by S. L. Scott
Not sure why I decide to tell them, but it doesn’t feel wrong to talk about it, not with them. “His father is not a good person. Think of the worst qualities you would ever want in a father and he owns them proudly. Drugs, running guns, gang activity, illegal activity, abuse—emotional and physical.” Then I whisper, “rape.”
Beyond the fun I’ve been missing in life, these women are who I wish I could be. They don’t pander to the easy answers. They’re strong, like I want to be. Holli, with her hands full of champagne and glasses, says, “Fuck him. He’ll never come near you and that little boy again. I’ll help you fight this battle.”
“Me too. Anything we have to do, we’ll do.”
Tears fill my eyes for different reasons now. Camaraderie. Do you know those moments where you finally realize just how alone you’ve felt? How overwhelmed and out of control? But somehow, in Las Vegas of all places, I feel safe. I don’t know these women, they don’t know me, but they’ve taken me in. I suspect just how they’ve taken Derrick in too, and helped him not feel so alone. “Why? Why would you do that for me?”
Rochelle replies, “Because if Derrick loves you, which he clearly does, we love you.”
And then Holli says, “The women of The Resistance always stick together.”
32
Derrick
Ace is bouncing in the chair while I dig through my suitcase. I can hear them talking in the living room. Although Jaymes probably shouldn’t have snapped at Ace, I understand why she did. Those damn defenses of hers I’ve tried to keep lowered popped back up in an instant.
I don’t fault her in the least. I still struggle with the same. When you’ve been hurt like she has or lived on the edge like I did, you’re always ready to fight. Like it took me, it will take her time to change that, but I have no doubt that with enough support and love, she will be fine.
Pulling out the toy, I say, “Here it is.”
He stands to get a gander. I rip the package open, and say, “This is a yo-yo. Have you ever had one?”
“No,” he replies, coming closer. “What is it?”
Drugs, running guns, illegal . . . her voice trails off and I bring my attention back to Ace. “So you tie a loop like this and then slip it on your finger.”
“Then what?”
“I’ll show you. Stand back and watch the magic.” He steps back. When I flick the yo-yo out and it comes rolling back in, I catch it in my palm.
“Whoa. Let me try. Let me try.”
“Sure.” I slip the loop on his finger. “It’s all in the wrist. Quick flip and then steady.”
The yo-yo just dangles above the floor. The disappointment is seen in his sad eyes. “I can’t do it.”
“It’s okay. Like the guitar, it takes practice. I’ll teach you and then soon you’ll be a pro.”
“And we can yo-yo together.”
Laughing, I reply, “Yep, we can yo-yo together. But first, how about we go get some ice cream?”
“Yay!” He runs into the living room. “Derrick’s taking me to get ice cream.”
Maybe he doesn’t need any more sugar. When I walk out of the bedroom, I flick the yo-yo mindlessly. “Are we all good?”
I’m only looking at Jaymes, but Rochelle and Holli answer, “Yeah, we’re good.”
“Go potty, Ace. Then we’ll go.”
When I turn back to the ladies, they’re gawking. I catch the yo-yo, and ask, “What?”
After they exchange looks with each other complete with smiles and mischievous looks in their eyes, Rochelle says, “Oh nothing. We’ll meet you at the elevator, Jaymes.” Another all-telling expression on her face that I can’t tell jack-shit the meaning of. They seem to get it though.
With Ace out of the room and the others gone, I go to her. “Don’t beat yourself up. I can see that’s what you’re doing.”
“I just, I can’t. I don’t want to do that to him.”
“He’s a happy boy. You gave him that happiness. We all fuck up. What you said was a real and raw reaction. He didn’t take it personally. He was all smiles in the other room, so don’t stress about it.”
She’s going to anyway because she cares so deeply, but maybe when she steps back from the situation she’ll realize she’s allowed to be human. Looking quickly over her shoulder to make sure the coast is clear, she turns to me and says, “I haven’t told you everything.”
Now I find myself looking to make sure Ace isn’t coming. “Wash your hands, too.” Looking into the softer sides of emerald, I ask, “Is this something you want to do now or later?”
Dropping her head to match her sagging shoulders, she whispers, “There’s so much more I haven’t told you.”
“Go easy on yourself, Jaymes. You’re doing the best you can. It’s what we’re all doing.”
Ace runs in and she lifts up. “You be good for Derrick and listen to him, okay?”
“Okay.”
He runs to the door, but I stop him. “Give your mom a hug, Ace.”
Her sweet smile returns and she dips down into his wide-open arms. “I love you.”
“Love you.” Dashing for the door, he says, “I’m ready.”
“Coming.”
I follow him, but when I start to open the door, he says, “Give my mom a hug, Derrick.”
Just the exact right thing we needed to break up the heavy. The kid’s got great timing and Jaymes and I both start laughing. But when I start walking back to her, my feet slow just as my world does. Jaymes with the bright eyes and raven hair, sweet pink lips with the bow at the top. Jaymes Grenier with the sassy mouth and good grades, the girl who kept me alive by demanding my time. Standing right in front of me waiting for a hug. I hug her when I’d rather give her forever.
She owns me.
When I reach her, I take hold of her hips first and let her question me with her eyes. Her arms come up and around and I slide my hands higher to her waist, keeping the distance between us. “What are you doing?” she asks.
“Looking at you.”
“What do you see?”
Life. Love. Hope. Fulfillment. Joy. Perfection. “Forever.” I close the gap and run my fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck. “Close your eyes, Ace.” That makes her smile, but I’m kissing her and she’s receiving and then kissing me right back.
Her body is putty in my hands when she looks up at me. “That was some kiss.”
“There are more where that came from.”
“I hope so.”
“I know so.”
Ace asks, “Can I open my eyes now?” Making us laugh again.
“I’m going to take this kid out. You have fun and I’ll see you later.”
She blows me a kiss and then one to Ace who catches his. “Good trick, my man. The ladies love that.”
A sideways glance was earned from her on that one, but the door closes, so it’s all good.
We head down to the shops and past the restaurants to find the small little Gelateria. After a few minutes of explaining that gelato is Italian ice cream, Ace orders Stracciatella. I didn’t even know what gelato was until last year when we toured Italy, and here’s this kid ordering the most Italian one from the bunch. He makes me grin with pride.
We sit in the corner of the shop eating and talking about the yo-yo. I pull out some of my best tricks to his amazement. Eyes are on us. Whisperings heard. He looks around a few times, adept at being aware of his surroundings, but doesn’t say anything. I try to keep his attention on me and enjoy our time together.
Leaning forward, I ask, “So what do you think about me dating your mom?”
“She likes to hang out with you. She smiles. That’s always her tell.”
“What do you know about tells?”
“Tommy told us everyone has a tell. Mommy’s smile is hers.”
I’m going to kick Tommy’s ass when I see him next. “I like seeing her smile too.”
“Will we see you again when we go home?”
Valid question and one I’m mor
e than happy to answer. “Yes. I’m on tour with the band for three more weeks, but then I’ll be home and we can hang out again.”
“I can practice the yo-yo and show you my tricks.”
“I’d like that.”
“Me too.”
After gelato, we go to this grassy area near the pool. It’s surrounded by bushes and appears to be a no man’s land, or secret garden as Ace calls it. I like the privacy and the fresh air. Ace loves the freedom to run. We don’t have a lot of time but I lie down in the grass anyway. It’s been a long time since I felt at peace enough to do so when I’m not home. Ace lies next to me and it reminds me of the first time I met him and the first time I saw Jaymes again. It’s only been a few weeks, not quite a month, but life without them feels foreign to me now. They feel like they’ve been a part of my life forever, their presence slowly erasing the difference.
Ace asks, “Are we moving?”
Turning my head to the side, I see the curiosity in his eyes. “I hope so.”
“With you?”
I’d like that. “I don’t know. What would you think about that?”
He shrugs. “What’s it like where you live?”
“Really nice. I have a house and there’s a pool.”
“I don’t know how to swim.”
“You can learn.”
“Will you teach me?”
Guitar. Yo-yo. To swim. It’s a lot to take on when I’m used to being single, but I’ve watched Dex adapt to being a father. And like how it was for him, it’s an easy adjustment. That’s love. I answer without hesitation, and I mean it, “Sure.”
“You’re rich.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Everything is nice and there are no mean people.”
I roll over on my stomach and lift up on my elbows. “I’d like to say that there aren’t, but you’re a wise little man, Ace. You know there are bad people. But there are also good people.”
“Am I good?”
“You’re the best.”
Sitting up, he fidgets with my watch. “Does that mean goodest?”
“That does mean the goodest.”
“So if I’m the goodest and my mom is the goodest, you’d want the best in your life.”
“Absolutely.”
“So it only makes sense that we should live in the house with the pool.”
“Ahhh. I see how you worked that in your favor, and I like your style, kid.”
“I like yours too.”
* * *
We knock on Dex’s door an hour before we need to leave for dinner if we want to eat before the show. Neil answers, but Rochelle is right behind him telling us to come in. Ace tags Neil and takes off. “Have you seen Jaymes?”
“In the bedroom, but I think she wants to surprise you. Let me go check on her.”
Holli comes out of the room, but shuts the door behind her. When she sees me, she says, “You did good. She’s smart and funny, and gorgeous.”
“She was all those things before she met me.”
“Well what can we say? Every girl loves a bad boy.”
Rochelle peeks out from the bedroom. “Come in here.” I shove my hands in my pockets not sure what to expect. Will she look different? Or the same? What have they been doing to her? The door is opened wide and now I see—my throat goes dry and my pants fit a lot tighter. This is not the same demure girl in a pink dress that showed up yesterday. This is a vixen who likes to dominate. Black dress that shows off all her sexy curves, tits pushed up, begging for my mouth, shapely legs, and fuck-me heels. “Fuck me.” I mean it one way. They think a different way. Jaymes rolls her eyes, but I can tell it’s only because she’s anxious. “You look stunning.”
“Really?” she asks, running her hands over her stomach. “I feel different.”
While I come into the room, Rochelle slips out, and shuts the door behind her. “How do you feel?”
“Beautiful.”
I slide my palm on the underside of her jaw and then cup her cheek. Leaning in, I kiss her gently, and whisper, “You should always feel as beautiful as you do right now.” This time I kiss her not so gently. My need ravenous.
Her hands slide under my shirt and slip in the back of my jeans, pushing my hips against hers. Our panting breaths reveal our desires. Her lips are on my neck and against my ear. “Fuck me, baby,” she whispers.
I spin her around and push her head down. “This dress is hot, but I want it off.” I take the zipper pull and slide from high on her back all the way down to her ass and then slip the straps off her shoulders.
She steps out of the dress and I’m left with my mouth agape. Holy fuck me. With see-through lace stretched over her body, this lingerie number is about to be ripped to fucking shreds. “You look so sexy all my plans to love on you—just fuck those.”
“No, fuck me, hot stuff.” She walks with confidence to the door and turns the little lock on the knob. Coming back, she stands in front of me and says, “Drop your pants and sit on the bed.”
I fucking move at the speed of light. With my cock on full display, I lean back on my elbows. The tips of her red nails glide over my erection and then spread the drop at the tip, coating my head before she takes her fingers in her mouth and slowly slides back out between ruby lips. “You make me want to do such naughty things to you.” Oh shit. This girl. Need. Her. Now.
“I won’t stop you.”
She smiles, but I see the determination in her eyes. She’s not going to be distracted from what she wants. Bending at the waist, she takes my dick into her mouth and slides down, slicking it between her lips.
Falling back on the bed, I want to close my eyes, but I can’t take them off her as she takes me. She speeds up like my breath—her mouth and throat taking me slowly, but fully inside. Pausing, she closes her eyes and swallows around me and I almost shoot my fucking load. “Fuck,” is muttered repeatedly and she obeys, picking up her pace. I watch with rapt fascination as she pulls my soul from the depths of my core, tighter and tighter I coil. Reaching up, I put a little pressure on the back of her head, but when she sucks me ever harder, I lose focus. Stars and darkness, Andromeda and Perseus, and midnight songs sung in the back of trucks blind me as I explode, letting her take everything she wants, everything she desires. I give my all to her. I always will.
33
Jaymes
I’ve made a mess of him and by the red lipstick all over his penis I can only imagine how I must look. I attempt to slink away to the bathroom and clean up before he has a chance to look at me, but I’m caught by the waist and pulled to the mattress beside him. “Don’t hide. I want to see how fucking beautiful you are after making me come.”
His dirty words elicit a soft whimper that I regret the second after I realize I did it. All my boldness, my empowerment from the clothes and makeup and hair is disappearing and I realize I just want him to love me for me. So I roll toward him and let him take me in—messy and disastrous I’m sure, but this is me after being together so intimately. “You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. That has never changed from the moment I saw you in that short dress with the flowers on it and that denim jacket.”
“You remember that?”
“I remember everything about you. You wore thick wool socks and a pair of deep-red combat boots.”
“They were knock-offs. We couldn’t afford Doc Martens. I found them at a resale shop for three dollars because the heel had split from the shoe. I used to use super glue to keep them together.”
“I liked them on you.”
She pushes against my chest. “I think you would say just about anything right now.”
“You’re wrong. I don’t have to say stuff to impress you. I just have to be honest.”
“You have me all figured out, do you?”
“No, I wish I did, but I do know that the truth goes a long way with you these days, so I won’t lie to you, Jaymes.”
Reaching between us, I find his hand and our fingers entwine. “
When you left that day, Reggie was pulled over the same evening on an anonymous tip the cops had received.” He stiffens between us, but doesn’t say a word. “He wasn’t taken in.”
“What?”
“I won’t lie to you either. Not anymore. I went by your house that afternoon, but you were turning the corner, driving erratic, so I followed you worried you had finally succumbed to doing what you swore to me you wouldn’t.”
“I wouldn’t do heroine. No way.”
“But I didn’t know that.”
“I told you. I gave you my word I wouldn’t. Was my word worth nothing?”
“Your word was as good as your actions and you were acting strange the previous few days. I know what you did. I saw how you set Reggie up to take the fall.”
“God, Jaymes.” His hands slide over his face and he starts pacing. “What did you do?”
“I thought I was helping. Like I said, I thought you weren’t thinking clearly.”
Stopping in front of me on the bed, his words are tight. “What. Did. You. Do?”
Panic rises, making it hard to breathe. “I . . . I waited for you to leave and found the package under his seat. I took it and flushed it all down my toilet.”
“Why?” he yells. “It was the perfect fucking plan. He would have gone down for life.”
Crawling back on the bed away from him, my words come stuttering out, “I didn’t know that. I, I thought, I thought he’d be released and he’d come for you.”
“Instead he came for you.”
Lies don’t separate us anymore. Neither do omissions.
Here we are caught in the middle of the hurricane we created.
Coming around to the side of the bed, he sits next to me. The heaviness of our exposed acts weigh his throat down and I hear him swallow. “It was a good plan.”
“A great plan. I just wish I would have been in on it.”
“Me too.”
A light knock is followed by Dex asking, “Everything okay?”
I look up at Derrick and sigh. He nods, understanding the weight of the world I’ve been carrying around with me all these years. Taking my hand in his, our fingers entwine again, and he replies, “All’s good.”
