Mom was right. I was going to crash soon, I could feel it. I was feeling all sorts of new things today and not all of it was good. Scorpions, bad. Falling in love…not so sure. But now that I knew how I felt, I sort of needed to decide what to do about it. If I was going to do anything about it. I guess I could keep pretending I don’t feel anything for him. I could try to ignore him.
I felt sick.
“You look a little green around the gills,” Dad commented as he sat on the couch. I grunted in response.
“Need anything?” Mom asked.
“Water?”
Wyatt came out of the kitchen carrying a tall glass of ice water. He put the glass on the marble-top table beside the recliner.
I smiled at him. “Thanks.”
He nodded, his gaze traveling over my face. He sucked in a deep breath. “Well, I’ve got to get home. Hank’ll be there with the trailer soon.”
“Dax and I will come.” Dad stood. “Then we’ll go get your truck.”
“Take care of yourself,” he murmured softly to me.
“O-okay…I will,” I promised, tongue-tied and flustered like an idiot.
He smiled at me, a small smile, looking sweet and concerned and…I took a deep breath and stared at the remote in my hands. When I looked back, he was gone.
***
Wyatt didn’t come over on Monday. I spent most of the day with my parents hovering over me. If they weren’t doing it, Molly and Dax were.
The perk to Molly and Dax—Molly had a lot to teach me. I knew rodeo was a big part of Wyatt’s life. I also knew that I knew next to nothing about it. But Molly was…from his world, so I’d soak up every little thing she wanted to share. I tried to be discreet about it, flipping channels until—surprise!—I found a rodeo event on one of the sports channels.
Three hours later my head and heart hurt. Wyatt was shooting for all-around champion and big scholarship bucks. If I thought steer wrestling was hard to watch, I didn’t know how I was going to make it when he was bull riding.
“Wyatt’s really good,” Molly said for the hundredth time.
I guess my reactions to grown men being thrown twenty feet in the air, stomped on, or hobbling out of the arena weren’t so discreet after all. “He…he does this?” I asked as the TV showed an especially horrific slow-motion shot of a cowboy getting tossed by the bull’s horns into the wall.
“Since he was fourteen,” Molly said.
“Fourteen?” Dax asked, letting out a low whistle. “And I thought football was tough.”
“You played football?” she asked, turning to Dax.
“No.” He shook his head. “I’m not a jock.”
I watched the huge smile on her face. “I’m glad.”
I turned my attention back to the TV since my brother was going in for a kiss…
It was official. This was definitely a parallel universe. My brother was making out while I was sitting in a recliner under a nappy-ass felt blanket, with red welts on my neck and face, getting all hot and bothered over a cowboy. I sighed.
I went to bed early, the big dose of Benadryl helping me sleep the night through.
I woke up to one of my favorite sounds in the world.
Thump.
I lay there, smiling at the ceiling.
Thump.
My heart was going three times as fast.
Thump.
I rolled over, peering out the window.
Thump.
Dax. Dad. Levi…Doesn’t matter.
Thump.
Wyatt. His shirt was still on…but I didn’t mind. I sighed in contentment.
I took a shower—the red was almost completely gone from the stings—and made my way downstairs. Mom had left me a note, giving me the day off from the clinic. I should have been happy, but instead I felt like I was letting her down. Of course, she had staff now; she wasn’t alone, and the place was starting to come together.
“How are you this morning?” Dax asked, leaning in the back door.
“Okay,” I said, filling a plastic glass with water. “What’s on the schedule for today?”
He shook his head. “You’re holding down the couch.”
“I’m fine,” I argued.
“Dad said you’re not to do anything. Mom tried to tell him you could go in with her, but he vetoed it.”
I frowned out the window at my father. “Why?”
“Um, maybe because you almost died—again—on Sunday?” He realized he’d made a mistake as soon as he’d said it. I saw it on his face, the way his smile dimmed and he shook his head as he said, “Dammit, Allie, I’m sorry.”
I knew he was sorry. It was a slip. Exactly what I needed.
There is something seriously wrong with me.
It had been four months and I was moving on. Four months since my best friend died and my life went to hell. Four months makes everything okay? No. No. Everything was not okay. I shook my head, my hands fisting at my sides, my chest heavy. God, I’m a horrible, selfish, shallow person. I was…falling in love. I swallowed, hard.
And Lindie was stuck in a box under a couple of feet of dirt.
“Allie?” Dax walked inside, letting the screen door slam behind him. “Don’t shut down.”
I shot him a look. “I’m going for a run.”
“You should rest,” he argued, frowning.
“Why? I’m fine.”
“You’re not—”
“Shut up, will you?” I snapped.
He did, for a moment. “Allie…” I saw him flounder. “Can you…can you wait a minute? I kind of need…some advice…”
I sighed. “Advice? From me? Please.”
He frowned. “Will you just listen for a minute? Or are you too invested in transforming into your angry self-absorbed witch alter ego—”
I couldn’t help it, my mouth fell open. “Dax…”
“It’s Molly. I need help with Molly.”
That took some of the sting out of his words. I knew how crazy he was over her and, judging from his red cheeks and how uncomfortable he looked, maybe he wasn’t just trying to distract me from losing it—again. “I’m listening.”
“Well…” He cleared his throat, glancing out the back door. “I…We…I keep messing things up.”
“Things?” Did I really want to know? No sex talks, please, no sex talks.
“I…I keep…” He paused, closing his eyes. “I’m freezing up, when I want to…kiss her.” He sounded so frustrated I couldn’t help but smile.
Relief. Kiss. Fine. Crisis averted. “But…I saw you, the other day. You totally went in for the kiss.”
“And ended up planting one on her cheek.” He groaned. “Her cheek.”
I smiled, trying not to laugh. “Why?”
He looked at me like I had two heads. “I have no idea. Obviously. That’s why I’m asking you.”
Dax had no idea that my romantic explorations were just as limited as his. It wasn’t for lack of opportunities, just lack of interest. Maybe it was because I’d known all the guys since we were in diapers practically, or that most of the boys I knew were interested in conquests, not me.
Lindie had said I was too picky. Maybe so. But my focus had always been on the game and competition. Some girls might lump boys into their competitive arena, but to me, boys, dating, and relationships meant distractions.
“You want to kiss her?” I clarified. “I mean, you’re not having second thoughts?”
“No second thoughts.” He frowned. “She’s all I think about. Kissing her would be…nice.”
I didn’t know what to say. I knew I needed to say something. He was really upset. “So you want me to tell you what, exactly?” I asked.
“How to, I don’t know, follow through.” He shrugged. “I get close to her and panic. I feel all weird when she’s around, you know? And then I worry I’m not going to be a good enough kisser or my breath isn’t fresh enough or I’ll smother her or—”
I couldn’t help it, I was laughing. He frowned.
“Dax, come on.” I shook my head. “She likes you. She clearly wants to be kissed. It’s like I told her about roping. Get out of your head and do it.”
“I think this is a little different.”
“I don’t.”
“That’s your advice?” His brows rose. “Do it? We’re not talking about a shoe commercial here.”
I was laughing too hard to argue.
“Seriously? Allie, come on. There has to be a…a move.” He shifted from one foot to the other, then back again. “Or something.”
“No moves here,” I finally managed. I didn’t really know why I said, “Why not talk to Wyatt?”
Dax glanced out the screen door.
“I guess. I mean, maybe not. He doesn’t strike me as the kiss and tell sort,” I continued.
Dax shot a wicked grin my way. “You tell me.”
I threw a kitchen towel at him. “We haven’t—”
“I know.”
That stopped me cold. “What do you mean, you know?” Had Wyatt been talking to Dax? About me? Was this a good thing? Or did it bother me? Maybe a little… But more than anything I wanted to know what he’d said.
“The way you are around each other—crazy, tense, and nervous. Him looking at you…you looking at him…neither one of you seeing the other one doing the looking. One of you better make a move soon or—” He stopped, shrugging.
I glanced out the window at Wyatt, who was still doggedly hammering a fence post into the ground. “Or what?”
“I don’t know. I can only speak for him. He’ll explode, maybe.” I shot Dax a glare. “Would it be so bad?” he asked, pouring himself a glass of water.
“To explode?” I asked.
“No, smart ass, to admit you like Wyatt.”
I paused. “I guess…I feel…” I swallowed. Yes, it would be that bad because— “I think about Lindie, you know?”
Dax didn’t move. I’m not sure he was breathing.
“Having this conversation… Checking out Wyatt…boys,” I tried to correct myself. “She—”
“Would be laughing her ass off right now.” Dax set his cup down on the counter.
I smiled at him. He was right. “I know.”
“She’d give me shit for asking you about kissing. And you shit for falling for a cowboy.”
“I have not—”
“Spare me, Al.” He leaned against the counter.
“Whatever.”
“I can’t say I know how you feel, losing Lindie, okay? I don’t want to know, honestly. But she was part of the family since you started kindergarten together, so give me a little credit for knowing her, okay? And missing her, too.”
I looked at him, not saying a thing. I couldn’t say a thing, my throat was too tight.
He took a deep breath. “She was anti-wallowing. All about defeating the opposition and strategies and overcoming obstacles. I’m not just talking about her take on soccer, you know?”
I was wallowing. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was. He was right. She’d totally be kicking my ass right now. I sighed.
“Don’t sigh at me,” he snapped. “You know where I’m going with this.”
He didn’t get that I wasn’t sighing at him, but I nodded. I did know where he was going with this.
“So stop it,” he finished.
“Stop it?” I was too startled to snap back.
He shrugged. “Stop…stop being angry.”
“And I give bad advice?” I shook my head. “Talk about an anti-climactic ending.” I snorted. “I’m going for a run.”
“Dad wants you to rest.”
“Good for him.” I managed to snap that time. Somehow knowing Dad wanted me to rest only made me want to run more.
“You are so…so…Dammit.”
I smiled at him, waiting. Dax rarely blew his cool.
He shook his head. “Why bother? Right? You’re going to do whatever you want. You always do.” He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. “In one year we’ll be gone. One year. I’d consider it a personal favor if you tried, just a little, to make it suck less.”
He left the kitchen, a garbled sound of frustration hanging in the air.
Suck less. Not be nice or behave. Just suck less…
Was that too much to ask? Really? Dax was the only person I had left. My parents had me firmly boxed in the ticking-time-bomb category. I didn’t have any friends anymore, except for Lindie’s mom, Mrs. Duncan—and I knew that wasn’t exactly a healthy relationship. But I couldn’t be mean to her, I couldn’t shut her out. I’d killed her only child. I kind of owed it to her to be there for her.
And Wyatt? No way I’d let Wyatt in. What was the point? I’d only screw it up. He didn’t deserve someone like me—a flake determined to get out of here graduation day. We’d all be leaving then. But Dax…he was my brother forever. Was he really asking too much?
You’re such a bitch. I could hear Lindie teasing. She always called me a bitch. And I called her a “ho.” We were such screw-ups. I sighed, slamming my cup on the counter.
Being a bitch isn’t fun or funny anymore.
“Morning.” Levi was all smiles, peeking into the kitchen. “Thought I saw your pretty little head in the window.”
I tried for a smile and almost made it. “Hi.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Better, thanks.”
“Good enough to go tubing this weekend?”
“Still determined to get me into a bikini?”
“Bikini, huh?” His grin grew. “Hell yes.”
I laughed. “I don’t know. My dad’s in watchdog mode right now, so…” I didn’t finish.
“Of course he is,” Levi agreed, coming into the kitchen. “You’re his baby girl.”
He was red and sweaty. And cute. So why didn’t I get all worked up over him? Because he’s not Wyatt. I blew out a slow breath. “Want some water?” I asked, turning back to the sink to refill my cup.
It was sweltering hot out there. I could see the heat rolling off the metal hood of the broken-down tractor. I saw Wyatt straighten, pull off his shirt. The water spilled over the rim of the cup and ran up my arm. Yep, it was so hot.
“That’d be great,” Levi said, interrupting my inspection.
I pulled a large plastic cup from the stack on the counter, loaded it with ice, and filled the cup to the brim with cold water. He took it, smiling, and finished it off.
“More?” I asked.
“Nah.” He winked. “I’m good. Thanks.”
“You think…” I glanced out the window at Wyatt and Dad and Dax. “I’ll bring out some more drinks.”
He nodded, wiping his face on a blue bandana. “That’d be great, Allie. I’ll talk to your dad about going tubing. Water’s still high enough right now.”
“You can try,” I said. “Good luck.”
“Sounds like a challenge, honey.” He winked again. “You just watch.”
“Okay. Let’s go.” I held the door open for him and walked onto the back porch.
He watched me. “Hold up.” Several seconds later he emerged with a large glass of ice water. He headed straight to my father, glass in hand. I didn’t hear much of what was said.
I saw Wyatt, a little further off, working hard. Dad stopped digging and took the drink, talking to Levi. I saw Dax look my way, then at Wyatt—still working. When all was said and done, Levi gave me a thumbs-up before he picked up his shovel and went back to work.
It was hard to miss the scowl Dax sent my way, turning a meaningful stare at Wyatt. I shrugged. How the hell was I supposed to know Dad would let me go tubing with Levi? Didn’t make much sense to me, but not much was making sense these days.
“Allie,” Dad called out. “Can you get some water for Dax and Wyatt?”
I glanced at Wyatt, but he hadn’t stopped working. I nodded and went inside, pulling out two of my gallon sports bottles and filling them with ice and water. I’m not sure why I felt a little anxious as I walked across the front y
ard—tossing Dax his bottle—to Wyatt. But I did. Big-time nerves.
The muscles in his back strained, his arms flexed, his shoulders rippled… He was mixing something in a ten-gallon bucket, completely clueless that I was standing six feet away.
“Hey,” I said, offering the water.
He kept stirring.
“Wyatt?”
Nothing.
I stepped closer and heard the music then. He had earbuds in, listening to angry music—loud angry music. “Wyatt?” I said a little louder, touching his arm.
He looked up, his shadowed brown eyes widening. He pulled one of the earbuds out, taking the water jug I held out. “Thanks,” he murmured, focusing on the water jug.
“Need help?”
He looked into the bucket, then in the hole. “I’ve got it.”
I nodded. So, he’s avoiding me… Can’t blame him. His amazing brown eyes looked everywhere—the bucket, the shovel, the water jug—but not at me.
“You okay?” I asked.
His smile was fast, but it wasn’t a real smile. Still not looking at me. “Yeah.”
“You sure?” I stepped in front of him, daring him to look at me. Talk to me…
“Want to get these posts set.” His tone was hard as he brushed by me to put the water jug in a small patch of shade.
“Oh. Okay,” I murmured, stepping back. “Hint taken. Leaving now.”
“Allie…” he all but groaned. His knuckles were white, his grip on the shovel handle tight. Everything about him, sweat, muscles, tan skin, intense eyes, and crooked smile, made my heart thump like crazy.
Maybe this was better? “All good. You’ve got work to do.”
He reached out, but didn’t touch me. His gaze landed on my face for a second, no more. He let out a deep sigh, and his shoulders drooped, like he was deflating. “I’m sorry.”
I couldn’t take it. “What’s wrong?”
He stared at me, pulled off his hat, and wiped his forehead with the back of his arm. He didn’t say anything, no matter how much I wanted him to. The longer he looked at me, the harder it was to stay quiet. There was something in his eyes, some need or fear or…
“Why does something have to be wrong?” he asked, tearing his gaze from mine. He picked up the water bottle and took a long drink.
Cowboys & Kisses Page 13
