by Holly Martin
He stared at her for a second and then his face softened. ‘Ivy—’
‘He was a charmer, just like you, said all the right things, brought me flowers. He was sweet and attentive. It wasn’t until we were married that I realised what an absolute ass he was. He wanted children so badly, sex came to be only about producing a baby. We tried everything. He encouraged me to lose weight, I had to take all these vitamins and supplements and we did all the sexual positions that were supposed to be the position where we were most likely to conceive. We used all the ovulation kits to see when was the optimum time to have sex. We even tried IVF and when I still didn’t get pregnant, he divorced me, citing unreasonable behaviour from me as the reason. The fact that I couldn’t produce a child was unreasonable to him.’ She swallowed. ‘To hear that you finished with your girlfriend because she miscarried—’
‘Hang on, that wasn’t the reason we broke up!’ Adam stood up. He stared at her for a moment, then moved around the desk and took her hand, leading her to the sofa. He gently tugged her down next to him. He sighed. ‘She blamed me for the miscarriage. We’d made love the night before she lost the baby and she said it was my fault our baby died. She never got past that. She wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t let me touch her. She moved out of my house and told me she never wanted to see me again. I tried to get her to come back but she refused.’
Ivy stared at him in horror, suddenly glad she was sitting down because her legs were shaking. She’d got it all wrong.
‘I felt so bad afterwards,’ Adam continued. ‘It didn’t matter that all the research, all the articles I read, all the doctors I spoke to said that sex was not the cause of the miscarriage, I still carried around that guilt for years. She’s happily married now, three beautiful children by all accounts. She moved on where I never felt like I could.’
She swallowed. ‘I’m so sorry that you went through that and I’m sorry for jumping to the wrong conclusion last night. Everything still feels so raw after my divorce and last night I could suddenly see it happening all over again. You want children and I can’t give you any.’
Adam put his arm round her shoulders and hugged her to his chest.
‘So this is what all this has been about, your fear that I’m going to leave you because you can’t get pregnant?’
Ivy nodded.
‘And have you been to the doctors about this?’
‘Yes, I’ve been poked and prodded and tested for every possible thing. There is no medical reason why I haven’t been able to get pregnant.’
‘Could there be something wrong with your ex-husband? Was he tested?’
‘Yes, at least I think so, but his new wife is already pregnant, something he had great pleasure in telling me, so clearly the problem lies with me, not him.’
‘Maybe you just weren’t compatible.’
Ivy shrugged. ‘It’s possible.’
Adam kissed the top of her head and her heart fluttered against her chest. The fact that he was still there with his arm round her gave her hope.
‘Ivy, I like you a lot. Probably a lot more than like actually. It’s really early days for us and neither of us can tell whether we will last a month, let alone a year, but I have a really good feeling about it. There’s a connection here I haven’t felt with anyone before. If we get married and we both want children in the future and it doesn’t happen naturally without all the vitamins and ovulation charts, we can look at IVF again and if that doesn’t work or you don’t want to go through that again, we can always adopt. There are many babies out there in the world who need a loving home. And if all else fails we can get lots of little fur babies instead. I love dogs, how do you feel about them?’
Ivy smiled, tears filling her eyes. ‘I love them. I always wanted a spaniel, but Callum was allergic to fur.’
‘Well, we have a plan. We’ll get a whole litter of puppies to occupy our attention and spoil rotten. Look, if I’m with you, I’m with you for you, for how you make me laugh, for your generosity, your fiery nature, your passion for your art, your insanely good sandwich-making skills, not your baby-making abilities. I accepted long ago that I was probably never going to have children so if it doesn’t happen I’m OK with that, just as long as I’m with you.’
‘Really?’
‘Truly.’
Ivy felt herself almost sag with relief. ‘God, I’ve been so worried about all of this. I know things are still so new with us and to start talking about children already is craziness but I didn’t know when was the right time to bring it up. You have a right to know what you’re getting involved with. I didn’t want to get a year down the line or wait until we’re married and then drop the bombshell that I can’t have children. That wouldn’t be fair on you.’
‘I appreciate it must have been difficult for you, but if we’re going to work then you have to tell me when something is bothering you. Don’t shut me out.’
‘I won’t, I promise.’
Adam kissed her briefly on the lips, stroking a finger down her cheek before he stood up. Ivy guessed it was time for her to leave so he could carry on with his work. She watched him move to the door and lock it.
She let out a laugh as he came back to the sofa and leaned over her, his hands either side of her head.
‘Now I hear that one of the ways to make a baby is getting the technique right.’
She grinned as she undid the buttons on his shirt. ‘Is that right?’
‘So I think we should practise now so when the time comes we know what we’re doing.’
His mouth went to her throat and she let out a soft moan. ‘I think that sounds like an excellent plan.’
Chapter 20
Neve hadn’t seen Oakley for the rest of the day. She’d wandered round the village, visited her horses, Shadow and Knight, and she’d even gone for a walk down to the ice palace and the lake, but she hadn’t even seen him from a distance. She’d gone back to his lodge but he hadn’t been there, so after dinner she made her way back to her lodge.
Pip was waiting for her on the steps.
‘How’s it going?’ she asked as Neve let them both into her house.
‘With Oakley? I have no idea. I’ve told him I love him, I’ve told him that I’d move to America with him, I’ve told him how sorry I am, but he was still referring to himself as my ex-boyfriend earlier today right before he tried to kiss me and walked out the door.’
Pip shook her head. ‘Talk about mixed messages. Would you really go to America with him?’
Neve didn’t hesitate. ‘If we’re together then yes. I honestly don’t know what we’re going to do if we’re not. I offered to move out there regardless but he said he didn’t want me to be alone. But I want him to be a part of his son’s life. His job is there and he can’t move it as easily as I can. It makes sense for me to go.’
‘He still loves you. He’s crazy about you, anyone can see that. Just give him some time to get over the lie. I’m sure he’ll come round.’
‘We haven’t got time, Pip. He leaves on New Year’s Day, we need to sort it out before then.’
‘He won’t leave without sorting it out. Are you going to the ball?’
‘As manager, I kind of have to. I’ll need to oversee it all, make sure everything runs smoothly. I know Adam will be there to take care of things but this is a big event and I feel like I should be there to help if need be. I need a dress though, everything is getting a bit too tight.’
‘Let’s go shopping tomorrow, Gabe says there’s a great ballgown shop in Lerwick. We could take the plane or the boat over. I need something to wear too. I have a really small selection of clothes and definitely nothing fancy enough for a ball.’
‘I have a few dresses you could borrow.’
‘That’s kind, but I really want to buy something new. I want something spectacular for Gabe.’
‘Why, is he wearing a dress too?’ Neve teased. ‘How’s it going between you two anyway?’
Pip’s whole face lit up into a huge
smile. ‘I have never been so utterly happy in my entire life as I am now.’
‘You make him that happy too.’
‘I know it sounds silly, but he’s my soul mate. It’s like we were meant to be together.’
Neve smiled. ‘It doesn’t sound silly at all. I feel the same way about Oakley.’
‘I just want tomorrow night to be really special for us. It feels like it’s the start of a whole new chapter in our lives. A new year with endless new possibilities.’
‘So we need the perfect dress to signify this,’ Neve said. ‘Fine, we’ll go dress shopping. It’s not like I’m allowed to do any work at the moment anyway.’
‘Great, I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Pip left and Neve changed and got into her bed. She grabbed her phone and scrolled down to Oakley’s number. She hadn’t phoned or messaged him for weeks. She didn’t even know if he had the same number any more. She quickly wrote out a text message.
I’m not sure where you are but I love you.
She pressed ‘send’ and stared at the screen, waiting to see if there would be any reply. After half an hour with the phone screen staying resolutely blank, she put it on top of her bedside table and curled up and went to sleep.
Neve sat down to breakfast with Gabe, Pip and Wren the next morning.
Gabe reached out and took her hand. ‘Are you doing OK?’
Neve shrugged. ‘I’m not really sure, to be honest. I think I’ve cried all the tears I have. I have no idea whether me and Oakley have any kind of future together. He walked out yesterday afternoon and—’
‘Came to see me.’
Neve blinked. ‘He did? What did he say?’
Gabe rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. ‘He took the last plane to Lerwick last night.’
Neve stared at him, her waffle suddenly dry in her mouth. She swallowed hard. ‘He’s left?’
‘No, he’s coming back. Today, I think. I don’t know. Has he not spoken to you at all?’
‘No, what’s he doing in Lerwick?’
Gabe frowned. ‘Well, the good news is I know he spoke to that photographer as well. I have no idea what Oakley told him, but whatever it was, it ensured the photographer packed his bags and flew out to Lerwick first thing this morning too.’
‘What’s happening in Lerwick?’
Gabe looked around awkwardly. ‘I have some emails I need to send. I’ll catch you girls before you leave. And Wren, me and you are going to help Luke with some of the ponies today, so I’ll see you shortly.’
With that he stood up and left the table.
Neve looked at Pip. ‘What’s going on?’
‘I don’t know but we’re going to Lerwick shortly too. It’s not that big a place, and Oakley is quite easy to spot. Let’s go and ask him.’
‘He’s gone to see Annabelle,’ Wren sang, while she tucked into her pancakes.
‘Who’s Annabelle?’
Wren shrugged. ‘Oakley spoke to her in Daddy’s office. He was very excited about seeing her.’
Neve stared down at her breakfast and then back at Pip. ‘Eat up, we have a plane to catch.’
Lerwick, as the only town on the Shetland Islands, was actually a lot bigger than Neve imagined it would be and tracking Oakley down was going to be harder than she first thought. There were certainly no hordes of screaming teenage girls running down the streets after a famous Hollywood star.
Pip must have realised the same thing. ‘We might as well go to the dress shop, I have a map Gabe drew for me.’
They found the shop on a little side street filled with row upon row of beautiful ballgowns. The assistant was very friendly and helped Neve and Pip pick out a range of different dresses she assured them would complement their figures perfectly and, with several scraps of satin underwear, they were bustled off to the changing rooms.
Neve pulled on a negligee that barely came down past mid-thigh and stared at herself in the mirror. Was she supposed to wear this under the dress? It gave next to no support to her ample breasts, and although it clung beautifully to the rest of her body, it looked more the sort of thing used to seduce someone in the bedroom. No one would get to see this under her dress so she didn’t really see the point.
Just as she was about to take it off, she heard the whispered squeals of two of the assistants outside the cubicle and froze.
‘I can’t believe he’s here.’
‘He’s so hot!’
‘Did you see the way he looked at me, I think he likes me.’
‘Bloody Oakley Rey, here in our little shop!’
Before she knew what she was doing, she opened the cubicle door and pulled back the curtain to the staff-only area, where the two girls were jumping up and down with glee.
‘Where is he?’ Neve asked, not in the mood to play any more games. If he was here, she wanted answers.
The girls straightened their faces. ‘Who?’ asked the very pretty blonde.
‘Oakley Rey, where is he?’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ the other girl said.
Neve sighed and turned around, walking straight out of the female changing area and into the men’s. A few men were there trying on suits and tuxedos and looked a bit surprised when she marched straight past them to the room at the end, which seemed a frenzy of activity.
She marched straight in and there was Oakley standing in the middle of a large room being attended to by almost every female and male assistant that worked in the shop. He was dressed in a tuxedo that fitted him perfectly and he looked like a star, but more than that, he looked sexy as hell and all thought and reason went straight out of her head.
His eyes locked with hers in the mirror and he turned around, bringing the attention of all the assistants down on her.
‘Miss, you can’t be in here.’ One of the assistants stormed towards her.
‘It’s OK,’ Oakley said. ‘She’s a friend. Could we have a few minutes alone?’
Friend. That hurt more than it should.
The assistants left them alone and Oakley walked towards her, taking her in.
‘Is that the dress you plan on wearing tonight, because if it is it certainly has my vote.’
Neve looked down at herself and cursed that she was still wearing the stupid negligee.
‘What’s going on? Why are you here and why are you dressed like James Bond?’
He cocked his head. ‘I promised you a dance at the ball tonight. You know me, Freckle, I always keep a promise. I need a suit if I’m going to waltz you round the ballroom tonight.’
She felt so confused. ‘What’s going on, Oakley? Yesterday you were lying in bed with me, flirting with me. Now you’re here, buying a suit just so you can keep a promise and dance with me. Are we. . .’ She trailed off, not wanting to ask the question she needed answering most of all for fear of his reply.
‘Freckle, I fly out tomorrow afternoon, we start filming again the night after and I can’t not be there. I want to make sure things are good with us before I leave. Over the last few days I’ve been hard on you and I want to make that right. You don’t need that stress when you’re pregnant. And as we’re having a baby together, we need to be friends if we’re going to make this work.’
Friends was not the outcome she was hoping for but it was something.
‘Does that mean you forgive me for lying to you?’
‘There’s nothing to forgive, it was a mistake.’
‘But. . . But does that mean that we can—’
‘It means that I’m going to dance with you tonight, it means that afterwards I have a tiny little surprise I want to give you before I leave. And when I leave tomorrow, I’m really hoping we’ll be on friendly terms.’
He studied her, concern and hope flashing in his eyes.
‘We’ll always be friends. I will always love you, Oakley, but if you can’t give me more than friendship then I’d be more than happy to be your friend.’
Oakley gathered her into a big hug, holding her
tight. She couldn’t help the emotion from clogging in her throat.
He pulled back slightly and kissed her on the forehead.
‘And I meant what I said, I’ll come to America and raise our child there so you can see him whenever you want.’
‘We’ll talk about that later and how we can make that work. I don’t want to take you away from your family.’
She didn’t want to tell him that, although she would miss her brothers and Wren, Oakley was her family now, even if they weren’t together.
She stepped back out of his arms. ‘I better go. I need to find a dress and get back to help with any final preparations for the ball. I’ll see you later.’
‘You can count on it.’
She smiled, sadly, and he didn’t take his eyes off her as she left the room.
Neve hurried back to the cubicle and sat down on the bench. She had one more night with him and she had to make it count.
Oakley burst out of the house later that night and ran down the street towards the airport. He knew he had five minutes until the last plane to Juniper Island left. He didn’t know what would be the checking-in policy at such a small airport but if he could just make it on time, they might possibly hold the plane for him.
Annabelle had taken a lot longer than he expected and then the thing Adam had asked him to pick up had taken a while to sort out too.
He had to be there to dance with Neve. He had to prove to her he was a man of his word. Everything hinged on tonight and the only way he was going to pull it all off was if he was there to dance with her before midnight.
Clutching Adam’s present for Ivy against his chest and carrying the suit bag in his other hand, he ran as fast as he could, but before he even made it as far as the airport building, he heard the sound of engines powering up on the runway on the other side of the fence. To his horror he saw the small plane roar down the runway and up into the night sky.
That was it. There was no way to get back to Juniper Island now.
