by Nancy Adams
“What’s the matter?” he asked as he came up to her. “I’m sorry. Just come back inside. We’ll pretend I didn’t ask.”
“It’s okay, Paul,” she said glancing up at him. “I just need some time to think.”
“About what? About marriage? Or about us?”
“Please, Paul. I just need space. Go back inside and cool my Ma down, I’m sure she’s real upset.”
Paul stood there for a while watching her finish putting her shoes on, a forlornness overtaking him, his eyes filling with tears. He’d had so many high hopes for the day. He’d expected that by now he’d be engaged to his soul mate. Instead, he was standing hopelessly, watching her leave.
“I don’t know what just happened,” Paul said, his voice tearful. “Please tell me what just happened.”
Claire stood up and came up to him. She took his sad face in her hands and then embraced him in a hug. He instantly took ahold of her and held her tight.
“I just gotta think is all,” she whispered into his ear.
“I feel like I’m losing you. Ever since you came back from seeing him, you’ve been different. It’s like he’s clouded your mind or something.”
“Please, Paul. Just let me go and get my head together. I’ll be back in a few hours. Please.”
He gently let her go and she immediately began walking toward the elevator as he stood watching her leave. Soon she was nothing but space, and a shudder moved through him as he went back inside the apartment.
Out on the cold Brooklyn street, Claire put her head down and marched on through the night, her mind spinning. The timing of Paul’s proposal was so cruel for both of them. If he had asked only a week before, she would have probably said ‘Yes’. But now that thoughts of Sam filled her aching head, she couldn’t commit to anything. She felt so guilty toward Paul, so guilty toward her mother. The old woman’s face had almost broken straight into tears when she realized that Claire was turning Paul down. But how could Claire commit when she wasn’t sure of anything anymore? Her renewed feelings for Sam had clouded everything and she yearned for clarity in it all.
Without realizing it, she wandered into Prospect Park and found herself walking between two rows of trees near some benches. It was early evening, so there weren’t so many people about, just the odd jogger and dog walker. As she walked through the park, Claire began to feel heavy so she sat on a bench. Gazing out at the lawns and trees, her mind sank into deep thought.
Why did he have to ask now? she said to herself. Why oh why now? Just after I’d seen Sam. Was he testing me? Seeing if I’d still got feelings? No. No. Paul’s not that devious. He doesn’t do things like that. He was always planning to propose on Mom’s last night. He was doing it as much for her as he was for himself. Paul always has such good intentions. And what about Sam? What are his intentions? He’s already with someone and yet he gives his number out to a girl he had an affair with six years ago. What kind of guy does that? And how secretive it all was. Handing me that note like some disruptive schoolboy. Once again it’s all done deceitfully, just like it was back then. Another affair is all I’ll be. He’ll probably get me pregnant again. Maybe this time I’ll keep it and take him for millions! Ha! What am I even thinking of when I imagine calling him up.
Claire opened her handbag and took out the napkin. She held it in front of her and gazed at it with sad eyes. It was both a curse and a blessing that she held in her hands. It both exhilarated her and depressed her. It was hopeless folly and yet hope itself. Everything that revolved around that note was neither light nor dark and it sent her mind into a spin.
Do I love Paul? she suddenly asked herself. How can I love him if I still have this note? If I find my heart—after all this time—still in Sam’s possession? Paul has been nothing but the kindest, sweetest person to me and now I stand on the threshold of breaking his heart. What is it that draws me toward Sam at the cost of everything else?
While she sat there asking herself this, a voice emerged upon the breeze, appearing to come from nowhere else but inside herself. It whispered to her, “Because you love him and always have.”
She abruptly got up from the chair, shaking her head and began marching out of the park. When she got outside the gate, she glanced from right to left before randomly choosing one of the directions and heading off along the city street. While she walked, a gentle shower began beating down on the streets and upon Claire as well.
Not wanting to get too wet, Claire decided to find an all-night cafe and get out of the rain. So she headed to the end of the street where she was sure there’d be a coffee shop of some kind. Marching along the wet pavement, Claire’s mind tumbled like a stormy sea with so many questions and doubts constantly toppling over themselves. Only six days before, she had been so sure of everything and now all of that seemed to be dissolving in front of her eyes. Even Paul appeared to be disappearing from her heart, and it pained her to think that it was so easily achieved.
All it took was the image of Sam Burgess.
When she reached the coffee shop and went inside, Claire immediately ordered a coffee and took a seat by the window. She sat with her hands clasped together, elbows leaning on the table, gazing out the window. The rain was getting up now and it beat against the glass, the cars splashing through the roads, which were beginning to look like brooks as the rain flowed down the street. Her coffee came and she turned from the window to thank the waitress, who smiled at her.
The moment the woman had gone, Claire returned her gaze to the street for a moment, before turning it to her handbag, which lay on the table in front of her. She opened it and took her phone out as well as the scrap of paper. It was then that she noticed her hands were shaking. She picked her phone up and was about to dial the number, when she had a sudden change of heart and called Beth instead.
“Hey, sis,” Beth answered. “You good? How’s the Big Apple treating ya?”
In the last five-and-a-half years, Beth and Will had gone from strength to strength. They were now married, Claire having been the maid of honor, and were doing very well. After a couple of years of working for other people, they managed to save up some money and, with help from loans from each of their parents, they were able to open their own independent coffee shop in downtown Denver. They were now working hard to make a go of the business and had recently opened their second shop in Colorado Springs. Suffice to say, Beth’s mother was feeling a little better toward Will these days.
“It’s good, Beth,” Claire replied despondently.
“Doesn’t sound that good? What’s wrong?”
“Paul just proposed to me.”
“Oh! And let me guess, you said no?”
“I said no,” Claire groaned.
“Oh! Sis. Any reason you turned him down? I thought you and he were set.”
Claire let out a withered sigh, almost breaking into tears as she did.
“I saw Sam Burgess the other night.”
“No way! What, in the street?”
“No. I was invited to an exhibition by a colleague of mine and I accepted. I was only in the crowd.”
“So you saw him on stage and it made you freak out?”
“Not quite. Afterward, he invited me backstage.”
“And you accepted!?”
“What could I do? I tried to get out of it, but Annabel wouldn’t hear it. So we went back.”
“And then what happened?”
“He secretly gave me his number when no one was watching.”
“The son-of-a-…Man, he has some cheek. What does he want: round two? So I take it you got rid of the number?”
“No.”
“So you called him?”
“Not yet.”
“Not yet!? Oh, come on, Claire. This guy’s got someone—that Jenna woman—and yet he gives you his number. He’s a creep.”
“He wrote a note too. He said he only wanted to speak to me.”
“What about? The time you both had an affair behind his wife’s back!? Ho
w he broke your heart and left you pregnant!?”
“It’s not as easy as that. We couldn’t be together then.”
“And you can’t be together now. You’re not going to call him are you? You sound like you are.”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know!? What about Paul? That guy’s stood by you through everything. He worships the air you breathe. What about him?”
“I don’t know, Beth. When he asked me to marry him tonight and I thought about spending the rest of my life with him, something just faded inside of me. It was like the prospect of it deflated me somehow. Surely, I shouldn’t have felt that. Then when I compare it with how I felt seeing Sam the other night, it’s completely different.”
“Listen to me, sis, it’s quite obvious that seeing Burgess again brought up a lot of old feelings for you: the fact that he was your first love, that he took your virginity, that you had his child. All of these things make you weak around him. You don’t think right when it comes to Sam. Let me tell you as someone looking at it all from the outside, who’s not affected directly by it; I’m telling you, sis, that you should go back to Paul, apologize and tell him that you’ll speak about marriage in another few months, but for now you’re not ready. Then you let all this Sam nonsense fade away, you throw that number in the garbage where it belongs, and you let your life continue as before. Don’t get tangled up with this guy again, please, Claire.”
Claire sat in the coffee shop with her eyes closed tight, simply listening to her friend’s words. In her mind, she knew that Beth was right. But her heart rejected every word of it.
“I know,” Claire said after a second or two. “I just needed to hear someone else say it, that was all.”
“Well, I’m glad that I could help. You go back to Paul, he’ll understand, he always does.”
“Yeah, I’ll head back there now. Thanks, Beth.”
“That’s cool. Anyway, what else you been up to?”
They continued to chat for the next twenty minutes about general topics, until Beth heard Will calling her and had to go. Having said their goodbyes, Claire found herself all alone in the coffee shop, the rain beating against the window. She was still terribly lost. The more she thought, the more twisted and knotted up her thoughts became. In the end, she got up, paid her bill and made her way back to the apartment.
When she walked through the door, she found everyone lined up along the couch watching television. The moment they heard the door, they all looked in her direction.
“Hey,” she said gingerly. Then, addressing Paul, she added, “Can I talk to you in the bedroom?”
“Sure,” he said, getting up and coming with her to their room.
When they were inside, Claire closed the door gently behind them.
“Look, first thing’s first,” Claire said as the two stood opposite, “I’m not turning you down. I just feel that marriage is an added pressure on both of us right now. We’ve still got a lot more time before we’re fully qualified doctors. I think that once our careers have been given enough time to grow, then we can think of getting married. Because once we’re married the next step will be children and I don’t think I’ll be ready for that until I’ve had enough time to explore my career first.”
“That’s perfectly okay,” he said with his usual benevolent expression. “Look, I owe you an apology.”
“That’s the last thing you owe me,” Claire muttered.
“No, I do. I should never have put it on you like this. You’re right, the timing is completely off. We should concentrate on other things. I got carried away and I embarrassed you in front of your family. I’m sorry for that.”
“I don’t deserve you,” Claire said, reaching forward and taking him in her arms.
After that, they rejoined the others on the couch and Claire was able to enjoy her last night with her family. Her thoughts were slightly more settled, but from time to time she still found herself pondering her immediate future, no closer to making a decision than she had been when she’d gone walking off into the night.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
It had been a week since the exhibition and Sam hadn’t heard from Claire. With the passing of each new day, his heart sank just a little further beneath the horizon, threatening to go down forever. After New York, he’d flown out to Shanghai for a few days to a business meeting. Now he was returning to L.A.
When he walked into the hallway of the mansion, he found Jenna waiting to meet him. She was neatly dressed in a black leather pencil skirt, white silk shirt and gray cardigan. The moment her eyes settled on the form of Sam approaching with his bags, she beamed a wide smile and took him in her arms.
“I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered gently into his ear.
“Hey, Jenna,” he replied before kissing her in a customary manner.
“I hope you’ve got the day to yourself.”
“Yeah, I have. I’m not needed anywhere, so I was gonna just chill here with you and Jess.”
“Well then, I’ve got a surprise for you.”
“Oh, and what’s that?” he asked as he pulled away from her.
“I called Captain Stewart and had him moor the yacht up at the harbor. We’re going sailing and then we’ll eat seafood in San Diego. How does that sound?”
Putting on his best smile, Sam replied, “That would be awesome. Where’s Jess?”
“Well, that’s the best part. Jess is coming too.”
Sam smiled for real this time.
Having greeted Jenna, he went upstairs, unpacked and then got changed into something suitable for going on the yacht. Once he was ready, he went back down to the hallway and found Jenna and Jess waiting for him there.
“Daddy!” Jess exclaimed when she saw him, before throwing herself into his arms.
“Okay, we all ready?” Sam asked once his daughter had let him go.
They both agreed. So without further ado they all left the mansion, climbed inside the Silver Mercedes and began driving to the harbor. It was a cool day but the sun hung high in the clear blue sky, radiating the whole city in sunshine.
Once they arrived at the harbor, they parked up and walked to the jetty where they found Sam’s super yacht waiting for them. Only an hour later, they were out at sea, motoring toward San Diego, the South Californian coast to one side, the glittering horizon on the other.
Just off the coast of San Clemente, they anchored up for a moment so that they could enjoy the sun-drenched surroundings. When they stopped, Sam stood with both Jenna and Jess up on deck, their eyes gazing out across the beautiful waters of the Pacific Ocean, a field of shimmering crystal blue reaching out as far as the eye could see, several other boats dotted about the place. Having stood for a while admiring the view, Jess suggested they go out on the jet skis. Sam wasn’t sure about it, but Jenna insisted that it would be fun and Sam ceded to them.
Wearing wetsuits and life jackets, they each took a jet ski and began readying themselves at the back of the yacht.
As they sat on them waiting to go, Jess said to the other two, “Race you both to that buoy out there.”
She pointed to the aforementioned buoy which was way ahead, sparkling in the sunbeams and bobbing on the choppy water.
“You’re on,” Jenna let out with enthusiasm.
Smiling, Jess cried out, “Then you’re gonna have to catch me.”
With that she pulled the throttle back and burst off.
“Oh no you don’t!” Sam called out as he pulled his throttle and tore after her, his competitive spirit pricked.
“Really!?” Jenna let out as she followed.
The three then motored along on the water, the fronts of their skis hitting each wave and skipping with splashes. Sam was caught in Jess’s slipstream and this made it rougher on the ski, making him jump about a lot. He decided the best way to catch her would be to take another course, so he swerved the ski off to the left and began flying along an angle that would hopefully take him beyond his daughter.
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In the rear, Jenna raced along and watched the two as they traveled at least twenty meters ahead of her. She decided to lay back and let father and daughter have some competitive fun, simply enjoying the surroundings and the journey enough not to get involved.
Meanwhile, Sam had opened his ski up and was advancing on Jess, planning to swing in front of her before they reached the buoy. The ten-year-old glanced quickly to her left and spotted her father making headway on her position. It made her giggle to see him catching her and she felt chased. Realizing that he was moving faster than her, Jess pulled her throttle back all the way and felt the ski tug forward, almost launching from the water. The power of it surprised her and she felt a sudden flash of panic as she slammed into a wave that came right across her. It was a heavy hit and the handlebars spun in her hands, throwing them off. The jet ski buckled in the water, tossing Jess off like a rag doll. She gasped as she toppled through the air, before slamming into the hard water.
Sam completely missed this as he roared ahead with determination. But Jenna had instantly seen the girl thrown at least ten feet into the air and come crashing head first down onto the water, her jet ski coming to a stop just ahead of her.
Jenna immediately accelerated to the spot where Jess had fallen, seeing the girl floating motionless on her front.
Having not noticed his daughter’s crash, Sam made it to the buoy and began raising his arms in celebration. Bringing the ski to a slow crawl and looping around, he looked behind him for his beaten daughter and saw that she wasn’t anywhere near the buoy. Feeling confused, he began going back and soon saw Jess’s abandoned jet ski floating on the water.
Jenna reached Jess and instinctively threw herself into the water, swimming frantically to the unconscious girl. The minute Jenna got to her, she grabbed ahold of Jess and flipped her over. The girl’s face was almost blue and she wasn’t breathing, so Jenna took Jess in her arms and swam her back to the jet ski just as Sam arrived. The moment he saw Jenna struggling to lift Jess onto the ski, he dived into the water and helped get the girl onboard. Once they’d gotten her up, Jenna climbed up too, seating herself on one end while Jess lay on her back in front of her. She began performing CPR on the girl, blowing into her airway and pumping her chest as Sam clung to the side of the ski and watched with terrified eyes.
