One. Two. Three. Send.
DAY 10 (TUESDAY)
Time medicine taken: 4:00 p.m. (just medicine, unfortunately).
Physical differences noticed today: I was out of crackers today, and I took a risk. Big mistake. GIGANTIC mistake. Shortly after I swallowed my medicine, my stomach started to burn and throb and eat itself. It made me feel like throwing up. I shoved two granola bars in my mouth and started to feel a little better about a half hour later. I will stock up on crackers ASAP.
It looks like crackers are going to be a permanent addition to my diet. I am going to start cutting fifty calories from my normal dinner allotment to deal with this. Tomorrow, I’m cutting even more than that, though, after eating those freaking extra granola bars.
Mental differences noticed today: I wanted to kill myself during the half hour after taking my med—
CALLIE!!! DELETE. DELETE. DELETE.
Way to try to remind him of his mother. You are such a douchebag.
Mental differences noticed today: Well, I was worried for a little that I did some irreparable harm to my stomach. Then I called my after-hours doctor. He made me feel better :)
Did you do your routines today? Yes.
I had to speed through my leaving-the-house routine before class due to my medicine and stomach issues, however.
Are you still picking off your nail polish? Yes.
A lot of nail picking today. A LOT.
How many calories did you consume today? 1600 calories (Regular calories plus two granola bars).
I still ate my full dinner after plowing through those granola bars. I thought that consuming more food would help with the stomach burning and eating itself situation. And it did help, but now my calories are all messed up.
What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed? Vegetable risotto.
I don’t want to think about food right now. I can’t believe I ate so much today.
What song is in your head right now? “Hurt.” Johnny Cash. Nine Inch Nails cover.
One. Two. Three. Send.
DAY 11 (WEDNESDAY)
Time medicine AND GRANOLA BAR taken: 4:00 p.m. (I will get more crackers tomorrow at the grocery store).
Physical differences noticed today: I’m still tired. But my stomach is fine today.
Thank God.
Mental differences noticed today: I’m nervous about teaching Dr. Gabriel’s class for the first time on Friday—this has nothing to do with my medication, however.
Did you do your routines today? Yes or No
I’m changing up the form a bit. Because it’s getting boring. Now it looks like one of those notes that kids send to each other in like fifth grade.
Do you like me? Circle YES or NO.
Are you still picking off your nail polish? Yes.
How many calories did you consume today? 1400 calories plus 100 granola bar calories.
I’m lying again. I ate one thousand calories again. I’m making up for the granola bars and crackers that I’ve already had this week…and the crackers that I will consume later this week.
What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed? Shoo-fly pie.
Why is it called that? You’d think they’d explain that to viewers while making the pie. They could do something like a cooking Pop Up Video. But I wouldn’t really see the pop up bubbles since my eyes are pretty much closed when these cooking shows are on. Still not a bad idea, though.
What song is in your head right now? “Do You Love Me?” The Contours. From the Dirty Dancing: 20th Anniversary Edition soundtrack.
Wait. What if he thinks that I’m writing that because I don’t believe him when he tells me that he loves me?
Ugh.
Delete. Delete. Delete.
Hmm…I’ll just switch songs. Or lie.
Oh. OH. OH. Idea.
What song is in your head right now? “Where Are You Tonight?” Tom Johnston. From the Dirty Dancing: 20th Anniversary Edition soundtrack.
One. Two. Three. Send.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
And…new email in inbox. Him.
One. Two. Three. Open.
On my way over.
{Damien.}
DAY 12 (THURSDAY)
Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken: 4:00 p.m. (I bought three boxes of crackers at the grocery store today).
There are a zillion calories of crackers in my cabinet.
Physical differences noticed today: I feel the same. Tired.
I took a nap today after grocery shopping. A long nap.
Mental differences noticed today: I’m still worried about teaching class tomorrow.
Did you do your routines today? Yes or No
Are you still picking off your nail polish? Yes.
How many calories did you consume today? 1400. I bought smaller containers of yogurt today at the grocery store. Smaller portions of yogurt. So I’m cutting 50 calories from my yogurt consumption to make up for my 50 calories of cracker consumption.
Ingenious, Callie. Good work.
What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed? You were there. Don’t you remember?
What song is in your head right now? “November Rain.” Guns N’ Roses.
Hmm…OR—
DELETE. DELETE. DELETE.
What song is in your head right now? “Stay with Me.” Sam Smith.
One. Two. Three. Send.
Wait for a response. Wait for a response. Wait for a—
New email. DA Blake.
Count. Open.
I remember. Crab cakes.
And I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.
Way to work the form, Callie.
DAY 13 (FRIDAY)
Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken: 4:00 p.m. (no margarita again this week, as instructed. Perhaps next week…)
Physical differences noticed today: I’m tired. Tired. Tired.
Mental differences noticed today: I’m MUCH more relaxed because I made it through teaching my first class.
I made it through without throwing up. I also made it without seeing any students sleeping or texting while I was talking. AND I made it without Dr. Gabriel touching me—he tried to shake my hand after the lesson, and I pretended to sneeze.
Also, Mandy was really cheerful tonight. I’m not as worried about her. I think she’s glad she ended it with Josh. I just hope that she doesn’t start dating someone disgusting. I am a little concerned about that…
Did you do your routines today? Yes or No
Are you still picking off your nail polish? Yes.
I had to reapply my nail polish three times before teaching class today.
How many calories did you consume today? 1400 calories.
The new yogurt isn’t as good as my old yogurt. But I’m dealing with it.
What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed? You should fill in this part on nights when you know the answer.
Or we could just get rid of this question. Or we could get rid of all of the questions, the whole stupid form altogether… Just an idea.
What song is in your head right now? The theme song from Friends. “I’ll Be There for You.” The Rembrandts.
One. Two. Three. Send.
DAY 14 (SATURDAY)
Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken: 4:00 p.m.
Physical differences noticed today: I’m not as tired tonight, because I took a LONG nap this afternoon.
Mental differences noticed today: I’m nervous…because I had a stay-at-home dinner and movie date tonight…and now, a sleepover. I’m not sure about proper night routine etiquette in the case of said sleepover. What does one do with an overnight guest when performing a three-hour solitary activity?
Did you do your routines today? Yes, I did my morning preparations and leaving-the-house routine. As for my night routine, here’s hoping…
Are you still picking off your nail polish? Yes.
Picking it off right now, Dr. Blake.
How many calories did
you consume today? 1400 calories.
What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed? Lamb chops.
What song is in your head right now? “Wishin’ and Hopin’.” Ani DiFran—
“CALLIE! Stop typing. I’m right here.”
He is right here. A few feet away. In my bed.
And he’s smiling. I wonder—
“I think I’ll sleep for a little bit while you do your routine, unless you want my company.”
I shake my head, cutting him off. No, I don’t want your company while I do my routine. Yes, please sleep. Great idea. Very conven—
“Wake me up when you are done.” Face still smiling. Eyes burning.
{There is a new song in my head—a made-up song with these lyrics: If you didn’t have to complete this stupid routine every night, Callie, you wouldn’t have to wait an entire three hours to crawl into bed with him.} {Stupid Callie—I think that’s the name of the song. It should be.}
DAY 15 (SUNDAY)
Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken: 4:00 p.m.
Physical differences noticed today: Didn’t notice anything.
Mental differences noticed today: Didn’t notice anything.
I am getting increasingly tired of writing in this journal. I have been working on so much stuff tonight. Another poetry portfolio. Lesson plans for my TA class. Other papers. And now this.
Did you do your routines today? Yes.
Are you still picking off your nail polish? Yes.
How many calories did you consume today? 1400.
What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed? Your turn to answer.
What song is in your head right now? “It’s the Same Old Song.” The Four Tops.
SEND.
DAY 16 (MONDAY)
Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken: 4:00 p.m.
Physical differences noticed today: None.
Mental differences noticed today: None.
Not none. I’m having PMS today.
I probably should go back on the pill soon. I think my PMS symptoms were better back when I was on it. Plus, if I go on the pill, I won’t have to worry so much about pregnancy…
I’ve taken three pregnancy tests so far this month. Three negative tests (Thank God).
I’m secretly kind of relieved to be having PMS.
Did you do your routines today? Yes.
Are you still picking off your nail polish? Yes.
How many calories did you consume today? 1400.
What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed? Kielbasa.
What song is in your head right now? “Bitch.” Meredith Brooks.
SEND.
DAY 17 (TUESDAY)
Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken: 4:00 p.m.
Physical differences noticed today: Haven’t noticed anything.
I’m bleeding and cramping. I have a period-related zit growing on the left side of my chin. Oh, and my skin is extra dry due to all of the extra showering today. That’s going to worsen as the week goes on…
I’m also retaining water, which is REALLY annoying.
Mental differences noticed today: Haven’t noticed anything.
I’m thankful that I’m not pregnant.
I’m pissed that I’m bleeding.
I’m once again glad that Melanie isn’t bleeding anymore.
I’m thinking a lot about chocolate.
Did you do your routines today? Yes.
Are you still picking off your nail polish? Yes.
How many calories did you consume today? 1400.
Even though I thought about three thousand calories- worth of chocolate.
What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed? Pasta primavera.
What song is in your head right now? “The Lady in Red.” Chris de Burgh.
SEND.
DAY 18 (WEDNESDAY)
Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken: 4:00 p.m.
Physical differences noticed today: Haven’t noticed anything.
Bleeding. Bleeding. Bleeding. Bathing. Bathing. Bathing.
Mental differences noticed today: Haven’t noticed anything.
I want chocolate. I want chocolate. I want chocolate.
Did you do your routines today? Yes.
Are you still picking off your nail polish? Yes.
How many calories did you consume today? 1400.
I should’ve thrown out my regular food and just eaten fourteen hundred calories of chocolate.
What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed? Pasta primavera.
What song is in your head right now? “The Lady in Red” by Chris de Burgh.
Answers just copied and pasted from yesterday. Because I’m tired of writing these.
SEN—
WAIT! You have to change the food and the song, dumbass.
Delete. Delete. Delete.
What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed? Cobb salad.
Which sounds like cod salad…but, apparently, they are two different things. Two different salads. That’s what the chef on TV said last night, anyway.
What song is in your head right now?
UGH. I just looked at my song from yesterday, and now it’s back in my head. Damn it. I’m going to need to lie. Here goes…
What song is in your head right now? “I’m So Excited.” The Pointer Sisters. Also sung by Jessie Spano in a Saved by the Bell episode.
Good enough. Send.
DAY 19 (THURSDAY)
Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken: 4:00 p.m.
Physical differences noticed today: Haven’t noticed anything.
More freaking blood. Stupid blood. Coming out of me. Also coming out of Dracula’s victims tonight as I read Bram Stoker’s novel.
I am still feeling pretty tired in general. I took a long nap after grocery shopping this morning.
Mental differences noticed today: Haven’t noticed anything.
I’m thinking even more about chocolate today…because I ate a candy bar. I’m feeling guilty about it…even though I saved enough calories for it. It’ll probably still make me gain weight somehow. Or it will cause my entire face to break out in zits.
Oh, also, I’ve decided to stop feeling guilty about my napping. If this is a permanent side effect of the medication AND the medication ends up working, I guess it’s worth it.
Did you do your routines today? Yes.
I actually finished my night routine a little early tonight…so I’m heading to bed a little early.
Are you still picking off your nail polish? Yes.
Lots of nail picking after eating the candy bar. Picking and thinking about the candy bar. Picking and thinking about gaining weight. Picking and thinking about impending zits.
How many calories did you consume today? 1400.
Still shouldn’t have eaten the chocolate…
What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed? Homemade soft pretzels.
These would probably also cause new zits. But only if I ate one of them. Hopefully I won’t get any zits just from listening to them being made.
What song is in your head right now? “The Monster.” Eminem. Oh—Rihanna sings too.
Send.
DAY 20 (FRIDAY)
Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken: 4:00 p.m.
Plus one margarita tonight around 9:00 p.m. But he knows that because I told him that I was going to have one. And he didn’t like it. So I’m certainly not going to bring it up here.
Physical differences noticed today: Haven’t noticed anything.
That’s not true. One drink on medication is very different than one drink not on medication…just like he said it would be.
One drink felt like at least two—which is fine, but notable.
Also, my bleeding is winding down.
Mental differences noticed today: Haven’t noticed anything.
Also not true. I’m starting to realize that he’s probably right that I should stick to only one drink
(not that I really ever go over that anyway) and that I shouldn’t drive after even having just a tiny bit to drink while on meds—not that I’ve EVER driven after drinking anything since…
1.) I normally only drink at home on Girls’ Night.
2.) I’m too afraid that even one ounce of alcohol will somehow make me crash and kill someone.
3.) I’m not a big fan of the whole driving thing anyway.
I just don’t feel like telling him that he’s right. Because he’s always right. And he already knows that he’s always right. Why waste time typing to tell him?
Clearly, I’m irritable today.
My irritation about bleeding hasn’t tapered off yet. And I’m back to craving chocolate.
I’m also irritated with Dr. Gabriel. As always. That never tapers off. Especially on Fridays when I have to see him. He was pleased with my lesson today…and after, he tried to shake my hand again. I pretended to have a coughing fit. UGH. Oh—I think that woman from the conference, Kate, broke up with him…probably because she realized that he is a sleaze. But I’m irritated with her, too. She was doing the women of the world a favor by taking him off of the market, off of the prowl…
Did you do your routines today? Yes.
Are you still picking off your nail polish? Yes.
How many calories did you consume today? 1400.
What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed? Gourmet hamburgers.
What song is in your head right now? “Let It Go.” Idina Menzel. From Frozen.
Abby has a new obsession…
Send.
DAY 21 (SATURDAY)
Since I was reprimanded for using what he called “generic responses” for the last week (and for using, as he said, almost the exact same responses for the last four days), I will be writing longer responses tonight. I’m not as irritated about this as I thought I’d be. Perhaps because I have already finished all of my schoolwork for the weekend. OR because I’m finally done bleeding.
Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken: 4:00 p.m. (With circle-shaped crackers. Generic brand).
Forever Checking (Checked Series Book 3) Page 17
