“We’re in love.” He shook his head. “There’s no doubt in my mind about it. You just need to admit it to yourself.”
“How can I admit it when everything inside me tells me you only love me when it’s convenient for you?”
He opened his mouth and then shut it, shaking his head. “I can’t do this with you right now.”
“Then maybe you should just go. It was what you were planning on doing anyway.”
Chapter 18
Shells,
Don’t worry. It’ll happen. We’ll be together one day.
I love you.
Levi couldn’t breathe. His heart was pumping too fast. His lungs felt like they were working in overdrive as he left Shelly’s house. He stopped just outside Lolly’s house, not sure how to process what had just happened. He had never been this angry in his entire life. Not when his father left. Not when they were faced with being separated in foster care. Not even when Duke was sent to prison.
But now he was so pissed he couldn’t see straight. Their conversation wasn’t done. There so much more to it, but he couldn’t be there while she spewed such complete and total bullshit.
She didn’t think he was in love with her?
She didn’t know him at all then.
Duke’s car pulled up at that moment and he got out quickly, his face in a deep frown. “What happened?”
“Shelly.” He couldn’t say any more. He couldn’t form words. She had just turned his whole damn world upside down.
“She’s okay, right?”
“What kind of fucking question is that?” He exploded and took a step toward Duke. “You think I would hurt her?”
“Just calm down, damn it. I had to ask. I’ve never seen you like this.” Duke grabbed him by his shoulders. “Tell me what happened.”
“I’m too pissed. I just need to get the fuck out of here.”
“Get in the car. I’ll take you.”
Levi had no idea where they were heading. The scenery just kind of blended together into one large dusty landscape.
“Talk, Levi.”
Shelly’s words flew back into his mind, and they were like little sharp jabs to the gut.
“I walked in on her on the phone with another man. She agreed to go out on a date with him in a few weeks when I go back to Vegas. She doesn’t believe I’m in love with her; she’s sure this summer was just a fling. But I’ve loved her since the moment I met her. How the hell could she not know that? I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”
Duke was quiet. He just glanced at Levi for a moment before he returned his eyes to the road.
“You don’t have anything to say to that?”
“You’re not going to like what I’m going to say and I’m not going to sugarcoat it to make you feel good about yourself. So I’ll just drive. You can keep talking if you want.”
“Tell me.”
“If you’ve been in love with that girl for the past twenty years you have a shitty way of showing it.”
“What?”
“I know you love her. Anybody who sees the way you look at her knows you love her. But how the hell is she supposed to know? Did you tell her that you were in love with her before you found out that someone else was interested?”
“No, but—”
“You’re a dumb-ass. You haven’t seen her in over a decade. You trade notes like ninety-year-old pen-pal ladies. Have you made plans with her? Have you talked about what’s going to happen once your month is over? The whole damn world knows you’re planning on going back to racing. If you think that just because you haven’t said anything to us about it we don’t already know, you’re dead wrong. You breathe and it gets posted on the Internet. You think Shelly hasn’t seen all the shit you’ve been up to over the years? All the women? Where does she fit in? She’s not a stupid girl. She’s beautiful and smart and sweet and she’s not going to spend another thirteen years waiting for you to come around. Hell, I would tell her not to wait around for you to pull your head out of your ass.”
It was exactly what Shelly had said to him. He could have come back to see her. He could have made time. Maybe he didn’t deserve her. Maybe he should go on with his life as if this summer had never happened, but he knew he would lose forever if he did. There would be no friendship. No bright spot in his days. No heart left in him if he let her walk out of his life. The truth was, he’d been scared to see her all those years because he knew he was in love with her when he’d left thirteen years ago.
And it was terrifying to be that in love for him then. There was always a little part of him that didn’t think he was good enough for her. That he could never match her sweetness, or kindness, or thoughtfulness. They had been known as trash to the town and even though they had risen above it, they all still carried a little of that with them. He still wasn’t sure if he was good enough for her, but he knew he was a better man because of her and his world would be so much grayer without her in it.
“There’s nobody else for me, Duke. How the hell do I get her to realize that?”
“You’ll just have to prove it to her.”
*
It was a long time before Shelly fell asleep that night. Thoughts of Levi pounded in her mind and in her chest. She loved him so much. She always had and she could see that she had hurt him today. She felt terrible, but she couldn’t risk the total annihilation of her heart. She could go around thinking things would work out while he was away shooting movies or his television show, or racing around the world—only for him to call her one day and tell her he was wrong when he said he loved her; that he cared for her but he wasn’t really in love with her the way she was in love with him. It would kill her. She just had to protect her heart. It was the smartest thing for her to do.
It must have been late when she finally fell into an exhausted sleep, but even her dreams weren’t free of him. She had gotten used to sleeping beside him, and she could almost feel his heavy warm body curled around hers and then his lips on her skin. On her neck and then her sliding down to her throat.
He was saying her name. Saying soft sweet things that she didn’t really understand but were what she always wanted to hear from him. Even in her dreams he had the power to arouse her. She was throbbing between her legs, that persistent, heavy throb that needed to be soothed. And then his hand went there, rubbing her through her damp underwear. She moaned aloud and that’s when she felt his warm wet mouth close around her nipple and suck her through her thin tank top.
This dream was too real and too good, but painful because it reminded her of one of the reasons they were so good together. Their bodies seemed to line up and move just right to make their lovemaking intense, and deep, and unforgettable.
His hands went to her hips, pulling down her underwear as his mouth sealed itself to her. And in that moment she knew wasn’t dreaming. The kiss was too hot, too full of need and something unspoken. Her eyes flew open and he was there, his body between her legs.
She was shocked by his presence, yet relieved. She’d rather be with the real thing than just a dream version of him.
“I need you,” he whispered to her before he kissed her again. “I need all of you.”
He peeled off her tank top, stripping her naked. Not just physically, but emotionally stripped bare. He wrapped her legs around him and looked into her eyes as he pushed himself deep inside of her. She cried out and he just stayed buried inside of her, not moving.
But she wanted him. She wanted fast, hard hot sex, sex that would make her go mindless, but tonight he wouldn’t comply. She couldn’t just give herself over to the sensations. He wanted her feelings. He wanted her raw.
“Move, Levi,” she begged him, wiggling her body beneath his to force him deeper inside. But he just kissed her and started an agonizingly slow, hard rhythm that made her toes curl.
“I love you,” he said and then he kissed her and kept kissing her, not letting up, not letting her ever regain her senses. “I love you so much. I need you, She
lly.”
More kisses. Slow, deep, long kisses. She felt like she was falling apart.
He pumped a little harder and she felt her climax close. “Faster, Levi, please.”
“Tell me you love me.” He slammed harder into her. She dug her nails into his back, cried out because it felt so good. “Tell me you love me.”
He slammed into her once again and she had no choice but to comply. “I love you, Levi. I love you.”
“Tell me you’re in love with me,” he said and then held himself still inside of her. She was so close to the edge that she could no longer think straight. She just wanted more of him. “Tell me, Shelly.” He started that slow unbearable slide again, and she couldn’t take it.
“I’m in love you,” she cried out. “Please, I’m so in love with you.”
And as soon as she let go of the words he let go of his restraint. She couldn’t describe the orgasm that followed, because she had never felt anything like it.
Shattering.
She felt so incredibly exposed.
Levi gathered her into his arms and she realized she was trembling.
“Oh, Shelly.”
She felt the hot tears splash down her face. She heard the sob tear from her throat. She had no control over her feelings when it came to him. And he knew that, because he tore down all her walls and saw everything inside her.
“Why did you do that to me? I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want you to know. I’ll never forgive you for that.”
“I just needed you to know how I felt. I never meant to hurt you. ”
“But you did.”
He looked at her helplessly for a moment, but he didn’t let her go. He just held her while she cried. Eventually she drifted off to sleep, but the next morning she woke up to an empty bed.
He was gone. And she would soon learn from Colt that he left the state completely.
*
Florida was a very different place from Destiny, Nevada. And it wasn’t just the thick humid air or the tall palm trees. As he drove up the road in this gated community, he saw more people riding in golf carts than in cars. All the houses were nearly identical, and they all surrounded a lush green golf course. This is where the elderly came to have a good time, it seemed. He thought about Lolly in a place like this, but he couldn’t see her in a crisp white tennis skirt or swinging a club. There was more adventure in her bones.
Levi pulled up in front of a sand-colored house with a red convertible parked in front of it. He double-checked the address written on his paper, not sure he was in the right place, but the front door opened and out walked Deacon Walker. He was far from an old man, only sixty, tall with a large build and salt-and-pepper hair.
He was single, good-looking; had probably saved every dime he had ever made. This was a man who could be living an entirely different life and yet he’d spent all of it except this past month doting on his only daughter. Levi didn’t blame him. Shelly was that special.
Levi stepped out of the car and approached the man. “Hello, Mr. Walker.”
“I was a little surprised when they told me you were here.”
“I needed to speak to you in person.”
Walker nodded and stepped aside. “Come in.”
Levi couldn’t read the man. He didn’t seem angry Levi was here, but he sure as hell didn’t seem happy to see him. “I’m in love with your daughter, sir.”
The man nodded and motioned to the couch. “Sit down, son. She’s a good girl. She’s a sweet girl. She’s done everything I’ve ever asked and she deserves the best. She deserves to be happy and not with some playboy who makes her wait around for years.”
“I know that.”
“I was with her when you crashed. I thought the most painful moment of my life was when my wife died. But that moment was just as bad. There’s nothing worse than seeing your child in that kind of pain. I knew that if something happened to you she would never be the same. She would never achieve the kind of happiness she deserves because it would have gone away with you. I don’t want to see her that destroyed ever again. And if there is anything I can do to prevent it, I will. And that includes having your legs broken. I’ve been a corrections officer for thirty-five years; if you think I can’t find a slew of people to do it you are dead wrong.”
“But sir—”
“You don’t get to speak right now. I’ve got twenty years’ worth of stuff to say to you and you’re going to sit down and listen.”
*
The next few days Shelly felt completely numb. She’d known the night Levi had first shown up in her bedroom after returning to Destiny that he’d eventually be leaving. She’d known she would be sad, that her heart would be sore. But she had expected him to leave on good terms. With them saying that they would keep in touch and telling each other that they would still be good friends even if that wasn’t the case. She hadn’t expected him to strip her raw, reveal all her secrets, and then just abandon her.
It seemed cruel. He didn’t even say good-bye.
They had been friends for twenty years and he couldn’t even say good-bye. It felt like a slap in the face.
She walked outside her house after spending an entire day in her bed with the scent of him on her sheets. She was going to meet Judy at the bakery so they could talk over pieces of chocolate cake that were as big as their heads. But as she walked to her car, she spotted Colt coming toward her.
“Hello,” she greeted. He looked so much more relaxed than she was used to seeing him. “I heard you and Zanna have made things official. Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Colt did something unexpected then. He kissed her cheek and squeezed her shoulder in a brotherly way that both comforted her and made her want to cry. “Levi wanted me to give this to you.” He took an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to her.
“Oh.” She stared down at it. So this was how he was going to tell her good-bye. It was better than nothing, but she expected more from him. She deserved more from him. “Thank you for this.”
He nodded and walked away.
She got in her car and stared down at the envelope for a long moment. She almost didn’t want to open it, but she did. It wasn’t the long letter she expected, though.
Dear Shelly,
I remember the day we met. It was a Sunday. You had just come from church and you were wearing a little pink dress with white flowers. I remember feeling so dirty standing next to you. But you didn’t seem to notice that my jeans had holes in them or that my shirt was too small. You told me you would be my friend that day. And then you proved it by inviting me inside your house and sharing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with me. You fed more than just my body that day. You feed my soul and that’s when it started.
It wasn’t signed. She turned it over, but there was no more. That was it and she didn’t know how to process it, so she started her car and drove to bakery to meet Judy, who greeted her with a large hug.
“Hey, pretty girl. How are you?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted as they sat in a booth in the back. “Colt came over and gave me a letter from Levi.”
“Oh?” She reached into her handbag and gave her another envelope. “It must go with this one.”
She handed it to her. Shelly was stunned into silence.
“I’m going to get coffee. You want coffee? I have some Kahlua in my bag. We’ll make it a party.”
She left her alone and Shelly tore into the envelope.
You love sweets. You always have. Your face lights up and you get a dreamy expression whenever you have one. The first time I realized I was attracted to you was when you were fourteen and somebody from your church made you a strawberry cake with cream cheese icing. You moaned and licked a crumb from your lip and it jolted me. And right then and there you created the standard that I held all other women up against. It was no wonder I couldn’t find anyone who made me anywhere as happy as you did. They just weren’t you.
She looked up from readin
g that letter to see Ace standing before her with another envelope in his hand.
“This is from Levi,” he said and walked away.
This letter was much shorter.
You have appallingly bad taste in movies and you still love watching cartoons and you hate all things blueberry-flavored. You ramble sometimes and the way you tell stories makes even the most mundane things seem exciting. And I love all of that about you. I love so much about you.
Her heart was pounding. What was this? What did this mean?
She got up and left the bakery, needing some air. But she didn’t get very far. Because every person who saw her stood up and handed her a different letter.
I’m in love with you because you always find the silver lining in things.
I’m in love with you because you put everyone else first.
I’m in love with you because you make me think of the world in a different way.
I’m in love with you because you’re always grateful.
I’m in love with you because you don’t realize how beautiful you are.
I’m in love with you because you make me want to be a better man.
She finally made her way outside to see Lolly sitting on the passenger side of Duke’s flame-painted car.
“What’s going on, Lolly?” she asked the woman, knowing that no one else would give it to her straight.
“I’ve been let out on a day pass. It’s hot as hell out here. I’m not sure how Duke rides around in this damn thing without good air-conditioning.”
“With Levi, Lolly. What’s going on with Levi?”
“Hell if I know.” She shrugged. “Haven’t seen him in a few days.”
“You don’t have a letter for me?”
“Nope.” She arched her expertly drawn-on eyebrow. “Do I look like a mailman to you?”
“No, ma’am.”
“I do have a message for you though. Go home.”
“Home? Is he there? Did he come back?”
She shrugged again and rolled up her window. Shelly ran to her car. Not registering the ride home, aware only that when she got there Levi’s red Jeep was nowhere in sight. She went inside to find that the house seemed as empty as she’d left it. Her heart sank. But then she heard heavy footsteps behind her and her father appeared through the door she had just walked through.
Heart of a Bad Boy (Bad Boys of Destiny #3) Page 23
