by Cody Wagner
“I’m not sure we won that,” I whispered.
Roze shrugged. “It’s a start.”
I looked down at my red shirt which was now soaked with nerve sweat. “So, our job is to—”
“Do that.” She gestured at Darrin.
“Oh.”
“And recruit members.”
At that, she pulled a few shirts out of her bag and handed them to me. I groaned inside. The idea of getting people to join us felt like door-to-door selling, which I hated more than anything. The idea of walking up to strangers to petition them was agony.
Just then, Ms. Meeks walked in, followed by Tracey, who practically ran to her desk. She wore jeans to cover her battered legs. She’d probably waited to enter until the last possible second to avoid Darrin. Watching her, my hesitance to give out red shirts melted a little. I thought about the time in sixth grade when the jocks back in Pamata cornered me in the school gym. They pinned me against the wall and yanked my shorts down to make sure my underwear was clean. Talk about embarrassing as hell.
I sighed, thinking, I guess I can stomach this if it means helping the Traceys of the school. And I had to admit the idea was interesting. Power in numbers.
As Ms. Meeks began writing on the board, I leaned over to Roze. “Meeks isn’t wearing a red shirt.”
Roze nodded without looking at me. “The teachers are supporting us, but they can’t join.”
I sat back. The idea of a group without teachers was kind of weird. On the other hand, Roze was right when she told Darrin she wasn’t some “out-of-touch teacher.” It’s not that teachers were necessarily out of touch. But they ran in a different circle, if that makes any sense. It’s not like we hung out with them and became BFFs.
When the lesson began, my mind wandered off. I should have paid attention as math wasn’t really my thing. But so much had happened already this year. My heart was still calming down from our confrontation with Darrin. And Tracey hummed quietly to herself next to me, pretending everything was fine. Then there was Timothy. I hadn’t seen him since the audition, but we were going to hang out at the table reading. My heart beat faster and tingles spread through my body.
I leaned down, and instead of taking notes, started making up funny things to talk with Timothy about. Yep, I was that big a dork. But I was determined to be amazing around him.
Just as my list grew to ten items (Cauliflower ear actually looks like cauliflowers, Cauliflowers tastes like diarrhea, etc.…), a note landed on my desk. I looked down and read, Mrs. and Mrs. Roze Goody-Goody.
“Oh Lord,” I groaned to myself. It was a Darrin comic.
Last year, Darrin drew these dumb comics of me and Jimmy. I thought he’d stop after Jimmy’s death. But I guess we’d riled him up and he didn’t care.
Taking a deep breath, I opened the paper. Inside was an expert drawing of me and Roze. We both wore red shirts with Superman capes flowing behind us. Only we didn’t look like superheroes at all. My character was so puny, he was just a skeleton covered with skin. Roze’s caricature was no better. Emblazoned over our heads were words The Red Shirt Brigade.
I wasn’t sure what to think, when I heard a stifled laugh next to me. Roze found it so funny, she had to cover her mouth with her hands. Suddenly, she stopped as her eyes grew wide.
“What?” I whispered.
“That’s it.”
“What’s it?”
“I think we’ve found our name.”
I glanced at the paper. “The Red Shirt Brigade?”
She nodded. “It’s perfect.”
Forming my hands into the pyramid of evil made by villains in movies, I replied, “We’ll beat Darrin with his own words.” I followed it up with a fake evil laugh. Only it was louder than I’d expected.
“I didn’t realize triangles were so funny.” Ms. Meeks crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at me.
“I . . . um . . . thought you said ‘bi-angles.’ Heh heh.”
The entire class turned and looked at me like I’d just pooped on the floor. Roze put her head down and started laughing.
I shrunk down in my chair, thinking, Save me, Red Shirt Brigade!
* * * * *
For the next two weeks, I watched as Roze worked to recruit Red Shirt Brigade members. Cassie joined enthusiastically. Only she was about as imposing as a declawed kitten. I heard she tried to stand up for a guy in her pre-calculus class, and no one actually heard her with all the ambient noise. She sat there, mouthing quietly, as a small catastrophe unfolded around her. After the incident, Roze practiced with her in the cafeteria on speaking up.
“Say ‘Stop that right now,’” Roze said, slapping the table.
“Stop that right now,” Cassie said.
I leaned in. “What?”
Only I wasn’t exaggerating. Even at the top of her lungs, Cassie’s voice was often a whisper.
I kinda did my part to help them recruit. I even approached the members of last year’s board game group and gave out four shirts. Roze and Cassie went at it with a vengeance. I think they wanted an excuse to hangout more, and they started taking “recruiting” walks alone at night.
At first, I was a little jealous, until I heard them debating leadership qualities one night. They used to debate all these random topics last year and it looked like they were at it again. I wanted no part of it; debates weren’t my thing. Besides, as the week passed, my attention went more and more to the play rehearsal and Timothy.
By the time that evening arrived, my appetite vanished again. I was nervous and stared at kernels of Cleansing Corn, willing them to teleport directly into my stomach.
“What is with you tonight?” Roze said. “It’s just a stupid play.”
Roze and Cassie knew about the play by now. I didn’t want to try and hide weeks of disappearing every evening, so I broke down and told them, making sure to focus on Jimmy. Cassie’s eyes teared up and Roze looked jealous that she didn’t think of it. All-in-all: totally worth it.
However, they had no idea about Timothy, so I shrugged at Roze’s question. “I’m worried someone might not show up and I’ll have to read their lines. Acting makes me nervous.”
“Just think of it as practice,” Cassie said.
Roze took a more realistic approach, saying, “Bring earplugs for everyone.”
“You know what I think?”
It was Tracey. In the moment, I didn’t want to hear what she thought.
Roze and I stared at each other, mentally daring the other to respond to her.
Our silence drew on for so long, we almost started laughing as Tracey sat there, waiting to be acknowledged.
Finally, Cassie said, “What do you think?”
Tracey grinned at me, and I was waiting for a nasty comment, when she said, “No appetite. Keeps checking the clock. Sweat running down his back. I think Blaize has a crush.”
I started choking on nothing.
Roze reached out and patted my back way too hard. “Blaize? No way! He kissed Jimmy once last year and hid for weeks after that.”
I finished choking and said, “Are we really talking about that?”
Roze grinned.
Cassie, on the other hand, studied me in her Animal Planet manner. It’s like she was looking to see if Tracey might be right.
I had to bail before that train wreck occurred. Jumping up, I said, “And with that, I’m outta here.” To keep up the act that I was nervous about performing, I added, “Wish me luck.”
“Good luck,” Cassie said.
“Break a leg,” Roze said.
“You go get your man!” Tracey shouted.
Roze actually laughed, and I fled without listening to anything else.
Once outside, I took long, deep breaths while running Tracey’s words through my head. This whole time, I’d attributed my nerves to being intimidated. After all, Timothy was older, more popular, more confident, and more everything than me. Then I started thinking about his contagious grin, stocky wrestler build, and oddly eno
ugh, the interesting scar that split his left eyebrow in two.
Then I remembered the dream I’d had and pure panic hit.
“I have a crush on Timothy!” I practically shouted the words.
“Doesn’t everyone?”
I jerked my head to the left. A guy I didn’t know was walking nearby with a couple friends. They were all grinning at me. My eyes grew as big as light bulbs. But not the regular kind. No, they were like the giant lamps on baseball fields.
Before I could embarrass myself further, I made a sharp right, in the complete wrong direction, and acted like I was going to the library.
After a few peeks over my shoulder, I couldn’t see the guys anymore, and I turned around. Praying they weren’t part of the cast or crew, I made my way back to the theater. That’s where I saw Timothy standing outside with a few people. They weren’t the same guys who’d just overheard me, but that didn’t stop my heart from pounding out all the top 40 hits.
Timothy caught sight of me and broke out his charming grin. More hits pounded out in my chest. Still, I couldn’t help but smile to myself. And it was that goofy smile kids do when they can’t hide their emotions.
Then he approached, and my grin grew so wide, my cheeks ached.
“Blaize,” he said, playfully.
“Timothy,” I replied, repeating his tone.
He laughed and held out his arms.
I squinted at him, confused. Then it hit: he wanted a hug.
My body seized up. Now, I’d seen tons of guys hugging each other since arriving at Sanctuary. And Timothy had hugged me at Jimmy’s funeral. This was different, though. It was casual and flirty. The whole thing was made worse by the fact I’d just realized my huge crush on him.
Timothy cocked his head, and I realized I was just standing there watching him. I couldn’t leave him hug hanging. But I didn’t know the best way to approach it. Did I go all-in and hug him more tightly than he hugged me? Or did I lean in, so it wasn’t too intimate? Or was a side hug the way to go?
Just as I began berating myself for over-complicating the situation, Timothy stepped forward, and without thinking, I moved to him. The hug was short but nice. His body was warm, and I could practically hear him smiling as he grabbed me.
Then, to my horror, I gave him a couple pats on the back, like he was a relative I was consoling.
Timothy pulled back and grinned. “Was that the first hug you’ve ever had? And I really mean ever.”
I immediately blushed and started laughing. “My parents are Amish,” I retorted. When he squinted at me, I added, “I have no idea what that means.”
He laughed and said, “You ready?”
I shrugged. “I think so. I mean, I’m just watching tonight, right?”
“If they try to make you act, I will personally put a stop to it.”
“Jerk face,” I said.
He shrugged. “Hey, I’m just looking out for you.”
“That’s very kind of you,” I said, rolling my eyes.
At that, he gestured toward the door.
“Let’s do this,” I said, and began marching inside.
“Oh, I meant I was going to introduce you to my friends.”
That’s when I noticed his friends stood right there between me and the door. And he was clearly gesturing at them. Man, I was batting a zero.
Throwing out a quick, “OK,” I went over to his group of friends. They wore trendy clothes and looked pretty cool. But they were missing Darrin’s rude edge. One girl stuck out a hand and warmly shook mine. A couple of guys shared a smile. I looked at Timothy who didn’t seem bothered by it at all, so I tried to pretend it didn’t bother me, either.
After the cast was seated around a giant table in a classroom, they began reading through the play, while I lounged in a chair against the wall, listening. Once I stopped focusing so hard on Timothy, I managed to get into the play. Like last year, Darrin had written something really good. Why couldn’t he focus on that instead of ruining Tracey’s life?
I noticed a few actors watched Darrin after they delivered lines, obviously looking for validation. Timothy didn’t seem to care at all. He had fun with every line he spoke. It seemed to radiate from him, and the people around him started having more fun. I couldn’t help but smile. Then I nodded to myself, deciding then and there to ask him to accompany me tonight no matter what.
That is, until Darrin announced, “OK, the crew is dismissed. I’d like the actors to stay for a meeting.”
I cursed at nothing, feeling like freaking fate was stepping in again. Last time, Wolcott has prevented me from seeing Timothy. Now, Darrin was stopping him from seeing me.
I frowned and looked at Timothy. I admit part of me hoped he’d look devastated. The good news is that he immediately looked at me and shrugged. The bad news is I didn’t know how to take it. I think it was meant to say, Maybe next time, but I wasn’t sure.
I shuffled toward the door with my eyes still on him. After a few seconds of eye contact, he turned back to Darrin and joined the group meeting. Knowing there was nothing I could do, I inched my way to the exit and out into the chilly night.
Now, the ultra-cool thing to do would have been to head back to my room and wait until tomorrow to chat with Timothy. It was only one day, after all.
But when have I ever been ultra-cool?
Instead of going to the dorms, I found the nearest tree and hid behind it. Yep, I hid there and peeked around it every few seconds, waiting for Timothy to emerge. Talk about smooth.
After about five minutes, a couple girls from rehearsal walked by. Instead of just leaving or strutting out to say hi, I flattened myself against the bark and slowly moved around, keeping myself on the opposite side of the tree as they passed. It was just like a scene from a cartoon. I was totally embarrassed and should have ran, but something kept me behind that tree. Something kept me behind that tree for an entire half hour.
Mega-ultra-cool.
Finally, when I was really starting to question my sanity, Timothy emerged. I yelped and ducked out of sight. His voice, saying goodbye to some friends, made it over to me and I held my breath. Then, I heard his feet crunching in the grass near me, and my heart pounded like I was on some top-secret mission. Now, I did have a plan, and the second I saw him, I strolled out from behind my tree and launched the maneuver I’d been practicing for the last half hour: staring at the sky.
“Blaize?” he said.
I stopped and acted surprised. “Hey, you! I was just stargazing. What are you doing here?”
Super-mega-ultra-cool.
Timothy squinted at me. “I just got out of rehearsal. You know, where you were just a little while ago?”
My response: I blushed. That’s it.
His squint turned into a smile. “Were you waiting for me?”
At that point, I kinda wanted to die. But I’d already committed myself to the stupid stargazing act, so I tried to remain casual. “Who me? No, I love the stars.”
“Yeah?” He glanced at the sky, still smiling. “Show me some of your favorites.”
It was at that moment I realized how much my plan sucked. I could have picked a subject I knew about. I could have pretended to have been heading to the basketball court. But no, I chose stars. No fifteen-year-old knows anything about stars.
Shielding my face like the moon was blinding, I said the only thing I could think of.
“Well, there’s the Death Star.”
Timothy busted out laughing.
I kinda wanted to die even more.
“I heard it was destroyed,” he finally said.
I frowned. “I thought Star Wars was set in the future. That means it’s not destroyed yet.”
He threw up his hands. “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away?”
My face got even redder, if that was possible. I’d seen Star Wars but never thought that hard about the opening words. With space ships and everything, I’d just assumed it was set in the future.
I responded by
looking back at the sky as if searching for remnants of the Death Star.
“Your nerd card is revoked,” Timothy said.
“Sounds like you’ve got about ten to spare.”
He laughed again, and I smiled back. A silence fell between us, and just when I was wondering if it was my turn to talk, Timothy said, “If you were waiting for me, that’s really cute.”
I looked at him and shrugged. “Then I guess I’m the cutest person in the world.”
He reached out and squeezed my arm. “I would have waited for you, too.”
That sent shivers down my entire body. Unlike me, Timothy was actually ultra-cool, and he would have waited behind a tree for me? My heart felt like it was singing in my chest, and I blurted, “Now I think I’m only the second cutest person in the world.”
Timothy grinned, and together we walked back to the dorms. While we didn’t kiss or anything, I felt a huge spark between us as he smiled at me before entering the older dorm. Watching his back, I knew that kiss was coming, and I had no idea how to react when it did. One thing was certain, though: hiding behind trees was suddenly super-duper-mega-ultra-cool.
Nine
Boy, Interrupted
The next few weeks were like something out of a romantic comedy, complete with quirky scenes where the main characters bond over random stuff. As stage manager, my job was to record all the actors’ movements—called blocking—throughout the entire play. Then, if the performers forgot where they were supposed to be, I had to correct them. That meant, for three weeks, I got to boss Timothy around and sorta be the one in control. Talk about a shift in our dynamic.
It was a lot of fun.
Not that I was very bossy. In fact, most of my comments were like, “Timothy, if it’s OK with you, would you please move to the table? Or whatever. Please.” That is, until he jokingly started telling me, “No!” in the middle of random scenes. I actually stood up once and shouted, “Move to the table NOW!” and I made Now last about ten seconds. We immediately busted out laughing.
Darrin hated it and made a big speech about taking acting seriously.
All in all, it was a blast. Sure, I still had eighty butterflies in my stomach every single evening before heading to rehearsal. And sure, I still wondered when I’d put my foot in my mouth and say something that would completely turn him off. But I always found myself at rehearsal with the largest smile on my face. One night, I even hummed that awful song from Titanic.
