“Yes. I admire you.”
He immediately straightened his back. “You admire me?”
I was surprised that he acted so taken aback by my comment. “Yes. What’s so surprising about that?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never had someone admire me before.”
“Well, get used to it because I admire the hell out of you, Stephen Faron.” I pushed on his shoulder.
“Aww, shucks. I don’t think I deserve it, but I’m flattered anyway.”
“Why would you think you were not deserving?” I frowned, unable to fathom why he thought so badly of himself.
“I’ve done some things of which I’m not proud.”
“Haven’t we all, Stephen?”
“I know. I’m trying hard.”
“I know you are.” I grabbed his hand. It still never failed to amaze me just how relaxing it was not to feel anything from him.
“Michael said that you could make me see what I wanted to see.”
“Yes, that’s right. One of our many gifts, shall we say.”
I didn’t know where it came from, but I just had this yearning to feel a connection with him. “Can you do it with me?”
Stephen shook his head and pulled away a little. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Please,” I begged, batting my eyelashes.
I saw his smile and I knew I had him. “You’re too much, Twinkles. You’re taking this ‘wish is my command’ thing a little too seriously.”
I immediately pouted and it made Stephen laugh. “Okay, okay. I’ll do it.” I practically danced with joy.
Grabbing my hand, Stephen asked me to close my eyes and take a deep breath. I did as he asked and, suddenly, I was pulled into what seemed like a vision—but it felt so real.
I was standing in a field full of sunflowers. It was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. The sun was glistening high in the sky and I could feel the warmth touching my face. I became aware that I was wearing a white dress, almost like a wedding dress. It was like nothing I had ever seen. It was so glorious.
I turn to take in this amazing sight and, to my surprise, Stephen is there in a suit. He looks so handsome and refined that it immediately melts my heart.
He trailed his fingers down my arms and I shivered at his glorious touch. I closed my eyes, letting this wonderful sensation take over. He then draws me in and lifts my chin to meet his eyes. Those beautiful light blue eyes of his were dancing across my face. I sighed at his touch as he pulled me closer to his side.
“Your wish, remember?” he said, lightly kissing me on the lips.
In an instant, I’m aware that my breathing was picking up at his touch. The gentle kiss turned more intense as I wrap my arms around his neck. His lips felt like nothing else in this world, and I felt like I was dancing on a cloud. The feeling was one I never wanted to let go of.
“You have all of me,” he whispered in my ear.
My eyes shot open and it was only then that I was aware I’m crying. Stephen let go of my hand and I immediately rise from the bed and run to the window.
“I’m sorry,” he offered. “I didn’t mean for it to upset you. Part of what I was showing you was what you wanted to see.”
“You were right.” I suddenly felt a devastating loss and I didn’t know from where it came. “I shouldn’t have pushed you.” My voice was almost a whisper, terrified I might lose it.
We both fell silent for a while, as I stood there looking out of the window. I closed my eyes and let the tears flow. What Stephen showed me was beautiful—and yes, I could imagine it was what I wanted to see and hear, but it wasn’t meant to be.
“I was too late,” Stephen said, breaking the silence.
I knew what he meant and it tore my heart in two. He knows I’ve been with Michael. He knows it’s always been Michael.
This was our last night together and the thought of it killed me. I knew Stephen felt it, too, and it just made it that much harder.
We went to bed and I tried to sleep, but it was fraught with tension and anxiety of never having Stephen this close to me again. In my dreams, I wept through my loss, wondering how I had ever managed to get myself into this situation.
**********
Morning came and the silence was deafening. We knew that Michael would be returning soon and that meant Stephen would be leaving. I cried in the shower, hoping that the noise would drown out my sobs. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I knew I would see Stephen again, but it was like I was losing him for good. The thought terrified me.
As I came out of the bathroom, Stephen looked over at me. “Michael just rang. He will be here in twenty minutes. He asked that you pack a small bag to last until Sunday.” His face fell and the look made the tears threaten again.
“Okay.”
My feet suddenly found movement and, before I knew it, I was rushing into the kitchen to make some tea. I didn’t even want tea, but it was something to do so that I didn’t have to see the agonising look Stephen had on his face.
When I came back out, I saw that he was already packed and ready to go. I busied myself doing the same.
After I was done, Stephen and I looked at each other for a few moments. I wanted to look away, but something was rooting me to the spot. Something was making me see what he could feel. It was torture, but I felt I had to do it.
“Cassie.” His voice eventually broke our silence.
I knew he had something on his mind, and the fact he called me Cassie instead of Twinkles told me he was being deadly serious.
He was about to speak, but the doorbell rang. “What is it?” I was desperate to hear whatever it was that was on his mind.
“It’s nothing.” He shook his head, turned toward the door, hesitating slightly. I caught him taking a deep breath before answering it.
Pretty soon, they both walked into my room and the sight caught my breath a bit. Michael took my breath away, as usual. They both did.
“Cassie!” he bellowed as he ran towards me and scooped me up into his arms. It felt good, but I was acutely aware that Stephen was watching everything.
Stiffening, I looked towards Stephen, who was staring at both of us. Michael felt it and let go. He looked towards Stephen, then back at me. He could sense something was off and was looking at both of us for an explanation.
Finally, Stephen broke the silence, “There’s something you should know.”
I started to panic a little, thinking he was going to tell Michael about our little indiscretion that night in my bed. It was only what I deserved.
“Okay…” Michael suddenly looked worried. “Why do I think this is something I’m not going to like?” His stare suddenly turned to me. He could see the guilt written all over my face.
“An incident occurred at work on Wednesday.”
I instantly let out a breath I’d been holding. I wasn’t sure why that was a relief. It didn’t last long, though, as I knew what was coming next and knew it wasn’t going to be pretty.
“Daniel attacked Cassie in the archives room, gave her a concussion, and she spent the day in the hospital.”
“And you failed to tell me this?!” he seethed at Stephen. He took a few steps towards him, but I quickly intervened by getting in-between the two of them.
“Michael, stop. It’s not Stephen’s fault. I told him not to say anything.”
“Why?” The hurt in his eyes was evident.
“I knew you would return as soon as you heard and it would only mean you having to retake the course. I was just trying to save you the hassle.”
“Save me the hassle?! Cassie, are you kidding me?! You know the course didn’t mean shit to me. You, on the other hand, mean everything to me. I can’t believe you never said anything.”
Michael slumped on my bed, making me feel very guilty. It was only what I needed to feel. I was betraying both men at every turn, and it tore me apart.
“I’m sorry.” I suddenly didn’t know what to say.
Looking up to where Stephen was, I could see him asking if I was okay. I nodded and he grabbed his bag. “Maybe I should go.” He looked cautious.
“I think that would be wise,” Michael said through gritted teeth.
In an attempt to calm things down as quickly as possible, I walked Stephen out the door. Once he was at the top of the stairs outside, I apologised to him.
“Twinkles, no need to be sorry with me. It’s not the first time Michael’s been mad at me. I’m used to it. Are you going to be okay?”
“Yes. Thank you for everything.”
Grabbing my hand, he kissed the back of it. “Your wish, remember?” He looked up at me with those beautiful blue eyes of his.
He turned and walked down the stairs, making my heart ache with every step he took. He was soon gone, without looking back. I knew why, and it would have been the same thing I would have done under the circumstances.
I released my breath and turned to face the music. I had some explaining to do.
When I was back in my room, Michael did something completely unexpected. He picked me up and held me in his arms.
Suddenly, he placed his lips on mine before it could even register. I should have said no, I should have pulled away, but the feel of him near me was too irresistible.
He finally pulled away and looked at me. “I’m sorry I got angry, Are you okay? Tell me what happened.”
Sitting down with him, I told him the horrible details. I tried to tone it down as much as possible but how could you tone down an attempted rape?
I could see the different emotions as I was telling him the story. Anger, sorrow, regret and, lastly, hurt because we had left him out of this.
Afterwards, he pulled me onto his lap and cradled me in his arms. “All that time, you were trying to give me something so beautiful and I refused you, only to have to deal with some punk who thinks he can take it without asking. I can’t believe I left you alone with this.”
“Well, he didn’t get it. Stephen saved me and I’m fine now. I’m healing nicely.”
Michael winced when I mentioned Stephen’s name. “It should have been me.” He looked regretful.
“I’m fine.” I was desperately trying to drill it into his head. I smiled at him and he immediately smiled back. In that instant, my heart fluttered and the pull for Michael returned with full force.
I didn’t know how I was ever going to get through the coming weeks.
We were soon on our way to Michael’s house, where I told him all about what had been happening in the few days that he was away. I also let him know what I will face when I go back to work on Monday. Michael, like Stephen, didn’t like the fact that I had been snooping around for information. He was concerned for me, but I already knew what I was going to do. Whether I liked it or not, it was the only possible solution to the problem.
“So how was the course?” I thought it better to change the subject.
“Well, I think I know how to shoot now.” His lips curved a little, showing a somewhat cheeky grin.
“Michael Andrews, don’t get cheeky with me.” I told him off, but smiled along with him.
“It was good. Pretty intense, but I liked that. It kept my mind off things and slightly halted this pull I had to drop everything and come and get you.” He paused for a moment, then frowned a little. “So…how were things with Stephen?”
“It was good.” I hesitated for a second. I knew it wouldn’t be enough without causing suspicion, so I carried on, “He was the perfect gentleman and he looked after me a lot more than he needed to. A lot more than both of you need to. I don’t see why I have to be wrapped up in cotton wool like this.”
“Well,” he began, grabbing my hand. “It’s situations like the one with Daniel that gives us cause for concern. I bet it would have never happened otherwise.”
“I don’t know,” I said truthfully. “He told me things to make me believe it still would have happened.”
Michael cringed. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“I’m sorry, too, but it’s done now. If I have to be thankful about anything, I’m definitely thankful for that. I guess I have my guardian angels looking out for me after all.” I tried to make my smile as mischievous as possible.
Michael smiled back, but there was a hint of sadness. I think it was because he felt it should have been him. After all, he was sent to find me and protect me. That wasn’t Stephen’s mission. It was his.
“I’m going to go and fetch us some Chinese food. Do you fancy that?”
“Oh yes. Chicken and broccoli if they have it. That’s my favourite.” Michael stopped and smiled at me for a moment. “What?”
“I don’t know. It’s just moments like this when you tell me these things... It makes me happy to know these little secrets about you. I know it sounds silly saying it out loud, but it’s just that something as simple as knowing your favourite meal could bring a smile like that to your face. It makes me feel good inside.”
My heart instantly ached. His words were like cupid’s arrow aiming straight for my chest. I was lost. I’m not sure how I could feel like this after feeling the same way for Stephen only this morning. It was pure torture.
Time for round three!
Chapter 13
It was Saturday night and I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking about all the time I had spent with Michael since yesterday. It was quite nice today, apart from the fact that it was cold. He took me for a nice ride around Richmond, where we both sat and had a drink on the riverfront, watching the world go by. He held my hand and I smiled like the idiot that I was. I felt happy, but I didn’t deserve to feel happy. A part of me was welcoming the pain of losing them both, as it was the only punishment I needed to have.
It was now one o’clock in the morning and I was standing at Michael’s window, staring at the moon. I was lost in my thoughts thinking about Michael, but also thinking about Stephen.
I missed him. I wanted him here with me and wondered whether he was out there somewhere, thinking the same. I closed my eyes and remembered watching him sleep, wondering whether he was doing that now. Part of me laughed, and the other part of me felt scared. I remembered when I said I loved him in my head that morning, and he answered out loud.
Did he really love me, or was it somehow just one major coincidence? Deep down, I knew that it couldn’t be.
I took a deep breath. I was remembering today and what a lovely day it had been. The bright moon and the twinkling stars were reflecting that now.
I held a beautiful red rose that Michael had picked for me today. I inhaled its sweet scent, but it was nothing compared to both Michael’s and Stephen’s scent. That was the best aroma in the world.
Suddenly, I was aware of a presence behind me. I instantly knew it was Michael. He wrapped his arms around me and I let my head flop back to his shoulder.
“You couldn’t sleep, either?” His raspy voice echoed in the darkness.
I shook my head and sighed. “I’ve been thinking how good it felt to be with you today. It always feels good to be around you.”
His hands were suddenly caressing my stomach and the feel of it was doing things to me that I didn’t expect. The intense heat rose quickly, making my head spin. I moaned a little, letting him know how good it felt. “Michael,” I whispered, as I pulled my arm up to the back of his head. I ran my fingers through his soft hair, sighing at how wonderful this all felt.
Michael manoeuvred himself nearer to me, causing me to look up at his face. The moonlight was shining on his beautiful features, causing me to gasp a little. Lowering his head towards my lips, he brushed his mouth gently over mine. It was almost as if he was asking permission to do so. I kissed him without hesitation and, to my surprise, he picked me up and placed me back on the bed.
I wasn’t sure why he was doing this. I knew he would never give me what I asked for, and it would only end up torturing both of us.
My heart beat frantically as he laid himself on top of me and starte
d kissing me again. I could feel how hard he was and a part of me was frightened, but another part of me was so wanton that it was pushing the ugly feeling aside.
The kissing went on for some time, causing us both to moan at times.
As it began to get to the point of no return, I thought that Michael would pull away, but he didn’t. Instead, he lifted my top off and kept on kissing me.
“Michael, what’s happening?” I didn’t know whether I was dreaming all of a sudden.
“If you want me to stop, I’ll stop. I’ve just realised that there’s nothing I could ever refuse you. If you want this, I want it, too.”
He went back to my lips, making me moan again. I couldn’t believe he was giving in. A part of me celebrated, but another part of me wondered what all this meant to him. Surely, the Archangels would feel that what he was doing was a sin. That was something I didn’t want for him on any counts.
Snapping me from my thoughts, Michael broke away from our kiss and moved down towards my nipples. I moaned again and gripped his hair in surrender.
Suddenly, my vision clouded and I saw Stephen’s face. It was almost as if he was here with me, kissing me like he did that night.
Michael’s breathing became laboured as he lowered himself towards my knickers. His kisses were all over my belly now and the feel of his mouth on my skin was almost too much. A part of me wanted this more than anything, but another part of me wanted it to be Stephen.
Once I realised this, I gripped Michel’s hand just before he was about to relieve me of my underwear. He stopped immediately and looked up at me, worry etched on his face.
“I haven’t hurt you, have I?” His voice was panicked, causing me to feel bad.
“No, of course not.” He could never hurt me. The thought sounded preposterous.
“I’m sorry.” He didn’t seem to know what to do with himself.
“Why are you saying sorry? It’s me that should apologise.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know what I want.” The confession nearly made me gasp.
Rising off me, Michael sat down on the other side of the bed. He sighed a little and looked out into the darkness of the room. “Stephen.”
Her Guardians: Her Guardians Trilogy Book 1 Page 17
