I still love Tristan. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. Some nights I still cry myself to sleep, but with each passing day it gets a little better. Saying goodbye to him on New Year’s was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Sometimes I wish I never did, but I knew if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to move on with my life. I just wish I had the chance to tell him I loved him. I know that’s a big part of why it’s still hard to let go. When I said goodbye to him I felt like I gave a part of my heart away, turning me cold, and making it hard for me to open my heart to anyone. When I thought I had feelings for Aidan, I thought that maybe that part I lost was finally healing, but it was just a trick – a spell that some evil witch put on me for her own amusement, a spell that had gone horribly wrong. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I wasn’t able to break through the spell on my own. I don’t even want to think about it. I feel betrayed, abused, and used. I feel dirty and stupid. And at the same time I feel bad for Aidan. I know he didn’t mean to do what he did, but I still feel…uncertain. I’m not sure how I should act around him, but I know things won’t be the same. Mackenzie had made sure to ruin that.
And why?
That was the big question, why? What did she have against me? I’ve never done anything to her…yet. She’s probably just some spoiled child who gets pleasure out of torturing other people for her our entertainment because she has nothing better to do. She will get hers, when the time is right, she won’t see it coming.
And then there’s Roman. I never saw this coming. I never imagined this outcome. I don’t know what to do with him? I honestly wonder if he does have multiple personalities. That would explain a lot. I mean what the hell happened tonight? One minute we were fighting and before I knew it he’s kissing me and I’m kissing him back. The worst part of it all is I think I liked it. In a way I feel like I’m betraying Tristan, but I know he would want me to be happy. Oh who am I kidding? He would want me to pine after him forever, even in death. – jerk.
But that’s part of the reason I love him so. What am I worried about anyway. It was just one kiss. He probably thinks I’m crazy. I mean what girl slaps a guy, kisses him, and then slaps him again? It was a onetime only thing. It will never happen again. Really, me and Roman? The thought is just unconceivable, catastrophic even. I mean Roman actually liking me? I liking Roman? That wasn’t possible, was it?
Crap, I think I’m in trouble.
I sighed and rested my head back against the cool ceramic of the tub. I laid there for a moment before I started to get a cramp in my neck. I closed my journal and climbed out of the tub and crawled back into bed.
I woke up sometime in the middle of the night. I rolled over to check on Billy, but he wasn’t there. I sat up and got out of bed. I thought maybe he was in the bathroom so I knocked on the door, but he wasn’t there. I turned around and found Roman sitting on my bed. “Roman, what are you doing here?”
“I’m here for you,” he said, getting up off the bed, and walking over to me. He stood in front of me staring in to my eyes. Then he bent down and kissed me and I kissed him back. I ran my fingers through his hair as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I felt that shock again like I had before when we touched. It sent tiny shivers all through my body. He pulled back and smiled at me, but it wasn’t Roman anymore it was Tristan.
“But how?” I asked.
“You’re dreaming,” he said in a strange voice.
“What?”
“Ella, Ella, wake up,” Billy said, shaking me gently. I opened my eyes and realized I was still in my bed.
“What happened?”
“I think you were dreaming,” he said kindly. “Was it a bad dream?”
“No,” I said, not wanting to elaborate.
“You think you’ll be okay to go back to sleep? If you need to talk I’m a good listener. Not really good at giving advice but –”
I cupped his hand. “It’s okay Billy. Thank you, but I’ll be fine,” I said, lying back down and hoping I would be.
Chapter nineteen
I left a note for Billy in the morning telling him that I had a training session with Gabe and would come back to check on him in between my classes. Gabe made us do laps again and said we’d work on my new power later today. I was still weirded out by my dream last night and the kiss that I could barely look at Roman. It helped that he wasn’t talking to me at the moment. I mean he kissed me first. He had no right to be mad at me. Okay yes I slapped him, twice, but still that’s not the point. He was so frustrating sometimes that he infuriated me. His whole Jekyll and Hyde personality really pissed me off. I just didn’t understand it.
In Royal Economics Cameron leaned over close and asked, “So what’s the skinny on Billy? Is he like an old flame? Did you guys take advantage of having a private room?” she smiled wagging her eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes. “No, Billy is just a friend.”
“He’s pretty hot. If I were you I’d definitely take advantage of that.”
“Again, he’s just a friend.”
“Oh god, there’s something wrong with him. What is it? Does he have like a third nipple? Impotent? Gay? That’s it isn’t it he’s gay. Why are all the cute ones always gay?” she said, shaking her head.
“No he’s not gay or any of those other things. He’s great actually.”
“Then what’s the problem? You’re not, like, a lesbian are you? If you are its okay I’m totally cool with it.”
“Cameron, I’m not a lesbian,” I said, getting tired of this conversation.
“Shoo,” she said, wiping her brow. I just shook my head. “Again I ask what the problem is.”
“He used to date my best friend Josie until she was killed by the same vamp that’s after me,” I said. That shut her up for the rest of class.
When class was dismissed, Cameron started the conversation again. “Ella, I’m sorry I didn’t know. I feel like such an ass.”
“Don’t,” I said. “You didn’t know. No one does. But I think it’s time you guys know the truth.” I didn’t get too detailed, but I told her enough. I explained about Jack and all the things he did to get my powers, including all the people he killed in his efforts.
“Oh, Ella, no wonder you were so freaked.”
“Yeah, well, that’s how I got sent here. On top of my parents wanting me to learn about who I am they also thought I would be safe here and Jack wouldn’t find me.”
“You don’t have to worry anymore. We won’t let anything happen to you. We’ll make sure he doesn’t get anywhere near you.”
“No. You can’t. You need to stay away from him. This is why I didn’t want to tell anyone. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt or worse…killed.”
“Ella, don’t worry so much. It will give you premature wrinkles.”
I laughed. “That’s what Josie used to say.”
“Smart girl,” she smiled. Cameron had convinced me to tell the rest of the group at lunch. I wasn’t prepared for this, but she was right. They had the right to know.
I checked on Billy before my next class and found a note from him on my bed. It said he met up with Gabe and was going to spend some time with him and that he would meet up with me at lunch. I was glad he knew someone else here besides Dixon. That way he wouldn’t be cooped up in my room all day.
I found Billy at lunch already sitting with everyone else. Roman wasn’t there, but that didn’t surprise me. I got in line, got my food, and sat down. “Hey guys, Ella has something to tell you,” Cameron said, getting right to it before I had the chance to chicken out. I thought she would at least be kind enough to let me eat first but I guess not.
All eyes were on me and I started to get nervous. “Ella, it’s okay, you can do it,” she smiled, encouraging me. I looked at Dean who was curious as to what was going on and then I turned to Billy who I was pretty sure already had an idea on what I was going to say.
“Go ahead,” Billy said, squeezing my hand.
I
told them what I had told Cameron. How dangerous Jack was and all the people he and Cadence had killed. I left out the part about Tristan. I just let them know he was a good friend who saved me when Jack and Cadence came after me. They didn’t need to know the other stuff. That was private.
“Wow Ella,” Sienna said.
“We are definitely going to be here for you no matter what,” Riley said.
“See, this is exactly what I didn’t want. I don’t want you guys involved. I couldn’t stand to see any of you get hurt.”
“We won’t take no for an answer,” Sienna said.
“Besides, we have wolves and some kick ass witches on our side,” Cameron said confidently. “What’s one guy against all of us?”
I smiled weakly. The last thing I wanted was them to get involved, but it was obvious no matter how much I protested they wouldn’t take no for an answer. I guess I was kind of glad they didn’t run screaming. But I wasn’t happy about them volunteering to put themselves in danger. I pushed my cold food around my plate while everyone chatted about all the kick ass powers they had to contribute to take to the fight. If there was one. I planned on not involving them if it came down to that.
On the way to training I did feel like some weight was lifted off my shoulders. I guess telling them wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Now I wouldn’t have to hide my past anymore and that felt good. When I got to the gym I saw Billy was there talking to Gabe. “Hey Billy, you here to watch me kick some ass?” I joked.
He laughed. “Is that a challenge?”
“Come on, let’s see what you got,” I said, putting my fists up.
“You guys can spar later,” Gabe said. “Billy’s here to help. Going up against someone different will give you more of a challenge. He’s also been able to offer me a lot of good information on Jack. From following him he knows how he moves.”
The mention of Jack shattered what little happiness I had left. “I found out from my informant’s that he’s planning something big. He’s rallying up some other rogue vamps to help him with his plan.”
I no longer felt good about my friends knowing about Jack and wanting to stand by me. “What does all this mean?” I asked worried.
“That just means we need to be prepared,” Gabe said. “These extra sessions are what are going to help you defend yourself against him when the time comes.”
“You don’t have to worry Ella. I won’t let him get close enough to you to let that happen,” Billy said, seeing the fear on my face. Just the thought of going up against him again was terrifying.
“Ella, I want to work with you on your new power and then I’m going to have Billy teach you some new techniques.”
When he said you, I looked at the clock and realized Roman was late. Roman was never late. “Where’s Roman?” I asked curiously.
“He’s going to be taking a break from training,” Gabe said like it was no big deal.
“Is everything…okay?” I wondered.
“He informed me his school work was falling behind and he needed to catch up.”
“Oh,” was all I said.
“Do a few laps. I want to go over a few more things with Billy.” I nodded and took off circling the gym. I knew Roman’s excuse was a lie. He was amongst the top is his class. He never missed an assignment and I never heard of him getting less than a B- on his tests. There was another reason and I knew that reason was me. “Ella, we’re ready,” Gabe called.
We started with practicing my new power. Gabe had me focus and try to bring up my shield without him attacking me. After about the hundredth try I managed to do it, but it only lasted about a second. We learned that it took a lot of energy for me to use this new power and I got weaker faster after using it. Gabe suggested that I only use this power as a last defense or if I absolutely had to. After giving me a few minutes to regenerate, Gabe had Billy show me some new techniques and then had me go up against Billy.
“Don’t worry Billy. I’ll go easy on you,” I teased. “Remember, don’t hold back on my account.”
“I won’t,” he smiled wickedly and I got a little nervous.
I struck first and Billy countered my attack, but I didn’t give up. I fought with everything I had. But against someone like Billy it wasn’t enough. He knocked me down on my behind again and again and every time I got right back up.
After my last failed attempt, I didn’t bother to get up. I just lie there on the floor and stared at the ceiling, trying to catch my breath. Billy came over and stood above me, smiling. Then he offered me his hand to help me up. “Not bad,” he said. “You can definitely hold your own. I was impressed.”
“You don’t have to flatter me,” I said.
“Ella, I’ve been training for years and the fact that you even kept up with me at all says a lot.”
“I was actually taking it easy on you. I didn’t want to embarrass you.”
“Oh really?” he said.
“Well, ya know,” I bumped his shoulder. He bumped me back almost knocking me over. I jumped on him and made him give me a piggyback as we made our way over to Gabe.
“Good job Ella. Alright, now I want you to watch Billy and me,” Gabe said. I hopped off Billy’s back and sat on the bleachers to watch. I knew Billy was enjoying this, getting a chance to go against his old teacher.
“Come on Billy, kick his ass,” I cheered. Gabe narrowed his eyes at me and I laughed. I watched the two of them go at it. It was like watching survival of the fittest. Just when I thought Billy had him, Gabe came back stronger, hitting harder and knocking Billy down. Billy did fairly well for having Gabe as an opponent.
When they were done, Gabe had me spend the rest of the session learning from the mistakes I made. He told me tomorrow we would work on what it would be like to have multiple opponents attack you at once. I was not looking forward to that.
I was definitely sore after tonight’s session and couldn’t wait to crash. I was so tired I skipped dinner and went straight to bed. Gabe had let me know before I left he was giving me the morning off. He told me I’ve been working hard and deserved a break. I still had my training session after class – so much for the break – I wasn’t going to complain though because now I had an extra day that I could sleep in. I missed those days and longed for when I had them.
I spent the weekend working with Ms. Kraft on my new found glowing power. But no matter what we tried we couldn’t figure out what had triggered it. After hours of research and Ms. Kraft trying many different spells and tricks to figure it out, we came up empty. Ms. Kraft said she would do some more research and if she found anything out she would let me know. Now that my weekend was spent, I went back to my room to work on my homework.
“Any progress?” Billy asked.
“No. The most that we could come up with was that I put so much force into my voice when trying to stop the fight that everything kind of just came out,” I said shrugging.
“No harm no foul,” he said, lying back on the bed.
“What did you do this weekend?”
“I hung out with Dixon for a bit then I hung out with your brother and some of his friends.”
“Oh, sorry, I promise I won’t leave you alone again,” I said, feeling bad for him having to hang with Dean. Nobody should have to suffer through that.
He chuckled. “He’s not that bad and you forget I was friends with Tristan.”
“Please, like I could forget.”
February 25
The following week went as followed; training, classes, training - once again not leaving me with much time to spend with my friends. The only time I got to see them was during class or when we ate. If Billy wasn’t helping out with the training sessions I wouldn’t see him either. And that’s basically how my life went for the next few weeks.Training, classes, training and then my weekends werespent catching up on school work or working with Ms. Kraft. I was starting to feel like a drone. It’s not like I didn’t appreciate the extra training sessions, I did. They were help
ing a lot and I was even building some nice muscle from them. I just wish they weren’t twice a day every day, but if I was going to take down Jack, I needed to know how.
Roman still has yet to speak a word to me since that night which makes for an awkward hour in spells and casting. At least in history I didn’t have to sit next to him which made it a little easier, but in spells and casting it made for a very uncomfortable silence. Every now and then I would catch him watching me from the corner of his eye and I could tell he wanted to say something, but wouldn’t. I know I should say something, but every time I got the courage he would turn to look at me as if he knew. And every time I looked into those deep, dark blue eyes, I lost all my nerve. So I always just sat there, counting down the minutes until class was over.
Today when I woke up, I felt, strange. I knew something was going to happen that would change my life. I tried not to let this feeling bother me, but it stayed with me. Like an annoying pain in the back of your head that you knew would grow and get worse until you did something about it. I ignored it the best I could and tried to go on with my day.
In spells and casting, I noticed there was something different about Roman. He had a nervous look on his face and would constantly shift his position in his chair like he had an itch he couldn’t scratch.
After class, I quickly stuffed my papers in my bag getting ready to leave when, “Ella?” I looked over at Roman. “Can I…talk to you for a minute…in private?” I nodded. That’s the best I could do for now. Afraid if I opened my mouth I might say something stupid. He gestured for me to follow him so I did. He led me out of the building and across the quad to the dorms making me start to feel nervous.
“Where are we going?” I finally asked.
“I’d thought we’d go to my room. It’s more private,” he said, his voice deep.
I froze, not liking the idea. “I have to drop off some books. Do you mind if we just talk in my room?” I asked. For some reason I felt if we were in my room I would have more control over the situation and feel more comfortable.
The Wanderers Beginning: The Wanderers, Reborn, & Unforgiven Page 69
