by Tamsin Baker
“We’ve been over this a million times. He offered the ultimate sacrifice as a Sire and a father so that we may live. And we have,” Davon said.
“If you call it that.” Cassius’ voice was filled with so much pain, I felt it reverberate around my heart, infusing me with extreme grief.
“That’s enough, Cassius,” Xander said and no one else spoke.
I felt the depth of their emotions but I didn’t know what to do with it. If I should accept it or ignore it. If our bond was finalized and I already felt them inside me like this, how much more intense would it be? “He was your father?”
“He turned me first. I was near dead with fever when Michael changed me. I’d known him for years. I had no idea he was a Vampire. He owned an Apothecary and he trained me in the ways of medicines. We used to treat the sick in their homes if they were too weak to come in for treatment. I picked up my illness from one of the people we treated. That year was a bad one. Half the townspeople died by the sickness and when I didn’t die with the same, we roused suspicion. We fled the town with the barest of supplies and made our way to the new country,” Xander said.
“Where were you born?” I asked.
The sorrow I felt hardened and Xander became lost in thought. “Venice. Italy. The center of art and culture and dogged Catholicism. Anything that deviated from the Church at that time was evil, and hence we were deemed the most evil of all, even though throughout many years, we had saved countless lives.”
They had all suffered at the hand of naïve people. My distant grandmother had been no different – cursing them for years upon years upon years. Shame washed over me, and sadness at the way they’d been treated. Xander had been a young man who had only wanted to help people. Davon, a shy youth set out on a journey to make a name for himself and help his parents.
“It was just Michael and me treating people in a small town called New York before we found Cassius a century later,” Xander said.
I looked to Cassius expectantly. Unwrapping their story was an exercise in wonder and heartache. He spoke of it with a cavalier style. “At least my near death experience was a little more exciting…”
“Stupid,” Davon murmured as he rolled his eyes.
Cassius cleared his throat. “As I said, more exciting, than my brothers, here. I was an up and coming constable under the British rule, working hard against theft, gambling and prostitution. A good part of my job was to keep our Sire and Xander safe. The amount of people at that stage who would steal herbs and medicines to make drugs was unparalleled. Little did I know that Michael and Xander were more than capable of defending themselves than I could ever propose to be. It would have been nice if they’d told me before I leapt into the path of that bullet and put my life on the line to save theirs.”
I came up on my elbow in shock and with a trace of his excitement. The sheet shifted and I quickly adjusted it to cover myself. “You were shot!”
Cassius treated me to a full-blown smile that made my blood heat and simmer. “Told you it was exciting. Unfortunately for me, that bullet was near-fatal, but thanks to our Father having a soft heart, he decided to save me because of my bravery.”
I blinked, stunned at their stories. Not happy stories made of rainbows and kittens, but real life, dirty stories of trial and hardship, typical of the people of the times. Their suffering hadn’t ended any time soon. I changed the topic to ease the ache in my heart. “You said you cooked?”
“I did. We left New York and set off traveling. Men that didn’t die and were perpetually young stood out after too long. We learned all types of skills. Worked all types of jobs to get by. Father saved Davon as he told you, and we traveled the continent. We kept our heads down, our profiles low, and always moved before people could get to know us too much.
“Eventually we ended up in Conway. We decided we had to stop somewhere and Conway was very remote. I set up business, the inn and cooked for travelers. Davon was still able to trade furs and Xander treated people. It worked for a while,” Cassius said.
“Until you were cursed,” I murmured. The lighter mood Cassius had set, plummeted. I swung my legs off the side of the bed and sat, already missing Davon’s comfort and body heat. I rubbed my fist over my heart, hoping to rub away the constant ache that was almost a physical hurt.
“How did Ginevra find out who you were and what you could do?” Did I really want to know that a distant relative was able to create such evil? Absolutely not. I was completely ashamed someone in my line was capable of it.
I closed my eyes and drew in a breath. I was going to do the same thing as Ginevra, wasn’t I? I was planning on it. My gut churned, shame and guilt and dread creating a sickening cocktail.
Davon moved to sit on one side of me. The bed dipped when Cassius sat on my other side. Xander knelt before me. He went to take my hands, but at the last second, pulled back. I was caught in a mix of wanting to reach for him and knotting my fingers together and shoving both hands into my lap. Their feelings for me flared, instantly easing my discomfort and making me feel worse at the same time.
I caught a hint more sadness before it was whisked away, leaving me wondering if I’d actually felt it at all. That was Xander. Protecting me from their desolation. Remorse shattered me. “We were feeding, Ella. Just like you saw us.”
My breath caught, “A bear?” Don’t say human. Please don’t say human.
Xander’s expression tightened a little, as though he knew what I’d just thought. “A moose this time. Unlike when you saw us, Ginevra knew exactly what we were. She was a witch in her full power and knew the capabilities of all creatures. And how to use them to her benefit.
“She had her suspicions about us and followed us out one night. Looking back, in a small town, we did stand out as…different. Other. Most people wouldn’t put their finger on it, but if you knew what you looked for, it would soon become apparent. She even tricked Father.
“Unfortunately, the rest of the townsfolk knew about us as well as her after that. All of our secrets became known. The town congregated and that’s when Father told us to run. We did, but…we were still caught.”
Pain radiated around me and through me. Ginevra’s actions were vile and evil. Not only had she cursed them, she had also killed their father. If I lost Mom…I didn’t want to think about it. I don’t know if I could pick myself up and keep going on.
Davon still spoke, “Although Ginevra died, she thought death would be too easy for us and cursed us with her last breath. A death curse is one of the oldest and hardest to break, especially from a witch of her power. It is unending and relentless. Without you…we would live forever in purgatory until eventually we will simply cease to exist, having suffered for centuries more until that time.”
It was horrible. Tragic. I knew I was sentencing them to be forever trapped, and now death. Years and years and years of torture. For what? Because they tried to help someone. If there was a hell for witches, I hoped Ginevra was roasting.
But even knowing all this, could I accept them, offer my blood and stay with them forever because it would free them? If there was no love, a lifetime of resentment would fester between all of us. They were cursed now, I would only be adding to their misery.
They’d do everything they could to make it good for me. The sex would be mind-blowing, of course. But for how long? Sex was not a thing on which to base a life together. Neither was one-sided love. They’d keep on trying and trying and trying, and after a while it wouldn’t be enough. Without returning their love, it would never be enough.
And right there, right then, was when my heart shattered into a million, tiny, anguish-ridden, un-fixable fragments.
Chapter Thirty Nine
I tried to disguise my mood with a smile that was probably more of a grimace than anything. If they felt the churning of my emotions and my gut, they didn’t say anything.
They would have to know something was up, even though I worked hard at pretending. Now that I’d started feeling their
emotions, I was picking up all sorts of things from them. Worry. Apprehension. Simmering trepidation. Unease. Maybe it was magnified because I felt the same things.
Most probably for different reasons.
“Just get your mother and come straight back to us, Ella. Don’t stop to talk to anyone. Try not to be seen.” If it was possible, Xander had grown more serious and strict as the minutes ticked past.
They’d fed me. Clothed me. Made sure I had a coat and sturdy boots to make the trek back to Gary’s truck. They’d talked about how I was going to get back to Mom. How I was going to bring her back to them so they could cure her. It was decided I’d leave at dusk and travel under the cover of darkness to avoid being seen as much as possible.
“Hide this Gary’s vehicle and come back in your own vehicle. There’s less chance of rousing attention,” Xander said.
“As soon as you cross back through the barrier, call us and we will come for you,” Cassius said.
I’d have to come back if I wanted Mom cured, but I didn’t know how I was going to leave after that. They’d want payment from me. Maybe straight away. I hadn’t even thought through what I might say to put it off. Escape later. I’d only have to reach this barrier, then I’d be safe. They couldn’t cross it. I’d never see them again.
I clenched my fist over my stomach. I wish they hadn’t fed me. I had to keep swallowing to keep it all down.
Damn them for treating me so well. So kind. Thoughtful. Knowing what I had to do would be easier if they were assholes. Or if they drained humans. Or killed indiscriminately. Or murdered babies.
I teetered on the bottom step of the porch. “Where’s the bear?” That huge animal had been close by, but now there was nothing but pristine snow and a few flurries of snowflakes.
“We didn’t kill the bear, Ella. We only take what we need but not enough to take life. Ever. It probably woke up and wondered off some time later. No worse for wear,” Davon said.
I blinked up at him. Now I couldn’t even accuse them of indiscriminately killing animals for their food. He smiled and his handsome face become devastating. My heart picked up its pace, attuned to his feelings towards me. I quickly looked away, focusing on the falling snowflakes that were quickening as we spoke. “It looks like another storm is coming in.”
“It has been three hundred years of storms. They come and go. Some worse than others,” Cassius said.
“All the time? What about summer?”
“All we have is winter here. We make the most of the breaks when they come,” Cassius said.
My breath fogged and I stamped my feet. It was getting colder as we spoke. That was…miserable. If I ever saw my ancestor in the afterlife, I’d make it my mission to curse her exactly like this.
“You’re getting cold, Ella. It’ll only get worse. When you return, no doubt a storm will be in full swing. Call us and we will come and get you.” Xander stepped off the step and onto the snow.
“How will you hear me?” I asked.
“We will feel you, Ella. We always know you’re near.” Despite the cold, Xander only wore fitted pants and a shirt. He held his hand out to me, waiting. “Come, we will take you to the barrier. Your vehicle is not far from there.”
I sucked in a deep lungful of air as I placed my hand in his. His elegant fingers closed around mine. He aided my balance as I stepped onto the snow and we trudged through drifts of the stuff along a path I couldn’t see.
To my surprise, we passed a rose bush in full bloom. Frost made the delicate petals blacken a little at the edges. Crisp white frost had created a layer of white particles that covered the deep red. The bush was covered in small buds, barely matured to full blooms. Around the base of the bush were piles of fallen red petals, looking like drops of blood against the white snow.
I sank knee deep in snow as we wound our way through frozen trees, their branches laid low by piles of the frozen stuff. As we walked, the flurries came down harder and more insistent. The air chilled even more, nearly hurting my lungs when I breathed.
This was more than cold. This bordered on permafrost. Ginevra must have been filled with so much hate to have created this hell. If she hadn’t sunk to these depraved depths, I might have felt sorry for her, but as it was, I became angrier and angrier at what she’d done.
“Why do you feel such rage?” Davon asked.
My breath stuttered. I’d forgotten how much they could feel me. I only hoped I’d been able to disguise my feelings well enough. “I…hate what Ginevra did to you. It’s…inhuman. She condemned you. Killed your father. This curse is…” How did I describe something so horrific? And they’d suffered for three hundred years. Even people who committed horrendous crimes and were sentenced to life in prison didn’t suffer for so many years.
Ginevra was my ancestor. I was tainted by her deeds. How could they forgive me?
Davon took me in his arms and I let him. I wound my arms around his waist, taking pleasure in feeling him against me. Knowing it would be my last touch like this. “Don’t be sad for us, Ella. Being cursed led you to us. That is more than we could ever hope for. Having a mate, a bond. It is a true gift from the Goddess. Only very few souls since the beginning of humankind have been blessed like this. Knowing this has kept us sane for all this time. So don’t be sad. Be happy that we’ll be joined.” He plowed his fingers through my hair. I pressed my cheek to his chest, fighting to keep my tears away. “I know you don’t fully understand. If you were well into your powers, you would know that this is something to be rejoiced and not afraid of. But you will know soon. We are blessed. All four of us. Truly blessed.”
I grit my teeth to stop my stomach bringing up everything. He slowly tipped my head back so that I was forced to look up at him. “This is where we say goodbye, Ella. The path is just beyond those trees. But first, before you go, I want to give you something to think about.”
He dipped his head and captured my mouth with his. He didn’t hold back. This was a kiss not like Davon usually gave. This kiss was commanding. It took and gave and stole and churned everything up inside me, and then obliterated it all into a world of just being and feeling and accepting. Until all I was aware of was how much he loved me. Exactly how he cared for me. How deep and strong and pure his emotions were toward me.
My head was a haze. The kiss ended and Cassius held me against him. “We all feel the same way about you, Ella. Letting you go right now is the hardest thing we’ve ever had to do. But this will be something to bring you back into our arms.” Cassius kissed me next. Intense. Ardent. Fueled by passion, desire and an edge of desperation. I clung to him as he used my mouth to convey a torrent of emotion. Until I knew how much I was going to destroy him when I refused them.
I panted, my breath rough when Xander pulled me to him. His eyes blazed, but his touch was so, so gentle when he threaded his fingers through my hair. “You can never do wrong in our eyes, Ella. We see the beauty of your soul. We know you’ll find the right path.”
With those cryptic words, he used his lips and tongue and teeth to make me realize how fierce he felt about me. It was humbling. Amazing. Frightening.
When he finished plundering my mouth, he set me back, keeping his hands on me until the strength returned to me legs, my head stopped spinning, and rational thoughts started to flow through my mind once more.
“There.” He pointed over my shoulder. It took me a moment to see Gary’s red truck through the falling snow. “Do you see it?”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak without a torrent of tears falling.
“Be back soon, Ella.” Davon walked me down a short path. A pain-filled cry filled the air. I spun to see Davon sprawled on his back, his face scrunched in pain. He moaned and clutched his arm. I fell on my knees at his side, hands fluttering uselessly over his arm, “Davon. Davon! What’s wrong?”
He panted heavily, slowing raising his arm. At the end of his sleeve, there was only a faint outline of his hand, transparent and ghost-like. A sob broke from me
from deep down inside. I placed shaking fingers over my mouth as I stared hopelessly at his barely-there hand.
Davon panted through clenched teeth. “It’s started, Ella. Somehow the curse is escalating.”
I could offer to share my blood now. I could offer to bring him back. The answer seemed to be simple.
And yet, even faced with the consequences, I couldn’t do it. I was a horrible, shitty person. A person who wasn’t worthy of this fate or this gift. I wasn’t this person they thought I was. I was a selfish person who was going to ultimately use them before they disappeared forever. And condemn them.
Because still I didn’t know if I loved them in return and fading to nothing was better than living a bitter life for centuries more.
Chapter Forty
I thought they would have demanded my blood right here and now, but Xander only touched his palm to my cheek and said, “Go, Ella. But be back as fast as you can.”
I bent towards Davon, caught myself and stumbled backwards, hating myself that I wasn’t offering the very thing they needed. I could still save Mom. I could let them take my blood, save them and still bring Mom back.
But then I’d trap us all. Trap them with Ginevra’s ancestor. I might not even save them at all, but curse them to more horrors.
I tripped backwards as Davon’s pain-filled cry permeated the air, and then everything became silent. I drew in a blunt breath. Once. Twice.
They’d disappeared, their voices replaced by the silence of the forest. The snowstorm gone as though it was never there. I edged forward. My hand brushed through what felt like cobwebs. Sights and sounds morphed. The snow reappeared. Davon sat up, his arm protected against his front, Xander and Cassius at his side.
I’d passed through the barrier as easily as taking a step, and it had wounded Davon. Maybe mortally.
Why couldn’t I just feel differently? If this bond connected all of us, why wasn’t I down at his side offering up a vein? The reality horrified me and I stumbled back to the protection of the barrier and to Gary’s truck, the keys still in the ignition where I’d left them.
