“What can I say, you bring out the best in me.”
With his lower half pressed to mine, I raise an eyebrow. “And other things it seems. I think you have sound check, Mr. Masters, if I’m not mistaken.”
This time he sighs, blowing out a big breath. Pushing up and off me, he says, “We’ll pick up where we left off later.”
“Promise?”
“Definitely.”
Ace runs in as Derrick walks out. We give each other a big hug and I tell him to stay with Derrick. “No wandering off. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Be good.”
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you, buddy.”
When they leave, I hurry around and get dressed to head to the spa. Before I walk out, I see Ace’s toys mixed with my stuff and Derrick’s shoes. It looks like a family lives here. I have to be careful of getting my hopes up too high. Derrick and I will talk later, but I love how at home I feel with him. Seriously, my heart can’t take much more goodness. I want to believe it will last. I want to believe that I somehow deserve it, but I’m skeptical. Not of Derrick. But for us. For my baby boy. Surely all good things must come to an end. I just hope it’s not a fiery one when it does.
* * *
Reggie
“It’s city, not county jail. Bail me out, bitch, or I’m kicking your ass to the street.” I slam the phone back on the receiver, and turn. “Open,” I command.
The button is pushed, the door buzzes and I walk through with my favorite escort, Guard Derails. He’s a rookie. Easy to manipulate. Easier to bribe. Especially since he uses and I’m his hookup. Under his breath, he places his order, “A quarter on Tuesday.”
He’s a great customer. A regular. Fuck, I’d be druggin’ up too if I had to work in this place. Being busted for a pipe in a random traffic stop doesn’t feel so random. The cops needed a bust; I happen to be their victim. Now I’m in for three days before I face the court. The LA scene is everything you hear it is—overpopulated. I’m banking I’ll be out by morning. Two nights in and it’s already getting old. Shayna is scraping money together. Sure as shit not telling her where my stash is. Bitch can use her own money on me.
My hands are freed once we reach the common area. It’s small and familiar. I’ve been here a few times. Petty shit. They can’t nail me for anything substantial. I’ve got too much on these dirty cops. When I walk to a table, the other inmates get up and move. My reputation precedes me. They know I’m on the verge of making a big step in the underground scene. They just aren’t sure who I’m taking out to take that step. They don’t want it to be them, so the keep away from me.
The TV is on. Some entertainment celebrity show. “Who gives a fuck? Turn it.”
“To what?” some brave soul asks.
My silence should be answer enough. It seems it is. He’s up and about to turn the dial when I see the ghost I’ve been chasing for years. “Turn it up.”
“I thought you wanted me to turn the channel?”
“Turn it up and fuck off.”
The Resistance is in Las Vegas as part of The Rebellion Tour. Last night the band members were seen at various locations around the small city. Johnny Outlaw lay low, but Kaz Fabian and his girlfriend were spotted taking in Cirque du Soleil’s Love at Mirage. Derrick Masters and an unidentified date were seen briefly at Hugo Cellar’s. The band performs live tonight but unfortunately, the concert is sold out.
An unidentified date.
The story has ended, but I stare at the old TV set, my fingers aching from the grip. I knew the second I saw her who she was.
The image of that motherfucker is burned in my brain. I vowed to kill him. He’s always been my most wanted. But now, now he has the nerve to come into my neighborhood, my territory, fuck my woman, and mess with my family.
He’s dead, but before I fucking kill him, he’s going to watch me fuck the one thing he loves most—Jamie Grenier. I’m fucking pissed she lied to me. Told me she doesn’t know where he is. The bitch will beg me for her life after I’ve finished with his. The betrayer and the bitch. Yeah, they’re both mine.
30
Jaymes
When I come out of the spa treatment room, I’m led to the lounge with the hot tubs and these cool room experiences like a salt room and a chilled room. I’m also handed a cup of coconut water on the way. It’s so decadent here, I wish I had more time.
In the hot tub room, I spot a familiar face. “Rochelle, hi. I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Yes, Holli and I snuck away since the guys have the kids with them.”
Dropping my robe on a lounge chair, I step into the large whirlpool. “Derrick has Ace.”
“Yes, I saw them on their way out. Jamie, this is Holli Hughes.”
The woman with Rochelle swims a little closer with a smile. “Dalton. I did change it, but I go by Hughes. I’ve heard about you.”
“Oh really?”
“You’re prettier than they let on and they said you were gorgeous.”
Touching my hands to my cheeks, I remark, “I probably have marks on my face from the massage and look awful, but thanks. You’re with Johnny, right?”
“Yes.” The smile on her face says it all. She knows how much she’s loved. “How’s being out on the road treating you? Or more importantly, how’s Derrick treating you?”
My face heats and I try to play it off like it’s the steamy room, most likely to no avail.
“He’s good . . . We’re good,” I reply shyly. “It’s moving fast, but it’s good. We have a million things to talk about and not enough time it seems.”
Rochelle says, “Well, he’s so smitten that I think you’ll have years to come. Not to be nosy, but how are you feeling about things? The crazy that surrounds the band can be overwhelming.”
“I don’t know how you guys do it. I just had a small taste last night and I’m amazed by how well Derrick handles all the attention.”
Holli leans back, resting her arms on the side and kicks her feet up. “It comes with the job. They know that, but there’s an aspect, their egos, that thrive on it too. Derrick’s really come into his own in the last year. I think he struggled the first year, but he understands what they trade to be at the level they’re at.”
“What about you?” I ask.
“I owe nothing to the public because of the band. I don’t owe them photos of my family or personal memorabilia. I share what I want, but I control it. I have to. No one will protect my family like I will. That goes for Dalton as well. If he’s on that stage, he’s fair game. When he’s home, he’s mine.”
Rochelle is nodding, and adds, “You have a child to protect. You don’t owe the press any answers when it comes to Ace. If they ask about Derrick, that’s up to you what you share.” I hadn’t thought about that. It must have been hard when Rochelle first started dating Dex. How fortunate am I to have someone to help me feel the way?
“There is more to think about than I thought.”
Climbing out, Rochelle wraps a towel around her and sits on the edge with her feet in the water. “We’re not trying to scare you, but I know you’re not used to the attention. It can be intense and aggressive. Both Holli and I have been there. If you ever need to talk to someone, we understand, and we’re here for you. Just like the guys are experiencing their fame together, as the women behind the band, we share a similar experience. Have you met Lara?”
“No, not yet, but I’ve heard about her.”
“I’ve known Lara for years. She’s great. You’ll meet her tonight.”
“What’s tonight?”
Holli climbs out and suddenly after seeing her incredible body, I want to remain hidden in the water until they’re gone. Holli says, “The concert. The four of us are going together.”
“Oh I can’t,” I reply. “I have Ace, my five-year-old with me.”
This time Holli, standing in a bikini, towel drie
s her hair, and smiles. “We have two nannies to watch the kids. They’re great. Ace would love it. I heard he’s a wonderful boy.” Walking toward the changing area, she adds, “Come on. Let’s get some shopping in.”
Rochelle winks. “Don’t worry. I’ve got Derrick’s credit card. Let’s go spend some money.”
I would ask how she has it, but somehow, I know he won’t mind. He might have even given it to her. I’ll find out soon enough. I climb out and start drying off because there is no way I’m missing this opportunity. I have my friend, Leah, at home, but I’d love more girlfriends, especially ones that Derrick trusts and adores, and I know he does with these two. And they him. Perhaps I’m a little biased, but how could they not?
* * *
“At what point do you throw in the towel?” Holli asks lounging on a red leather chair just outside the dressing room, where I’m trying on probably my thirtieth dress.
“I’m not sure because you guys refuse to let me.” I can hear them laughing from the other side of the curtain currently dividing my nakedness from the entire fancy schmancy store. They told me to not look at the prices, but I did. Once, and then about had a heart attack and took their advice.
A black dress is shoved through the crack between the curtain and the wall and Holli says, “Try this last one on. I think it’s going to be our winner.”
“Why do I need a dress and heels? I have flats and jeans and blouses.”
They burst out laughing again. Rochelle says, “Which is fantastic most of the time, but tonight we’re going to knock Derrick right on his ass when he sees you.”
I pull the skin-tight dress on and adjust the straps on my shoulders. Bending forward I cup my left boob and lift it and then repeat with my right. I back out of the dressing room and ask, “Zip?”
Holli is right there ready to help. When I’m zipped, I turn around. “Ta-da!”
“Wow.” She steps back and looks me over. “Wow, Jamie. You look just . . . Wow. He is going to die when he sees you. Spin for us.”
Rochelle comes out of her room with a dress hanging off her shoulder and tags in her hand. “I found this one—Wow, Jamie.”
