God, did I! But that would only screw up this screwed up situation even more. If Jack hadn’t moved in for a kiss when he dropped me off from the beach yesterday, he was probably convinced it was time to leave well enough alone. Maybe he was finally giving up—or giving in to my wishes. I’d told him time and time again that we couldn’t be anything. Maybe it finally sank in—for good.
Turning my back on the imaginary voices coming from the electronic device, I busied myself with emptying out my desk drawer. When I came upon an old letter from my dad, I immediately picked it up and pressed it close to my chest.
I knew what it said because I’d read it over and over again throughout the years. I loved having this little part of him to cherish forever. The tiny paper held so much weight even though he couldn’t have realized it back when he was writing it.
Dad had gone on a business trip and was leaving me, Mom, and Nina for the first time. I remember crying and throwing an ‘it’s not fair’ tantrum because at eight years old, the thought of Daddy not being able to tuck me in at night felt like the end of the world. Silly now that I thought about it, since I’d have to learn to live without him ever tucking me in again only a few short years after he wrote the letter.
Unfolding the page, creases crackling, I stared at his words and let them breathe new meaning into me this time.
*
Dear Stella Bella,
Be a good girl for Mommy, just like you always are. I’ll only be gone for three measly nights and then I’ll be back to hug you ’til the sun don’t shine.
This probably won’t make any sense to you now because you’re so young, but remember that there are times in life when we have to do what’s best for the big picture. This means that even though we don’t want to do something (like I don’t want to go away and leave you, Mommy and Nee Nee for this trip) sometimes we have to be brave and strong and suck it up. I’m sucking it up big time by getting on the plane tomorrow and missing pizza night, story time, and Saturday morning cartoons because Daddy’s job is important. But when I get back, it will be like it never happened. Pinky promise, Stells.
I love you more than all the fishies in the sea, baby.
Love,
Daddy
P.S. One more thing, even though I have plenty of time to teach you all of life’s important lessons. Although doing the right thing sometimes seems like the hardest thing, never ever do something that doesn’t feel right. I’m probably confusing you—oh who am I kidding, you’re smarter than me and Mommy combined—but what I’m trying to say is, always do what makes you happy, sweetheart. If it makes you smile—that’s all that matters.
*
Over the years when I read this letter, it would urge me to do things like give in to my pain in the ass sister when she needed a favor or wanted to borrow a favorite shirt. A few times it encouraged me to do some pretty awesome things at school, like running for sorority president and taking an advanced class that was sure to kill my social life. But today, as I let my father’s words sink in—if it makes you smile, that’s all that matters—I grabbed the phone and sent the text that I’d been wanting to send all morning.
Me: You make me smile. Got some time for more Sunshine today?
I stared at the phone, hoping my decision to throw caution to the wind and do what made me happy wasn’t too late.
When the screen lit up with an incoming message, I was so happy I’d followed my heart for once.
Jack: Ain’t no sunshine when you’re gone . . . shit yes! What time can I come get you?
Me: Now’s as good a time as any.
Jack
What the fuck had changed in the last twenty-four hours? Or did I really care? All I knew was that when I saw that text flash across the screen of my phone I nearly danced around the office, touchdown style.
It was Monday—back to the daily grind—but things were slow and Stella wouldn’t be around much longer; I could maneuver my schedule a bit to take her out for a nice dinner.
Me: Wrapping some things up here in the office. Can I take you out to eat tonight?
Stella: You mean like a date, date?
Her schoolyard outlook on boy meets girl made me smile. Things should always be as simple as boy likes girl, girl likes boy, girl and boy live happily ever after. But alas, our tale came with a twist. Still, I smiled at the thought of spending more time together, happy she’d been the one to initiate. After the back and forth at the beach and the hookah bar, I made the decision to back off and let Stella take the lead. It actually felt good not to be chasing her for a change.
Me: Yes. Tonight we wine, dine and . . .
I stopped my fingers from texting the vulgar response. Whenever I’d gone a little too far past her comfort zone over the last few days—aka letting her know how much I wanted her—she froze. I didn’t need that, but I also couldn’t abandon the real me.
Stella: Don’t you dare finish that sentence with 69!
Me: I had no intention of it, but looks like your mind is in the gutter.
Stella: Oh, Jack. You do crazy things to me and I’m not sure whether to hate it or love it.
Love it, damn you! She’d let down her guard, that spoke for something. But even through text, her walls were up. I’d do my best to change that tonight. I had the opening.
Me: Let me get everything settled here, freshen up at home and I’ll pick you up at 5. Okay?
Stella: Don’t keep me waiting too long or I might change my mind.
Like she had to remind me—that exact thought had already crossed my mind, but I wanted our first real date to be right. I had to leave a lasting impression. It was one of the final ones I’d ever get.
Me: I wouldn’t dream of it. See you soon ;)
She emerged from her home, the For Sale sign with the word SOLD taped across the front still spiking out of the lawn. For something that was so normal to me and my line of work, this particular vision actually made me sad.
I shrugged off the dread that came with the notion of Stella leaving and ogled her appearance from afar. My Sunshine looked as gorgeous as always. Her blonde waves bounced as she strode down the driveway in my direction. Her tiny hips swayed beneath the light, flowing material of her skirt. Mesmerized by her effortless beauty, I nearly forgot to get out of the car and act a gentleman. I somehow unloaded my mind of all the things I hoped we’d do tonight, and jumped out of my seat to meet her at the hood of my Jeep.
I had an insane urge to start this date off the way most people ended one—with a kiss. Her lips shone with gloss in the late day sun, and tempted me to take a taste.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Her voice cracked when she asked, but her eyes gave her away. She loved the way I stared at her.
I didn’t want to tell her why. I wanted to show her. But at the risk of ruining the night before it even started, I tamed the need for my lips to claim hers and hooked an arm around her neck to bring her in for a hug. “You look beautiful,” I said, and sucked in the scent of her sweet perfume and coconut shampoo.
“Thank you. You look really nice, too.”
She’d seen me barely-clothed in swim trunks, dressed to the nines in a tux, and sporting my favorite pair of jeans, but tonight—judging from the way the words floated off her tongue in a breathy whisper—I knew she liked what she saw. We were on even ground—finally. This would be a night to remember.
Stella
He looked good enough to eat. I wasn’t sure if it was the euphoric high of letting go of my inhibitions or if Jack was always this easy on the eyes. Either way, I couldn’t keep still, giddy with anticipation and so much more.
“Where are you taking me, huh?” I tried to sound calm and cool even though my insides were anything but. My heart raced, and the tingling ache between my legs—Jesus, I’d never been so turned on. For the first time since I started dating, I had the urge to tell the guy to skip all the wining and dining hoopla and take me to his bed. I’d have no idea what to do once I got there, bu
t something about giving it up to Jack had me clenching my thighs to contain all my unexpected urges.
“You hungry?”
Was I ever! But not for food. I wanted to devour Jack and savor every last drop.
Jack kept his focus on the road, but glanced over to me and clearly noted the way I was fidgeting. “A little tense about the flight?” he joked—a line I recognized from one of my favorite comedies—as he stared at my twiddling hands.
“Nope. Just thinking.”
“About?”
God, if you only knew, Jack Davis. “What kind of food I’m in the mood for.”
Jack squinted one eye and ran his teeth across his plump lower lip. “Ever been to that Italian place on 30th?”
I scrunched up my nose, worried he would suggest something like The Olive Garden. “I’m really picky about where I eat Italian. My mother makes a killer gravy that kind of ruined my faith in every restaurant in America, west of Brooklyn.”
Shaking his head, he blurted, “Snob.”
“Seriously, don’t knock it till you try it. Mom should bottle that stuff and sell it.”
“Give Ragu a run for its money?”
“You have no idea.”
“Okay, so no Italian. How about Mexican?”
The ease of our conversation took my mind off all the things I wanted to do to my date—momentarily—but the idea of a formal meal and more talking . . . I wanted something off a different kind of menu. There was no subtle way to put it. “You know what? Why don’t we skip the fancy schmancy and just get some take out?”
Arching a brow, a smirk twisted Jack’s stubble coated face. “You’re trying to get in my pants, aren’t you?”
I was by no means shy or prudish, but hearing him say it—out loud—made me wish I could melt into his leather seat. I could try to lie and seem offended or I could just come out with it: Yes, I wanted in his pants. Correction, I wanted him in my pants. His fingers filling me, his tongue tasting me, his—“You really are a cocky prick.” It flew out of my mouth as a form of defense against his snarky yet accurate statement.
“And your choice of words only proves my point.”
Damn it! I did it again! Foot in mouth syndrome was becoming an epidemic only brought on by this man. I hid my embarrassment with my hands, my face shielded and laughing it off.
What was I doing? Was I really about to go through with sleeping with him, knowing I’d be giving him something I could never take back? To someone who’d be a stranger again in ten days? On one shoulder, the angel was telling me to think this over thoroughly. On the other shoulder, the devil was glaring at me because she wanted her way with Jack.
Moment of truth: The devil won. “What if you’re right? What if that is what I want?”
There was no way to brace myself for the sudden jerk of the car. The abrupt stop had me lurching forward and gripping my seat. “What the hell, Jack?”
We were in the middle of the road, at a standstill frozen in time. Life whooshed past us. Another car rolled by uneventfully. The world went about its business as if we weren’t stopped short in the center of it. It wasn’t a busy street, but I still worried we were in the way of oncoming traffic.
“Jack, you can’t just stop here.” I wanted to press on his knee and force his foot to hit the gas. He wouldn’t budge, though. He just kept gawking at me as if I’d said the unimaginable.
“You want me?” he finally asked. “Like want me, want me?”
His dumfounded expression and the way he worded his question put my heart into blood-pumping overdrive. If I had half a brain I’d tell him he was crazy and had heard me wrong, but I couldn’t. There was no way to ignore this pull any longer. “Yes.”
Three letters.
One word.
It changed everything.
Jack
She wanted me? She was giving me permission to do to her all the things I’d been fantasizing about doing? Yes. Yes. Yes. All that from one tiny word. And I wasn’t about to take it for granted.
Throwing the car in park, I lunged over the center console and took her face in my eager hands. I looked into her eyes—vulnerable and beautiful—and traced my thumb against her ready lips, saying a silent prayer. Thank you, Jesus, for breaking down her walls. I owe you big time for this one, buddy. Spirituality wasn’t my thing, but staring into the depths of Sunshine’s eyes made me a believer in something.
Unable to control myself a second longer, I inched closer—even though I needed to devour every taste and smell of this perfect woman—and savored the way our lips felt mere breaths apart. I stopped myself from diving in and taking what I wanted to be mine because I needed to show her what she meant to me.
This didn’t have to just be a hook up. We could make this more. Spending time with her the way I had in the last few days made me realize I didn’t want this to end. My kiss would have to show her because my words would never be enough.
Cradling the back of her head in my hands, I sucked in the intoxicating fragrance that was all Stella and admired her as she fluttered her eyelids. It wasn’t nervousness, or fear—it was desire that splayed across her beautiful features. She wanted this as much as I did. I knew all the signs. I sensed the quickening of her heartbeat; it matched my own as it picked up wildly and raced beneath my chest. I felt her hurried breaths tickle my skin. But the whimper that escaped her waiting lips was what sent me over the edge. Slow and steady wouldn’t cut it.
I crashed my lips to hers and Stella moaned as if I’d satisfied every craving with this one single kiss. There was no tasting or learning or deliberating once our mouths were one. The hunger was too intense.
Her roving hands explored my body, connecting us deeper as she clung to my neck and dug her fingers into my hair. She tasted sweet—of mint and berries—and her tongue darted softly in and out of my mouth as if to tease and lure me in for more.
Oh, did I want more. And I wanted it right here in this car. Three seconds of my lips on hers and I was dying to taste every sexy inch of her. As our kiss deepened and my hands found the buttons at the back of her dress, her grip found my arms and pulled me tighter against her.
“Jack,” she whispered, her soft, lustful voice working her spell-like magic on me.
“Mhhmm?” I hummed, barely audible.
Pulling back from our kiss, she rested her forehead against mine. “I’ve never done this before.” Her hands quaked in my lap, her fingers nervously drawing circles on my thighs. My dick was jealous and begged for some of the same attention, but I could tell there was something holding her back.
“Are you telling me this is your first kiss, because there’s no way in fuck’s sake someone who’s never done that before can do it so well.”
Backing up against her seat, she readjusted her clothing. The peaks of her hardened nipples were visible through the light material of her dress. Why’d she stop? Her body was giving me the green light, but her expression—the poor thing looked petrified.
“What’s the matter, Stella? I’m sorry if I—”
“It’s not you,” she interrupted. She twirled her hair to one side and rested it over her shoulder.
“Talk to me. I thought you were into it. I would’ve never pushed you if I didn’t think we were on the same page.” It was true. If she only knew how long I’d wanted to kiss her, hold her, have her—I waited for her to be ready. Moments ago, it seemed like she was and now we were back here again.
“Like I said, Jack, it wasn’t you. You did nothing wrong.” She gazed out her window, avoiding eye contact with me. I couldn’t read her that way—she knew that and it frustrated the hell out of me.
Rubbing my palm against her thigh, I tried comforting her. I needed to her to face me. “Please, Stella.”
When her eyes finally met mine again, the carefree, wanton, daring Stella was gone. “It can’t go any further than this, Jack. I can’t give you more.”
There was that damn word again. The one word that could make or break us. The one word
coming in between us. I wanted it, but she didn’t. Would I ever convince her? Would I even have enough time?
Stella
I was screwing this up! Leave it to me; I knew I would.
I wanted more than just that amazing, spine-tingling kiss—hell, I wanted it all with Jack. But I was leaving. He was staying. I was a virgin, and he certainly wasn’t. Should I just come out and tell him that’s why I stopped? I could hardly stand the disappointed look on his face. And I knew it wasn’t only about stopping him at first base. His eyes told it all. He didn’t want some quick lay, although we were just about to get it on in the front seat of his car. He could give me everything I ever wanted in a guy—if I’d only let him.
In the few days since we met, I’d shared more of myself—hopes, dreams, fears, the real me—than I had with any boyfriend I ever had. Giving myself to Jack wouldn’t be a mistake or a regret; I was certain of that much. It would just be something I’d have to live with knowing I could never have again once I left.
“You probably think I’m a tease. And I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be. I’m just—” What? What was I? Did I say it? I’m a virgin, Jack. And I want nothing more than for you to screw my brains out and teach me every single thing there is to know about getting down and dirty, but I’m scared shitless right now. No, I couldn’t say that. So, thank God Jack interrupted with something less humiliating.
“I don’t think you’re a tease, Stella.”
“Then what do you think?” I was dying to know what was running through his mind. I wasn’t playing a game—honest to God—but I could see how it might look that way. Unlike the way I’d felt in the beginning of all this, I didn’t want him to give up on me because my actions were yo-yoing all over the place.
I wanted him to pursue me while we still had time.
Taking my hand in his, he placed one finger under my chin and turned my face in his direction. “What I think is that you’re a phenomenal kisser. And I plan on doing a lot more of that tonight and all the other nights until you leave—maybe even some of that kissing will convince you not to go. But in the meantime, we’re going back to my place, we’re going to order whatever you want to eat, then relax and watch a movie or whatever makes you comfortable. As long as we get to spend time together . . . there’s no rush.”
Freeing Destiny (Fate #2) Page 6
