“Calen was accepted to several pretty reputable colleges. I’m not sure where he sent his letter of intent into, but I’ve been pulling for the UC. That way, he’d be pretty close by.” Ahh yes. Santa Cruz. A town I dreamed of living in, beautiful and picturesque, both boutique and comfortable. But surely he wished to go elsewhere? Didn’t he want to get away? Go wherever his heart took him?
“That’s interesting.” It was all I could say. I felt Will studying my face for a reaction. He would not get one. “I can’t wait to get out of here. I don’t care where I go, but if given the chance, I am gone.” It wasn’t truly my wish, but I did feel trapped and knew that I had to escape this little Hell I lived in.
Will looked slightly hurt. I was shocked but pretended to be unaffected. “But Tara, I am still here. I don’t have opportunities to leave, like I’d hoped I would. You’ll leave me?” I couldn’t help hearing the unspoken, ‘too?’ at the end of his question. He’d clearly forgotten telling me he’d leave the first chance he got.
“I’m sorry Will. It cannot be my job to take care of you forever.” With that, I left the room. I couldn’t bear the look on his face, nor the shame that burnt inside me like a flame. At some point I had figured out that in order to not feel the agony I held inside, I had to not feel at all. I had to cut ties, or else I would continue to fall into the chasm I hurtled towards when I thought of Calen. Self-preservation; it had become my newest hobby.
***
I ran into Calen a week later.
As in, directly into his chest.
“Tara.” His voice was slightly hushed, as if afraid that I wouldn’t even talk to him or he might scare me off if he spoke too loudly.
“Calen,” I responded coolly. My heart was pounding, but I struggled to hide it. He smelled like my Calen, like spring. Beautiful, fresh, full of life, just as his green eyes represented the same idea to me. I tried to block the emotions and thoughts from my mind. I had been working on it, believing that if I repeated the idea in my head over and over again, I may fool myself and hopefully fool him. If I forced myself to think that I was no longer in love with Calen, he would only perceive that thought. I prayed that my mind did not betray me like my heart continued to.
“I haven’t seen you for a while. I guess I’m just a little surprised.” He sounded almost breathless, which was odd considering he was an athlete and he was Calen, always self-assured and collected. We were in the hall at school. I looked around desperately, hoping to spot Sarah or any of the girls. My eyes landed on my salvation.
“Bobby! Over here.” I waved frantically at him. He looked vaguely confused, but slightly hopeful. As he walked toward me, I felt Calen stiffen.
“Sorry Calen, it was nice to see you but I need to go. Bye!” At that, I walked to Bobby who surprisingly went along with it. I guess he hadn’t gotten over whatever feelings he’d had for me. Without a glance back at Calen, I grabbed Bobby by the arm took off down the hall.
***
“I can’t understand you sometimes.” Sarah just looked at me.
“In what respect?” I had no idea where this was going. Obviously, I was hard to understand a lot of the time. What aspect was she referring to?
It was the last week of school. I had avoided Calen since the ‘Bobby issue’, but the only problem was that I now couldn’t shake Bobby. As if I could be romantic with him…I was in love with someone else. It made me feel guilty, but every time Bobby asked me out, I came up with silly excuses as to why I was not available, pretending to feel horrible. One would think he’d catch on. Apparently I was a good actress.
“Uh, duh.” Sarah looked at me like I was an idiot. Which, I was. “You and Calen. What’s wrong with you? Now you’re stringing poor Bobby along and denying your feelings for Calen.” I returned her glare with a sheepish look.
“Calen seems to be doing just fine.” That very day, I’d seen one of the cheerleaders teasing him, and I’d actually seen her hop onto his lap at lunch. I wanted to kill myself at the time, but I also couldn’t begrudge him. It cheered me up a little that he’d nicely slid her off into her own seat, but still! Then I’d berated myself. I was not allowed to care about Calen and what he did or who he did things with. He was no longer mine.
It hurt.
“Whatever Sarah. You are my best friend, but sometimes things are too hard to discuss. Calen and I are through. If we have this discussion again, I am going to get angry. He is off to live his life, he’s graduating with Will next week. He needs to pursue his dreams.” Sarah’s head snapped back at me. I realized I’d said too much; I’d exposed more than I had before, since I’d claimed I just wasn’t into Calen anymore.
“Uh huh.” It was all she said. Then I followed her gaze to Calen, praying he wouldn’t look up. Of course, as is my lot in life, he did just that. Our gazes met, time stood still, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Those eyes. They were what had hooked me from day one, and they still made me breathless. I couldn’t allow this. I tore my eyes away, looked down, then gathered my stuff and stalked out of the cafeteria. I refused to look back.
As I burst through the doors, I knew I had to get out of there. Who cares if I was technically ditching school, I needed to go somewhere and not be reminded of Calen. Charging to my car, I pulled up short as a man stepped out in front of me. A small sound of surprise escaped me, as I tried to reconcile my shock with the fact that I recognized him.
Calen’s grandfather was blocking my path. Oh, for crying out loud. He too was going to plead with me to take Calen back? I had the suspicion that if Calen knew, he’d be horrified; he was not one to have others fight his battles. I just stood there looking at the older man, crossing my arms across my chest.
“Well hello, Tara.” There was such a long pause after that, I wondered if that was all he was going to say and I was relieved. Then he began speaking again. “I am aware that you and Calen were fairly serious for a time, but I am also aware of the fact that you seem to have parted ways.” And the obvious award goes to….He suddenly scowled at me. Then he continued, “I will be entirely honest with you. You will continue to stay away from my grandson.” Wait, what? Suddenly I felt ashamed that I’d actually thought he’d be fighting for Calen and me. “I know he would do anything in his power to have you back in his life, but I want it perfectly clear that that is not going to happen. I too have a few tricks up my sleeve.” I still hadn’t said anything.
“I have gone to Hell and back to make sure that my grandson is still here with us, and in no way am I allowing his future to be jeopardized by the likes of you. Calen is destined for greater things.” I felt my jaw drop open. The funny thing was that Calen’s grandfather and I actually agreed on more than I’d realized. “I see you agree,” he continued. “Stay away from Calen, Tara.” I just nodded. He smiled, a cold forced smile. “I’m glad we had the opportunity to have this little chat,” he concluded as if we’d been discussing where I felt like going to dinner.
He turned and walked away, away from the school. Had he really come here just to talk to me? That seemed unlikely, but he hadn’t gone anywhere else. How could he have known I would be outside? “You have nothing to worry about,” I mumbled under my breath. I was startled to hear his reply, due to the distance that had grown between us.
“Oh, I’m well aware of that.” With that, he was gone.
And so was Calen, from my life.
About The Author
Kathryn Hewitt
Kathryn Hewitt was born and raised in California, where she currently resides with her husband, son, and menagerie of birds.
Books By This Author
Forgiving Eve
Eve learned at a young age that those who were supposed to take care of you, weren’t guaranteed to do so. After suffering the ultimate betrayal, 17 year old Eve finds herself lost and with nowhere to turn. Desperation can lead to losing yourself, but for Eve, she had nothing left to lose. Those she loved abandoned her, and the one who didn’t, well his was a love she didn’t want. In a misguid
ed attempt to right an atrocious wrong, Eve finds herself the villain, and at a crucial crossroads. Definitely at rock bottom, she is forced to become an unwilling participant in a state-mandated facility, designed to rehabilitate convicted juveniles who have been diagnosed with mental illness. Eve fits into these categories perfectly, but she doesn’t want rehabilitation, and detests this offer of redemption. Numb and utterly lost, Eve meets the handsome and mysterious Jack, a fellow “Camper”. Against her best judgment, she is befriended by the quirky and overly enthusiastic Leia. Despite her desire to never be close to anyone again, and her best efforts, Eve can’t seem to alienate Leia and Jack. But loving Jack would require Eve to learn to love her most hated enemy, herself. Sometimes having nothing to lose helps us gain everything we thought never we’d get.
Reading Tara (Growing Up Ashton Book 1) Page 23
