by Nancy Adams
Once she was in the ambulance and on her way to hospital, the cops hauled Charlie out of there. As he limped along, his face dripping with blood, Charlie Mathieson sobbed like a baby, shaking all over as he sniveled and whined. The moment they closed the back door of the car on him, he howled “GWEN!” at the top of his lungs.
The crowd on the street watched him go, Juliette and Jules among them, the latter with his arm cuddled around Juliette.
“Let’s hope he gets longer than six months this time,” Jackson said as they watched the cop car leave.
Juliette and Jules then said their goodbyes to the neighbors and went inside. There they found three worried boys. Juliette immediately bent down in front of them and with a benevolent expression told them that their mommy would be okay and that they were going to stay with them for a while until she was all better. Juliette wasn’t sure if this was true, that Gwen would recover. The paramedics had seemed pretty worried about her and there had been a frantic tone to their voices as they’d worked on the patient. But what else could she say to them? Tell them that it was fifty-fifty they’d be orphans by the morning?
Once Juliette had put the boys’ minds slightly at ease, David took them into his bedroom. When they’d disappeared, Juliette turned to Jules and grabbed ahold of him, sobbing into his breast.
“It’s okay, my love,” he cooed gently into her ear. “It’s okay.”
The day’s events had bored into her brain and she felt a well of sadness erupting inside of her. Many times in her life among the gritty underbelly of society, Juliette had witnessed cruelty and beastliness that had sunk her into darkness. Today had bought all of those times flooding back to her mind and she felt emotionally exhausted by it.
Later that night, Juliette called the hospital and they informed her that Gwen was in a stable condition, although she’d be unconscious for some time yet. Her skull had been fractured in several places, including one of her eye sockets, cheekbone and jaw. Luckily there’d been no extensive damage to her brain, but she would need several operations the next day and over the coming weeks to correct the damage. Juliette asked when she’d be able to visit Gwen with her sons and the doctor paused for a moment, musing over what to say next. In the end, he told her that Gwen would be almost unrecognizable for the next few weeks. It would therefore probably be best to leave off visiting with her children for at least a week.
After the phone call, Juliette informed the boys that their mother would be okay and they cried with relief, David doing his best to soothe them. When she left David’s bedroom, Juliette joined Jules in the lounge and they sat watching television while the three boys played in David’s room.
“They good?” he asked as she cuddled into him.
“Yeah. But I can’t help thinking that they’ve seen so much for people so young, Jules.”
“I know. Some people are born into a cruel world of abuse. Hopefully their ma can get a clean break now.”
Picking his beer up and realizing that the bottle was empty, Jules lifted his love from his side and went to the kitchen to fetch another.
When he got there, David walked in.
“Hey, Davey,” Jules said as the boy entered.
“Hey, Pa. Is Gwen really gonna be okay?”
Jules smiled warmly at the boy and then knelt down in front of him. He took David by the arms and looked solemnly into his eyes, stating warmly, “She’s gonna be fine. The paramedics said we got to her just in time.”
The boy smiled gently and asked, “Why are there men in the world like Charlie, Pa?”
Jules had to think about this for a moment.
“Well, I really don’t know, son. I guess he’s very angry at the world, but he doesn’t know what for. And because he carries all that anger around in him, he feels he has to use it on someone from time to time, because it builds inside him like a storm. Sometimes he even uses it on himself; that’s why he drinks and sits around all the time gambling or doing nothing, because he’s hurting himself.”
“Why aren’t you angry, Pa?”
Jules smiled and said, “Because unlike Charlie, I’m not blind and can see what I have got, rather than everything I haven’t. And I thank God that I can see it. I thank God for my eyes. That way, all the bullets that life fires at me just pass right through without leaving a trace. Because every time I look at you and your ma, I know that I have no right to be angry with life.”
David gave a little grin and then placed his arms around Jules, hugging him.
“I’m glad I got you as a pa,” he whispered into Jules’s ear.
This brought tears to the old man’s eyes and once again he thanked God for his lot.
After that, David got his friends some drinks and Jules got another beer and rejoined Juliette in the lounge.
“I heard you talking to David,” Juliette said as she placed herself back into his side once he’d sat back down. “What were you talking about?”
“He wanted to know about Gwen.”
“He’s such an angel.”
“Yeah. I tell you Juliette, whoever he came from has no idea what they lost by giving him up.”
“I don’t think they thought about it. They must’ve needed to give him up, otherwise they wouldn’t have.”
“Every day he shows me a sign, Juliette. Every day he shows me a sign that there is a God. Because I can see the work of some otherworldly genius when I look at that boy. He’s the embodiment of something greater than our understanding.”
“My word, Jules. Are you getting spiritually sentimental in your old age?”
“I don’t know. When I was young my uncles used to talk a lot of stuff. The natives talked about ghosts of our ancestors and stuff like that. Then a lot of the hippies that came there talked about socialism and other intellectual stuff which basically refuted the existence of God. But the more I live, the more I see something existing in the world around me. Something unseen, but binding everything together and living in us all. I can’t exactly see it or hear it. I can only feel it. Sometimes it’s only a feeling, but other times it’s a presence. Like today when I burst in on Charlie, I felt that something else was in that room with us. Something watching and crying out in pain. I don’t know if it could be called God, but I certainly felt something.”
Juliette squeezed into him.
“If God was working through one man,” she said softly to him, “it would be you, Jules Lee.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Wearing a large black Ralph Lauren overcoat with a high collar, a thick red scarf, a gray bobble hat and large, tortoiseshell Ray-Ban sunglasses, Sam left the rear entrance of his Manhattan apartment complex. As he stepped into the alleyway, he glanced nervously from left to right to see if anyone was there. Even though he was dressed relatively inconspicuous, he still feared that he would be instantly found out the moment someone saw him.
Seeing that the way was clear, Sam strolled determinately to the end of the alleyway where he emerged onto the busy street. With his heart racing, he gingerly joined the midday sidewalk traffic, keeping his head down the whole time. When he came to the first junction, Sam turned down Madison Avenue and when he was a block or two along, he hailed a cab. It wasn’t long before one pulled over and he jumped in.
“Oriental Boulevard, Brighton Beach, please,” Sam said to the driver.
“Okay, boss.”
The taxi pulled away into the traffic and they were soon bumbling through Manhattan toward Brooklyn. When they were five minutes into the journey, the driver turned to Sam and said that he could take his coat and hat off if he wanted, but Sam declined, saying he was okay. The driver found it odd that he would wear all of that getup, including sunglasses, inside the warm cab. But then, hey! It was New York City.
Thirty or so minutes later, they pulled up along a derelict Brighton Beach road and Sam paid the driver. After he got out of the cab, he crossed the street and continued toward the beach. When he reached the walkway, he strolled along for a while until he came
to a wooden pier. Turning off the walkway, he made his way down the pier. There, at it’s end, like a beacon, stood a woman in a red dress, wearing a red duffle coat over the top, the wind blowing her long brunette hair about in wisps.
It was Claire, and Sam’s heart jumped in his chest at the sight of her.
When he was within a few feet of her, she instinctively turned around to face him. The spark of a bright smile ignited on her lips for a single second, before she retracted it and it went out.
“Hey,” Sam said as he reached her.
“Hey,” she replied softly, turning back around and returning her gaze to the water.
Sam came up beside her and leaned his elbows on the rail.
“Nice spot to meet,” he remarked as he gazed at the horizon.
“Yeah. I found it a month ago when I came out here for the first time. It’s very peaceful here when it’s not summer.”
They stood there watching the ocean for a moment, unsure of what to say, or what they were even supposed to do. Sam felt so alive standing next to her, feeling her presence within his grasp, that he trembled all over. As for Claire, she too felt the power of him being near her and shivered accordingly.
Eventually, she turned to him and suggested they go for a walk along the beach. To this suggestion, he grinned and nodded his head. Soon they were walking steadily along the windswept sands, nothing much about except for the gulls and a few people wandering around.
“So you’re gonna be a doctor soon,” Sam said after several minutes of silence.
“Yes. Well, hopefully. That’s the plan. I have at least another two years as a resident. Only after that will I be able to practice on my own.”
“What do you plan on doing with it?”
“Be a doctor!”
“No,” he said smiling. “I mean are you going to stick around New York or head back to Colorado or go somewhere else?”
“I don’t know. Lately things have changed for me. I was set to become an ER doctor and remain in New York with Paul. But now when I think about that, it all feels like it was just something I told myself without ever really thinking about what that meant.”
“I take it Paul’s your boyfriend.”
Claire turned to him with a slight frown as they walked.
“Was my boyfriend. Or is. I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him for five days now. Not since the day I called you.”
“I’m sorry. This has messed things up for you, hasn’t it?”
Claire stopped and so did he. She faced him and the two stood with their eyes locked for a moment, both their hearts trembling in their chests, a burning desire to hold one another.
Shaking herself, Claire asked out loud to herself, “What is about you? What is it that makes me betray myself?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I, Sam.”
She continued walking and Sam stood stunned for a moment, unsure whether she hated him or loved him, before jogging to catch up to her on the sand.
“I’m sorry,” he said when he’d caught her.
“Just don’t say any more,” she replied as she marched toward the water.
When she reached it, she sat down and began taking her shoes off.
“What are you doing?” Sam asked.
“What does it look like? I’m going paddling. Are you gonna stand there or do you want to join me?”
“The water’s freezing.”
“So!? You’ll be okay. I’m sure your feet won’t fall off.”
Sam shrugged and sat down in the sand next to her, before removing his shoes and socks. Having removed her own, Claire stood up, turned to him and offered her exquisite, lily-white hand. He looked at it for a moment, stunned that it was being offered to him. He glanced up at her face and saw a delicate smile pursed upon her beautiful lips. Smiling himself, he reached out and took her hand, feeling a burst of something erupt the moment he touched her for the first time in over five years. She hauled him up from the sand and they were soon both on their feet wading into the chilly waters, both of them wincing the moment it touched their skin.
While they walked along in the water, she held dearly onto his hand and hadn’t let it go since lifting him up. Something appeared to move through each of them, from one to the other, a circuit completed by the touching of their hands. They walked along in silence, simply enjoying each other and not wanting to ruin it with the folly of words. To Sam it felt like the whole universe had gone quiet around them. Even the sound of the water hitting the shore no longer registered to his ears and all he became aware of was her trembling breathing beside him. With their fingers interlocked they continued to step through the water along the coast, the wet sand squishing beneath their cold feet and the water whipping their ankles.
“This is so surreal to me,” he said suddenly as they walked.
“How do you mean?”
“For the past five years I’ve been attempting to bury you in my heart. I was resolved to never seeing you again. I’d put all of that aside. I thought I’d done it well. But then the first time I see you in all that time—among a crowd of people—all that resolve was wiped away like ash in the wind. What were you even doing there?”
“A doctor at the hospital invited me. I didn’t want to go, but I thought it would be better to. So I went and now we’re here.”
“Don’t you find it all a little fated?”
Claire sighed deeply and took a while to answer.
“I guess. I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting anything to happen.”
“How did you feel seeing me after so long?”
“That’s a slightly egotistical question, don’t you think? How did you feel seeing me?”
“Like I said, I was caught. It was like everything just disappeared except for your eyes. You saw me freeze on stage. That was because of you.”
“Now who’s boosting whose ego!?”
Sam stopped and so did she. They turned to face each other and stood about a meter apart. Sam took her other hand and held it gently. He gazed fixedly into her eyes and she in turn returned his look. Their gazes held each other and they allowed themselves to dream in that moment, to fly away like the gulls, spread their wings and go off to sea.
“I don’t know what’s gonna happen next,” he began in a solemn voice, “but I hope that it involves you. It’s always been you, Claire. Always. There hasn’t been a day gone by when you haven’t flown into my thoughts for at least a second.”
Tears began falling from Claire’s long eyelashes. She could have repeated everything he just said back to him and it would have portrayed her own feelings word for word. She too had never been allowed a moment’s respite from him in all these years. Something drove them mercilessly toward each other, something invisible pulling them for all eternity to come crashing together. It was as though they were destined to find one another over and over, their souls set to fragment and fall apart, only to find each other again in the next life and so restart the process of their love.
Sam cradled her sorrowful face in the palm of his hand and held it up to him. With the thumb of his other hand, he wiped a tear from her cheek and then pressed it to his lips. After that, he moved forward, pulling her head toward him, and their lips met. As they closed their eyes, a spark illuminated between them and they could see it all behind their closed eyelids. A whole pattern of the purest light shone to them and they took each other roughly, pulling into the kiss. If seeing each other for the first time in over five years had awoken something inside of them, then kissing after all that time brought alive a great explosion of colorful light that glittered in both of their souls. While they kissed, they began weeping, so long had they prayed for this moment, and they melted into tears that dropped down into the water covering their feet, the cold no longer registered by either of them.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Paul sat in the dark of the apartment on the sofa, all the blinds drawn. He was gazing forlornly into the darkness, his only movements b
eing the lifting of a beer to his lips at regular intervals. His mind appeared to merge with the darkness and he felt it consuming him in emptiness. Inside he was hollow and appeared to fade more and more as the days had passed since Claire had left. He’d attempted to call her in that time, but each call was met with the same result: she rejected it.
His body trembled with tension. A tension that had been rising up inside of him since she’d gone out the door the day of the exhibition. Deep in his mind, he’d always suspected that she still loved him, that the flame for Sam Burgess was always burning and always threatening to consume the flames of her love for Paul. It killed him to think of this and he now tortured himself with the thought that he’d always merely been on standby until Sam returned to her. Once that happened, Paul would be cast aside.
Just as he was now.
With a pang of fury, he picked up his beer and slugged it all down, before tossing it into the pile of bottles that lay at his feet. That week he’d called in sick at the hospital and since then he’d remained in his sweatpants drinking beer, only leaving the apartment for the liquor store and once to stand across the street of Faith Hospital in the hope of catching a glimpse of Claire coming in or out. He’d held himself off calling her mother and when he’d called Beth, pleading for information, Claire’s best friend had been silent, offering him an ear to cry into, but not the information on his love that he needed. He’d been so tempted to go into Faith, walk up to her and plead for five minutes. The day he’d stood across the street, he was so close to walking over the road, going to Claire’s department and having it out with her. But he knew that this action would anger her and he was likely to make things worse.
Another thing that poisoned Paul was his thoughts of Claire and Sam meeting up. They ate away at him, gnawing into his heart with voracious appetite. She had confirmed that they would meet, and Paul wondered if they had already. If they were together this minute. Holding each other. Kissing. Touching delicately. Gazing lustfully into each other’s eyes. Laughing about the stupid boy who fell in love with a dream and got woken up by reality. Had all these years really been a dream? he asked himself. Did she trick me into supporting her? Have I performed no more purpose than being a human leaning post while she went through her pregnancy? Have I really served no more than a function and now that she no longer needs that function, I’m nothing but by a byproduct? He truly had believed that she loved him. But now he felt that it had all been hope and folly, none of it real.
