by C. M. Owens
“Where is she?” he asks softly.
“In the other room.”
“I mean, where is she? I don’t even know where she lives, and she hasn’t answered our phone calls in so long.”
Well… Shit.
“She lives in Sterling Shore now. Um… I’d have her call you, but she’s—”
“We messed up. Not her. It’s our fault we don’t know she has our grandchild in her stomach right now. Her mother has lived with the guilt of forcing our daughter away for years. But Bella doesn’t forgive easily. She’s always been a stubborn, prideful girl, and she refuses to be hurt by the same person twice. We knew it, but… We lost her because of our own pride. Can you help me see my daughter?”
Ah, hell. He’s breaking my heart. Damn it, Bella.
“Um… I’ll figure something out. So does Bella know you regret what happened?”
“How could she? The last phone call we shared started with us apologizing, but it ended with us pointing out all the ways she’d failed us or would fail if she didn’t do exactly as we said, starting with cutting Allie out of her life. Her mother even told her she’d be pregnant and in a gutter if she kept up her ways. Bella has every right to hate us, but time has taught us how wrong we were. I miss my daughter.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
How many ways can this go wrong? Too damn many.
“So you’re the baby’s father?” he asks me when I grow quiet. “How far along is she?”
“Um… She’s still in the first trimester,” I tell him, uncertain of the exact weeks, because things have been a little too hectic for those details just yet.
“And you love her?”
Swallowing down a knot, I nod. Then I realize I’m a dumbass because this is a phone call and not a face-to-face, meaning he can’t see me nodding. “Yes. I do. I love her enough to make this phone call, though I imagined it going differently.”
“And the baby’s okay? You said hospital.” He goes on as though I didn’t just shift the conversation.
“Our baby’s healthy. It was a lucky break.”
He blows out a genuinely relieved breath. “And Allie’s with her? She has more than just you, right?”
“Yeah. Allie’s inside with her right now. They’re like sisters.”
He chokes back another sob, and clears his throat. “That girl… We failed her too. It was so easy to see things in black and white, but my girl was the one in the right. We just didn’t see it until it was too late.” He clears his throat several times in a row this time. “If you love her, then she’s kept you around a while. My girl doesn’t do that, because no one is perfect. By now, you’ve at least made some mistakes. But she’s forgiven you?”
Ah hell. “Yes,” I tell him, omitting my latest offense that I’m not so sure is forgiven.
“Then you’re really special to her. Don’t mess that up, Ethan Noles. Bella doesn’t love like that. She shies away from too much conflict, and because of us, she doesn’t trust people to change. If she’s even forgiven you once, then you’re the one for her. It means she cares about you more than she’ll ever admit aloud.”
She’s forgiven me many more times than once, but I didn’t understand the magnitude of that until this moment. This is seriously not the conversation I foresaw.
“She misses you. She hasn’t said it, but I see it when she looks at my parents,” I lamely tell him, feeling the need to console the poor bastard.
I can tell he’s crying again, and I run a hand through my hair. I wanted to be the one who put them in their place, but it sounds like they’ve regretted their place for a really long time.
“If you ever find it in your heart to help us reunite with our daughter, I would be eternally grateful,” he finally says, but the words are so strained with emotion, that I can tell they’re hard to get out.
“And you wouldn’t put her down or make her feel guilty for who she is?” I ask immediately.
“Never again,” he agrees, as though those are the only words he can choke out.
“Then I’ll figure something out,” I say on a long sigh.
“Thank you.” And he’s crying again. Fuck my day.
“I need to get back inside. I’ll be in contact. Just remember, I love her and our baby, so you really don’t want to go back on your word. I’m not such a nice guy when I’m pissed.”
“Thank you,” he repeats. “And I won’t go back on my word.”
My phone feels like a weighted anvil in my pocket when I head back inside.
Brin spots me, and leaves Allie and Bella to join me in the kitchen as I prop up against a counter.
“You okay?” Brin asks. Everyone appears to be finished eating now.
“I will be,” I say quietly, even though I’m not sure how true it is. I still need to fix everything between myself and Bella. And now I’ve apparently taken on the task of fixing things between Bella and her parents.
Brin glances over at the living room where Allie is giggling with Bella over some magazine they’re flipping through.
“What about you?” I ask her, needing the distraction before I grab Allie and toss her out on her ass.
“It was scary, but I’m so happy the baby is okay.”
“I meant you and Rye. Since that argument and all.”
She shrugs, averting her eyes. It’s not like I usually ask questions or try to sound supportive, but Rye’s my best friend.
“Rye loves you and you know it.”
She gives me a grim smile. “Rye does love me. And I do know it. But I also know how easy it is to fall into a comfortable routine and forget things need to progress. I want kids one day, Ethan. I can give that up, but only if I know for sure Rye really wants to keep moving forward and not come to a standstill just because it’s comfortable. So… I’ve implemented a no-prank rule for a while.”
My eyebrows go up. “That’s… How’s that going to work? You both love your pranks. Hell, it’s part of what’s so amazing about your relationship.”
She shrugs again, looking away. “One day, we’ll have that fun again. I just need to know this is real and not just fun. I love him so much that it kills me to ever think about losing him, but I think everyone needs to know if they’re just as important to someone. You know?”
Yeah. I do.
When I didn’t let Bella know just how important she’d become, I damn near lost her.
“So no pranks? I give it two weeks before one of you cracks,” I say, trying to lighten the mood.
She doesn’t smile. I suck at being funny.
“I guess we’ll see. I need to go back to your house to help finish the nursery,” she says, ending the conversation on a whisper to keep Bella from overhearing.
“See if you can talk Allie into going with you,” I grumble. “Maybe then I can let Bella know she’s pretty damn important to me.”
Her lips twitch, and she nods before walking into the living room. Just before she reaches them, she puts on a bright smile that could fool anyone who didn’t just see all the uncertainty in her eyes moments ago.
I need to call Rye.
After a few minutes, Allie blows out a long breath, hugs Bella, and stands with Brin. Apparently Allie took the hint, even though she darts a warning glance at me.
“Call me if anything at all changes, or if she runs a fever, or if—”
“I’ll call you if she sneezes. Got it,” I interrupt, sounding a little bit like a dick, but I don’t care. It’s been a rough couple of days. I still have to write a check to the hospital for the window I destroyed, and I have to apologize to all the guys who are wearing bruises today because of me.
Speaking of which…
While Allie and Bella finish up their goodbyes—sheesh, they’re not going to war, for fuck’s sake—I text Rye.
ME: How’s your face?
RYE: I’ve done more damage to yours in the past. No worries.
ME: You should fix this thing between you and Brin before you’re drowning in a bottle of whi
skey and crashing a crowbar through your car’s window again.
RYE: Things are fixed… Well, sort of. We’re taking a break from pranks, but everything else is good.
ME: Think again. Time to go drastic.
RYE: Drastic is kidnapping, and I’ll take those measures if it’s necessary. She’s not going any fucking where.
ME: I was thinking more along the lines of getting over your issues, because your girl wants kids. Maybe it’s just baby fever.
RYE: Thanks.
I have no idea if he’s thanking me for telling him, or if he’s being a smartass and thanking me for getting Bella pregnant and adding to the baby fever epidemic that is sweeping through our group since Fall was born.
Putting my phone away, I look up just as Brin and Allie wave at me. I don’t wave back. I’m just happy to finally have Bella all to myself.
When I reach the sofa, Bella forces a smile as she looks up at me. “You don’t have to stay. We can… um… talk about things later, if you want.”
No, that’s really not what I fucking want.
Chapter 71
BELLA
Ethan looks pissed, and I have no idea why. Instead of responding to me though, he just sits down beside me and tosses his arm around my shoulders.
“Tomorrow we’ll go to my house. Tonight we’ll stay here,” he finally says, but he’s not looking at me.
His jaw tics, and he tenses like he’s prepared for some kind of fight. I’m too tired to fight, and I really don’t want to. I need sleep, and I sleep so much better with him beside me…
Will he sleep beside me?
This is seriously not in the ‘what to expect’ portion of those books. Pretty sure they don’t make how-to books for situations like this.
“I just wanted you to know that I’m going to talk to Tria and Rain,” he says randomly, his eyes still on the TV. “About Edward, I mean. I’m going to tell them about what happened to him and to me.”
I don’t even know what’s playing on the TV.
“Okay. That’s… good,” I tell him. What the hell am I supposed to say to that right now?
He clears his throat and shifts awkwardly. “I just wanted you to know that, because it was you who thought I should. I listened to you, and I trust you. So I’m doing what you thought I should.”
Again, I have no idea why we’re discussing this.
“Kode might stop being miserable if Tria stops hating the idea of marriage,” I say, just making conversation at the moment. “I think understanding her father would help her with that.”
Ethan doesn’t look at me, but his hand gets tighter on my shoulder.
“Nothing happened between me and Star. I haven’t touched anyone, or even wanted to touch anyone, since I met you in the hospital that first day,” he states, shifting the subject with no preamble.
I get a little queasy just thinking about him and Star.
“I was drunk, I’d told her off, and she was helping me walk. I was going to pass out, but she wasn’t stepping foot in my room. I would have crawled to my bed before I let her in my room with me. I wanted you to know that. All the stupid shit I said was me being a fucking dick because my pride was hurt. Maybe even a feeling or two was hurt,” he says, trying to sound like he’s joking on that last sentence, but unable to smile.
He looks so vulnerable right now, as though he’s struggling to wait for me to respond. I put him out of his misery quickly.
“I believe you,” I say softly.
He seems to relax just a little, but not enough. However, I’m not exactly relaxed either.
“You need anything to drink?” he asks, even though it sounds a little awkward, as though he’s looking for anything to fill the silence.
“I’m good.”
Annnnnd more awkward silence.
We both stare mutely at the TV until whatever show is on goes off, even though neither of could probably tell you what was on. Finally, Ethan breaks the silence again.
“The girls held an intervention with you because they thought you didn’t want to tell me… Because they thought you didn’t think I’d be a good father,” he says quietly, staring down at his hands.
“That’s not why they—”
“Some think it was because you didn’t want to disrupt my life,” he interrupts, still not looking at me.
I swallow hard as he takes a breath.
“Allie said she thought you wanted me to tell you I loved you before you confessed,” he states, bringing his eyes to meet mine. “Now tell me the real reason and put me out of my misery.”
I’m a horrible person. The look in his eyes makes me hate myself right now. I should have just told him from the beginning.
“A little bit of option two and three. Never option one,” I say without looking away from his eyes, hoping he sees the honesty there. “You gave up ten years of your life to handle your father’s company, even though you hated it.”
He grimaces. “I didn’t hate it, Bella,” he sighs. “I hated the hours I had to put in. There wasn’t ever time for anything else.”
I nod, trying to understand. “A baby takes up a lot of time. There’s rarely time for anything else.”
His lips twitch. “I’m aware. I’ve seen Tag. But I can handle that. I liked the company. I never loved it. I do love our baby.”
My heart flips over in my chest. We don’t even know the sex of our baby yet, and we both love him or her.
“And you wanted me to tell you I loved you before you told me about the baby?” he asks hoarsely.
I shrug, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks. It sounds so pathetic in retrospect. “It would have been nice to hear it before there was any duty behind it. You’re an honorable guy. I knew you’d always be here for your child.” I don’t mention that I had doubts after the Star debacle, since that will just hurt him for no reason. “But I also had an image in my head that didn’t consist of shared custody and arranged visitation. It was easier to hold onto that image as long as I didn’t tell you.”
He leans closer, still keeping eye contact, and his thumb strokes my cheek. “What sort of image?” he asks in his deep rumble of a voice.
I try to look away, but he grabs my chin and turns me to face him.
“You didn’t expect a baby, Ethan,” I say instead.
“I also didn’t expect you, and I couldn’t give you up no matter how insane you made me,” he says with a straight face. “The last thing I wanted was a serious relationship, yet I chased you around like I couldn’t catch you fast enough. Things change.”
My heartbeat speeds up, and I swallow hard once again.
“Tell me, Bella,” he says again.
Shit.
“Fine,” I say, rolling my eyes as the discomfort mounts. “I wanted the picture perfect family… I wanted to feel that kind of love from you that never goes away. I wanted our child to grow up being grossed out by their parents because we were that in love. I wanted a family dinner that always ended in a fit of laughter. I wanted family vacations that made us want to pull our hair out, but gave us funny stories to share for a lifetime. I wanted family game night, where we were all sore winners but never sore losers. I wanted—”
My words die when his lips are suddenly on mine, kissing me hard and deep. His tongue delves in, and I moan into his mouth. His fingers tangle in my hair as he pulls me closer, and I shift toward him. But he breaks the kiss too soon, and I’m left leaning into air, feeling dumbstruck.
“I’ll get you a notebook to write all that down,” Ethan says, amused. I can feel him grinning when he kisses my cheek.
I wasn’t expecting him to be grinning right now.
When I open my eyes, he’s leaning down, and my breath catches in my throat when his face is suddenly level with my stomach. Tears prick my eyes when he kisses my belly, and his hand rubs along the side, as though he’s soothing our child from outside the womb.
“Hope you like family game nights. You have two of the worst sore winners as parents eve
r,” he says to my stomach, and it becomes pointless to hold back the tears. “I’ll also teach you to play poker with the guys, and it doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or girl; we’ll still let you play. I’ll learn to cook, so that your mom isn’t stuck doing it all the time. I doubt living on takeout is too healthy for a kid. Don’t worry; I’ve bought some damn books, and I’ll be reading up on what you need. As for family vacations… I’ll be in charge of the road trips. I hate the way your mom drives.”
He flashes a grin up at me, but he’s a big blur through my tears. When his attention returns to my middle, I try to stop myself from sobbing like a lunatic.
“As for how much I love your mom… It’s going to embarrass the hell out of you. I’ll never be able to keep my hands off her, and she’s the only person in the world to ever get me. Just like I’m the only one to ever truly get her. Even though we’ll always have something new to learn about each other, because that’s just who we are. We’re complicated, but not impossible. I’ll never leave her, and I’ll never leave you. You’re both too important, and I want to spend every second I can with you.”
He kisses my stomach again, and I swat away the fresh onslaught of tears. Holy shit, I’ve never cried so much in all my life as I have these past few days. I only thought I couldn’t love him more, then he goes and talks to my belly… To the little peanut growing inside it... To our little peanut.
He raises back up, and I try to resemble a human being and not a water fountain as I force the tears back.
I expect him to kiss me, but he stands instead. I’m on the verge of blurting out how much I love him… About how I’ve never been in love until I fell for him… About how much it all hurts when he’s not here…
But he bends and scoops me up instead. My smile spreads, knowing we’re about to go to the room and cement our makeup, but instead, he’s carrying me toward the front door.
My smile falls.
“Where are we going?” I ask as he walks out to his car and deposits me into the passenger seat.
