“Wait, wait, wait.” Fucking idiot. Do something! I frantically, change lanes, pull the car into a grocery store parking lot, throw the car in park, and turn off the engine. “Look at me Grace,” I demand, releasing my seatbelt and hitting hers loose too. I grab her shoulders and turn her to me. “I do want you. You’re all I can think about.” Her lower lips quivers as I confess my heart and soul to her. I can’t tell if she’s scared or delighted, but my desires for her urges me to continue. “When I see you at church, I have to push my way through the crowd to talk to you. It’s heaven talking to you and torture living so close to you. Not being able to be around you. Be myself with you. It’s maddening. I’m unexplainable drawn to you, Grace.”
“Really? I never knew.” She blinks her eyes several times, shaking away any hint of tears. “I feel like a school girl with a crush on her teacher around you. You’re so experienced and I’m—not.” She dares to squeeze my bicep, then lets her hand drop to lay flat on my chest. I feel her trying to push me away. “I feel the same for you. I think about you all the time, but I’m afraid to get hurt.”
I take her hand and kiss it. “That’s not my intention.” I let my lips drag down her fingers to nibble on her fingertips, before I let it drop down into her lap. “I have to be honest. I’m not even sure we can be together. I just know that you’ve awaken feelings, manly feelings that I haven’t felt in long while.” Her chest tempts me, but I know I can’t touch her yet, I rub the back of my hand down her arm and sit back in the seat. “We’ve said too much. We should pray and listen for God’s will. Lusts of the flesh are tempting. We should be careful. Be strong in the Lord.”
“You’re right.” Her tone says she’s disappointed in my answer. She snaps a hand on my knee and crushes out her desire to sin. “We could still go to baseball practice together.”
“Right.” I start the car and drive silently the rest of the way. Before we get out I feel compelled to set the ground rules. We can’t let our explosive confession show. I can’t walk her out to the field. We’re not on a date. “Here we are. Did you want to play? Or watch from the bleachers with the other girls?”
“I’ll just watch.” She turns to open the door. “I won’t say anything. I promise.” She walks away, without turning back. I know cause I kept my eyes on her while I grabbed my gear from the trunk.
Suddenly, bringing her along appears to be a big mistake. The other players, my adult male friends, notice right away that I’ve brought the cute young virgin to practice.
“Twenty minutes?” Alan says, patting me on the back. He head nods to Grace. “You were—busy when I called?”
“She’s my neighbor. And no we’re not busy.”
“I’d be busy hitting that,” Mike Knox says, stepping in to the conversation. He’s single and more likely to repent after he sins then resisting the urge to sin.
“Hell no, Knox.” I shove him away, knocking the bat he’s holding out of his hand. “She’s not that kind of girl. She’s a real Christian.”
“Just saying.” He throws his hands up.
“So where’s Betsy?” I ask Alan about his wife. “I thought she and Grace could sit together.” Alan married Betsy less than a year ago. She’s twenty years his junior. In the back of my mind, I thought it’d be a good idea if she and Grace got to know each other better.
“Don’t think she’ll support the team any longer.” Alan sticks his thumb and pinkie in his mouth and whistles. “Come on Andy! You’re late!”
“Didn’t you hear?” Knox snaps his fingers and points at me. “Oh wait you skipped men’s hour of power last night. Tell him the whole story, Alan.”
“What did I miss?” My best friend is holding out on me. What’s up? This isn’t like Alan or Knox. The three of us joined the church together. Sure I made Pastorship, but they’re just as involved in the congregation. We’re always in each other’s business. “Spill it, man.”
“Betsy left me. Emptied the bank accounts. Changed the delivery address of the new furniture we ordered. Even drove off in my Lexus. It’s over. Pastor Danny was right. She was using me.”
“Shit dude.” I make a fist, condemning myself for cursing. “I mean, shucks man.”
“It’s shit.”
“She took the fu—fu. The sex toys with her,” Mike says, slugging Alan in the arm. “You’re not getting laid for months. That’s what you get for marrying fast just to screw a woman.”
“I tried to do the right thing. Be the Christian man.” He holds his hand out, slapping high fives to the entering runners who apparently scored three runs while we were talking. “Way to go guys.”
“You two waited for marriage?” I stood, picked up a bat and walked out to the circle to swing it around, limbering up. “I’m having a hard time convincing myself that’s the right thing to do. I’m sure I will. If—” I stop myself from mentioning Grace. Her confession is too fresh in my mind. Since I haven’t given her an answer, I can’t suggest any more to the guys. “All I can say is, I’ll pray over that when the time comes.”
“My philosophy,” Knox says. “Take a test ride, before you buy a car.”
“It’s not always that easy,” Alan says. “Some women are more persuasive than others.”
“To you maybe,” Knox scoffs, holding up three fingers. “Third one. Screwing them first is a hell of a lot cheaper than marrying and divorcing them.”
“Asshole!” Alan puffs his chest up and bumps into Knox. “At least I try. I’m not seducing every set of tits to give me blowjobs in the baptismal every Sunday.”
“Still have a car.” Knox spits, grabbing his dick. “Where’s yours?”
“Fucker.”
“Stop,” I say, stepping in between the two. I know the way they escalate. Someone’s about to get punched. “Knock it off. You’re both going about women all wrong.”
“Virgin chaser,” Knox laughs. “Yank that dick all you want. Grace is too goody goody to give it up to you.”
“You told him!” I slam my palm into Alan’s chest. Alan’s the only one at church who knows my feelings for Grace. “Judas fricking hell. I told you that in confidence.”
“Relax dude. We all know. We all see it,” Knox says. “Your dick’s hard just hearing her name. Hell, you brought her to practice.”
He’s right. I can’t stay away from Grace. I feel it in my balls every time she’s mentioned. That tingling feeling of arousal. A desire to prove my love to her. I can’t help it. And I’m too stirred up to stop myself from saying what I do next. “She’s confessed. She wants me too. Her virginity is mine. Wife or not. She wants me to take her hard and make her a woman. I’m man enough to do it.”
I’ve exploded, but thankfully not too loud. I look around. More than Alan and Knox heard me. My cheeks burn with embarrassment. Damn, Ryan. Way to go. Way to put yourself in the center of attention. Do something. I pick up a bat and swing it around with such power that the force twists my arm back around like it’s going to bend all the way off.
“We’re with you, pal. If you don’t bang her. I will,” Knox laughs off my outburst and pushes me to the batter’s box. “Now use that energy to hit us a home run.”
Chapter Five
Grace
I’m dying for Sunday to arrive. After practice, Ryan and I leave our confessions as something to pray over and the days following are long. Every bone in my body wants to go next door and give myself to him, but I resist temptation. And it bites me in the ass.
Friday afternoon, I’m sitting at the bench in the breakfast nook. Ive walks out to get the mail. He likes me. He really likes me. I can’t wait for our first kiss. I lean an elbow on the window sill and sigh deeply. Ryan waves to someone on the street. I turn to see my dad walking down the sidewalk to him. Noooooooo!
The two men in my life spend a few moments. At first I notice Ryan’s jovial in his stance, even ribs my dad and laughs. Then he crosses his arms and looks serious. My dad turns to the house. Then turns back, nods his head, and shakes his fin
ger at Ryan. My thoughts immediately go to the worse possible scenario. He’s told my dad everything. Why? Dad said no. He doesn’t approve. Why would he?
“What did he say?” I ask, impatiently before dad shuts the front door all the way.
“Small talk and he asked about you,” Dad says matter of factly.
Asked? As in marriage? Have all my dreams come true? We haven’t even kissed. It’s far fetched, but I quickly let my hopes about Ryan stray to the extreme. “What did you say to him?” I follow dad into the kitchen where he’s dropped the mail off on the countertop.
“He’s picking you up at six in the morning for the baseball game.” Dad sternly points his finger at me. “Be ready and on the porch. I told Pastor Ryan and I’m telling you. Don’t wake your mother up that early.”
“Yes, sir,” I squeal, turning and running up the stairs. We’re going on a date. And it’s out of town. This has to be a date date. I have to go plan my outfit. Take a shower. Shave. Condition my hair. So much to do. I get to spend the whole day with him tomorrow!
Morning can’t come soon enough. I wake up an hour earlier than needed to get ready. I don’t want to look like I just rolled out of bed. I take out the braids I slept in, taking extra care to part my hair directly down the center. Then I slowly re-braid my hair, making sure to match the hair ties to the yellow dress I’ve picked out.
Dressed and ready, I stand in front of the mirror and check myself over. Perfect. The voice in my head says. “Not perfect,” I argue. “It’s not Sunday morning. Don’t wear a dress to a baseball game. It’s casual.”
“Being daring.” I change into a white pair of shorts and scoop neck blouse. The shorts I’ve picked out are a size too small, but I pull them on anyway. It’s rare for me to wear shorts out in public. Daddy says it’s a sin for a woman to draw attention to her body. It causes men to have impure thoughts. But those are the only kind of thoughts I want Ryan to have about me today. And every day.
I fix a quick healthy breakfast, and eat staring out the kitchen window for any signs of Ryan. It’s still only five thirty in the morning.
I jump when I see his kitchen light turn on. He’s awake. I sit back and watch him wash his hands at the sink, then pop in and out of view from the window.
Wonder what he’s having for breakfast? Cereal? Fruit? Coffee? I want to know every detail. That’s what being in love is. Knowing his routine. Guessing what he wants to eat. I’m ready to know everything about you, Ryan. Tell me. When the light turns off, I hop into motion. Time to go.
I’ve stepped out on the porch too quickly. While waiting I do that thing, looking ridiculous, by dancing my feet, heel to toe, back and forth. It’s almost a footloose dance, except I’m not shuffling, it’s more of a nervous twitching.
Why does he do this to me? He turned off the lights. The minutes creep by. Just when I think about running back inside to check the time, I hear his garage door open. There he is!
The fender of his car, inches out first. When the front fender is all the way out of the garage, he rolls the window down and waves over to me.
I scurry off the porch. Halfway over there, I realize that I’m skipping across the yard. Get a grip Grace! You’re not a teenager. I slow my ass down and saunter the rest of the way. “Hi,” I tootle, bending down to greet him through the open window.
“Ready to roll, sweetie?” he asks. His voice sings in my ears, travels down my spine, and sends a shockwave of pins and needles between my thighs. “Get in.”
“Morning. This is pretty early for me. I’m not complaining. It’s just that I never wake up this early,” I ramble on, twirling a curl around my finger. “Thanks for inviting me.” I stop talking and I feel awkward sitting silently in the car with him.
When do I tell him I prayed about us? That I still have the same feelings. That I need to be with him every second of every day. Say something so you don’t blurt out your feelings.
“Are we driving straight to the game? It’s out of town. Right?” I want to see the look on his face, but I’m too nervous to turn my head his direction. Out of my peripheral vision I see he’s driving with one hand on the wheel.
“We’re meeting the team at the church. Taking a bus. Is that cool?” Ryan asks, tucking his stray hand under my thigh. “We have time to talk first.” He pumps his fingertips up, prodding me in the right direction. “If we go somewhere private.”
“I like talking.” I turn to him, adjusting myself to feel his fingers in a place he shouldn’t be touching. It feels naughty and I tense my ass, holding in my excitement. “I like other things too.”
“So have you been thinking about us?” He puts two hands on the wheel again and pulls into the church parking lot. Not exactly private. We park in a secluded area of the lot. Where we can see other cars pull in, but not close enough to any entrance that we’ll be seen in the front seat together.
“Grace.” He cocks his head and smiles. He’s looks so sexy I exhale a heavy sigh. “I’m curious. Tell me you thought it over and you’ll be mine.” He takes my hand in his and laces our fingers together. “I need to know. Have you waited for marriage, Grace?”
My heart beats out of my chest. I feel my fingers gripping his tighter, I flinch to unlock them, but he holds us together. Do I admit I’m a virgin? Is that what he wants to hear? I look into his dark eyes, they’re staring back at me awaiting an answer. “Yes, I’m untouched. Waiting to give my gift to the right man.”
“Of course you are.” He keeps our hands locked and pushes the hair off my shoulder His knuckles glide down my arm and I can feel the heat radiate off him. “So pure and delicate,” he says just above a whisper, letting his caress tickle the side of my chest. “Are you all pure? You must have urges. Have you kissed—seen—touched a man?”
“I’ve kissed a boy or two,” I admit, struggling to answer without kissing him. “But never in a sinful way.”
“Do you want to?” he asks, and all I can do is nod my head yes. “Can I kiss you, Grace?” I keep nodding.
Our lips converge. He takes my face in his hands and holds me steady for a long passionate kiss. He parts my lips open with his tongue, coaxing every ounce of my being to give in to him. It’s working. I’m captured and lose myself in the most sensual kiss I’ve ever experienced.
“Ryan, oh, Ryan,” I moan, taking a breath. He kisses down my neck, palming my chest. “I can’t.” I cover his hand with mine. “We shouldn’t,” I gasp, knocking my head back and allowing him to kiss along the neckline of my blouse.
“Grace, you have to be the strong one.” He takes a deep breath and pulls away. “I won’t stop trying until we make love. I’m weak and desire you too much.” He nuzzles my neck, gives me one last kiss, then sits back in his seat. Other cars have arrived in the parking lot. “We have to go.” He starts the engine back up.
“I don’t want to be strong,” I plead, grasping his arm. “Take me anywhere but the baseball game. I’ll do anything. I’m yours.” This time I lean into him, but it doesn’t last long. A car pulls in too close and I sit back in fear. “We can’t tell anyone. Can we?”
“Not yet. It’s too risky. I promise, Grace. When the time is right, I’ll shout my love for you from the pulpit, but I have to speak to Pastor Danny first. You understand?”
“It hard, but by not telling, does this mean we’re dating? Are you my boyfriend?”
“Yes and yes.” He parks the car in the row of other vehicles and blows me a kiss. “Now get out and act normal.”
“Okay, Pastor Ryan,” I giggle, stepping out.
Among the players waiting for the bus to take us to the game are Naomi and Lydia. My glorious morning has taken a turn for the worse.
“Hi, Grace,” Lydia calls me over to her. “Sit with us.”
“Okay.” I get on the bus, expecting Ryan to be close behind. “Are you two on the team?”
“We’re cheerleaders.” Naomi rolls her eyes. “We go to all the games. Why are you here?”
“Yeah, Grac
e. I’ve never seen you come to a game.” We sit toward the back. The cousins take up one seat and I sit across the aisle from them.
“My first one. Ryan invited me.” I let my familiarity with him slip by not adding Pastor to his name. I cough, hoping to cover my mistake.
“Lucky you. Pastor Ryan must like you to give you a ride.” Lydia, the nicer of the two says.
“Or it’s because she lives next door. Tell me. Does he walk around the house naked,” Naomi asks, speaking around Lydia. “He’s hot. I’d like to sneak a peek into his bedroom.”
My first reaction is pure jealousy. How dare she make comments like that about my Ryan. I’m his girlfriend. I’d love to throw that in her face, but I keep a tight lip on my secret. “I can see in his house and you shouldn’t say such things about our Pastor.”
“Grow up.”
“He is cute,” Lydia says, diffusing the situation.
Naomi ignores me while the bus fills up with players. I keep looking out the window, watching for Ryan to get on. He’s loading the bags into the under compartment of the bus as players drop them off.
Finally, Pastor Danny, Ryan, and the coaches step into the front of the bus. “Let’s bow our heads in prayer for a safe trip.”
“Amen,” I say in unison with everyone else. I raise my head in time to see Ryan stepping off the bus. He waves to the bus, directing his focus on me. The engine hums alive and we pull away from the curb, without Ryan or the head coach on it.
“Pastor Ryan’s not coming?” I ask Lydia in a panic tone.
“He always drives his car,” she answers. “Don’t worry you’ll get a ride home.”
If I’d known this morning that I wouldn’t be spending the day with Ryan I’d have demanded he take me someplace more private to talk. I’d have forced myself to let him go further.
Watching him from the sidelines is stifling knowing what we mean to each other. Not being able to be ourselves as a couple. Doubling the disappointment is having Lydia and Naomi by my side.
Faithful Daddy Next Door: A Dominant Protector Romance Page 4
