“What?” She couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. She must have misunderstood. He couldn’t mean …
“Just tell me when.”
She looked into his eyes to see if he was serious.
Ready to leave? Ready for lunch? Ready for the first female president?
He couldn’t mean ready to have a baby. Not with him.
That would be … That would be insane.
That would be something she’d very much like one day.
“Thank you, Ms. Walker.” Mrs. McCormick came back and Shelly’s mind was moving too fast too process any single thought. “And thank you for organizing this. My kids had a great time.”
“I’m so glad.”
“Give the baby back to her mother, Shells.”
“Oh, sorry. She’s delightful. Here you go.” She handed the baby back, feeling bewildered.
“I was glad for the break. I always seem to have one of these attached to my hip. You look natural with a baby, Ms. Walker. Maybe you’ll start a family one day soon.”
“I was just telling her the same thing.” Levi took his eyes off Mrs. McCormick and placed them on her, giving her a look she couldn’t read. “Come on, Shells. Let’s start cleaning up. I promised Judy we would take her to lunch.”
*
The next night Levi lay in Shelly’s bed, his mind blissfully blank. Shelly’s warm naked body was curled into his. They had made unhurried love that started out with a simple kiss and ended up with him deep inside her.
She shifted her weight and stroked her hand down his side in that state between sleep and waking.
So this was what complete satisfaction felt like. Not just sexually, but wholly. For the first time in his life, he didn’t want to be anywhere else or do anything else. And it was because of her.
They had gone to Crimson Rock Canyon tonight. Not just him and Shelly, but all of them. His brothers, Grace and Ryder, and Zanna. They did some off-roading and just hung out and explored the natural formations there. Afterward they had a long dinner where they talked and laughed and reminisced. They had acted like a family. It was the kind of thing he’d wanted as a kid, but never really had.
There was too much moving around back then; too many bad things happening. The best time of his young life was after his father left, when all three of them lived here and he got to spend his days with Shelly.
When Duke went to prison all that ended, but by some miracle he had gotten it back. And he didn’t want to lose it.
“What are you thinking about, Levi?”
“Tonight. It was good, wasn’t it?”
“I love Ryder. I see so much of his father in him.”
“He’s a good kid. I think Duke and Grace are going to make it.”
“And Colt and Zanna, too. I think he might love her.”
“It’s Colt. How can you tell?” he asked, thinking the same thing.
“He smiles at her. I watched them while we were at Crimson Rock. They were in deep conversation. He cares about what she says. That’s huge for him.”
“I know. I went over there this morning to grab more clothes and found theirs all over the kitchen.” He laughed at the memory. “Zanna looked like she wanted to pass out when she realized they hadn’t cleaned up after themselves.”
“I’m jealous. I’ve never had sex in the kitchen.”
“You want to?”
“Duh.”
“I would.” He buried his face in her neck and kissed her there. “But this is still your father’s house. I would feel weird about it.”
“We can go to your place and do it.”
“But my place is in Vegas.”
“I know. Let’s go there.”
“I’ll take you there. I promise you’ll see it.” He knew he needed a new place, a house for the two of them
“I want to see it tomorrow.”
He blinked at her.
“We’re going to go read that letter that your father sent.”
“You were serious about that,” he said slowly.
“It will always hang over you if you don’t read it. Don’t you want to know what it says so you can move on and let it go?”
“Okay,” he said. “We’ll go.” He was going to start a new life with her and this final piece of his old one needed to be put to bed.
*
Levi chartered a flight to Vegas. He could have called for the company plane that King’s Customs owned, but he would have had to go through Colt to get it and he didn’t want to explain himself. He shouldn’t have to. Colt was too preoccupied with Zanna to give a shit what he was doing anyway, but this was one thing he wanted to do without his brother’s input or knowledge.
“A private plane is nice, Levi.” Shelly grabbed his hand and squeezed. “But I was looking forward to road-tripping with you. I have so many snacks!”
“Do you?”
She nodded toward her carry-on bag, which was bursting at the seams. “I made brownies for you.”
“Is that what you were doing this morning when you left me cold and alone in bed?”
“Yes. I got all your favorites. Cool ranch chips, red licorice. Cheese puffs. That gross greenish-yellow soda you liked.”
He leaned over and kissed the side of her face, loving her a little more in that moment. “Those were all my favorites when I was fifteen.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh. I didn’t even think about that. You never told me what you like now.”
“I like that you remembered what I liked all those years ago. I like the way you look in those glasses.”
“I thought you hated them.”
“No, you’ve got a sexy naughty-schoolgirl thing going on. I hated that you were hiding behind those glasses, but you could wear a brown paper bag and I would still find you sexy.”
“Kiss me,” she whispered, and he did, just as the pilot announced that were about to land in the airport in Vegas.
He felt his stomach tighten a bit. Was it nervousness? He rarely felt nervous, not even when he had a big race ahead of him. But as they headed back to his apartment, he felt a hard lead ball settle further into his belly.
The cab pulled into Levi’s complex and he heard Shelly make a soft noise.
“What’s the matter?” He looked over at her.
“This place is so beautiful.”
He was surprised at her reaction. His complex was nice with a large pool and a good gym, but it wasn’t filled with high rollers or wealthy people. It was mostly working professionals. It was affordable for a lot of people. It didn’t compare to the luxurious penthouse Colt lived in, but it suited his needs and allowed him to save enough money to live the rest of his life comfortably if he never made another dime.
“I’m glad you like it.”
“It’s no wonder you never came back to Destiny. It must look like complete crap compared with this.”
Destiny was dusty. A throwback to another time. He’d thought he never wanted to go back there, but he kind of missed the scenery now that he was here. The houses that had character. The places that were handbuilt and untouched by large corporations. This complex was cookie-cutter; there were others like it all over the city. Still, he was still glad Shelly liked it. They were probably going to be spending some time here soon.
“Destiny isn’t crap. But wait until you see inside my place before you go calling this place beautiful,” he said just as the cabbie pulled up in front of his unit.
He let them in, apprehensive in a way he’d never felt before when he walked into this place. Nothing was different physically. Everything was just as he’d left it the day they found out Lolly was sick and he’d rushed back here to pack a bag.
But he was different. He didn’t feel like the same man he was when he’d left here nearly a month ago.
“I’ve got to admit,” Shelly started as she looked around, “I thought it was going to be a lot of race-car stuff in here.”
“Did you?”
“Yeah. I would imagine you in your h
ouse gazing at your framed uniform and dusting your helmet, which was secured in a protective Lucite box and stood next to all your trophies.”
“Nah.” He shook his head. “All of that is in my bedroom. Along with my race-car bed.”
She smiled at him and it made him feel a little calmer. “Oh, good. I was going to be a little disappointed if I never got to sleep in one of those.” She placed her bag on the floor and wrapped her arms around him. “Tell me.”
What he was feeling? He wasn’t sure he could put it into words. “I’m feeling like if I don’t know, I won’t have to do anything about it.”
“Who says you have to do anything about it?”
“It’s complicated. Part of me wants to let him rot but another part of me knows that he’s still my father and that he gave me life and he did love us once. That alcohol and depression are diseases, and I have the power to help him if he wants it. But my brothers would hate that, because they experienced more. They experienced the worst of him and shielded me.”
“So we burn the letter and eat all the ranch chips I brought.”
He hugged her just a little tighter. “We didn’t come all the way here to do that.”
“Okay, then we read the letter and you can decide afterward and I’ll be here for you and support you no matter what.”
He shut his eyes as he held her. “I wish I hadn’t waited so long.”
“Don’t regret not reading it sooner. There’s no reason to.”
He wasn’t talking about the letter. He wished he hadn’t waited so long to go back to Destiny, he wished he hadn’t waited so long to realize how much he was in love with Shelly.
“Go sit on the couch. I’ll get the letter.”
He went over to his bookshelf and reached between the books where he’d shoved the letter so long ago. Between Native Son and Of Mice and Men. Every time he had seen those books in a bookstore, he’d thought back to the letter in his apartment, just waiting to be read.
It had taunted him for years. Now he was face-to-face with it again.
He returned to Shelly, handing her the letter. It caught her off guard and her mouth hung slightly open.
“I need you to read it to me.” His eyes went unfocused looking at it; he felt shaky even though his hands were steady.
“Okay.” She opened the letter and looked up at him for a long moment before she began to read. “To my son …” She took a deep breath. “I don’t know why I’m sending this to you. That’s a lie. Yes, I do. I figured I had the best shot with you. I know your brothers too well. They would have burned this on sight and I know my words would never reach them. Maybe you’ll do the same thing. Maybe this is a waste of time, but I’ve been thinking a lot about you boys lately. Hell, I’ve been thinking about you boys since the night I walked out. I didn’t do it because I didn’t love you or didn’t care what happened to you. I did it because you were better off without me. I did it because Duke, at fifteen, was a more of a functioning man than I had been since your mama died and I realized that he got that way without the help from me. I was a drunk. Hell, I still am a drunk, only I’m not drinking anymore. I guess I just wanted you to know that, and know that I’m sorry and that I’m proud of you all and what you became. I watch all your races. I buy King’s Customs’ oil to put in my car. I want to tell people that I’m your daddy, but I don’t because I know that’s not a privilege I deserve. Because all that you did in life, you did without me. I don’t want nothing from you. I’ve got a steady job. I met a nice lady. She’s got three boys of her own. I’m going to try to do right by them. I’m going to be the man for them that I couldn’t be for you. I’m not asking you to write me back or come see me. I know I lost the right the day I stopped taking care of you. I just wanted you to know that I love you. Dad.”
She put the letter down on the coffee table and looked up at him.
His father was alive and sober and he didn’t want a damn thing from him. Levi didn’t know what he’d expected from the letter. But surely not that. He’d expected to hear his father was dying, or in prison, or in need of an organ, or a place to live or some material thing that would have been easy for him to give. But his father wanted absolutely nothing from them, not even forgiveness, and that was harder for Levi to deal with. Because it made him admire his father just a bit. It made it harder for him to hold on to that bitterness that had stayed rooted in his gut for so long.
“Do you want a brownie?” Shelly asked, getting up from her spot on the couch.
“What?”
She reached into her bag and pulled out a large container. “I don’t know what the right thing to say is, or to do. I just know when I’m feeling crummy sweet things help.”
“Sweet things do help.” But he wasn’t talking about the brownies. She was the sweetest thing in his life. He took her hand and led her back to the couch, where they sat side by side. “What kind of brownies are these?”
“Oh, they’ve got a bad name,” she said, handing him one.
“Are you going to tell me?” He studied the treat, which had three decadent-looking layers.
“It’s got a chocolate chip cookie base, chocolate cream-filled cookies in the middle, and fudgy brownie on top. Mrs. Georges brought them to a church picnic and had a big laugh when everybody raved over them and asked her for the recipe.”
“Tell me.”
“Try it first,” she urged.
He bit into the brownie. She was right. It was sweet. It was damn good, and it did make him feel better.
“They’re called slutty brownies,” she stated and he nearly choked. A mischievous smile curled her lips. “How you feeling now?”
“I’m feeling like I love you, Shell.” He had the urge to ask her to marry him right then and there, but it wasn’t the right time or place. He wanted to make it special.
“I love you, too.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “How are you feeling about the letter?”
“Glad I read it. Glad you were here with me.”
“Are you going to do anything now that you know?”
“Yeah, I’m going to make copies and send them to my brothers when the time is right. But right now, I’m going to make love to you in my race-car bed.”
Chapter 17
Dear Levi,
I don’t have much to say today except that I miss you.
I want to see you again one day.
Shelly dialed her father’s cell phone later that day. She hadn’t been at home the last time he’d called, and she wanted to make sure she let him know where she was this time so he didn’t worry. He picked up on the first ring, which he usually did when she called.
“Hey, pumpkin.”
“Hi, Daddy. I miss you. Are you having a good time?”
“I am. I like golf, Shelly. I didn’t think I would but I do.”
“I’m so glad to hear that. Are you going to be ready to come home next week?”
“I’m still coming home on time, but Florida is a place I might like to retire to one day. I like the ocean, too. I’ve never seen it before. Can you believe that, Michelle? I’ve lived sixty years and have never seen it.”
“I can believe it, Daddy. I’ve never seen it, either.”
He was silent for a moment. “Because I never took you. I never took you out of that little town, did I?”
“You had your hands full working and raising me alone.”
“Don’t make excuses for me. I should have shown you more. I could have done better for you.”
She was shocked into silence then. She’d never expected to hear that from her father. She’d never expected more from him than what he gave. “I’m in Las Vegas,” she blurted out. “With Levi.”
“Oh.” He was silent for a long moment. “What are you doing there?”
“I asked Levi to bring me.”
“Is that all? Are you sure there’s nothing that you want to tell me.”
What could she possibly tell him? That she’d lost her virginity to Levi? That sh
e loved him, was in love with him, and knew the next few months without him were going to be the hardest of her life? Could she tell her father that her foolish heart wanted more of Levi, that sometimes when he looked at her and said her name she thought he was just as in love with her as she was with him? She couldn’t tell him that. Because he would think she was naive and foolish for loving a man who wasn’t right for her.
And she certainly couldn’t tell him that instead of going back to school in September she was seriously considering spending time overseas. That was a conversation they needed to have in person.
“I’m having good summer with him. Probably the best summer of my life.”
“That’s good, honey. I’m glad that you’re happy. That’s all I want for you is to be happy. You know that, right?”
And Levi would never make her truly happy. Her father would never come out and say it, but she knew that’s what he meant. “I know, Daddy.”
“Have fun in Vegas. I …” He trailed off.
“What is it?”
“Just be careful.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to you soon.”
She disconnected as Levi walked back into the room. He had just gotten out of the shower. His hair was wet and little drops of water glistened on his chest. She had allowed her imagination to drift while he was in the bathroom. She was picturing herself here with him. With her waking up every morning, and her cooking in his kitchen, and them going shopping together.
It was so silly, because it wasn’t going to happen. Yet her mind went there as it often had when they were young. He was the only man in her life in those daydreams, and that had never changed.
“I could get used to seeing you all wet and only wrapped in a towel,” she said, feeling a little sadness seep into her.
“Oh?” He gave her that bad boy smile that always made her heart skip a beat. “I could easily make that happen.” He leaned down and cupped her face in his hands, kissing her in a way that made her shut her eyes and want to melt. “Who were you talking to? Your father?”
Heart of a Bad Boy (Bad Boys of Destiny #3) Page 21
