Dixie was taken aback by the question. "I think so …"
"It's this feeling you get about someone when you know you can't live without them. When you know you'd be incomplete without them. It's hurting when they aren't around. And there's a big void when they aren't with you—like part of you is missing. You can't function. I know politicians aren't the best examples."
Dixie laughed. "You make love sound like a disease."
Kevin laughed. "No, it's not terrible, it's beautiful. When you're together it's like God is shining His light on you. When you are apart, it's like God took it away. You'll know it, when it comes. But hang in there for the real thing, accept no substitute."
"Is that how you feel about June and Buckie?"
"Yes, and this community, and life itself."
"I'm very glad I came home, Kevin. I've learned a lot."
"Then carry it with you always. And Dixie, always know that I love you, and care about you as a friend."
"Thank you, Kevin." She smiled, and he touched her cheek.
"Excuse me, but June said dinner is ready." Mike interrupted them from a short distance away, an odd combination of expressions crossing his face.. Dixie was shocked to see him here.
"Mike," Kevin said as he turned to his brother with a big smile. He went to put his arm around his shoulder. "You decided to come, after all. I'm glad."
Mike's frown didn't disappear. "I didn't come for dinner. I came to borrow some rope."
"Rope? Sure, I've got some in the garage. What's up?"
"Can't find Old Buttercup, and she's due anytime. I may have to tie her down and do a C-section. So, I brought Amanda with me. She wanted to play with Buckie."
"Great, glad to have her. So...can I help?" Kevin looked concerned.
"No, I can handle it. Wouldn't want to spoil your dinner. Looks as though you have your hands full anyway."
Kevin glanced at Dixie who walked directly behind them, then reached to pull her up between them.
"I wish you would stay," Kevin said.
"I really can't."
Kevin nodded. "Okay then, Dixie, would you tell June I'll be just a second, please? Come one Mike, I think I've got some rope in the garage."
Dixie left, not daring to look at Mike again. What did he think he saw out there on the road? Apparently he'd drawn his own conclusions. And she had to make him understand that they were wrong.
CHAPTER NINE
All during dinner, Dixie's mind was on Mike. She barely paid attention to Kevin until he asked, "And you, Dixie, what do you think of your mom and Bernie getting married?"
"I think it's marvelous that Mom and Bernie could find love again. They have an excellent head start on most people, because they've both been through a good marriage before and know what it takes to make it work. I wish them only happiness and love for the rest of their lives."
Bernie stopped eating and looked at them. "Thank you, kids. What lovely things you've said. All of you. I only hope I can live up to this kind of trust."
"You will," Kevin reassured him.
Emily nodded.
"Well now boys, tell me how's summer school?" June asked, filling Buckie's plate and handing it to him.
If there was anything Tom and Will didn't want to talk about, it was school. However, Tom did elaborate more than usual about a few goings on.
"We're passin,'" Will acknowledged.
After Dixie helped with the dishes, she was left on her own, while the boys played Frisbee in the front yard with Buckie. She wandered out back, her gaze scanning the horizon. Just over the meadow was Mike's place, adjoining Kevin's. She wondered if he was far away. The way he stepped on the gas as he drove the truck out of the driveway, she would imagine him in Oklahoma by now.
What was wrong with him, anyway? He had wanted her to see Kevin. So, she saw him. It was over. Mike should have been happy about it.
Left to explore the creek banks on her own, she walked away from the house, into the woods. She pulled at an occasional low-slung branch as she skirted the banks of an old dried up creek-bed, looking for interesting rocks and artifacts that she remembered hunting as a child.
She kicked idly at a rock near her foot, and winced from the pain it brought her. Flopping on the ground, she leaned back on her elbows and stared up at the cluster of clouds rolling by. As a little girl she had often watched the clouds and fantasized about their shapes and forms, making them into all sorts of creatures.
"Enjoying yourself?" Mike asked, a slight smile curling his lips.
"Mike? I thought you'd left. I thought you were out looking for Old Buttercup."
"I am. Come on, you can help." He reached for her hand and pulled her to her feet.
"But, aren't we still on Kevin's property?" she asked as she put her hand in his and felt an immediate jolt.
"Hardly. Kevin doesn't have any property. He has a yard."
"Oh, I see. Well, just who is this Old Buttercup, anyway?"
Mike led the way, out to the clearing, staring out over the empty pastures. His tone was indulging but preoccupied. "Our oldest milk cow. She's about to give birth, but I've got to find her first and get her back to the barn. Old, lazy girl likes to lay down wherever she is and give birth."
"Isn't that the natural way … I mean for a cow?"
"Normally, yes, but she's older, so I want to keep an eye on her, make sure she has an easy time of it. I'm pretty fond of the old girl," he explained, a tired expression replacing the slight smile.
His blue chambray shirt was slightly soiled with a day's sweat, and his eyes lacked humor. She supposed she shouldn't try to be funny.
"Don't you think Kevin, or Bernie might be better at this than me, Mike?" she asked as he continued to drag her along.
He stopped and looked directly at her. "Could be, but Bernie's gone."
"Gone? You mean they've left without me?" she shrieked, looking behind her as if she might see the house in the distance.
"Looks that way, doesn't it?" A tired smile filtered across his exhausted features. "Maybe they thought you'd want to visit a little longer."
"What about Kevin?"
"He's not much better than you, and besides, I'm not walking back there to get him. Stop fretting. I'll take you home, later."
"I'm not fretting. I just didn't think you wanted me around, the way you've been acting lately. You haven't exactly been in the best of moods, you know?"
He ignored her comment. "Tell you what, you check out that area over there, behind those trees, and yell if you spot her."
"But …" she cried as he started walking away from her, "what does she look like?"
He stopped, dead in his tracks, turned and smiled bigger than Texas. "She's a real pretty cream color with the biggest, prettiest, brown eyes you've ever seen," he said with a slight chuckle.
Dixie stood watching him move away again, flabbergasted. "Biggest, prettiest brown, eyes," she mocked. Half an hour later, she spotted the big mother cow, laying flat against a small ravine. She heard a soft moan, and felt an immediate pull of sympathy. What was it about birthing a baby that had all women responding with emotion? "Mike. Mike! Over here!"
In seconds, Mike appeared at her side. He shook his head. "Oh, man, it's too late to move her. Impossible. I'll check her, and see what we've got."
Mike did a thorough examination, his facial expression changing from bad to worse. When he finally stood up, he motioned for Dixie to come closer. "Look, it's bad. I don't want to lose her, Dixie. Now, I want you to go to Kevin's and get some supplies. Bring a lantern and some clean rags from the house. June will get them for you. I'll need water and antiseptic, and bring Kevin back with you."
"But—"
"Go on, times a wasting, and listen—Kevin's got some overalls in the house, tell him to let you borrow them. Now run along, we don't have a lot of time. I think I'm going to have to turn the calf. It's breech."
He rolled up his sleeves and squatted next to Buttercup. The old cow looked at him thoughtfu
lly, as though she thoroughly trusted him. Dixie envied the cow at that moment. Being taken care of by Mike must be heaven.
All the way back to Kevin's, Dixie thought about the gentle way Mike had handled the cow, just like he handled her. What a great vet he would have made.
Dixie ran to the house, told June what was happening and June hurried to get the needed supplies. "But Kevin's gone to town again. He won't be back until late."
"Oh, dear. Then I guess I'll just have to help Mike the best I can."
"Do you want me to go with you?" June asked.
"No, you have your hands full with Buckie. I'll go. Can I borrow Kevin's overalls?"
"Sure, I'll get them." June went into their bedroom and came back out with the overalls.
Dixie stuffed her denim skirt inside the overalls and pulled them up. She rolled the legs up and pinned the sides together with the safety pins June brought her.
It was nearly dark by the time Dixie returned. Mike was having a time. He looked exhausted. He had tried to turn the calf by himself, but it had been an impossible task. Relief washed over his face when Dixie came running up with all the supplies.
"I want you to talk to her, Dixie. Softly. Just sit here, beside her, and talk in a low, comforting tone to her. I've got to go back in and tie the rope around the calf so we can pull it out. She's so tensed up, it isn't helping the situation."
"We?" she shrieked, her face going pale.
"We," he affirmed. Giving her a look of complete confidence he smiled.
"Okay," Dixie replied, taking in a deep breath. She did exactly as Mike directed, trying to ease the suffering of the old cow as best she could. The cow looked grateful with her big brown eyes. Mike was right—she did have the prettiest brown eyes.
Minutes later Mike instructed her to grab the rope behind him and help him pull. Together they strained and pulled for what seemed like an hour. The old cow grunted just before she delivered. Dixie had never seen such a sight in her life. The miracle of life, even from a cow seemed very precious. With tears of joy she jumped up, and grabbed Mike, hugging and kissing him and laughing as she pointed to the beautiful, clumsy newborn calf.
"Oh, Mike, she's beautiful," she said moving toward mother and baby.
Mike nodded. "She sure is. But there isn't time for a celebration now. We've got a lot of cleaning up to do."
"What are you going to name her?"
"I don't know. Got any ideas?"
"Butternut."
"Butternut … I like that."
Later, after securing the mother and calf for the night and washing up, Mike drove Dixie home, with Mandy between them. He stopped the truck just short of her house, and looked at her. Mandy was nearly asleep, and he scooted her over towards him. "Thanks for the help. You were pretty fantastic, tonight. I couldn't have done it without you."
"You're welcome, but I don't think I did much. It was all your work. You must be exhausted—and so proud. You would have made a great vet, Mike. Why don't you go back to school?"
Mandy yawned, and leaned over on Dixie for support.
"Believe it or not, if you hadn't calmed her, she'd have never made it. I guess when it comes to giving birth, all females are alike." He leaned against the window of the truck and smiled at her.
He hadn't answered her question and she didn't pursue it. "Did you see Amanda being born?"
"No, Connie's parents threw a fit when I told Connie I wanted to."
"What a shame. Where are they now?"
"They live in Cleveland, except when they're vacationing in Florida. Which is most of the time now. They don't have much time for their granddaughter. They're jet setters. I guess that's why Mandy adopted your mom. She doesn't really know her grandparents at all. She was too little the last time she saw them."
"That's a shame."
"Depends on how you look at it," Mike affirmed, guiding Mandy back towards him. "I never got along with them very well. They always thought their daughter could have done better than a rancher."
"Are you still angry with me?" she asked.
He looked away. "I'm not angry."
"You were."
"Okay, you want the truth? I was angry. I saw how it was with you and Kevin today. And despite the fact that I think you're wrong for him. I'll keep out of it, this time. But he and June have been very happy, he's got a career in government ahead of him, and now you come back into the picture...well, you can see why I was concerned. Still am."
"But, Mike, you don't understand—"
"Maybe, but there is something you have to know. Something I have to say."
"I'm listening."
"Seven years ago, I butted into something that was none of my business. And I never told you why. I guess I never understood why myself until I saw you standing there alone at the airport. It all fit into place for me then. The reason I grabbed that blanket and whirled you back to your house that night was because … because I wanted you. I'm the one that reacted."
Dixie was stunned.
"I didn't know it at the time. All I could think of was that it was all so wrong. Kevin was such a wet behind the ears kind of guy back then and you had just shaken him up so badly I wasn't sure he could go on. He wanted you too, that night. But only for a few minutes. Only until sanity prevailed. I've been jealous of him all this time, and didn't realize it. Because I felt something for you myself. Even more so, since you've come back. I know we're worlds apart—"
"Mike, I—"
"No, don't say anything. You were right about that. I live here in a one-horse town, with nothing more to offer you than a life as the wife of a rancher, and a ready-made family. You have an important career. Something you're good at—that's right for you. That's your world, there in New York. Mine is here. I love you, Dixie. But now I know, you still love Kevin and it will never work—for you or for me. Not that it would ever work for you and Kevin either. I think he's driven to become a senator and I'll bet on that."
"Mike, wait—"
"It's too late. I've waited too long to tell you how I really feel. I was hoping, once you'd seen Kevin, you'd realize it was a childhood fantasy. You've outgrown this town, and me. I'd hoped I'd outgrown you, but I haven't. I suppose it was inevitable. If you can't have Kevin, you'll probably settle for Ed. I'm sure he loves you, too. I imagine that most men who meet you must fall in love with you to some degree. I wish I'd made love to you a long time ago." He paused to close Dixie's dropped jaw. "And stop looking so shocked, sweetheart. I wanted you then, just like I want you now."
Dixie opened her mouth to say something, but Mike held up his hand in protest.
"No, please let me finish," he said. "I married Connie on the rebound. I loved her as a person, but my feelings for her couldn't begin to compare to what I felt for you." He paused again and scratched his head. "What I'm trying to tell you, Dixie, is that I've given up."
Given up? Had he really ever started? He never came right out and said he loved her before. Why couldn't he see things the way they really were? Her thoughts screamed so clearly, I love you Mike! She said instead, "Goodnight, Mike …"
She couldn't stay there in the truck that close to him, and not fall into his arms, confessing her love for him. It was clear to her that he'd never believe her, anyway.
How could he possibly believe that she loved Kevin when her kisses said otherwise? Trust—that was why. Mike didn't trust her.
***
The day of the wedding came and nothing went right. Turmoil prevailed. The boys couldn't find their ties, Emily couldn't zip her dress, the car wouldn't start—nothing went right.
Still, one by one the problems began to resolve themselves. After an entire search of the house, the ties turned up under the sofa cushions in the living room, where the boys had stuffed them last Sunday. Dixie managed to fix Emily's zipper, and the boys finally got the car started by using an old set of jumper cables they found buried under rubble in the garage.
Wringing her hands, Emily fretted. "It's an omen.
"
"No it's just a bad case of nerves for all of us," Dixie replied simply.
Despite the problems, Emily never looked lovelier in her turquoise suit and dainty pillbox hat with its delicate veil. She looked vibrant, beautiful, and almost young again.
The chapel was adorned with pink and white orchids, and pink carnations, giving off a lovely fragrance. With her vacation almost over, Dixie hungered for the sight of Mike. He hadn't been around since the night they delivered Old Buttercup's calf together.
It had been a lovely fantasy, thinking they might actually get together. But time was running out. Mike had said he loved her—the problem was he didn't trust her.
The music started, and Dixie marched down the aisle, wishing it were her getting married. What a dream!
As she took her place by the altar, she saw Mike for the first time in days, bringing Emily down the aisle. His navy suit, light blue shirt, and Texas tie gave him an air of sophistication. Tawny gold eyes searched her out, and welded her to the spot. Her heart stopped, fluttered, melted, and ached all in one.
Couldn't he read it in her eyes?
Mandy looked lovely as the flower girl, displaying a shy smile as she scattered petals down the aisle. Her light blue dress swished as she walked, the petticoats rustling. The ceremony blurred as the minister's words scorched Dixie's heart and brain. "Wilt thou love him, cherish him, and keep thee only unto thine self." Dixie couldn't stop herself from seeking Mike out. Their gazes locked. A lump in Dixie's throat lodged, choking her. A tear rolled down her cheek, for what might have been.
She'd have given up her career to be his wife and Mandy's mother—if he'd have asked her. She'd have loved him and Mandy. Why couldn't he trust her enough to realize that?
I love you, too, her heart cried as she gazed at him. Did he hear her? No, not judging from his serious expression. Before she could fully absorb the ceremony, it was over and her mother was gliding down the aisle on Bernie's arm—smiles lighting their way, rice going everywhere.
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