I pinched my lips together, and my heart still galloped too fast. But, fuck, I was here. In his damn room. Though, I still needed to argue a very important point first. “And I really don’t like you carting me off whenever you feel like it.”
“You wouldn’t have been able to think straight during the meeting without us having this discussion.” Ice blue eyes softened—to a little less frigid—and his voice quieted. “But we’ll get to why you were frightened in a moment. First, I wanted to discuss your whereabouts yesterday. We have a deal between us, and I’d like to know if you ignored it.”
“No, I didn’t ignore it.” I sighed and rubbed my forehead. I was so very tired. I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to work out the tangles while I eyed his bookcase—and the hidden compartment behind it. Finally, when he didn’t fill the silence with drivel, as I’d hoped he would, I looked back into his eyes. I dropped my hands onto my lap, and mumbled quietly, “I needed to get out of the stronghold for a little while. King Niallan used the same kill stroke on Ysander that I did with Adelie. It fucked with my head. I needed space.”
“That proud fool will do many things to get in your head. I’ve been trying to explain that to you. He’s been manipulating people much older than you are longer than you’ve been born. Like I said, don’t fall for his shit. Any of it.” Lord Belshazzar bent down and placed the empty glass on the floor, with extreme slowness, as if he were trying to calm himself. Then he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. Those eyes of his were stern and severe now. “So you left the stronghold? Without anyone knowing? Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?”
Guilt seeped into my expression. “Yes, I do. It wasn’t smart. I know.” I licked my lips and attempted to get comfortable on his couch, pulling my feet up under me and placing an elbow on the arm of the couch to prop my head up with a fist. “I took Phoenix with me, but it was still stupid. Especially since I don’t know yet who attacked us.” I cast a pointed glare in his direction. “If you would just tell me—”
“Don’t start that shit again,” he hissed, stopping my words. Bel tipped his head back and stared up at the ceiling. After a moment, still studying the cave’s black ceiling, he grumbled, “So where the fuck did you go?”
“Just down to the town. I stayed at the small inn they have there.” I cleared my throat and went for full transparency. “Phoenix stayed in the room with me, but he slept on a godawful wooden chair. If he actually spoke to me, I’m sure he would have cussed me out. It looked uncomfortable as hell.”
Bel snorted and dipped his head back down. His eyes trapped mine. It was the Overlord staring, not my lover. “Are you going to pull that stunt again, your majesty?”
“No. I know better. It was a mistake.”
A black brow lifted. “I don’t believe you, even if you believe that lie. Being a queen is not easy, which you have yet to learn. The next time you plan to sneak out, take me with you. I’ll leave you alone, allow you your alone time, but you’ll be safe with me nearby.”
I stared into his eyes. Quiet.
Then I nodded. “Thank you. I may take you up on that. I’m sure you’re right.”
“I am right. So use the resources you have. You’ll stay alive longer if you do.” His hard gaze raked over my features, and his eyes began to soften again. The Overlord was gone, and my lover was back. Ever so slowly, he shook his head, and stated quietly, “Speaking of safety, Gwen, you truly have nothing to fear from me. You should never feel fear like you did in the conference room. Not because of me.”
My lips thinned. “You are…”
I couldn’t even begin to explain him.
“I’m a lot to handle. I know. But I did warn you before we even began.” Bel leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together. “What was going through your head when you freaked out? I’ve never seen you like that before.”
“Um…” I turned my head to the side and stared at the bookshelf again, unable to meet his eyes. “I’d rather not say.”
“If I don’t know, I can’t help.”
I chuckled at his calm, rational behavior. “You really want to talk about it?”
“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.” He tipped his head, bringing his forehead into my line of sight. “Look at me, Gwen. You are not a coward.”
I sighed. “Sometimes I am.”
Like earlier. I toyed with the chain of the necklace he had given me, the gem hidden under my shirt.
I did return my attention to him. “Better?”
His wide lips twitched. “Much.”
Still, I hesitated. “Do you promise if I talk about this that you won’t bring it into our work life? I mean, you already brought personal shit in, and I haven’t even been the queen for long. What I need to say…could affect things.”
His long black hair swayed as he nodded. “I shouldn’t have done that in there. I will do my best for it not to happen again.”
I rubbed my lips together, thinking.
I did need to talk to him. Better now than never.
“Fine. I’ll tell you.” I sat up straighter on the couch and didn’t flinch away from his eyes. I stared at him straight on. “Look, I’ve never really been with someone who is more dominant than I am. Lord Pippin came close, but I could still hold my own against him if I needed to. But you? You are so much more powerful and shrewd and alpha than me that it is frightening.”
Bel sat on his chair and ran his right hand over the growing stubble on his chin in aggravation—and what might have been worry—waiting for me to finish. He knew I wasn’t done yet by my quick breathing. I needed more air for this shit.
I swallowed hard on a dry throat. “If you wanted to, you could wreck me in every way possible. That scares me. And you’re right. You did warn me. I really might be too young for you.” I sucked in another lungful of oxygen, my heart hammering in my chest. I waved my hands in the air. “Hell, I may never be ready for someone like you. I have no clue.”
Now. Now, I was done.
Bel stopped rubbing his chin and dropped his hand onto his lap. He blinked gradually and stared off into nothing, and finally muttered crossly, “I wonder what my father would say if he heard this conversation.”
My brows puckered in confusion, but I asked, “Your father’s still alive?”
“More than likely.” He shook his head, as if the action would clear his thoughts, and then turned back to look me in the eyes. He waved a hand in the air. “Ignore that. My apologies.”
Still confused, I nodded slowly. “All right.”
Bel’s striking eyes gradually moved up and down my tense frame as he cautiously asked, “I need to know if I understand you correctly. Are you saying you no longer wish to be with me?”
“Yes,” I answered instantly. My brows slammed together. “No.”
He blinked. “Would you like to try again?”
“Um…” I rubbed at my forehead. “I’m scared.”
“You’ve said that.”
“And you have nothing to say about me saying that?”
Bel shook his head. “There’s nothing I can say to that. I am everything you said. I am more powerful, shrewd, and alpha than you. That is not something I can stop. It is who I am.”
My lips thinned.
He rubbed at his chin again as he watched me. “But that’s not what you’re afraid of. You’re afraid I will wreck you, as you said.” It was his turn to prop his chin up on a fist, resting his left arm on the arm of his chair. The vampire was silent for at least two long-as-hell minutes. When he did eventually speak again, his tone was easygoing, done deliberating whatever he was thinking. “Gwen, I am not like the men you’ve dated before.”
I tossed my hands up into the air again, my voice turning shrill. “I know! I could handle them.”
His head shook gently. “That’s not what I mean when I say I’m not like them. While I may be hard to handle—sometimes even impossible to handle—I am an honorable man.”
“So were they.” My brows scrunched, confused.
“Were they?” he asked quietly. Patiently.
I opened my mouth to speak toward their honor…but slowly shut it. Perhaps he had a point. None of the men I had ever dated—the poor dead bastards—had ever treated me with kindness. Not really. Especially toward the end of our relationship.
I mumbled, “Huh.”
He waited. Gentleness entered his gaze.
“Lord Pippin isn’t bad,” I felt the need to say.
Bel snorted. “The fucker abandoned you.”
“Ignoring that, of course,” I grumbled. I tipped my head to the side, eyeing his features. “How do you know what my relationships were like with the men I’ve dated, anyway?”
“It was in your file.”
“Not just their names?”
“No. Your father kept close tabs on you.”
I pulled my lips back in a sneer. “That’s a little creepy.”
He simply shrugged a shoulder. Still, he waited.
“Do you want me to walk away from this relationship?” I asked honestly, as I analyzed his posture. He sat relaxed now, completely at ease. “Half the time, I can’t tell with you.”
His sigh was profound. “I won’t lie to you, Gwen. I do think you’re still too young for me. But I can be a selfish man with my wants. So, no, I don’t want you to walk away. But if you’re not ready for me yet, are adamant that you can’t handle me right now, I can wait.”
I was certain my face gave way to my surprise. “Why would you wait for me? We don’t know each other well enough to wait around for the other’s bullshit to settle.”
“I am nothing but patient.”
I gazed into his eyes that were the same color as mine. “You didn’t really answer my question.”
His ice blue eyes narrowed. “All right. I like you.”
I propped my chin up on my fist, copying his posturing and really contemplating his words. I glanced at the added security at the top of his ceiling, the steel walls still up because of the early hour.
Eventually, I peered back down to his gaze. “You don’t like many people, do you? You don’t let many people close. You’re a very private man.”
“I don’t feel the need to shove my life in other people’s faces, no. I enjoy my privacy when I can achieve it.”
I nodded slowly. “And you actually like me.”
He sighed again, long and suffering. “I do.”
My lips twitched. “I’m like knotted ivy. I just stick to you no matter how much you try to shake me off. Don’t fret about it too much, my lord. You aren’t the first person to find your affection for me annoying.”
Bel chuckled deep, the sound of his voice pleasing to my ears. “I’d say you’re a might more attractive than knotted ivy, but I understand your meaning.”
I probably preened a little. “Well, we do look a lot alike, so keep giving me compliments. It’ll boost your own ego too.”
He laughed outright, his head tipping back and his happiness filling his bedchambers.
I grinned. It was small. But it was there.
I liked making him laugh.
Bel settled down, his eyes still sparkling with warmth. “Are you going to try again?”
My smirk was sheepish—and, possibly, a little shy. A trait I never would have associated with myself. “I don’t want to end our relationship. I agree that you’re an honorable man. You’ve proven that throughout history and to me so far.” My smile slowly died. “And I now realize I have a few hang-ups. I’m letting my past relationships affect what could be something special.”
Blue eyes held mine, his words whisper soft. “I know. And I’ll try to take that into account and help you.”
That was enough of the sappy shit for now.
My heart was swelling too much, too fast, for this vampire. I couldn’t fall too easily for him. A man did have to work for my attention, after all.
I teased, “You mean when you’re not an ass?”
With wide lips, he smirked. “Yes, when I’m not an ass.”
We stared at one another for a while longer.
We merely sat in silence and watched each other.
Oddly, it was peaceful.
It seemed he liked looking at me as much as I enjoyed looking at him, neither one of us bothering to break the quiet.
Never had I ever just enjoyed the sight of someone.
It was an entirely new experience for me.
I could sit here for hours and never be bored.
Lost in our own thoughts, we both jerked at the knock on his door. Our heads snapped in the direction of the offending sound. My lips trembled as the door swung open, and my father could be heard outside—and his threat.
“I will fucking castrate you, Orin, if you don’t get out of my way. I swear to fucking God, I’ll do it too. I’ll have one of your women do it while you’re getting a blowjob. Just imagine that fun. You’ll never be fully relaxed while you’re getting pleasured because you’ll be too worried if she’s the one I sent to cut you up.” A scuffle erupted in the hallway, and then my father darted inside Bel’s bedchambers, slamming the door and locking it behind him. His brown eyes scanned the room, while he jerked at the bottom of his suit jacket to remove the wrinkles. He grunted, seeing us sitting peacefully. “All that work for nothing. I guess I didn’t need to come in here after all.”
With a bored tone, Lord Belshazzar stated, “I would appreciate it, Lord Cato, if you didn’t threaten my bodyguard’s balls in the future. I’m pretty sure he’d appreciate it too, my lord.”
My father shrugged and walked in our direction. “He was being a pain.” He flicked his thumb over his shoulder at the door. “You didn’t hear what was going on out there. Me threatening the removal of his balls was nothing compared to the shit flying out of his mouth. What’s been taking so long for you two to rejoin us?”
Lord Belshazzar hooded his gaze.
I did the same.
We had sort of zoned out in our own world.
Not very vampire of us. Embarrassing, really.
We’d been too wrapped up in each other.
My father grunted again. His brown eyes leapt back and forth between us as if watching a tennis match—one that ended in death. He didn’t comment. Instead, he placed his left hand on my shoulder. Lord Cato asked, “I needed to check if you were all right, your majesty. When you didn’t return in a timely fashion, I was worried.”
I barely kept from rolling my eyes. I dipped my shoulder casually and slid out of his gripping hand. “I am fine.” I narrowed my eyes, unable to let it go. “Don’t touch me again. Blood does not make us a family.”
The edges of his mouth started to turn down, but it was gone so fast it may have never been. He chuckled with malicious humor lighting his gaze. “Deny it all you want, sweetling, but I’m the only blood family you have left. If you’d stop fighting that losing battle, you might find that you actually like me. We’re more alike than most family who spends every day together.” His chest puffed with pride. “My genes run strong in you.”
If I had a sledgehammer in my hands right now, I’d deflate his swollen head. “Jesus, just stop talking.”
“Actually, it’s not just your personalities that are alike,” Lord Belshazzar added, not helping matters. He pointed a finger between us, seeming to take great pleasure in his words—he did enjoy poking at me. “You look similar too. Like, your pert noses are the same as is your black hair.”
“I know,” I hissed in anger at the same time my father stated with pride, “I know.”
Lord Belshazzar’s lips trembled at our responses, each one differently implied than the other. His ice blue eyes found mine, twinkling with wit. “I apologize, Gwen. I couldn’t stop myself.”
I growled under my breath and speared him with a special look. “You are aggravating, my lord.”
Lord Cato ignored my earlier warning and patted my shoulder again. “If you two are done talking, our asshole king is
done with the shield and is waiting in the conference room for us.”
Annoyed, I shoved up from the couch. “I presume we’re just supposed to come running now that he’s ready?”
My father grinned—slowly. “Actually, I thought that we should stop by the kitchen and have a bite to eat first. There’s no need to rush.” He pointed at my stomach. “I could have sworn you stated you’re so hungry you were feeling faint.”
“Actually…I believe you’re right.” I lifted my black brows and rubbed my belly, which was still full from my breakfast. “I am starving. I wouldn’t want to faint in the conference room.”
Lord Belshazzar chuckled where he was still sitting on his chair, glancing back and forth between us. “So, so alike.”
I flashed my fangs at him. “Enough from you.”
Lord Cato’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket and glanced at the screen. “Hmm. Well, King Niallan’s put a hold on the meeting, so we can stop with the starving charade. Apparently, he has druid business he needs to take care of since we weren’t fast enough. We meet in two hours back in the conference room.”
I snorted. “By druid business, I’m sure it’s more like him going to his room to be alone so he can start planning an assassination.” I snapped my brows together. “Which one of you Overlords do you think he’s going to try to off?”
Without hesitation…
Lord Belshazzar pointed at Lord Cato.
Lord Cato pointed at himself.
“Really? That easy to decide?” I snickered.
Lord Cato shrugged. “The druid’s too afraid of Lord Belshazzar. The next on his hate list is me. I’m who he’ll try to take out so he can become an Overlord and get his hands on the Original vampire amulet.”
Lord Belshazzar now pointed at himself. “So then he can take me out.”
Both Overlords nodded.
“When the asshole king and I were at the Three’s wicked, weird home, the jackass actually confirmed aloud that’s why he wanted our amulet. He never said Lord Belshazzar’s name, though. No legal charges, and all that. He played it smart with the Three. Anyway, I’ll see you two at the meeting. And while King Niallan’s busy planning an illegal death, I have actual legal business to take care of,” I mumbled. I patted my pockets and glanced down at the couch. “Wait. I think I lost my cell—”
Death of Gods (Vampire Crown Book 3) Page 8
