We didn’t have to look far to figure out where our crew was. There was only one raging bonfire. As we approached, with slow loping gaits, as required with sand walking, I began to pick out familiar faces. I saw my brother goofing off, apparently trying to convince a girl in his class to chug a beer. I saw Zach talking animatedly with squirrelly Mike, making gestures that I suspected were related to either rocket launches or sex…it was hard to say. I saw some guys from our class clumped together, appearing like they thought they were cool but obviously working hard to keep up the façade, and I saw some hippie chicks I was familiar with. They were either juniors or seniors, but they were slumped on a blanket and were smoking pot and chillaxing.
I never really smoked and neither did my friends, but it wasn’t uncommon around here. I steered us clear from the mushroom cloud and headed us in the general direction of my brother. I hated to be a clinger, but my girls always expected me to be the leader when it came to all things Will related and since he’d invited me, I figured our best bet was first stop Will. Thankfully, the girl he was entertaining had lost interest and moved away right as we approached.
“Brother, you really shouldn’t stand around all by yourself at these kinds of events. What will people think?” I teased him.
Will swiveled around and cut me a death glare, then turned to my girlfriends and turned on the charm. Bastard. “Hello girls, welcome to my humble abode,” he said, gesturing to the ocean and the sky. What a tripper. “There’s beer,” he pointed to an overflowing cooler, “marshmallows, since my sister seems to think that that’s what matters,” he rolled his eyes, “and all around good times. Help yourselves, I need to attend to the music.” With that, he gave each of my friends ‘sexy eyes,’ and took off. They all just stood there paralyzed. I swear. Puh-Leaze.
“Earth to ALL OF YOU, let’s find a place to crash. I brought a quilt to sit on so let’s find a good spot.” They just stared at me. “Dudes. Do what you want. Grab some beers, grab some Shmellos, whatever. Just stop staring at me like that.” Sheesh. They all sort of snapped their mouths shut and followed me. I hated being in this position. What happened to the fact that I’d become inconsequential, insubstantial? Yet here I was again, the ringleader. Bleah.
I found us a sweet little area, spreading out the quilt and tossing down my sweatshirt and the blanket I’d brought. Upon establishment, I gave a little wrist shake to the girls and apparently that was blessing enough. They all scattered and went to socialize. Good. Even Sarah, tagging along with Sam, found a group to hang out with.
Personally, I just liked being on the beach. I loved the salty air, the mist that made everything beyond 15 feet a mystery, the delicious fragrance that was beach only. I settled onto my quilt and lay back, exulting in my environment. Closing my eyes, I heard the crash and swish of the waves. It was so sweet at low tide, like the sea was hesitant, tap tap, instead of the Knock Knock of high tide. The ocean knew what was up. It woke up sleepy, It reared it’s powerful head by mid day, and then it got sleepy. Finally, it would get some gnarly nightmares and then start the cycle all over. I often felt like it was a kindred spirit. I knew it would pick back up soon, but right now, it was behaving. Kind of like me.
Growing tired of just lying there by myself, I considered going out and walking in the surf. That was another of my favorite pastimes, although I hadn’t brought a towel and the water was pretty cold. While I was considering this, I felt a weight drop down next to me. Opening my eyes, I looked up and there sat…Calen. Wow. He was sitting with his knees drawn up and his hands around his knees, looking down on me. He had on a slouchy dark grey beanie that he had pulled back so that I could just see the start of his hairline. It looked really good on him. Adorably, Calen had a widow’s peak.
“Hey,” I said, congratulating myself on not saying ‘uh’ first. I smiled at him.
“Hey, to you.” Even in the fire-lit darkness I could see his smile. I didn’t sit up but I kind of rolled onto my side so I was facing him and propped my head up, leaning on my elbow.
“Didn’t know you’d be here…” Why did I say that? It sounded like I’d come because I thought he wouldn’t be here even though the opposite was true!
“Yeah, your brother and our friends can be persuasive.” He smiled. I just nodded. I’d run out of nonchalance. Calen looked really good in fire light. Like, Really Good. “I see you brought your girls…” He gestured to the few we could see.
Nodding, I said, “Yeah, but it’s more like they brought me. They think I can get us ‘in,’ and it’s cool, I like to help. I’m not really into too much when it comes to these scenes, though.” I used to be, but that was then.
“You mean lying on a blanket by yourself, while everyone else is getting drunk and hooking up, isn’t you being part of the scene?” He had a little devilish glint in his eyes.
“Don’t tease me, Calen. I’m minding my own business. I just like the ocean.” I lay back down, looking up at the sky. I didn’t really care, but even though it was a joke, he’d just vocalized so much by pointing out my solitude. At least, I didn’t think I cared…
“Tara, I feel the same way. I’m not as into boozing as my buddies are.”
“Yeah, me neither.” I sat up and found my hoodie and tugged it on. It had gotten a little cold.
“Cold?” Calen asked. I noticed he’d scooched a little closer.
“I’m fine. I could just drag my lazy butt over to the fire, but hence its name, it’s lazy.” I smiled sheepishly at him. He laughed a little. Spotting the blanket I’d brought for warmth, he grabbed it and wrapped it around me.
“Calen. What about you? Aren’t you cold?” I’d barely spoken the words before I realized what I’d done. Had I just invited him ‘under my blanket’? He chuckled. Why did I always feel like he knew my most embarrassing thoughts?!
“It would be very unmanly to admit to being cold,” Calen joked, mercifully forcing me to pretend like I wasn’t as awkward as I felt. Now it was my turn to laugh.
“Well, when you feel like your hubris can take the back seat, there’s a blanket.” He laughed fully. It was a really nice sound. Then, surprising me, he scooted over even closer.
“Care to share?” He asked. I about melted. I was seriously having a heart attack. Thankfully, instead of having to respond, I just opened the right half of the blanket and tried to help him put it around him. I accomplished nothing, having to rise up to my knees since he was gigantic, but I tried. He actually cracked up as I was trying to reach it around him without smooshing his face into my boobs. My attempt at blanketing was an epic fail. I gave up, fake scorned him, and then wrapped my end around myself tighter.
Thankfully he had his half under control. We sat there, sharing a blanket for a while. We both seemed to be overly self-conscious, but eventually we relaxed and allowed our sides to lightly press together. I’d been so rigid at first, my muscles were practically sore.
Once ‘contact’ was made, we both became more comfortable and sort of leaned against one another, which, truthfully, provided more warmth than the blanket. We didn’t really talk, aside from a comment here and there, but it was stressful and wonderful all at the same time. At one point, we were looking at the sky above us and Calen pointed up. “Look.” I was able to catch the shooting star he’d spotted. It was sort of magical. We had about 45 minutes of body heat and intermittent chat and then Calen threw off the blanket and jumped up, walking away.
I almost screamed, “What the?!” at him until I realized that Will was approaching. Will swooped in, snaking Calen’s spot and wrapped the blanket around him.
“It’s getting cold and there are no Honeys here…wanna take off?” He asked me.
“Sure, whatever. How did you get here?” I replied, barely even paying attention, my mind still on Calen.
“I drove your car.” Wait. What?
“You bastard. Dude. Ever heard of asking?”
“Nah.” My brother was such a bitch.
“Well, I came with
the girls so I at least have to go check in with them.” He shrugged. Now that he was all warm and cozy, he didn’t care. I almost wanted to tell him that he was reveling in Calen’s body heat. Sucker.
Finding Sarah, I told her that Will wanted to go and we had my car. She, ever eager to please, shrugged. She was having an alright time, but the other three were living it up. I felt bad leaving Sarah, but she didn’t seem too upset. Hugging her, I told her to give my love to the girls and that we should do brunch tomorrow. She nodded, but I could tell she wasn’t really listening. Following her gaze, I saw Zach talking to a blonde girl I didn’t recognize. Sucky. Leaning in I whispered, “Don’t worry, babe.” Then I kissed her cheek and left.
As I folded up the quilt and then the blanket, I asked Will to help me. He acted like he didn’t hear me and stared off in a different direction. Jerk. Finally having everything together, I chucked the quilt over my shoulder. Throwing the blanket at Will, he had no choice but to carry it. I mean, it was already folded….it wasn’t exactly a difficult task. As we headed away from the shore and towards the upward climb back to the car, I glanced around.
Calen was standing there, watching us. I gave a little wave and he returned it. Even in the darkness, I swear I could see his white teeth smiling.
꧁13꧂
The next morning, I decided to go for a run since I’d already done my homework. Lacing up my trainers always felt like a weight was lifting. After stretching a bit, I practically bounced out the back door. Usually I tied my hair back, but today, I had the urge to just let it trail behind me, lifting in the wind. I didn’t even have my usual tunes blasting in my ears because I was relishing the sounds of the world around me.
I was so engrossed in thought, feeling my heart pumping and my muscles humming, that I didn’t hear my name being called. It was sort of just like I was hearing a buzzing. When I heard it again, I realized the buzz was actually, “Tara,” and I turned my head to the road I had been running along. There was a black Audi, driving slowly along side me. Calen grinned at me through the open driver’s window.
I started to slow and he pulled over. Walking up to his window, breathing heavily, I was already sort of embarrassed. Not to mention, it was hard to just stop mid run. But for him, I’d do almost anything. I blushed. I was doubly embarrassed that I just thought that. Luckily, I was already kind of red from running.
“Hey stranger.” He kept grinning.
“Hey Calen.” I was trying to slow my breathing so that I didn’t seem like such a freak. I was sure I stank, and I knew I was sweaty. I started stepping back and forth from foot to foot, to at least keep my muscles slightly warm. He looked amused.
“I’d ask what you were up to, but I think it’s fairly obvious,” he said. My eyes scanned him. He was wearing a plain white t-shirt, the arms of which were tight around his biceps, and the chest taut. Man, he could make something as basic as an undershirt look hot. I suddenly got the sense that he’d seen me appraising him, because he developed a slightly self-satisfied smirk.
“Yeah. Out for a run. You?” I continued to attempt to catch my breath.
“I was at the park practicing my layups. Sometimes its easier to focus when the rest of the guys aren’t around.” No shit. Those guys were like a walking ad for the necessity of Ritalin. “Hey, so I was wondering…” He trailed off. He glanced around, as if expecting someone to jump up behind us and scream, ‘Boo!’ “I mean, I totally get it that you might be busy. You seem like you’re always busy. Which is cool. I totally respect that….”
Ok…Where was he going with this because my lack of a social life was not exactly unknown.
“I mean…” He suddenly looked a little flushed. Calen blushed? Wow. And here I thought he was immune to all discomfort and embarrassment. “I was just wondering if, maybe you’d wanna go grab pizza later?” He looked surprisingly vulnerable. Maybe I’d been too tuned into my own permanent residence in Lameville to read him correctly. Then he cleared his throat and kind of shook his head.
“Well, if you’re not busy, I’ll buy you a slice. Let me know, but don’t feel obligated.” He had returned to his naturally collected self.
“Um…..” Get it together! This was Calen and he might actually be asking me out. I snapped out of it. “Yeah. Sure. That would be great. I mean- I’m not busy.” Relief briefly flashed in his eyes….his beautiful green eyes that seemed to mimic the breathtaking greenery of the earth itself. I stifled a groan. I was losing it.
“Cool. I can pick you up at 7. Work for you?” I nodded. “Ok, well I’ll let you get back to your self imposed torture…Tara, we’re at least 3 miles from your house.” I guess we were. I nodded, winked at him, and decided that 6 miles was adequate for today. Turning around in the opposite direction from which I had been running, I shot off back towards home, forcing myself not to look back. I felt this crazy grin that wouldn’t go away as I pushed myself back up to speed. Was this a Date? Had I just winked at him? Mother Lover, what had I just gotten myself into? I was so engrossed in dissecting the exchange that I got home before I’d realized it.
Charging upstairs, I showered and then just sat down on my bed. This seemed like a big deal. But what if he picked me up and it was a group thing? He never explicitly said that it was date, or that it was just the two of us. I had to go into it prepared for anything. Regardless, it was imperative that I looked good.
An idea struck me. Feeling strange, I went downstairs and knocked on Beth’s door. Beth answered after a minute or two, during which time I turned to leave twice, wearing a silk robe. I glanced over Beth’s shoulder and saw that Dick was in bed, the covers barely pulled up to his waist. He was clearly nude. This was suddenly seeming like a horrible idea.
Beth was acting completely at ease, and Dick continued to lounge languidly. “Hey Tara”. No way was he talking to me while he was naked. And, I was confident, post coital. Could I make it to the bathroom in time to throw up? Taking a deep breath, I turned back to my sister. At least she was partially clothed.
“Um, Beth? I hate to bother you, but I’m going out tonight and I was wondering if you had something that I could borrow to wear?” Beth looked at me, blinked slowly, and then broke into a huge grin.
“Richard! Did you hear that? My baby sister has finally come to me for help!” Dick sort of grunted. Was that what I’d been supposed to do all this time? I had been supposed to come to Beth? I’d always assumed Beth was supposed to offer her advice. Well unfortunately, that was water under the bridge. She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the room, dragging me to her closet.
Surprisingly excited, Beth started talking and didn’t stop. “Ok, so is this a date? A group event? Where are you going? Who are you going with? How fancy are we talking?” On and on she went, never pausing for an actual answer. Finally, I cleared my throat. Perhaps this really wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe I was just super out of my element and uncomfortable. And clearly desperate.
“Beth? Ok. I’m not sure if it is a date. But the fact that there is the possibility that it is, I want to go into it hedging my bets. I want to look good. But I definitely don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard.”
“But Tara, you’ve gone on dates before. You’ve always looked nice.” Then an understanding came over Beth’s face. “This one is different.”
I swallowed and slowly nodded my head. Compassion washed over my older sister’s face. I’d never known that Beth could be so perceptive, let alone express such depth of emotion.
“I’m not going to ask who….although I have a sneaking suspicion.” That was all Beth said, continuing to dig through her closet. Finally, she pulled out a little outfit. I couldn’t believe it. It was actually perfect, casual but cute. It was a pair of high-waisted herringbone shorts with a sweet beige blouse that had gold thread running through it. It was terrific.
Beth pushed me into the closet and ordered me to put it on. Once dressed, I wondered how my sister pulled this outfit off. The shorts hit my thighs just below
the point where had they have been any shorter, I would have been self-conscious. The top tucked in, bringing out my curves, while the high-waisted shorts displayed my lean midsection. The blouse had a few embellishments, but I still undid a couple of the buttons, offering up just a hint of cleavage. When I came out, Beth sighed and Dick nodded approvingly, appraising me with hooded eyes. Gross. Beth suddenly pulled me into a tight hug. This was like walking into an extra freaky (yet well dressed) episode of The Twilight Zone.
Beth let go and then examined me, squinting her eyes.
“Ok. You have two options. Boots, if you want an in-your-face effect. Otherwise, ballet flats if you’re going more conservative. It will be cold, but resist the urge to wear tights. I’m sure where you’re going will be heated. And hey, you can always just press close to your date for a little body heat.” Then she glanced at Dick with Do Me Eyes and I remembered my earlier nausea.
“Wear you hair down. It always looks nicer that way.”
“Um, thanks Beth.” I was surprised by how emotional I was suddenly feeling.
“Always, sis. Please come to me for advice more often.” With that, I sensed I’d been excused, and went back upstairs.
Looking in the mirror, I thought that I really looked good. Then, I was suddenly filled with doubt. This was a Great outfit. But we were just going for pizza; I was about to embarrass myself. Damn. What was I thinking? Quickly discarding the clothes and rummaging through my drawer, I produced a simple black long sleeved v-neck wrap top, which was just tight enough. Securing the tie at my hip, I pulled on my favorite skinny jeans and black ballet flats. This was more appropriate. Glancing longingly at the shorts and blouse, I knew that I was making the right decision. Braiding my hair in a thick side braid that hung over my shoulder, I liked what I saw.
Then I closed my eyes and had a completely out of character what-the-hell moment. Not allowing myself to change my mind, I untied the wrap top and pulled off the jeans. Slipping into Beth’s outfit again, I focused on the buttons so as not to psyche myself out. Taking Beth’s shoe suggestions into consideration, I found some brown ankle boots that had adorable buttons up the ankle. They would also give me an extra 3 inches. I left the braid, my one concession to my fear that I’d be overdressed. Applying a minimal amount of makeup, finishing with lipgloss and a spritz of perfume, I hoped that I was doing this right. At the last minute, I threw on some gold hoop earrings that were delicate and not too over the top.
Reading Tara (Growing Up Ashton Book 1) Page 9
