by Tamsin Baker
Why did I only see it now, when it was too late? I folded in on myself and connected to the river of pure love that had been gifted to me and to them. It was boundless. Timeless. Real. I dipped my consciousness in and knew – I knew – it was a true blessing.
I really did know their hearts. It was mine I had no clue about. Their heart was my heart. Stupid, stupid me.
I bent down and whispered into Mom’s ear. “I’m so sorry. I’m not better than Ginevra. I damned them all the moment I refused to save them. I wish I did. I wish with all my heart that I had. Because I’d give anything to have them back. Anything.”
But nothing, not even a spell from my Grimoire, could reverse time.
Chapter Forty Three
Someone knelt next to me, gently brushing my hair. I made myself look up, expecting to see Gary’s harsh features, or the unforgiving eyes of the Trinity.
Instead my heart leapt. “Xander!”
His serious gaze went to my mother, “She is very ill.”
Mom hadn’t moved a muscle and I feared the ride and the walk was just too much for her. A wave of tears spilled down my cheeks, shame burning my soul. “The others?”
Xander’s mouth firmed, “I will take you back, but first – your mother.” He picked up her wrist and moved the sleeve to bare her veins. I caught a glimpse of his sharp teeth before they sank into her skin.
I remembered the last time those teeth sank into me. They had given me the most intense orgasm of my life and my cheeks burned despite the cold. As though knowing that thought, Xander’s eyes stole to mine. Held. A sense of knowing washed through me.
He did know. Of course he knew. The bond worked both ways.
That was how connected we were.
They knew everything about me and yet they’d still held back. Giving me time and space when they had none themselves. Shame rose like acid in my throat.
Xander smoothed his thumb over the small puncture marks at Mom’s wrist, wiping away a drop of blood before tugging her sleeve down. “There is nothing to be ashamed about, Tu Ena. We knew you, like you know us. We’ve just had three hundred years to get used to the idea when you had none.”
I choked on a sob. They were dying and yet Xander was still being so understanding. I didn’t deserve that. Them. My actions were detestable.
My breath caught when Xander stroked my cheeks, wiping away my frozen tears, “No recriminations. I don’t like seeing you like this. Come, we need to get back to the house.” A frown marred his brow? “But can you walk, Ella? I need to carry your mother.”
“Yes, of course.”
The sounds of people thrashing through the underbrush was fast becoming louder. They could very well break through the barrier at any time. Our only hope would be that they wouldn’t see us and be put off by the intense storm.
Xander lifted Mom as though she weighed no more than a pillow, despite her being a dead weight. I clambered to my feet, finding it difficult to stand on frozen limbs. “Is she..?” I could barely hope that Xander might have cured her. It couldn’t be that easy. Could it?
“I hope so, Ella. I’ve given her what I can, but she will need rest. And warmth. Come. I need to get you both out of the elements.”
I touched his arm. “Davon? Cassius?”
Xander’s face said it all. Horror engulfed me but his face softened. “They still live.”
I swayed against Xander, my eyes closing for a moment until my mind cleared and the reality of what he didn’t say set in. He told me that they were still alive – but for how long?
‘Come, Ella. Let’s go as quickly as we can. I’ll clear a path and you can walk in my footsteps.”
We set off through the snow, Xander not only carrying Mom, but sloughing through the snow so that I could walk without too much trouble. I wrapped my jacket more firmly around me, but the material was wet and cold and did nothing to keep out the chill that kept getting colder and colder. I’d long lost feeling in my feet and I felt as though I walked on wooden stilts for legs. I fought to keep my limbs moving, keeping up with Xander as much as I could.
If it was possible, the storm became worse with each step. Hail abraded my skin. Wind screamed in my ears. I hunched against gusts of arctic air, stepping back as it assaulted me with the force of fists, as though Ginevra still lived and still wanted to curse everyone in her path. Yet, still I didn’t let it stop me. I hunched my shoulders, and put the chill from my mind. They weren’t important. I was only concerned with what was really important. Mom. Xander. Cassius. Davon. I repeated their names with each forced step, each stretch of my frozen limbs.
My foot scuffed something hard and I stumbled. A steady hand caught my elbow and kept me upright. We’d made the porch step and Xander had stopped me from falling. He kept his grip on my elbow and hauled me up the stairs. It took all my will to just concentrate and move one leg in front of the other up the stairs. The door opened and I stumbled into the foyer.
Instead of the delicious warmth I expected, the air was frigid. My breath condensed as I panted. The only relief was that the storm couldn’t rage behind the walls. But if it was one thing I had learned, was that magic and curses driven by evil intent and hatred were a bitch. Nothing was as it seemed.
Xander carefully placed Mom on a nearby chaise and put a blanket over her, but my attention was riveted on the figures sprawled on the bottom steps of the staircase. I stumbled over. Fell to my knees. Reached a trembling hand over his calf. “Davon?”
Davon stirred, his eyes lids heavy. A smile spread on his face. “I get to…see you one more time.” His arms were crossed over his chest, his top giving shape with his shoulders, but the material of the sleeves were flat. Both arms had disappeared. He panted, as though each breath cost him.
Tears flooded my eyes, obscuring my vision. I squeeze my grip on his calf, half fearing I’d find empty air, but instead I felt hard muscle and bone. My breath left my lungs in a whoosh. He was fading, but oh, so slowly. So painfully. A death creeping up on him where we could only watch it come and overtake him. “Oh, Davon.”
My gaze slid to Cassius. Dreading what I’d see, yet needing to see for myself. He held up a handless sleeve. His mouth twisted. “It seems the end is faster than we thought it would be.”
I cupped his cheek as Xander collapsed on the other side of Davon, sprawling out over several stairs. His skin was ashen, his chest rose and fell with exertion. I’d thought he was invincible, but maybe the curse was affecting him where I couldn’t see. Yet, he’d still braved the harsh storm to find me. And had still offered his bite to save Mom. I clenched my teeth together in an attempt to keep the sobs inside me. The pain of it all. The intense pain of it all.
“I’ve come to fix it. You. Everything,” I blurted.
What a mess of words, and yet they understood because a look of horror passed over Cassius’ face. “No, Ella. We can’t ask you to do this for us. If you don’t love us, then you’ll live a cursed life, like ours. We would never ask that of you. Ever.”
My sob broke past my lips. A big spluttering, wet noisy sound that punched from my chest and erupted from my mouth. My whole body jerked with each gasping breath of air and each noisy exhalation.
And right there was when my heart broke in two, and as it did, the bond had a chance – a real chance – to come in. Like water streaming into a rift, the true meaning poured in. I knew the meaning of the words of the bond, but now I truly understood.
I fell backwards with the power and the intensity of their emotions. Staggered beneath the complete and utter understanding of my own. Panting with the enormity. I loved them. I always had. I loved them before I knew of my own existence. I loved them for as long as time existed. It always was, always had been and always will be. We were interlocked. Interwoven. An unending, ever-forming knot of the purest form of love. I could never understand it because it was too much. To great. I could only feel it, and feel it, I did.
There was only one thing that I could do to make our souls as one
. And I would gladly give it. Saving them also saved myself.
I came up on my knees, quivering, sweating, humbled.
“I offer myself to you. I offer myself freely. Without regrets or second thoughts. Will you accept me as your mate? For now and ever-more. I…I need you. I beg you. Please. Please accept me.”
A stunned moment passed over them, their faces slack with shock. I concentrated on my emotions, pumping how much I yearned for this. How much I wanted it. How I understood. How much I loved them. They could feel everything I felt.
I knew that moment when realization set in. Xander came up onto his elbow, his face a mask of powerful intent as he leaned towards me. Cassius’ mouth became unusually serious and light ignited Davon’s eyes.
“Do you fully understand what you ask, Tu Ena?” Xander spoke, his voice no more than a growl.
I sent a surge of determination, followed by that flow of golden love towards them all. Davon sighed. Cassius’ shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes, as though basking in my emotions. Their relief, honor and awe answering.
A deep, purring growl reverberated from the center of Xander’s chest. The sound that of a predator. I was prey.
Only this time, I wanted to be.
“Give Davon your left wrist. Give Cassius your right wrist. I will have your neck.”
A shiver of anticipation stole through me and with it, a moment of clarity that this was what my entire life had led to. Without the struggle and the hurt and the pain, I would never have sought comfort in the Grimoire. Never have taken it out of Gary’s meaty hands, stolen his truck and charged into the wilderness in the middle of the night. Never fallen down a mountain in a desperate attempt to hide the Grimoire. Never have been rescued body and mind by the three parts of my incomplete soul.
What Ginevra had set out to achieve—the hurt, loss, betrayal of these Vampires and of my family—I was about to undo. Centuries of wrong-doing set free and in doing so, I would find my own, sweet liberation.
I settled between them. My Vampires. My lovers. My everything.
I held a trembling wrist to Davon’s lips, the other to Cassius. The heat of their lips scorched the delicate flesh. A delicious anticipation pulsed through me. Heat. Awareness. Desire.
Xander came behind me, brushing the hair from my neck. He placed a delicate kiss on my skin. “You don’t know how much you honor us, Tu Ena.”
“It is you who honor me,” I whispered. Truer words had never been spoken.
His teeth settled on my neck, denting my skin when the front door slammed open and loud. Angry voices shattered the peace, the foyer, my dreams and my future.
“Blasphemers!”
We’d been found.
Chapter Forty Four
I faced the hard, angry countenances of the most powerful people in the region. The people who had treated me poorly and had made my life a living hell.
“You could have slept with me, Ella. And you choose these…things?” Comedic horror spread over Gary’s face.
Gary, who I had never chosen before, even knowing it would have made my life a little more bearable on the outside but would have torn me up on the inside. Gary, who was dizzy with his little bit of power. Gary, who was a sick sadist.
Choose? “There was no choice, Gary. These men are a thousand times more than you could ever hope to be. I choose them over you any day. Every day.”
Gary’s mouth opened like a fish. His double chin wobbled a little. “You can’t mean that, Ella.”
“I will never choose you, Gary. Never. Do you understand? You can’t force someone to want to be with you. It doesn’t work that way,” I said.
“But…why?” In that moment, Gary looked like the man he was. A spoiled, overgrown man-child who had been given everything by his too-powerful father and taken it all for granted.
“I’ll give you one chance, Ella, knowing who you are. Come back with us now. We promise we’ll get the devil out of you. You’ll live through it. But if not, well that devil can be very hard to remove. As well as the devil in your mother,” Minister Jeremiah said. The huge cross he always wore bumped against his rotund belly as he spoke.
Jeremiah held his cross out like it would protect him and stepped towards me. A sinister growl left Xander’s chest and the minister took the step back again, paling.
“Are these the men you spoke about, Ella?”
“They are the true evil in this town, yes,” I said.
“Think about your mother, Ella,” Jeremiah said. A smirk pulled at his mouth, twisting it into a cruel line. “And God. Think about what He would think about this.”
My fists clenched so hard, I punctured my skin with my fingernails. Behind me, Cassius and Davon rose to their feet. Even dying, they still supported me. I felt their support and anger flare. I held out my arm. They were in no condition to fight for me, despite knowing their mind and bodies thrummed with the need. They would protect me until the very end, if they could.
I sent a pulse of love through our connection, hopefully letting them know not to engage. The townspeople were on edge and if we fought, I’d lose everything. The townspeople were the key. If the Trinity lost power, they lost everything.
“You leave my mother and everyone else out of it. You wouldn’t know God if you tripped and fell over Him.” I was sick of them using her and anything truly divine as leverage against me.
And they had since childhood. It was clear to me now. How each request they made of me had been a veiled threat against my mother to control me.
“Come now, Ella. We’re only trying to help,” Ellis Myer said.
“Enough! You don’t help. You control. You enslave. A whole town for centuries. You lie and deceive and dominate.”
“It is you who are wrong, Ella. We have only tried to help you. I offered you a bank loan on your farm when no other bank would come near you,” Herman said.
“You did it at an exorbitant rate I could never hope to pay off. You did it to ultimately own my farm. Own me and own my mother,” I said. Who knew how far his reach went? I’d applied for other loans and I’d been rejected. Too many, without something or someone interfering.
Herman guffawed, tucking his thumbs into his waistband and adjusting his pants around his barrel-shaped waist. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Ella. I put my bank at risk for everyone in this town.”
“Everyone in this town owes you money, Herman. How many have ever paid you off?”
There was a murmur behind the Trinity. When it came to money – people knew. Feet shuffled and weapons lowered. I was only voicing concerns they already had but they’d all been too afraid to speak out. No one but me, and that’s why they’d made sure to make my life a living hell.
Anger thrummed through me like a living thing. Xander, Cassius and Davon bristled behind me. I tamped down my emotions, not wanting to push them over the edge. Just enough to buy me some time with the townspeople.
“Just give us the word, Tu Ena and we will end this,” Cassius growled so low I was sure I was the only one to hear.
“A little longer. Please,” I said.
I felt Cassius relent. But only just. They hung on by the barest of threads, but I had to let everyone know the truth. How blinded they had been. How controlled we all were. It was wrong. So, so wrong.
“Think about it, everyone. Who has fines they have to pay? A parking fine. A speeding infringement, even when you knew you did nothing wrong. Threat of jail time. Who owes money? Who do you owe it to? If it’s from any other bank than Herman’s, I’d be surprised. And who hasn’t been damned to Hell if they didn’t turn up to church and hand over a high percentage of their wages each week? I know many people who’ve gone without power and food because of that.”
The stark silence that rang out behind the most powerful men in Conway was more telling than the angry shouts.
“And why have they brought you here at all? It’s just me, Mom and three men. Surely our threat doesn’t warrant pitchforks and threat of
violence,” I said.
“You stole my son’s truck,” Ellis said.
“He was going to rape me and I ran away to protect myself,” I said.
“You left your mother alone to die. No God-fearing daughter does that,” Jeremiah said.
“I nearly died and these men nursed me back to health. Where were you when a member of your congregation needed you?”
“You could have saved you and your mother if you had money,” Herman said.
“And I wouldn’t have had a roof over my head before the year was out when I couldn’t meet the repayments. You would have tossed us out on the street,” I said.
Jeremiah pointed his fat, stubby hand at us. “Enough of this blasphemy! They are sinners! They need to be punished. They need to die! They cannot be allowed to live in such deprivation. Die and meet your judgment day.”
I didn’t know why we needed to die when our bond was formed out of the purest love. A second passed. A bridge of confusion before something in the air clicked. Confusion gave way to evil hostility. People throbbed with murder, driven by an unseen force.
The time for talking was done. The mind-control over centuries was too much to break with a short conversation.
“Bond us! Now!”
I lifted my wrists to Davon and Cassius. With inhuman speed, Xander was at my neck. They bit down. There was a moment of pain before I shattered apart in a shower of golden light and oblivion.
Chapter Forty Four
I shot upwards and exploded apart in a glorious ball of brilliant white light. There was no end and no beginning. I was a part of everything and everyone all at once. I had an understanding of how infinitesimal I was, yet my awareness was beyond comprehension.
I was aware of all possible dimensions of the universe, the expansion of consciousness but also something much, much more.
Fate. Karma. Destiny.
The lives all every living entity, intricately intertwined, perfectly balanced, criss-crossing beyond life and death and beyond.
