by Carter Blake
Elise peers up at me through her eyelashes, but her jaw stays set in a hard line.
She’s inches away from me, and I inhale the sweet scent of her perfume. Vanilla, sugary.
“When I said this is insane, Elise…” My voice is softer now, but thick with the veil of wanting that consumes me. “I meant how much I want you. How much I want to protect you.”
“How much you want me…” Her voice is but a breath, full of desire.
I can’t look away from her. My hand is still on the door, but I lower my chin, and our mouths are mere inches apart. “Just the sight of you makes me want you,” I whisper. “Every part of you. The things I want to do to do. With you. That’s what’s insane, darling. How fucking bad I want you.”
She gasps at my confession, and a soft pink tinge colors her cheeks. “You shouldn’t want me the way you do.”
“But I do, Elise. To hell if it’s insane.” My hand snakes slowly around her waist, and I pull her body against mine, turning her a bit to back her up against the locked door. “I don’t give a damn about your past before me. I swear to God, I don’t.”
I duck my head, lowering my lips to just below her ear, letting my tongue flick against her lobe. The sigh that passes her lips is hot and sensual against my own skin.
“There haven’t been…as many men as I’ve let on,” she breathes. “And there’s been no one since the night I met you, Cam.”
Elise’s admission causes me to pull away, and I stare into her pretty hazel eyes. Within them, a smoldering fire is yearning to ignite, matching my own heated desire. Her confession stirs something within me, and my entire body pulses with the weight of it.
“I swear,” she continues, sounding breathless. “There’ve been a few men I’ve been with over the past few years, and none of them have been able to cure the pain and the ache and the emptiness that I’ve been left with. But you…Christ.”
She raises her gaze to the ceiling momentarily, letting out a slow, steadying breath. “I can’t walk away from you, Cam. I tried. But you were always with me, in the deepest depths of my mind. You make me weak, and yet, I find some kind of strength in you. It doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand.”
She sounds close to hysteria, and I secure her with both of my hands on her hips. “Elise,” I say sternly, trying to pull her attention from her racing thoughts. I tilt her chin, forcing her to look at me. “You can trust me. You hear me? I promise, you can trust me.”
Chapter 9
ELISE
I can trust him.
The words on his mouth are like curse words and salvation at the same time, something I fear and something I yearn for.
I can trust him. Realizing that I believe him is enough to make my body give out, and Cam’s solid chest and hips press me into the door, holding me there. I can only nod, and the small gesture of accepting his promise is sealed as his mouth kisses a trail of tender kisses down the side of my face and neck.
His lips explore my exposed skin. The heated urgency of his kiss elicits a soft moan from my throat, and he responds by rocking his body against me. His obvious hardness against my hip makes me gasp loudly as my head tilts back.
God, I want him. To take me right here, against the door, to show me the emotions that lace our words instead of just saying them. I want him to bury himself so deep inside me that I forget where he ends and I begin.
“Cam…” My voice is hoarse, deepened by lust. “God, stop…please.”
He pulls his head back, his eyes full of concern. “What’s wrong?”
The heaving of my chest matches his in perfect synchronicity. “Not like this.”
He seems to be attempting to hold his breath, and he slowly lets it out. “You’re right. Shit, I’m sorry. I got carried away.”
He makes to pull away from me, but I clutch him to me. “No, it’s okay. I just…I’m working,” I chuckle breathlessly. “And so are you.”
“It seems I’m working overtime tonight,” he huffs with a smile, raising one hand to run it through his hair. “Fuck, you turn me into a goddamn animal, Elise. You really do.”
“Good,” I grin, running my finger up his chest to his chin, where I let it linger. “Remember that tomorrow night. Come to my place. I’ll cook you dinner. Then we’ll…have dessert.”
Cam’s eyes widen slightly, and the significance of what I’m offering isn’t lost on him.
We’ve spent a lot of time together lately, but not once have I initiated it, and not once have I chosen to be anywhere with him other than a public place. We’ve gone for coffee, seen a movie, wandered the downtown harbor late at night. But not once have I suggested we spend some alone time together.
“That sounds pretty amazing, I must say. Count me in, darling.” His eyes are dark, and his voice is thick with anticipation.
“Perfect,” I smirk up at him, lowering my finger to the collar of his shirt and tugging on it playfully. “Red or white?”
“Wine?”
I bite down on my bottom lip to suppress my amusement, shaking my head. “Lingerie.”
A wicked storm is brewing in the distance as I walk back toward my apartment. I still have a little more than an hour before Cam is to show up at my place, and I’d needed to pick up a few things at the downtown market in order to pull off the dinner I wanted to make for him.
The wind is picking up, blowing a chilly breeze through my hair, making it flutter in the air. If the clouds are any indication, I have just enough time to get back home before the sky opens up with an onslaught of rain.
Despite the weather, I can’t help but feel warm, and a faint upturn of my lips is evident.
Cam.
I’ve spent so long hardening myself against the opposite sex, preparing for the worst, thinking they’re all assholes only capable of treating me like an object.
Like I wasn’t worth more.
I’d convinced myself that it was the truth. That I’d been the problem in Josh and I’s relationship, that I’d driven him into the arms of my sister.
That I obviously didn’t deserve anything more.
In such a short amount of time, though, Cam has proven that I’m wrong.
Wrong about all men being the same conniving brand of douchebag.
Wrong about it being my fault that Josh and Emily had gone behind my back.
And very wrong about my belief that I didn’t deserve more in life than just the most basic form of physical relationship.
There’s so much more to being with someone, and the hollowness that I’d been trying so desperately to fill with each one-night stand had not only been misguided, but also absolutely unfair to myself.
I deserve more. I deserve better. I deserve to have what I want.
And I want Cam.
I still don’t understand what draws me to him so relentlessly, and I don’t comprehend his desire to know not only my body, but my mind and soul as well, but I want nothing more than to spend my future trying to figure it out.
With him.
I don’t have to be alone, because I don’t deserve to be alone. And I don’t need to understand what he and I have together, because it’s new, it’s different, and we’ll build on it.
Together.
That could take some getting used to, I think with a smile to myself.
I wrap my thin jacket tighter around me as the plastic bag of groceries in my hand smacks against my leg in the wind.
“Elise?”
In hindsight, I wish to God I’d pretended I hadn’t heard him. But that voice, I’d know it anywhere, and as much as I wish I could scratch any memory of him from my mind, his deep, smooth tone halts me in place.
I turn, and his name falls from my lips like I’m staring into the face of a ghost. “Josh.”
The face of the man I once thought would be my husband looks older now, despite the relatively short amount of time that’s passed since I last laid eyes on him. Not aged, just rougher around the edges. His five o’clock shadow and winged hair i
n need of a cut don’t help matters.
The Josh I knew never would have been caught dead in public unless he was freshly shaven and his hair was closely clipped with a touch of gel to the ends.
“You look so good, babe.”
“Don’t you dare,” I choke out, but my voice is thick, betraying my emotions. “You’ve got no right—”
“Elise, calm down. I just wanted to say hi. I was at the pub across the road.” He points with one hand, and holds his other out against my arm as though to steady me. His fingertips seem to burn my skin. I want to shake his touch off of me, but I’m rooted in place, frozen. “When I saw you, I couldn’t help myself.”
I swallow down the bile in my throat. My shock at his presence is dissipating, giving way to the disgust and anger I’ve held in for so long. “You mean, like you couldn’t help yourself when you fucked Emily?”
His smile falters slightly, but his hand doesn’t retreat. “I know I hurt you, babe—”
“Don’t call me that,” I bite out. “And you didn’t hurt me, Josh. You ruined me. You ruined everything.”
“Shh, I know,” he coos. “So, let me make it right, Elise.”
His words cause me to snap my gaze up to his, shocked.
He’s got to be fucking kidding. Right?
“Make it right?” I say, like it’s a foreign term on my tongue. “Josh, you can’t screw my sister on our wedding day and expect me to forgive you. Surely, you must realize that! Christ!” My voice is an octave higher now, but I don’t care that people can hear me. “Make it right…” I mutter, shaking my head at his audacity as I rip my arm away from him.
“But we were so good together—”
“Don’t you pull your manipulative bullshit on me! If we were so damn good, you’d have never done what you did. You screwed my sister. Don’t you see that what you both did was unforgivable?”
My chest heaves with the devastation and rage that I’ve kept confined for so long. “I haven’t even spoken to her since that day, Josh. My own sister! So, what in God’s name makes you think I’d forgive you, if I can’t even forgive my own sister?”
“Because you love me, babe,” he sighs. “Just as much as I love you.”
Josh reaches out for me again, but I push him, hard, away from me. “You don’t know what love is. You hear me? You left me in fucking pieces! You embarrassed me. Humiliated me. And your explanation for the whole goddamn fiasco? It was just sex. Like that makes it perfectly acceptable.”
A hollow, humorless chuckle escapes my throat. “Well, let me tell you something I’ve learned, Josh. There is no fucking such thing as just sex. I’ve tried it, and though it’s unfulfilling and meaningless, it causes scars of its own, and leaves empty, gaping wounds. If screwing Emily was just sex to you, it sure as hell was more than that to me.”
“Elise, I don’t know what I can—”
“There’s nothing you can say! Nothing you can do. Don’t you see? You’ve done enough! You broke me in a way that I never thought I could recover from. But those pieces you left me in? They’re being put back together by someone who’s more of a man than you’ll ever be.”
For the first time, Josh looks shocked by my outburst, and the expression he wears would make me laugh if I wasn’t so damn close to bawling my eyes out.
But I can’t let myself cry over this asshole. Not again. I’ve already cried a goddamn ocean for him, and he wasn’t worth even one of those tears that fell.
“Elise, I—”
“Are you about to apologize?” I ask.
I watch his face, and the incredulousness that mars his features speaks volumes.
Of course, it hadn’t been an apology on his lips. It had never been about being sorry for his disgraceful actions.
Josh Umbridge didn’t apologize. He got his own way. Always.
And convincing me to take him back after what he’d put me through would be the ultimate example of that truth he so wholeheartedly believed.
“Goodbye, Josh,” I say in a low voice. “And good riddance.”
I turn away from him, and continue on down the sidewalk just as the rain starts to fall from the dark, angry clouds. If I don’t do it now, my tears will mix with the raindrops that spatter my face.
And he doesn’t deserve those tears, either.
I’ve barely done a thing since I got home. The lights haven’t been turned on, supper hasn’t been cooked, and my hair and clothes still stick damply to me from my walk home in the pouring rain.
All I’ve done is cry.
Every drop of liquid despair flows over my eyelids onto my cheeks, dripping onto the knees of my jeans and the carpet, and no amount of wiping or sobbing or breathing can stop them.
My tears fall harder now than I remember them falling on my wedding day, and it occurs to me that the walls I’ve spent so much time and effort constructing have been destroyed, not only by Josh’s presence and his disgusting attempt at reconciliation, but just as much by Cam’s easy attentiveness and affection.
A person can be destroyed in many ways, it seems.
The soft knock at the door makes me gasp.
Shit.
I must look like a wreck, and there’s not a damn morsel of food prepared for the man.
Another knock reverberates through the silence, and all I can do is run my hands down my face to clear away the wetness, and then attempt to smooth out my hair as best I can.
I open the door, taking in the sight of him.
Cam stands there in jeans and a button-down shirt dotted with raindrops from his trek between the truck and the apartment building. His hair has a touch of gel at the tips, and the woodsy, seductive scent of his cologne teases at my senses. In his hand, he holds a bouquet of dark purple lilies out to me, tied with a pale pink lace ribbon.
I’m on him before he has a chance to even know what’s really going on. One hand on his shirt, I tug him inside the door, slamming it closed unceremoniously behind him. I push him back against it, and hear an oompf! pass his lips on impact. My mouth finds his, muffling the words he tries to say that I don’t care to hear.
I don’t want to talk. I want to act.
Feel.
Succumb.
I need Cam to take away the pain that’s opened up within me like a fresh, raw wound.
Our mouths tangle wildly, and I fumble with the buttons of his shirt, needing to feel him, skin on skin.
Lost in my desire for him, I don’t realize his hand on my waist is pushing me gently away from him until he struggles to get words out.
“Elise…” he mumbles against my lips. “Whoa, hey…”
He snakes a hand between us, forcing me to break the kiss—the first kiss I’ve had with him—and that’s when I realize he’s still holding the flowers.
And that I’m crying.
“What’s wrong, beautiful?” he asks me gently, bringing his thumb up to wipe at the steady stream of tears that streak my face. “Why are you crying?”
His voice is so soothing, and his touch so gentle, it only makes me break down more completely.
Cam guides me to the couch, setting the bouquet on the coffee table. He lowers me onto his lap, coaxing me, encouraging me, and promising me that it’s all okay.
Through uncontrollable sobs and a river of tears, I tell him everything.
Cam’s jaw works as I confide in him, clenching and bunching at each mention of Josh and his ridiculous attempt to smooth things over.
“I’m so sorry he upset you,” he whispers. “If I’d been there—”
“I’d have had the strength to walk away from him long before I did.”
He smiles faintly, leaning in to kiss my nose, still red and damp from my crying fit. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, you know. There’s so much strength in you, Elise. I wish you could see you the way I see you.”
“That makes two of us,” I smirk, wiping my eyes.
“Besides,” he shrugs. “I can’t imagine how much it hurt to see him, but maybe t
here’s a silver lining. You had your chance to say all those things you needed to say. Maybe it’s a good thing. You showed him that you’re better without him.”
“No, I’m better with you.”
He leans forward, smiling as he nuzzles the side of my neck and kisses it. “Maybe it’ll help you to move beyond it now. To let it go.” His lips trail down my neck, and he grazes his teeth across my collarbone.
Let it go. The words I’d seductively whispered to him the first night we met.
A content sigh escapes my lips. “Move on to…what exactly?” I ask softly, feeling my body react in ways that have nothing to do with sadness or an onslaught of emotional upheaval, and everything to do with the sensation of his mouth on my skin and the heat of his touch.
“Oh, I’ve got a few ideas we can start with,” he mumbles against my throat.
“But…dinner isn’t ready…and I—”
“I don’t give a damn about dinner right now, Elise. Let me show you how much I want you. How much I fucking need to prove to you how amazing you are.” He nips at my skin, making me gasp. “And since we’ve got that first kiss out of the way…”
My breath is coming out in ragged pants as his words send my body into overdrive. “I just…have one question…” I practically plead with him, and my eyes flutter with each kiss he presses into the hollow of my throat.
“And what’s that?” he breathes against me.
A whimper passes my lips as he nips at me again. “Red…or white?”
Cam’s sensual assault stops suddenly, and he pulls back just enough to look into my glazed eyes, his mouth forming a sly, knowing smirk. “Oh, trust me, darling, you’re not going to need red or white anything for the things I have planned for you.”
I do trust him.
And be goddamned if he’s not right.
Chapter 10
CAM
It gutted me when I saw Elise so distraught and emotional. At the same time, though, the words “Thank God” whirled within my mind.
Finally. Real emotion. No pretenses. No defenses. Just the release of all that bitter betrayal and pain she’s let consume her for so long.
