What a mess.
“I obviously had a narrow minded view on what was attractive.”
“Have you seen your folks?”
“Yes.” She hadn’t.
“Have you eaten?”
“No.” She’d had a Snickers and a bag of chips on the way. She ate junk when she got nervous.
“I was just about to grab a bite, you wanna join me? We could catch up.”
She wasn’t sure if the smile on her face said, “yes, please,” or psychotic clown. She toned it down a notch just in case.
“That’d be great, Nate.”
“The diner okay?”
“That sounds perfect.” I love you!
“Just let me wash up. I’m a mess.” He disappeared into the office. She wanted to tell him to leave the smudge on his cheek. Hell, at this point she would have licked the grease off his fingers.
The diner happened to be just a block away, so they walked and talked. Georgia had to put her hands behind her back to keep from grabbing his. Was he always this funny?
Yes, yes he was.
Was he always so sexy?
Yes, yes he was.
She wanted to grab his arm. Ruffle his hair. Check every one of his molars with her tongue…Good lord, she was going to lose it. He was like a cold drink of water after being marooned on a desert island. And she was thirsty, very thirsty.
The ding from the bell above the door was familiar. She’d practically grown up in this place. The worn floors. The yellow formica counter tops covered in fresh baked desserts and ketchup bottles. Dave in front of the griddle, the white paper hat leaning precariously to the side. Nate waved at almost every table and pecked Dolores James on the cheek, who’d worked there longer than they’d been alive. He slid into a booth in the back corner. Georgia started to slide in beside him. She caught herself when half of her butt was behind the table. Nate raised an eyebrow.
“Just kidding.” She forced a laughed and quickly slid into the other side. She picked up the long plastic menu, covering her face as she made faces and mouthed curses to herself.
What was she doing? She knew this was a long shot, but if she could get him to fall for her everything would be okay. They would get married and have babies right away. She had one semester of school left. Medical school would have to wait, or not. At this point she didn’t care about anything but getting her family back. If she was never going back to her reality she would make this one a replica.
Long shot might be an understatement, but common sense and desperation never knew each other, and never would.
“What looks good?” Nate asked. He always said that when they went out to eat. It made her feel safe and sad at the same time.
“Hmmm, maybe the soup. It’s Thursday, so it’ll be creamy tomato.” She wasn’t really hungry, but she’d eat, if it kept him talking, kept him near her. She’d shove every thing they had on the menu down her throat if she had to. Now all she had to do was turn on the charm, which she knew was there somewhere, deep, deep inside.
Brady had been a forgone conclusion back in the day, they just made sense. All of the same classes and shared route home from school. And Nate, well, how they got together had nothing to do with her charm. Nope, that was all alcohol and irresponsibility.
Did she say long shot? She meant a popsicle’s chance in hell.
No, she could do this. She was an overachiever, damn it. She just had to apply that focus towards seducing her husband and making him fall in love with her again, or for the first time. Fuck, this was a hot mess.
“That sounds good. But I’m kind of in the mood for…”
“Pot roast,” Georgia answered for him.
He gave her a look. “That’s right. How did you know that?”
She kicked herself mentally. “Oh, just a guess. Their pot roast is really good.” He nodded like he kind of believed her, or thought she could be a complete stalker.
Charm him, you idiot, don’t make him put a restraining order on you.
She jammed her nails into her palm.
“So, you still friends with Lucy?” he asked, handing the menus to their server.
“Oh yeah, not much could bust us up.”
He laughed. “Yep, you two were always together. Almost as much as you and Brady.”
“Oh, well, things change.”
He took a sip of his iced tea, then cocked his head. “You and Brady not together?”
She shook her head.
She hadn’t officially given him the boot, but her leg was cocked back and ready to serve up some ass-curb action. She’d been avoiding him like the plague the past few weeks, and with his busy schedule he hadn’t seemed to mind. But she was going to have to deal with it when she got back. She only had room for one man, and that man was Nate. She just had to get him.
“Hm. That shocks me. I thought you guys would end up together.”
“Things change. People change. We just grew apart, ya know?”
A huge smile took over his face and her breath caught in her lungs. He was happy about Brady, he did have feelings for her. This was going to work. This crazy have-cocked plan was going to work!
“Baby,” Nate said, and Georgia thought she might cry at the sound of the endearment. Nate raised his hand in the air. He was signaling someone at the door. Georgia looked over her shoulder. It was an attractive girl and she was coming to their table. Attractive if you liked petite blonde, girl next door types, which she did not.
“Hey! I went by the shop and your daddy said you were here.” Her voice was syrupy sweet, with a very thick Texas accent. Georgia might have considered it cute, if she wasn’t gagging. And she was pretty sure she was giving her a die bitch glare.
When the girl slid in next to Nate and kissed him passionately, Georgia was glad there weren’t any sharp knives on the table because she was pretty sure the blonde would have been cut.
Her jaw clenched. She rolled her eyes and turned her head, trying to swallow the bile that rose from her throat. Nate seemed to remember there was someone else at the table, and that they were in a public place, because he pulled back and cleared his throat.
God, could her boobs get any bigger?
“Sorry ‘bout that, Georgie.” At least he managed to look embarrassed. “This is Elle.”
“Hi, you can call me Ellie, everybody does…I remember you, Georgia. I was a grade under you guys.” I know who you are, you home wrecking trollop. “You dated Brady, right? I think every girl in my grade had a crush on him.”
Ellie, which was the stupidest name she’d ever heard, grabbed Nate’s arm and smiled at him like he was her world. “But I always had a thing for blondes that were good with their hands.” The innuendo was revolting. Georgia had never felt like this before, she was practically choking on jealousy. She’d never been prone to violence, but at that moment she wanted to give Ellie a beat down so bad, she could almost taste the blood.
Nate smiled. “Lucky for me.”
Okay, she was ready to wake up now.
But wait, it wasn’t like they were married. People break up all the time. And Georgia was just the person to bust up this little love fest.
“Hopefully the baby will have your curls, Nate.”
At that moment it all fell away. The numbness, instantaneous. “Baby?” she managed to say. Her voice thin and breathy.
Nate grinned and nodded. “It was a surprise since we just got hitched a few months ago.” Okay, now she could die, and now she noticed the gold ring on his finger. How had she missed that one?
“But it was the best surprise. Who wouldn’t be excited about having a baby? Babies are a blessing,” Ellie said softly. She beamed and put her hands on her stomach.
She had to get out of there.
“I’m happy for you guys. Sorry, but I just remembered that I told Lucy I’d stop by. Good to see you, Nate.” Georgia didn’t wait for their reply and she didn’t pay for her soup. She just hit the door and ran. She made it as far as the open field behind the
gas station when she threw up—blinded by tears.
This was what desolation felt like. Despair. It was a living, breathing thing.
She sat on the curb for what seemed like hours, all the memories of their life together shuffling through her mind.
“Nate! Nate! Hurry! It won’t stop.”
Nate ran into the nursery, looking scared. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“The poop, it won’t stop coming out! It’s like toothpaste coming out of the tube. Help me! I went to change her diaper and…” She pointed down at the changing table.
Nate laughed. “What the hell am I supposed to do? Get a cork?”
“No, grab a wet wipe or something. I need back up.”
Amelia was a good baby, she got on a sleeping schedule after a few months and was a good eater. Georgia had the sore nipples to prove her little lady’s voracious appetite. They were learning as they went, clueless at first, but were slowly getting the hang of things. Their moms had been life savers.
“Holy shit! It’s like the ass end exorcist.”
Georgia laughed, “Come on I need wipes, not jokes.”
“Baby, calm down. Just let the poor thing finish her business.” She always minded her daddy, even then. “See, there she’s done.” He kissed Georgia on the cheek, then Amelia’s.
“Wow, that was intimidating. They didn’t have a chapter about that in that What to Expect book.”
Nate handed her a few wipes, took the diaper, and started to place it in the bin.
“Maybe I’ll stick this one right in the garbage can outside.”
“Good thinking.”
“Georgie, I don’t think half of what we’re in for can be found in a book. Online maybe…” He grinned. “You’re doin’ just fine.”
“So are you, baby.” She gave him a soft kiss on the lips.
“Two kids raising a kid.” Nate said as he left the room.
‘There, all clean,” Georgia sang to the tiny person, her arms and legs kicking into the air.
She lifted Amelia into her arms and kissed her head, inhaling that baby smell she loved. In fact, she loved everything about Amelia. She was floored at the intensity of her love, it had been immediate. Her love for Nate had taken time, but not much more. He was easy to love.
They took a short stroll around Amelia’s little room, decorated in shades of pale pink and chocolate. She sang “Twinkle Twinkle” and peppered Amelia’s velvet cheeks with kisses as they landed in the soft chair by the crib—their favorite place to take an afternoon nap.
Georgia finally gathered the strength to get in the car. She didn’t go to Lucy’s, she just drove. It was quiet. She couldn’t bring herself to turn on the radio. She was alone with her thoughts as she tried to sift through her feelings.
Guilt.
That’s what she felt. She kept replaying Ellie’s announcement in her head, her obvious elation. When she’d first found out she was pregnant she felt it was anything but a blessing, she’d felt trapped. Her circumstances had been different, but the guilt still remained.
And Nate. Did she ever look at him that way, with adoration and reverence? She didn’t think so…but she’d loved him, damn it, she did. She’d been a good and faithful wife, but there was always a piece of herself she kept from him. Maybe this was her penance, she deserved this new reality and it was a jail sentence. Funny how at times she thought her life before was just that. And now…now she’d give anything to have it all back.
The realization that her girls might be lost to her forever was the most painful to bear. She never regretted them, she never wanted a life without them. She had to pull over, she was going to be sick again.
She kneeled in the grass by the side of the road. A jagged moan tore from her mouth.
“Oh God…my babies.”
What had she done?
~Chapter Seventeen~
When Georgia arrived back on campus after seeing Nate, she went right to bed, ignoring her phone and classes. She sobbed, hours on end.
One thing finally motivated her to get out of bed the following day…Brady.
Maybe he could take her mind off of all the pain. He’d been really good at that once upon a time. Maybe she hadn’t given him a real chance. Sure he was a little up his own ass, but maybe he was stressed about classes. That thought had her springing out of bed and heading to his place.
Two hours later she was back in her dorm. It hadn’t gone as planned…
She went to his apartment a few blocks from campus, on a mission to get some. She thought maybe she could hump the pain away. Nate was getting his, so why not her? She swallowed the acid that came up her throat at the thought.
She bounded up the stairs and hit her fist on the door but no one answered. Georgia had been so determined she hadn’t thought to call first. He was probably on the other side of campus at this time of day. But then she heard some movement and took a few steps back
The door swung open. Brady was shirtless, hair disheveled. She didn’t care what his political beliefs were as long as she could see his abs.
“I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?”
“Yeah. I was studying and must have fallen asleep. What are you doing here in the middle of the day?”
“Just wanted to see you. Uh, can I come in?”
“Sorry, of course.” He moved out of her way and she walked into his apartment. It was small and tidy, decorated with hues of gray and dark blues. Modern art on the wall, it reeked of taste. Not what one would expect from a guy in college.
“Just give me a minute to put on a shirt, okay?” No, it was not okay, she wanted to see his bedroom. Well, his bed, really.
“I’ll help you pick one out.” She gave a sultry grin and walked down the short hall to what she hoped was his room. The whole seduction factor would be ruined if she walked into a closet…or a bathroom.
“Wait, G, don’t go in there, my room’s a mess.”
Red flags waved and the danger sign illuminated.
She gave him a hard look as she pushed the door open. When she walked in, she got one of the biggest shocks of her life—only slightly surpassed by the discovery of her pregnancy.
“What..the…hell?”
“G, I can explain.”
“You can?” She turned to Brady, who’d come up behind her. “Because I’d love to hear how you plan to explain this one to me.” The volume of her voice, just shy of a scream, filled the small room.
Silence.
“Should I leave?” a shy voice said. Georgia pulled her glance from Brady and directed it to the limbs jutting out of the covers.
“No. You just stay put,” Brady said. “It’s about time, anyway.”
Georgia laughed. It was a loud cackle, and it was not attractive.
“You’ve got to be kidding me, Brady.” She now stood in the corner of the room, not sure if she wanted to disappear or throw a karate chop.
“How long?”
Brady grabbed his shirt off of the ground and pulled it over his head. “I’m not sure how to answer that.”
“So, your claim of an explanation was bullshit?…Damn, I kinda feel like an idiot right now.”
Brady grabbed her hand and squeezed. “Please, you’re not an idiot. I’m just…well, isn’t it kind of self explanatory… and does it matter how long?”
Both valid points, so she just shrugged.
“I’m sorry, hi, I’m Georgia.” She walked over to the bed and stuck her hand out. Her voice dripping with forced courtesy.
“Hello, Georgia, nice to finally meet you…I’m Alan.” They shook hands. She pulled back and inched away from the bed. Georgia’s head was spinning.
But as she recovered from the shock, it all kind of made sense. Well, there was one thing that didn’t fit.
“So, you’re gay?” Brady’s answer was a nod. “How can you be so politically conservative and be gay? Doesn’t that conflict with your Naz…uh, your young republican code?”
“G, you can be gay and republican.”
>
“You can? Because I’ve never met one.”
“That’s because most of us are in the closet.”
She couldn’t tell if he was kidding or not.
“Oh.” She was more confused than ever. “How about I go into the living room, so Alan here can put some clothes on.” She turned and marched out into the living room. Brady followed shortly after.
“Brady, I don’t know how to feel right now. It makes me sad that you felt you had to lie to me.”
“I’m so sorry. I love you, you know that. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I just couldn’t break your heart.” Funny he said that, she was ready to break up with him.
She sighed. “My heart’s not broken, Brady. I promise.” Not because of him, anyway. “I think we’ve been growing apart for a long time.” Long time, three weeks…she was going for dramatic affect. “Wait a minute, how you’ve been acting lately, was that all an act to push me away?”
He nodded sheepishly.
“Thank God, Brady! I thought you’d morphed into some bigoted prick. I was wondering where the boy I fell in love with had gone.”
“I’m here.” He opened his arms, unsure she’d come into them. She did after a moments hesitation. They held each other until the shuffling of feet sounded in the hall.
“I’m glad.” She let go and gave him a smile.
“Well, Alan, I’m not sure what to say to you, except he’s all yours.”
Brady smiled, but then it fell away as he sat on the couch. He shook his head, then ran his hand over his hair.
“Why are you being so cool about this? I, your boyfriend since high school, have been having a relationship on the side, with a guy, and you’re not going ballistic?”
Was she mad? No. Shocked? Yes. If this had happened in real life she would’ve been devastated. In this reality, she was relieved. Her heart, the part that was still intact, belonged to another. Maybe her added maturity helped a bit, too. Her thirty year old self could see the big picture. The picture that didn’t include Brady.
She sat beside him and grabbed his hand. “Honestly, I’m just glad there wasn’t a woman in your bed—then I would have done some creative things to your penis.” Both guys snorted a laugh. “In all honesty, I knew we weren’t right for each other, even before the whole man in your bed thing. But I still care about you and want you to be happy.”
The Space Between Page 11
