“Excellent idea, Miss,”he said. “Let me know if you start having any vision trouble or nausea, okay?”
“Sure, Doc, thank you,”I said, as I headed towards the door. Doc returned his attention to his newspaper. His words were reassuring. I had no idea how to go about finding my memories, and I hadn’t had much time alone to think about it either.
When I walked outside, I was bombarded with beauty. I wasn’t sure what to expect about my surroundings, but the incredible forest that surrounded their clubhouse was lush and thick. Pine trees dripped in moss, with flowers and ferns growing on the forest floor at their roots, every inch of it covered in rust colored pine needles. Sunlight broke through the towering, swaying treetops, and the songs of different birds filled my ears.
“Chick-a-dee-dee-dee…chick-a-dee-dee-dee…”over and over, the same pattern echoed through the air. A chickadee, I thought to myself. Somehow, I know that’s a chickadee. What else did I know?
I knew a lot. I knew the difference between the pine trees and the maples that were in front of me. I looked up at the big, cloud-scattered blue sky, and knew that the big fluffy clouds above me were called cumulus clouds, but how did I know that?
The area in front of the cabin was littered with motorcycles, and without even looking at the name on them, I knew they were all Harleys.
How could I know these things, and not know my own fucking name? How could I not know where I was born or where I lived? Or why in the world some asshole was beating me up and I needed to be saved by Ryder in the first place? Frustration washed over me, my shoulders tensing up as my fists clenched beside me. Tears began spilling down my cheeks. I felt so helpless.
As I looked down the dirt road that led away from the clubhouse, fading out of distance as it curved and disappeared behind the tree line, I wondered what was waiting for me at the end of it. I should have already been walking down it, but something about facing my past made my stomach churn in fear.
I would just have to do it, though. I certainly couldn’t stay here forever. I was grateful to Ryder for helping me out of what sounded like a horrible situation. The mystery of that just made it worse. Who was the guy? Where was he now? And why was Ryder so sure he wouldn’t be coming back to find me? Was he looking for me?
I had so many fucking questions; it hurt to think about them all. Ryder had said we would talk today, and I had every intention of asking every single one of my questions. As soon as he showed up again, that is.
“Hey, sugar,”Tiff said, poking her head out of the front door. “You hungry?”
“I’m starving!”I replied.
“Well, I hope you like bacon, because Cherry always makes way too much.”
“I love bacon!” I said, learning something else new about myself. How did I know I loved bacon?
I took another quick glance at the road and followed her in.
***
Everyone at the same time, but not together at all. Cherry and Tiff left everything out in a buffet style on the counter, and people just came and went, filling their plates, passing by me at the space I was sitting at the table, some of them stopping to introduce themselves quickly, and others just barely glancing at me.
I met Valerie, and Zander, the VP of the MC, and Slade, the skinny guy Riot was talking to earlier. Other than no sense of serious organization or focus, I didn’t see much‘Chaos’at all. Maybe it was just early, but I was thankful for the relative calm that filled the house.
And yet there was still no sign of Ryder, or even any mention of him at all. Everyone was polite and kind, but I felt completely out of place and I had no idea what to do with myself once I had finished eating. Thankfully, as Tiff and Cherry began cleaning up, Riot walked over to me and offered to do so more searching on the computer with me.
I said goodbye and thanked the girls for breakfast and we went back to the quiet of Ryder’s room with Riot’s laptop. I took a quick wistful look at the front door again before I rounded the corner of the hallway. I had been thinking over breakfast that perhaps I should just start walking? Or have someone take me to a hospital, or a police station, or somewhere.
But I was paralyzed with fear.
Someone had hurt me. Someone was probably looking for me.
I needed more information before I could make a decision about where to go. I was hoping for two things. Either Riot could dig up something on the computer, or I would remember something, anything, that could help us with the search.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Ryder
I woke up on the couch at dawn the next morning. I had a meeting with the President of the Gypsy Rebels MC early that morning, and I wanted to check in with Zander and Doc before I left.
I had taken a huge risk bringing her here, but at the time I was convinced it was only going to be a for a few hours. I never expected it would turn into days. And I never expected she would wake up and not know who the fuck she was.
“I don't know what to do, brother,”I said to Zander. Zander was the calmest of all the Gods. He has also the biggest drinker. The smell of his skin was soaked with alcohol as we sat around the kitchen table together. His nose was bright red, and there were days when I really worried about him. I drank a lot, but now that I was a little older, it was more and more difficult to wake up and reach for the bottle before anything else. Zander’s bottle sat on the table in front of him, a permanent fixture, no matter the time of day.
“Just let her stay for a few more days,”he said. “There’s probably people looking for her somewhere. Or, maybe not. It’s hard to say. A lot of hookers have nobody except their pimp.”
“We don’t know that’s what she is,”I growled.
“Well, if it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck…”he replied, bringing the bottle to his lips as he chuckled to himself. “Maybe you should have her give you a blow job, then you can see if it’s of professional quality!”
He pounded the table with his tattooed hand, laughing so hard at his joke, I thought he was going to fall over.
“Fuck off,”I said.“She doesn’t look like a whore at all, actually.”
I was irritated with this whole situation.
“Look, I'm going to meet Hernandez this morning. That huge shipment of weed is coming up from Humboldt next week, and we have to set up a time and place to make the exchange. Then, we gotta transport it up the coast to the warehouse and separate it.”
“Probably be a good idea if the lady is gone by then, don’t you think, boss?”Zander said. Doc just sat there silently listening, shaking his head back and forth.
“She might not remember who she is by then,”he said. “Could take weeks, months…years, maybe.”
“The last thing we need is anyone sniffing around for a missing hooker,”Zander said. “Especially cops. She was on our road.”
“Look, I fucking know, okay? What do you expect me to do, just abandon her somewhere?”
“I don’t know, man. You’re the boss.”
“Yeah, that’s right,”I said. I stood up to leave.
“So just let me do my fucking job. I’ll take care of it,”I said, knowing full well that I had no idea what the fuck I was going to do.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Grace
We sat next to each other on the couch so we could both see the computer.
“So, any luck since last night?”Riot asked.
“No, nothing,”I replied. “I slept like a log. No dreams, nothing at all. My mind is still a complete blank.”
“That’s too bad,”he said.
“It might help if I could ask someone some questions? Some basic stuff? I was supposed to do this with Ryder today, but he seems to have disappeared.”
“Oh, okay. You can ask me. Ryder had to take care of some club business. He’ll be back later.”
“Oh, okay, sure.” My head had been filled with a million questions since I woke up last night. And now, I was drawing a blank. What did I need to know to pull up the important stuff?
“What are the questions?”
“Well, okay, where are we exactly?”
“We’re in the Tillamook Forest. Just west of Portland, Oregon.”
“Right, I knew that, I guess. So,”I hesitated.“How far away from things are we? You know, like a police station or a hospital?”
His eyes squinted curiously.
“I hope you aren’t thinking of going anywhere, Miss. You’ll need to talk to Ryder about that.”
“What?” His answer caught me off guard. Was I thinking about going there? Even if I was, I didn’t realize I needed to clear it with anyone. “Um, no, I was just trying to figure out where the nearest town is.”
“Oh, well that would be the coastal town of Tillamook. Home of the famous Tillamook Cheese Factory. Ever heard of squeaky cheese? Ring any bells?”
“Hmm…no, not at all, actually. Why does the cheese squeak?”
Riot laughed.
“Hell if I know. I just know when you bite down, it squeaks. It’s fucking weird. And it’s weird for a town to be known for a cheese factory. There are some amazing beaches there, though. It’s right on the coast. And just north of that is Manzanitaand Cannon Beach, and Seaside, and then Astoria.”
“Shit, none of that means much to me at all.”
“That’s okay. Let’s take a look through the missing persons listing for the neighboring states. We’ll check California, first. It might take a while, but I don’t have anything else to do today,”Riot said. He smiled mischievously. “Do you?”he asked, laughing.
I rolled my eyes at his joke.
“Well, if I do, I guess you could say it’s slipped my mind. I have a good excuse.” We laughed together, and I realized it was the first time I had laughed about anything since I woke up.
It felt good to laugh. Some of the heaviness lifted from my chest and I shook my head as Riot laughed with me.
“Okay, let’s see what we can find…”he said, clicking furiously on his keyboard.
We spent hours searching through the listings, and before we knew it, it was late afternoon. I had already slept late, and the few hours of the day had flown by.
Riot was nice. I was comfortable with him, and despite his intimidating appearance, he was a warm, easy-going guy. We spent hours looking through faces of missing strangers, and I was grateful for his patience. We found nothing at all, though.
Nothing sparked even the slightest bit of recognition for me. It was frustrating, and there were times when I grew upset and overwhelmed at the enormity of my situation, but Riot was kind and calm and sat there patting my leg reassuringly and doing his best to make me laugh throughout the day.
And that’s exactly the scene that Ryder walked in on. We were huddled on the couch together, the laptop in front of us, but Riot had just made a funny comment about someone’s name we had come across, and I laughed out loud just as Ryder strode through the door. Riot’s hand lay firmly on my knee.
The look on Ryder’s face made my heart skip a beat. What was that I saw? Surprise, jealousy, hunger?
I think it surprised all three of us, because within seconds Riot and I were pulling away from each other and greeting Ryder as if the little skip of time hadn’t occurred.
But the tension hung in the room, crushing my heart until I almost couldn’t breathe as Ryder began speaking to me.
“How are you feeling?”he asked first, his eyes filling with the now familiar concern, breaking the awkwardness.
“I feel pretty great, actually. I ate like a ravenous wolf or something. Cherry makes amazing bacon,”I replied, as my stomach growled out loud. Embarrassingly loud.
Ryder looked down at my belly, and then back up to my face, his eyebrow arched questioningly as he smiled.
“Well, that was hours ago. I guess I’m hungry again,”I said, shrugging.
“I’ve been thinking, though,”I said. “I think I should go into town. Take a look around a bit. See if it triggers anything for me.”
“Yeah?”he replied. “So, no luck on the computer?”
“No, nothing useful at all. I’m still a complete blank.”
Ryder nodded silently. The air grew thick with tension again as the three of us exchanged glances.
Riot closed his computer and stood up.
“Well, good luck,”he said to me. “I’ll keep thinking and searching.”
“Thank you, Riot. I really appreciate your help.”
“Sure, sure, no problem.”He left, nodding respectfully at Ryder as he passed him.
“So, you want to venture into civilization, huh?”
“Yes. Seems like the logical thing to do next.”
“Well, all right then, I’ll take you. You said you’re hungry? We can go to Tillamook. Find some dinner.”
“Yeah? Okay, thanks, Ryder,”I replied.“That sounds great. I’m ravenous!”
“We’ll take it slow. Tillamook’s closer than Portland. We can eat, drive around, see what happens.”
“Perfect.”I said, smiling gratefully at him. I was taking this one tiny step at a time, and while everyone had been so nice to me here, the only person I really felt safe with was Ryder. Maybe it was because he was the first person I saw when I woke up. Maybe it was because he was the one who rescued me. Maybe it was because he was obviously concerned about me. Or, maybe, just maybe, it was because he was dripping with extremely masculine confidence that inspired complete trust in him.
He strode past me, his confident swagger satisfying something deep inside me. I needed that. I had no confidence in anything else, but this man in front of me was like a rock. A force that couldn’t be compromised. I wasn’t sure of much, and when it came to my feelings about myself, I felt nothing but vulnerable and empty. The last thing I wanted was to be dependent on anyone, but I didn’t know what I would do without Ryder at this point.
I sighed, submitting to the fact that I needed him.
I wasn’t about to say that out loud, though. No matter how strongly I felt it.
“I’ll see if I can find you some leathers,”he said, turning on his heel and walking back out of the room.
“Leathers?” I asked to the empty room.
***
We flew around the curves of the winding road leading to the coast. I held on tightly, my arms wrapped around Ryder’s waist, his Harley vibrating loudly between my thighs as I wrapped them around his narrow hips. Heat radiated from his body, and my tight grip kept slipping up under his cut, giving me a chance to feel the rippling muscles under his t-shirt.
As we rounded a particularly tight curve, I clutched him even tighter. He reached back, his glove-wrapped hand patting my thigh reassuringly. There was something about that action that cut right through me. Electricity shot through my body, and it was all I could do to catch my breath as the bike sliced through the wind.
The sun was just beginning to set, but the tall pines lining the road created a thick tower of darkness all around us, blocking out any remaining sunlight. Ryder’s headlight was the only light breaking through the blackness. It was beautiful and eerie.
Ryder had given me a leather jacket, a pair of leather boots, leather gloves and a helmet that was slightly too big for me. I tried to look around as we roared down the road, keeping my eyes open for anything familiar, but nothing but trees flew past us in the last remnants of the fading light.
I wondered if I had ever been on a bike before. Everything about it was unfamiliar, though. Still, it was thrilling. The feeling of the open air rushing past you, the rebelliousness of throwing caution to the wind and putting nothing between the asphalt and your skin but a layer of leather and blue jeans. Ryder was obviously a seasoned rider, and he operated the bike with as much confidence as he did everything else. Once again, I realized I was entirely in his hands.
This was becoming a habit.
And I had to admit, as a woman, it was comforting. He was strong, handsome, and extremely protective of me. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I felt the first twinges of attraction to
him then. Or, maybe I felt it the first moment I opened my eyes and saw him in front of me. Whenever it was, I was now fully aware of it. I was a little shocked that those feelings were getting through, past all the confusion and uncertainty I was feeling. Past all the despair of not being able to remember anything.
It was almost freeing. If I knew what I was being freed from, that is.
That was the hardest part of all of this, the not knowing. Not knowing what or who was waiting for me. It was frightening. And it scared me to the very depths of my soul. My arms tightened around Ryder a little more as my mind wandered throughout the trip.
When he finally pulled off the road, it was into the parking lot of a run down bar. The Rodeo Roadhouse looked like it was straight out of a Patrick Swayze movie. I half-expected to see people fighting and being thrown out of the two saloon-style swinging doors we walked through. Peanut shells littered the floor, the smell of old, stale beer assaulted my senses, and country music echoed through the place. In addition to the beer, the distinct scent of bacon and burgers went straight to my starving stomach.
REMEMBER ME: GODS OF CHAOS MC Page 5
