by Shelley Gray
She was also, unfortunately, just as sure that she would have no words to answer his questions. Her emotions were too raw, her feelings too muddled and strong to put into some type of coherent order.
All she did know was that she was now definitely old enough not to live in fear of what Sean had to say. She would honor his opinion, but in the end she knew she would be accepting every invitation Owen Howard extended.
The silence between them lengthened. Tension rose inside her. She really did wish he would simply lecture her now and be done with it.
“So, is everything all right?”
Everything was better than she could have ever imagined. What could she say? “Yes.” And because he looked to be waiting for a report about what happened, she added, “He asked if I’d still like to join him for tea on Sunday afternoon. He said you could be there, and perhaps even Miss Carstairs.”
“Yes.” The word hung there between them as he stared at her. “What did you say?”
“I said I would be happy to join him. I mean, everyone.”
After gazing at her for another long moment, he nodded. “Good. Good night, then,” he said over his shoulder as he opened the door and headed back outside into the darkness.
More confused than ever before, Katie sat back down on her makeshift bed on the couch.
She’d barely pulled the sheet and quilt over her when Maeve stood in front of her. “What did Detective Howard want to talk to you about?”
“He wanted to thank me for my help and asked me to join him for tea on Sunday afternoon.”
“Just the two of you?”
“No. It seems that Miss Carstairs is going to be visiting Hope House with Sean again on Sunday. Detective Howard suggested I tag along, then the four of us take tea together.”
“You, Detective Howard, Sean, and Miss Carstairs.”
Katie nodded, practically bracing herself for Maeve’s temper to erupt.
But instead of bursting into a tirade, Maeve looked flummoxed. “Really?”
Katie nodded. “Really.” She bit her lip, then continued. “I know what you must be thinking, and I have to admit that I can see your point. I mean, what would a handsome, wealthy gentleman like Owen Howard want with a girl like me?”
“I wasn’t thinking that at all.” Maeve’s voice was, for once, quiet. Carefully gentle.
“No?”
“No, I was thinking maybe that Detective Howard is smarter than Sean had first thought.”
“Really?”
“Really. You . . . you are a lovely young lady, Katherine Jean. As long as Detective Howard treats you with respect, I don’t think there is a thing wrong with you accepting his invitation.”
“Thank you, Maeve.”
Maeve walked to the front door, locked it securely, then walked to the foot of the stairs. “This has been the strangest evening in memory. You’d best get to sleep now, pet. It’s been quite a night.”
“Yes, Maeve.”
Then, to Katie’s further surprise, Maeve paused on the steps. “Tomorrow, we’ll think about a dress for you to wear. June or Mary Patricia might have one we can alter. Or I think we can even find some fabric and fashion one by Sunday.”
“Really? You would do that?”
“You might be just a poor Irish girl, but you’re the bonniest thing I’ve ever seen. Obviously, that Mr. Howard is no fool and knows you are just as lovely on the inside. That says something for him, I think.”
“Thank you, Maeve.”
“Mind you, there’s no telling what the Lord has to say about our future. Maybe things will work out with Mr. Howard, maybe they won’t.”
“I understand.” Katie agreed with Maeve. Though she might be a bit astonished when it came to thinking about actually having a future with him, she’d seen enough on Haversham Street to have been reminded that all sorts of things can happen without a person ever planning for them.
Maeve’s voice gentled. “No matter what happens, love, we need to make sure we do you proud.”
Once the light from Maeve’s candle flickered away as she went upstairs, Katie wrapped herself up in the quilt on the couch. Thought about her brother. About Mr. Howard sitting stoically while her sister stitched him up.
About Maeve’s compliment and offer to discuss dresses.
And Katie was sure she would never sleep again.
But then, of course, she did.
CHAPTER 22
The dream had come again. So had the night sweats. And the necessary change of nightgowns. As well as yet another few hours spent on her window seat, watching the approaching dawn, all the while wondering if her life was ever going to be the same.
Juliet’s arrival with her breakfast tray couldn’t have been more gratefully received. Eloisa needed coffee and sustenance for the full day ahead of her. First she was going to head over to Hope House. Though she was still nervous about fitting in, she knew the only way she could prove herself to the women and children there was to continue to show up. Today she even planned to take some storybooks to the house. Maybe some of the children would even let her read to them.
After she returned home, she was going to have to spend the remainder of the day preparing for yet another evening of entertainment.
“Thank you, Juliet,” she said from her spot at the window seat. “I’ll pour my coffee this morning.”
Juliet set the tray on her dressing table, eyed her carefully, then walked to her wardrobe and snatched up the previous night’s soiled nightgown. “Looks like you had another bad night.”
“I’m afraid so.”
Her lovely maid looked her over for one long moment, seemed to come to a decision, then, ignoring what Eloisa had said, poured coffee into Eloisa’s favorite china cup and handed it to her. “Miss Carstairs, I think we need to talk.”
“All right. Is there something wrong?” She stilled the cup in her hand, ready to listen. “What might I help you with?”
“It’s not me we need to talk about. It’s you.”
Eloisa felt every muscle in her back and shoulders tense. “Pardon me?”
“Not only have I noticed that you have trouble sleeping, but I think you’ve changed too.”
“I have no idea what you might be referring to.”
But to Eloisa’s surprise, Juliet brushed aside her haughty response, walked to her desk chair, pulled it close to Eloisa, and sat down. “I think you do.”
“Juliet, I’m sorry, but you are forgetting yourself.”
“Oh, don’t act so high and mighty. Or offended.”
“Now you are most certainly forgetting yourself.”
“And you are forgetting that we’ve known each other for a long time now, miss.”
After taking a fortifying sip, Eloisa nodded. “I have not forgotten our long relationship.” She wanted to say friendship, but of course that wasn’t exactly what they had.
“What happened to you?”
“It is nothing I can talk about.”
“Have you talked about it with anyone?”
Eloisa didn’t want to say. She didn’t want to say a word or even pretend that she was willing to have a conversation about this. But Juliet’s gaze was warm. And it reminded her that she had a lot to be thankful for in her life, most especially Juliet. She’d been her prime ally in the fight to foil her mother’s intent to see her married off well—but not to someone she could love.
“I’ve talked to Lieutenant Ryan about it.” Feeling her cheeks heat, she said, “Though I don’t know him all that well, I feel I can trust him.” She shrugged. “Maybe it is because he’s seen so much through his work? I never worry that I am going to shock him.”
“Did having him listen help?”
“I think so. I mean, I felt better right away, but when I’m alone in bed and it’s the middle of the night, the same dreams and nightmares return.”
“I’m glad you spoke to somebody. From what I can tell, those kinds of nights seem to be lessening. Are they?”
Eloi
sa hesitated, debating about how much to share.
Juliet gazed at her for what seemed to be an eternity. Then she looked down at her hands. “I remember when everything changed, Miss Carstairs. I remember how pale you were for days. How you were bruised.”
“You never said a word.”
“Just because you don’t give me permission doesn’t mean I don’t notice things. Are you sure you don’t want to confide in me?”
“Juliet, there’s nothing you can do.” And though she’d promised herself she wouldn’t say another word, suddenly she found herself speaking. “I was violated,” she blurted. “I was at yet another one of those ridiculous parties, the ones we spend almost as much time dressing for as the time I’m actually there.” She breathed in, gasping inwardly, her breath coming out faintly like a hiccup. “My escort took me to a quiet area.”
Eloisa stopped, trying to find the words. Trying to gain her composure, but suddenly the tears started flowing and there wasn’t anything she could do to stop them.
She felt her body tremble. “I–I . . . c-couldn’t stop . . .”
And then, the dam burst. With shaking hands, she covered her eyes, unable to face her maid.
Oh, who was she kidding? She was unable to face herself. Unable to face what had happened. Unable to face a future where she wasn’t the person she wanted to be. As the tears continued, she bent her head, moving her body inward. Anything to bear the brunt of what she was feeling in silence.
“Sorry,” she said around a hiccup. “I’m sorry—”
“No, Miss Carstairs,” Juliet whispered as she wrapped her arms around her. “No, Miss Carstairs, don’t stop. Don’t stop crying. You cry as long as you want. And whatever you do? Do not, under any circumstances, apologize for those tears.”
Eloisa stilled. Part of her wanted to say that continuing to cry would be exactly the wrong thing for her to do. She needed to stay strong. She needed to put it behind her. Unfortunately, she couldn’t seem to calm herself enough to say any of that.
“It’s okay to be upset,” Juliet murmured. “I promise, it is. You can cry all day long if you want. If anyone deserves a crying spell, it is you.”
“B–but—”
“It’s okay,” Juliet murmured. “It’s okay. Because you’re not alone anymore, dear.” Leaning back, Juliet raised a hand and pressed two fingers under Eloisa’s chin.
When Eloisa was able to at last meet her gaze, Juliet stared hard at her, seeming to force Eloisa to listen to her, as if what she said was the absolute truth and nothing else mattered. “You are no longer alone, Miss Carstairs. You have me. And Lieutenant Ryan. And, miss, don’t forget . . . the Lord has been with you too.”
Eloisa blinked. Saw the strength in Juliet’s gaze. Felt the reassurance flowing through her. Felt the gentle reminder of God’s love. And at last believed those words to be true.
She was not alone. Not anymore.
CHAPTER 23
It had been two days since Eloisa had given in and cried in her maid’s arms. Two days since she’d finally allowed herself to admit she was still hurting, even still angry about what Douglass had done.
Two days since Juliet had reminded Eloisa that she didn’t need to carry all her burdens alone. Instead, she could reach out to others and seek solace in prayer.
Now that she’d allowed herself to break free from her pain, something miraculous had happened. Instead of wallowing in grief or being further depressed, her life seemed to have gotten easier.
By letting down her barriers and finally admitting to herself once and for all that she had been traumatized by Douglass’s attack, she’d been able to put it behind her.
She breathed easier now. Smiled easier. Felt far lighter, almost like her old self.
Something wonderful had also happened. Now that she wasn’t as worried about keeping up a wall around her emotions, she and Juliet had become friends. There was a trust between them that hadn’t been there before. Now, it wasn’t just that she and Juliet were kind to each other. It was that she could trust Juliet with her deepest secrets.
And Eloisa now felt she could be herself. She wasn’t biting her tongue or worrying about how something she said might be construed.
After Eloisa’s crying jag, Juliet had poured her another cup of coffee, heated some water, then carefully moistened some cloths and pressed them to Eloisa’s swollen eyes.
After reviewing Eloisa’s schedule, Juliet pulled out a dress, helped Eloisa into it, did her coiffure, chose a bonnet, and shooed her out the door, with only an encouraging nod and a brief wink.
Yesterday their ease together was just as apparent when they’d convulsed in laughter as Eloisa relayed her mother’s latest hope for her matrimonial bliss—some visiting Austrian who had a fondness for lace and jeweled stick pins. He also possessed an unfortunate lisp.
She’d whispered to Juliet about how peculiar he’d been and how she’d even caught him staring at her décolleté far longer than was seemly. And that her father had witnessed him doing so and had promptly pulled her away from the Austrian’s company. Her mother had not been pleased at all.
“He sounds like the worst one yet.”
“He was.”
“Your mother is a smart lady, but she sure isn’t putting those smarts to use when it comes to you.”
“That’s because she’s only thinking about his title and his bank account.”
“Those things aren’t everything.”
“They are to my mother. Well, unless my father doesn’t want anything to do with him,” Eloisa said, around another burst of laughter. “My father’s will trumps everything and everyone.”
“Except handsome, burly police lieutenants.”
Eloisa had felt her cheeks heat. “Yes, except for them.”
Today she was another ball of energy. After getting home from church just an hour ago, she was now changing clothes in preparation for another visit to Hope House, this time with Sean and his little sister, Katie. They were coming to her house to pick her up, even though Eloisa had assured Sean in her brief note she’d had delivered to his precinct station that she would be perfectly fine getting to Hope House without his assistance. She’d even promised to take a maid.
But he would have none of that. Then, to her surprise, he sent over a note, asking if she would mind terribly if he brought his sister by to meet her.
There’s a reason I’d like her to make your acquaintance, Miss Carstairs, he’d written. I hate to be cryptic, but I’ll explain more when I see you.
She was instantly curious by his words as well as interested to meet another member of his family. She’d written him back quickly, saying she would be honored to make Miss Katie Ryan’s acquaintance.
“They’re going to be here in fifteen minutes time, Miss Carstairs,” Juliet said as she artfully arranged her smart-looking gray and violet bonnet on her head.
“It looks like I’ll be ready then.” Standing up, Eloisa looked at the small box filled with the sweaters, gloves, mittens, and scarves she’d collected from both her things and from several of her friends. “I hope the women will be able to put some of these things to good use.”
“I think that’s the least of your worries.”
“Oh?”
“They’re going to start wondering how they ever got along without you, miss.”
Eloisa smiled at that thought. “If they do, that will make me happy indeed. I’ve been thinking the same thing about them.”
She’d just gotten downstairs, Juliet having snagged one of the footmen to carry the box for her, when the doorbell chimed.
She’d already sent word to Worthy about Sean and Katie arriving, and had even gone so far as to ask Juliet to ask the rest of the staff to be especially nice to Lieutenant Ryan and his sister today.
But Juliet said Eloisa didn’t need to worry about that. It seemed much of the staff had become fans of the policeman.
Still thinking about that, she stood to one side as Worthy greeted Sean and gu
ided both him and his sister inside.
“Lieutenant Ryan and Miss Ryan to see you, Miss Carstairs.”
“Thank you, Worthy.” Striding forward, she allowed herself to follow her wants and held out her hands to Sean. “Good morning, Lieutenant.”
“Miss Carstairs, may I present my sister, Katherine Jean?”
“Katie, this is Miss Eloisa Carstairs.”
“Miss Ryan, it’s a pleasure,” Eloisa said when Katie turned wide eyes to her.
“Yes, miss. I mean, I am pleased to meet you.” Craning her neck, she noticed Worthy standing in the distance, obviously awaiting instructions for where to seat them. “And you too, sir.”
Worthy’s eyes widened for an instant before bowing his head. “Yes, miss.”
“I know we have to go, but perhaps you’d like to refresh yourselves before we head to the train station? May I offer you some coffee or tea?”
Katie pressed her hand on his arm. “Can we, Sean?”
If Sean had his way, he wouldn’t stay a minute longer on Sable Hill than he had to. Though Eloisa had been nothing but gracious, he’d been well aware of the way her mother had perceived him. In his darker moments, he didn’t blame her mother’s lack of enthusiasm about his attentions to Eloisa.
Actually, in his darker moments, he was sure he should do nothing but keep his distance from Eloisa.
But as he thought about Owen’s interest in Katie and how he was trying to show her that she was just as important as any well-born lady, he knew he needed to give this moment to Katie. “If we do indeed have time, Miss Carstairs, I think we would appreciate your hospitality very much.”
She looked delighted. “Let’s go to the sunroom then.” She led the way through the drawing room where he’d first met her and her parents, beyond the conservatory until they came to the small, warm room where she’d met with him the day after her visit to the station.
Katie looked around her in awe. “This is beautiful, Miss Carstairs. I thought the white buildings Sean took me to at the fair were special, but your home on Sable Hill surpasses even those places.”
