“Well there’s a lot that is up! I was at the coffee shop with my mom and dad just a bit ago and this extremely creepy lady with the blackest hair and the palest skin grabbed my wrist and said this to me.” I pass the napkin to her that I pull from my purse. She reads it smiles and gives me a look like I’ve probably lost my mind in all this drama and I’m making more out of everything than necessary.
“Just some crazy lady giving you crazy messages that no one understands. Why are you letting it bother you?” Even though she’s probably right, the look on the woman’s face and her words are hard to let it go. The lady really didn’t seem all that crazy, and she didn’t look crazy. She actually looked really normal and sort of pretty and when she spoke to me it seemed like she was just trying to help me, which makes her creepy but not crazy. Maybe I’m the one going insane. The only thing that was odd about the situation is that I don’t know her and she doesn’t know who I am and yet she seemed to know what I’m going through.
It’s as if she could read my mind about Ethan and him having a secret that he’s hiding, and maybe I am supposed to help him. I guess Kim isn’t going to be much help with this after all. “You’re right. I don’t know why I let it bother me. She was just some crazy lady, I guess. I just thought that maybe she was referring to Ethan. I feel like there’s something he’s hiding from me and maybe I am supposed to help him work his way through it. I don’t know. Crazy right,” I hope she doesn’t think so.
“No, not crazy, Lindsay, but I do think you’re reading into things a little too much. Obviously Ethan has some secrets and I don’t know him, but I’m going to stand on the side of the fence that tells you to be careful. And I’m trying to be nice because I don’t know him, but I get a bad vibe from him. Derrick likes you too and you seem to have a thing for both of them.” She pauses, probably for dramatic effect. “In my professional opinion, as a typical 17-year-old girl, I think that you’re making a big deal about this because you feel like you can’t decide what to do; by the way I don’t think that this is trouble at all. I wouldn’t mind having two boys duel over me.”
She gives me a big smile and nudges me with her shoulder. It’s true, I should be happy to have any boy’s attention and I should feel like the luckiest girl alive to have attention from two superhot guys. I guess I just feel guilty for leading both of them on when I’m not sure what I want. I do know one thing though; I want them both in my life in some way. I don’t know if I want Derrick as a friend or something more but maybe I just need to give myself time to figure it out. I also know that I don’t think I can be without either one of them; they both seem to fill my heart with love. They both feel so right.
“Well then, I guess I should ask you if you can help me find something to wear for my date tonight with Derrick,” I say shyly hoping she won’t scold me for making things even more complicated.
“I guess. I don’t know if you noticed, but I like Derrick.” She let a little pout show on her face. “I’m not going to try and deny it but because I like shopping even more I will definitely help you find something to wear. In all the time I’ve known Derrick, he’s never once looked at me the way he looks at you. So does Ethan know you’re going on this date?”
“No. Actually I haven’t even talked to Ethan since that night out with you. He said he’d be in touch when he could, but Derrick and I are just friends. I don’t see why Ethan would care if we go to dinner, it’s not like Ethan and I have become exclusive. I don’t even know what it is that we have yet. All I know is what I feel with Ethan is beyond description.”
“Okay well it sounds like you have it figured out. If I were you, though, I wouldn’t tell Ethan, just in case. It will keep things more simple for you.” I just smile, but deep down I know she’s right. I love Ethan, and I know he feels the same – but I also care about Derrick, and when I’m with him my emotions start to change. I start feeling strongly for Derrick and no longer think about Ethan. I want to keep my friendship with Derrick and see what happens. I’m sure if Ethan loves me then he will understand and trust me. I definitely don’t want to make any promises or commitments I can’t keep.
Going through the mall with Kim is insane. We’re in and out of stores and trying on several outfits in each store and probably twenty different pairs of heels before she finds the perfect pair. My reflection in the mirror doesn’t even look like me. Well, it looks like me but not how I would normally dress. Don’t get me wrong, I like looking pretty and sexy, but normally I’m so much more comfortable in jeans and flats. Plus I’m scared I might give Derrick the wrong impression. Kim has put me in a pair of closed toe pumps that have to be four inches and are some shimmery black material with silver rhinestones all around. Then she puts me in a dress that’s loose on the top and tight on the bottom and has barely enough fabric to cover my butt. The top is halter, which I do like, but the back of the dress is open, exposing my entire back and shoulders, stopping at my lower back right above my butt.
The dress is black and shimmery silk fabric like the shoes but without embellishment. It’s just straight black showing every curve in my body, a true black mini dress. It’s definitely gorgeous, I’m hoping Derrick will think the same. I guess I’ll buy it as I have to say I do look really hot. My dad gave me his credit card and he never gives me a limit so even though the total is three hundred for the dress and shoes I know he won’t mind. With all the time my parents spend working they tend to spoil me a little to make up for it. Though I still can’t convince them to buy me a car. Kim drives us home and the whole way she talks about how cute I’ll look tonight, all due to her good taste. We don’t talk anymore about Ethan or even Derrick really – which I’m kind of glad for because I’ve been overloading myself with images of Ethan, which drives my emotions all over the place. Kim drops me off at my house but can’t come in because she says she has things she “still has to get done.” I go straight upstairs to my room, drop my bag on the floor and flop myself on my bed. My alarm clock by my bed says three o’clock. I still have a while before Derrick is coming to get me, so I guess I can just take a little catnap and then get ready before he comes. As soon as my head rolls over, I’m out. It was instant.
***
I’m back in the same spot as always – the creek behind my house – and I can see two guys standing face to face and not looking too happy about whatever it is their talking about. I step a little bit closer in the hope that I can make out their faces. When I realize it’s them, Ethan and Derrick they’re facing each other and obviously arguing. The strangest thing is that there’s something else behind each of them. Something I’ve never seen in these dreams. They each have these large and I mean enormous wings behind them. I can’t see that clearly but it looks like they each have their own pair of wings. Almost like angels. Ethan’s are sleek and darker then night while Derricks are as white and fluffy as a cloud in the sky.
I have to get closer so I can really see them and hear what they’re saying. Moving toward them I’m trying to be as quiet as I can so that they don’t hear me but as soon as I start moving Ethan turns and faces me. I don’t know what to do. His wings are almost frightening, but when I look into his face I see him, the real Ethan. I see the love that he holds inside for me and I know with all my heart he would never harm me. I start running to him, just wanting to hold him. I feel like it has been so long since I’ve seen him last. My arms wrap around his shoulders brushing the tops of his enormous wings.
“Lindsay! I didn’t want you to see me like this. Not this soon. You have to know who I really am and that I love you and no matter what he thinks I wouldn’t do anything to harm you.” His voice is reassuring and soothing.
“What he thinks?” I almost whispered to myself and then I remembered that Derrick is standing here too with those enormously white wings hovering behind him. “Derrick!” As soon as I say his name and look into his eyes I can’t help it. I let go of Ethan and jump into Derricks arms. He always feels so natural. Like we belong together and
it would be effortless. His lips brush my cheek with such seduction that I almost forget Ethan is here. I pull away as quickly as I jumped in and stand back to take them both in. Examining their glorious wings spread out behind them at least eight feet wide. Not feeling frightened at all by their overwhelming appearance. “What is going on? What are you guys?”
***
As soon as the dream started it is over. At least that is how it feels but looking at the clock I guess I was sleeping for a while because it’s already five o’clock. This dream was strange. I would never have imagined Ethan or Derrick with wings. My dreams are seriously getting weirder and weirder each time. Well, I don’t really have the time to go finding answers about dreams and what they mean. I have to get ready for my dinner date with Derrick.
NINE
“Derrick.” He looks just as handsome as always. He has on black slacks with a black button-up shirt. His tall fit body wears it perfectly and he looks like a model. It’s kinda strange how we both ended up wearing all black but we sure look good together. Since the back of my dress is open I decided to wear my hair up with a cute black rhinestone clip.
“You look absolutely stunning, Lindsay.” His eyes move up and down my body, and my cheeks flame and I look down at the ground feeling shy under his gaze.
“Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.” He reaches for my hand and he walks me to his car. Of course he opens the passenger door like a gentleman. Then he walks around the front of the car to the driver side. It briefly reminds me of the last time I saw Ethan when we were in his car. Both of them appearing so confident. I guess if any guy looked like them they would be sure of themselves too. Even though I feel different around him than when I’m around Ethan I can’t help but notice something so similar about them. It reminds me of the dream I had this afternoon and them both standing there by the creek. Ethan with his dark and mysterious wings and Derrick with his comforting white wings both spread out from behind them. It must mean something? Symbolize something? As soon as Derrick is in the car, I forget what I was even thinking about. His closeness seems to have that effect on me. I haven’t got a care in the world, not even Ethan. His beautiful blue eyes glance at me every chance he gets, and I can’t help but stare at him constantly admiring his every perfection.
“So where do you plan on taking me tonight? You haven’t said anything about what we’re doing.” I feel kind of odd not having any clue as to where he’s taking me but it is like a boy to try and surprise you in order to impress you.
“It’s a surprise. I can’t tell you. But I can tell you that I’ve found a place that’s private and that I’m sure you’ll like.”
He speaks with a voice that seduces me with every word, I just want to jump over to his side of the car and start kissing him. But he would probably lose control of the car, so I keep my hands in my lap and bite my lip. I’m glad to hear that we aren’t going to some crowded restaurant although I’m not sure what restaurant wouldn’t be crowded on a Saturday night. As soon as that thought occurs to me, Derrick takes a left turn up the hill where the road turns to gravel. We must be on it for a good twenty minutes until he stops. He leans into kiss me on the cheek then jumps out of his car and walks around to open my door for me. Holding my hand he helps me out.
“We have to walk the rest of the way. But it’s just up this small path here.”
This kind of makes me regret wearing these heels. Damn it, I knew I should have just worn jeans. “Where are we going?”
“I told you it’s a surprise.” As he says this he puts his left arm around my waist and pulls me into his side and we start up the little path. His hands feel perfect around me. It feels right. Since I was a child, I could always tell those who were genuine from those who had bad intentions. I can’t explain it but it’s true. In this moment I know I can trust Derrick so I don’t fight his touch. I embrace it. As we go up the path, I see a small round table with two plates and two glasses and one candle lit in the middle. It barely gives off any light in the dark night sky just enough to make it feel extremely romantic. The top of the hill is covered in multiple colors of flowers and roses shimmering off the light of the moon. There’s a center that is bricked and has flowers inside just filling the area beautifully even though it’s not light outside. The thing about the surrounding area is that there are so many great vistas. There are several hills that you can either drive up or walk up and view the city below. Coming from a large city, we didn’t have anything like this. Your only view of the city was from restaurant that was above hotels. “I thought this was dinner as friends?” I say with a little bit of sarcasm. I already came here knowing his intentions would be much more.
“It is but can’t we still have a nice time just as friends? I thought you might like the quiet and the view up here? Anyways I don’t think that outfit screams friends. I can barely keep my eyes off you.” I blush feeling a little embarrassed that I may have overdressed as I’m the one constantly saying I don’t want to be anything more than friends.
“It is beautiful up here. It’s perfect Derrick.” I’m not going to deny that I have feelings for him – feelings that are more than just friendship. The thing is that I don’t know if I want to face them yet.
“Come my lady, and let me seat you at the table,” he says in a deep sexy voice, again heating my desires from the inside. I smile and let him lead me to the table. He pulls out my chair for me, and I take my seat. I can’t believe all this effort he’s made just for me. It is the sweetest thing ever. He pulls the table cloth up slightly on his side and pulls out a dish warmer and takes off the lid to reveal two complete meals steaming hot.
“It smells so good! What is it?” I ask.
“It is a family specialty. A mix of vegetables, noodles, meat and a special sauce that my family came up with.” I watch him as he delicately serves our plates as he continues to tell me about the meal that smells absolutely delicious. “Go ahead take a bite.” He looks at me with those wonderfully blue eyes and smiles. I blush thinking of how he said he can’t keep his eyes off me. I take a bite and it taste like heaven. Well, I don’t know what heaven taste like but these are the best flavors I’ve ever had.
“Wow! This is amazing, Derrick. I can’t believe you made this.” He smiles, and we eat our meal enjoying every bite and really not saying much as I can’t help but keep my mouth filled with this delicious meal. Every time I look into his eyes, I smile on the inside feeling at peace. All my worries and problems have disappeared. All I can think about is how good he makes me feel. “It sure is beautiful out here. The view of the city below is amazing. All the lights and the busy people make me feel good that we’re up here in the quiet away from all the craziness,” I say taking it all in. “I’ve spent most my life right in the middle of a big city, so I really can appreciate the nature that surrounds me out here. There’s nothing like really enjoying the earth and what it provides us.”
“This is what I love about you so much, Lindsay. Most people want the noise and the busy life and you actually take the time to be grateful for what God has given you. You are beautiful, Lindsay. Inside and out,” he says.
We finish with our meals, and he stands up and reaches for my hand so I place it in his unsure as to what’s next. He gracefully walks me to where there’s an extra-large blanket laid out on the soft dirt ground. I want him to lay me down on the blanket and take me in his arms and hold me under the stars. I want him to have me. All of me. As soon as the thoughts run through my mind he grabs my hips with both his hands guiding me down to the blanket. Laying me gently on my back he’s hovering over the top of me only inches away, but his body isn’t touching mine.
“I thought we could lay here and enjoy the stars.” He’s whispering in my ear and then gently moves his mouth down my cheek until he reaches my lips. Once our lips meet, he kisses me with such passion I forget everything, everything but him. He presses his body against mine and I can feel our heart beats as one. The warmth seeps through his clothing he
ating me to my core. He moves his right hand down my side and to my bare thigh. Gently and swiftly he moves his hand to the bottom of my black dress and lifts the bottom up to my waist exposing my sheer black underwear. Without even having a reaction to it he continues to kiss me and caress me. His body is pressed on mine, and he’s gently rubbing against me and moving his hand to the side of my dress. His hand is moving up to my breast caressing me and filling my body with heat and passion. I want him more than ever. My body responds to his every touch. He feels perfect. Our bodies are meant for each other. Then he moves his hand down to my waist and starts to tug on my underwear and lifts up slightly and starts pulling them down when all the sudden I’ve realized how far this is going.
I want it. I want it badly, but I don’t know if it’s right. I don’t understand why he makes me feel so out of control. I place my hands on his chest pushing him away from me. Why in the heck am I letting him take it this far? It is like I have no control over myself. It isn’t right. “Please. Not now. I’m not ready for this.” I say it as nicely and sweetly as I can. I don’t want to hurt him or make him think I don’t want him because I do want him. I want him more than ever right now but I have to understand more about why he makes me feel this way. I’m just not ready to take it this far. I don’t know what it is, but something deep inside is telling me that this isn’t right. It’s like when I’m with Derrick it’s just this sexual tension that is hovering in the air between us and I can’t fight it off.
“Okay. It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for.” But as he’s saying this, he continues to kiss me. He moves his hand up from my hip to my breast and continues to caress and kiss me from my lips to my neck then back to my lips. It feels so good that I can’t tell him to stop. He makes it feel right. How could something that feels so good be wrong? Then he starts to move his hand back to my panties and to the front and gives a little tug. I can’t find the words to tell him to stop. He has some kind of hold on me, a hold over my body that I can’t explain. He makes me want him almost to the point of needing him. He sits up just a little and gives a tug on my underwear, but as soon as he isn’t leaning on me anymore, I start to feel like I can think a little clearer. Before he’s able to pull them down at all, I have my hands on them and am sitting up.
Fallen Desire Page 9
