by Gerri Hill
“I don’t, Annie. I love my daughter. I won’t interfere in her personal life.”
“I guess you don’t know my history. I married right out of high school—Derrick—dated him all through school and got married. I knew it was a mistake right away. I wasn’t in love with him. I wasn’t attracted to him. Yet I stayed married to him for six years. I didn’t want to have sex with him. I didn’t want to sleep with him.” She turned her gaze away from her, knowing how this made her sound. “I know what you’re thinking. If I didn’t love him, why did I get married?”
“I was eighteen once too, you know.”
Annie laughed. “Yeah, I blame it on my age. My mother adored Derrick. There was never a dissenting voice to be heard.”
“It took you six years to work up the courage to leave?”
“Yes. I kept thinking something was wrong with me and that I would change. But after I divorced, I never wanted to be with anyone…like that. I wasn’t interested in dating, I wasn’t interested in sex. I wasn’t attracted to anyone.”
“Not even Matt?”
Annie shook her head. “I’m sorry. No.”
“Then how—”
“It was a rainy night and I didn’t want to go home to my parents. I was…so lonely.” She thought back to that night, remembering how desperate she’d been for someone’s touch, anyone’s touch. “Matt, he flirted with me all the time, always teasing with me. And that night, I gave in to it because…well, because I thought something was wrong with me. I had no desire for anyone, nothing. I thought surely something was wrong and if I just…did it, maybe it would be all right.” She paused. “And I got pregnant. That was the result of that one night.” She leaned her head back. “Now Jordan…she’s turned my world upside down. I’ve never…I’ve never felt like this before.” She glanced over at Loraine. “A part of me is so afraid though. She makes me feel things I only dreamed of feeling.” She took a deep breath. “So please don’t be mad or upset. It’s just something that happened…something we couldn’t deny.”
“Are you in love with my daughter?”
“Yes. Surely this is what love feels like.”
Loraine smiled sweetly. “Then that’s good enough for me.”
“There’s just…one other thing.” She felt tears in her eyes and she blinked them away. “The night I got pregnant…”
Loraine nodded. “That was the night Matt died.”
Annie let her tears fall. “Yes. I’m so sorry.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Annie came in carrying bags, and Jordan hopped up to help her, surprised to find her mother coming up the steps after Annie, carrying as many bags as Annie was.
“Did you buy the store out?”
“I had the most wonderful time shopping,” her mother said. “This one loves to shop. So unlike you.”
“Well, glad she could indulge you,” she said.
“It was fun,” Annie said. She then shocked Jordan into a stunned silence by kissing her full on the lips. “Miss me?”
Jordan glanced quickly at her mother, who was watching her.
“Well? Did you miss her?”
Annie laughed. “She’s so cute when she blushes.”
Jordan looked from one to the other. What the hell is going on here?
“Yes, she is.” Her mother held up the bags. “So which bedroom should I put these in?”
“Follow me,” Annie said.
Jordan rubbed her face with both hands. Jesus…God…Annie told her? She stumbled into the kitchen and pulled down the twenty-year-old bottle of scotch she’d been saving for a special occasion. She’d dropped a hundred and fifty bucks for the Glenlivet, but it was without ceremony that she opened it now. Her hand trembled slightly as she poured a small amount into a glass. She barely took the time to savor the aroma of the liquid gold before drinking it.
“She kissed me in front of my mother,” she whispered to the empty room.
She poured another splash into the glass, then closed the bottle. She heard their voices and turned as they came into the kitchen. Her mother’s eyebrows rose.
“Kinda early for scotch, isn’t it?”
“I…umm…no. No.”
Her mother came closer and hugged her, then kissed her quickly on the cheek. “I love you, Jordan.” She pulled away and looked at Annie. “Don’t forget…dinner on Sunday.”
“We’ll be there.”
Jordan watched as her mother hugged and kissed Annie as well, then left with a wave of her hand. Jordan set her glass down, her mind spinning.
“I adore your mother,” Annie said.
Jordan blinked several times. “So…she knows?”
Annie smiled. “Yes, she knows.”
“Did she freak out?”
“No. In fact, she already knew. I didn’t have to tell her.”
Jordan’s eyes widened. “How?”
Annie shrugged. “Mother’s intuition, maybe. Doesn’t matter. We had a nice talk. I told her…well, I told her about that night with Matt. And then we had a good cry.”
Jordan ran her hand through her hair. “I can’t believe my mother knows.” She glanced at Annie. “Old habit…but I don’t normally expose my personal life to my mother.”
Annie walked over to her, close enough for their bodies to touch. She met her eyes, then leaned closer and kissed her. “Your mother loves you, Jordan. No matter what. I didn’t see the point in lying to her.”
Jordan pulled Annie closer, relishing the embrace. “No, you’re right.” She kissed Annie gently. “But are you okay with her knowing? I mean—”
“I’m okay with her knowing.” Annie pulled out of her arms. “This is all new to me, Jordan. But I don’t feel I want to hide it. Do you?”
“What about your mother?” she asked.
Annie smiled quickly. “Now that’ll be fun,” she said sarcastically. “Can you see it?”
“She’ll hate me.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I hate to tell you this, but I think she already does.”
Jordan stared at her. Sweetheart. Had she ever been called “sweetheart” before?
“What?”
Jordan smiled. “Nothing.”
“Okay. So do you want to see what all we bought?”
“Sure.”
Annie wiggled her eyebrows. “I’ll model for you.”
Jordan grabbed her hand and pulled her closer, kissing her. “Then you won’t get past the first outfit.”
Annie looped her arms around Jordan’s neck, their kisses no longer gentle. “I’ll let you help me dress.”
Jordan smiled against her lips. “How about I help you undress?”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
“So you’re really leaving, boss?”
Jordan nodded. “Yeah. You know, I do have a real job.”
Brandon wiped the blond hair off his forehead. “Gonna be kinda strange here without you.”
“I’m trusting you to handle things,” she said. “I will be back, you know.”
“Annie’s gonna be here though, right?”
“She’ll be working part-time this fall. Come January, well, her baby is due then. She’s also got student teaching lined up. So when she’s not here, you’re in charge.”
Brandon lowered his voice. “I don’t think your dad likes me.”
Jordan laughed. “He thinks you’re a hippie.”
“A hippie? Really?” He laughed. “Cool.”
“Just…don’t do anything too crazy,” she said. “I don’t know when I can come back. I’ve got to get somebody else in here by January.”
“You can trust me.”
“I know.”
She sat down behind the desk when he left. The office felt empty without Annie there. Jordan wondered how her first day back at school was going. She knew Annie didn’t want to go, but she was so close to finishing, Jordan had told her the semester would fly by. But would it? Or would it crawl by?
She couldn’t believe the summer was over, couldn’t believe she�
�d be leaving in four days. The last two weeks had been a blur. She and Annie had tried to cram as much time together as possible. Other than dinner with her parents the one night, they’d spent every evening at home, sharing cooking duties and sharing stories. It was so easy being with Annie. They could talk for hours, like friends did. And they could make love for hours, like lovers did. There were never any awkward moments between them. It was too easy. How could she not fall in love?
Yet, Chicago was calling. Summer fun was over, and it was time to get back to her real life. She tried to tell herself that being apart from Annie would be good for both of them. Being in a relationship with another woman—it was all new to Annie. Separated, maybe Annie would take the time to fully evaluate it and decide if this is truly what she wanted out of life.
Jordan felt a tightness in her chest, a slight pain in her heart. What if Annie decided just that? That this wasn’t what she wanted. What if she couldn’t live with the thought of her mother finding out? Or what if with her being away, these feelings fled? What if—
“Stop it,” she told herself.
She could go on for hours with “what-ifs” and it would solve absolutely nothing. She was leaving. She had accepted that. So had Annie, despite her tears.
She was leaving.
Chapter Forty
Annie wiped at her tears, standing in the driveway long after Jordan’s SUV had faded from view. She’d told herself she would not cry. At least, not in front of Jordan. But she felt like her heart was breaking, and she let her tears flow at will now.
“It’ll be okay,” Jordan had whispered.
“No. No, it won’t be.”
“I’m a phone call away.”
Another hug…another desperate kiss…and Jordan was gone.
She looked down the lonely driveway. Yes, Jordan was gone. Oh, she promised she’d be back and Annie believed her. Didn’t she?
Yes, of course she did. They’d made love with such abandon last night, as if Jordan was trying to imprint her touch on Annie’s body. Jordan had loved her so thoroughly that Annie had been in a state of pure bliss by the time they had finally given in to sleep.
Being with Jordan was so different than Derrick, than Matt. Jordan was soft where they were hard. Jordan was slow where they were quick. Jordan was gentle where they were rough. And even though it could be slow and gentle, that didn’t mean it wasn’t intense and passionate too. It was.
So, yes, surely Jordan was coming back.
Annie felt a small smile tugging at her lips. She remembered Jordan kissing her belly—kissing the baby—telling him that she’d be back soon. Real soon.
But what was soon? A couple of weeks? A month? Two or three months? Her smile faded at that thought. Could she make it for two or three months without her? Again, that nagging thought that Jordan would disappear—that she would stay away like she used to do—was lingering in her mind.
“I love her.”
Then why didn’t you tell her?
Because she was afraid to, that’s why. And without Jordan here, it almost seemed like a dream—this crazy, crazy summer. A glorious, delicious dream…but still only a dream. Did she really get pregnant? Did she really fall in love with a woman?
Yes and yes.
She took a deep breath and blew it out quickly. Yes and yes. She wiped her cheeks dry and turned, heading back inside the house. Her house now. Her lonely, empty house.
At least she had Fat Larry’s. She had inventory and ordering to do this morning. Then she had two classes this afternoon. The day would pass by quickly, she hoped.
And instead of coming home to an empty house and a solitary dinner, she’d already made plans with Suzanne. Britney was going to stay with her grandmother, so they’d have the house to themselves. They were going to pick up Chinese food and watch a movie and catch up. Things would get back to normal.
Whatever normal was.
* * *
“You’ve been awfully quiet,” Suzanne said as they cleaned up after dinner. “Is everything okay?”
Annie forced a smile. “Yes, of course.”
Suzanne studied her. “I saw you last week and you were absolutely beaming. Today…not so much.”
“Well, the fall semester started. I’m driving to Corpus three days a week now.” Annie shrugged. “And still working at Fat Larry’s as much as I can.”
“So you and Brandon are really running things? How’s that going to work out?”
“It’ll be good. Brandon has grown up so much this summer. I think he likes the responsibility that Jordan has given him.”
“Is she going to come back at all?”
“Yes. She says…yes.”
Annie turned away. Could they talk about something other than Jordan and whether she would return to Rockport or not? Annie was feeling insecure enough as it was. She didn’t need Suzanne putting more doubts in her mind.
Suzanne touched her arm. “What’s going on, Annie?” she asked gently.
Annie bit her lip. “What do you mean?”
“You look like you’re about to cry.”
Annie closed her eyes for a moment. Oh, crap.
“Annie, what is it? Is everything okay with the baby?”
Annie touched her belly. “Yes, everything is fine with the baby. I’m getting huge.”
Suzanne smiled. “You are not. Give it a couple more months before you say that.”
“I know. I still have over four months to go.”
“So what’s wrong?”
Annie gave her a weak smile. “I’m…lonely.”
“Lonely?”
Oh, hell. “I miss her.” Annie looked at Suzanne. “She’s only been gone one day and…and I miss her like crazy.”
Suzanne frowned. “Jordan? Well, I guess you got used to having a roommate.”
Annie hid her smile. “Yes. Something like that.” She grabbed Suzanne’s forearms and squeezed. “Listen, promise me you won’t freak out.”
“What are you talking about?”
God, this was probably a mistake but Annie so wanted to tell Suzanne what was going on in her life. She wanted to share that with Suzanne…with someone.
“Just promise me you won’t freak out,” she said as she released Suzanne’s arms.
Suzanne nodded. “Okay, I won’t freak out. But you’re starting to scare me. What’s going on?”
Annie took a deep breath. “Jordan and I…well…this summer…” She scratched the side of her neck nervously. “We’re kinda…involved. Sexually.”
Suzanne literally shrieked, then covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes wide with shock.
“Oh. My. God. You’re having sex with her?”
Annie nodded. Okay, so maybe telling her wasn’t such a good idea after all.
“Oh…my God. What did she do to you? Did she force you?”
“Of course not.”
Suzanne stared at her. “Oh, my God. I can’t believe it. She’s a…a lesbian.”
Annie nodded. “Yeah. That’s kinda the reason.”
“Oh, my God,” she said once again. She shook her head quickly from side to side. “You have lost your freakin’ mind.”
Annie held a hand up. “You promised you wouldn’t freak out.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know this was what you were going to tell me.” She shook her head. “How did this happen? I mean, I can’t believe it. I just absolutely cannot believe it.”
“Why can’t you believe it? After everything I’ve told you about Derrick, about me not being interested in anybody, about how…bad it was when I slept with Matt. Why can’t you believe it?”
“Yeah…but a woman?”
Annie went closer, taking her hands and squeezing. “Remember when you came over to the house that day we had the office party? And you caught me staring down at the pier? You thought I was staring at Brandon.” Annie shook her head. “It wasn’t Brandon I was staring at.”
Suzanne’s shoulders sank. “Oh, my God,” she whispered.
&
nbsp; “I’m in love with her.”
Suzanne shrieked again. “In love? With a woman?”
“Yes. Crazy in love.”
Suzanne sank down into a chair at the breakfast bar, her head shaking slowly, back and forth. “In love?”
“Crazy in love,” she said again. “I’m…happy, Suzanne. She makes me happy.” Annie sat down next to her. “Remember that day we had lunch, when I asked you if you were happy being married? I told you I had never been. That’s the truth. Living…being with Derrick, never made me happy. He tried…I tried, but I was never happy.” She took Suzanne’s hand once again and squeezed it. “Living with Jordan, being involved with her like I am, makes me so very, very happy. I won’t blame you if you can’t understand how I feel, Suzanne. But please, I just want you to be happy for me.”
“I know. I know. It’s just…I never expected this.”
Annie tilted her head. “Didn’t you? Surely you could see how close we were getting.”
“Yeah. I thought, well, that you needed a friend is all.”
Annie nodded. “I did. And she became a very good friend. But we were closer than that. I think from the moment we met, we were closer than that.”
Suzanne ran a hand through her hair. “If you think Derrick flipped out over you being pregnant, this will send him over the edge.”
Annie shook her head. “Hello? Divorced, remember?”
Suzanne smiled. “Hello? Derrick, crazy man, remember?”
Annie laughed. “I know it will be a shock to him, but I don’t think he’ll go crazy over it. I told you we had a good talk. He knows it’s over with us.”
“A small town like this,” Suzanne said. “When people find out his ex-wife is now suddenly gay…” She paused. “That’s what this is, right? Or is this just a phase or something?”
“It’s not a phase, Suzanne.”
“So you’re…gay now? Or do you call it bi?”
“I don’t call it anything. I call it being in love with Jordan.”
