She looked around, expecting to see prison bars, and was surprised to find none. She wasn’t met with a cold cement floor or dark stone walls. Instead, she was in a golden field, the sky above blue and kind, the ground warm from the large sun hanging overhead. She knew this place, had seen it in the young Eli’s drawing, had heard others talk about this heaven on earth. And now, here she was.
She stood and looked around the field. Several tall trees stood scattered about, and wheat stretched for miles in all directions. The sweet songs of birds echoed through the sky, and a soft, warm wind carried their tune on its moving waves. She turned in a circle and saw no one. It was just her, with the birds, the grass, the breeze, and the overwhelming sense that she wasn’t alone. It was in every inch that she touched and in every molecule around her. It was a sense carried by the wind, a sound echoing in the tweeting of the birds that filled the air. Someone was with her. Someone always was.
Elise felt overcome with the power of that sensation. She closed her eyes and felt the truth rush through her blood, pricking at her senses, filling her with strength. The wind became stronger, swarming around her, encircling her, calling forth the light of her soul. It made her feel so small, like a single blade of grass in the field that stretched in every direction around her. Who was she that such power had been bestowed on her? Who was she that such light had been given? She was just a girl, trying to do the work of an army. A silly student trying to function as a master. And it was all for nothing. They were finished. Those who had followed her delusions had been captured and were now headed for death. She had been a fool. Who was she that she thought she could save them all?
Heavy waves of doubt and fear crushed against her shoulders. Panic and regret toppled down over her head. She fell to her knees, struggling to breathe as the wind intensified. Who was she but an ignorant child dressed up in a superhero costume, playing a dangerous game that would surely get them all killed?
Remember who I call you.
Was her power even real or just another twisted concoction of her mind’s delusions?
Surrender.
Shame filled Elise’s bones, and she grabbed her chest as the realization of what she’d done to her poor Seers manifested into pain.
Forgive.
She heard the voice through the ache but only as a small whisper that bounced off the surface of the darkness that was already overtaking her. The aches and pains of her body flooded her system, reminding her that she was, once again, too weak to take on such power. It was killing her, screaming at her that she wasn’t enough. And she’d ignored it.
Let go.
Hot tears spilled down her cheeks and she cried out in anguish. She had done this. She had killed them and herself. How could she not have seen her own insignificance? Now they would all pay for her misguided hopes.
“It is only in our lack of faith that we become small,” a voice said.
Elise jerked her head up, and the wind died out completely. She wiped the tears from her face and turned to see a beautiful girl standing only a few feet away, the golden grass reaching all the way up to her hips. Soft blonde hair framed her face and fell past her shoulders in long straight lines. But it was her emerald eyes that drew Elise in so closely that it felt as if the beautiful girl were holding her hand. The only other person Elise had ever encountered with such an inviting gaze was Lucy. In fact, the girl before her favored Lucy quite a bit.
“Hello,” the girl said.
“Hi,” Elise replied.
“Do you mind if I sit with you?”
Elise shook her head no, and the girl smiled as she covered the short distance to Elise and sat in the warm grass beside her. Elise shifted off her knees and pulled them tightly to her chest. The two girls sat in silence for a moment, the sun warming the cold that had sneaked into Elise’s body, the song of the birds returning.
“I’m Arianna, by the way,” the girl said. “I think you know my sister Lucy?”
“You’re Lucy’s sister?”
Arianna shrugged and smiled. “Well, I was for a time.”
“And now who are you?”
“Isn’t that the question we all seem to be asking?”
Elise turned her eyes back to the field. “It’s a hard one.”
“That’s just the thing—it isn’t really. We only convince ourselves it is.”
“Then why is it so hard to remember?”
“Because we give the lies power when we judge ourselves, which we do constantly. We enforce the lie that we are powerless and weak each time we blame ourselves. Every time we hold on to our doubts.”
“But I am just a girl; I can’t save them. I thought I was stronger than I am, but I’m not. And now people will die because of me.” Elise felt a strong wave of tears approaching. She tried to swallow back the emotion, but it was more than she could control.
Arianna’s eyes filled with compassion, and she brushed Elise’s shoulder gently. “Who told you that you were just a girl?”
The question struck a chord deep inside Elise’s spirit, and something other than shame vibrated in her gut.
Remember who I call you.
Tears ran down Elise’s cheeks. “But look at me.”
“I am,” Arianna said, “and you know what I see? Power beyond your ability to imagine. Strength—enough to stand against any opposing force. Love, perfect and blameless, as you have been called His.”
Elise shook her head slightly, feeling the call of Arianna’s words mix with the light of her spirit, but the shame was still blinding and heavy. “But if I fail . . .” She couldn’t finish her thought as emotion filled her voice.
“Who told you that you could fail?”
Again the chord in her soul strummed and the vibration grew, slowly piercing through her doubt.
“Did the light not call you blameless? Did it not cover you in perfect love, call you its own? Did He not tell you that you are perfect? So now you turn to the light and say, ‘No, You’re wrong; I am not what You said’? Do you believe the light can be wrong?”
Elise didn’t know how to answer. How could she say that the light and the truth, by which so many people had been healed, were wrong? But how could she believe what they said about her?
“Every time you judge yourself, you judge the light. Every time you doubt your power, you doubt the power of the light. Because that power lives within you, Elise. The light is in you. Don’t you see who you really are?”
The strumming of truth that had been working on Elise’s self-doubt and shame broke through with a vengeance. Her body was ravaged by light, now burning holes in the darkness that had swallowed her. And the voice of her Father began to sing a song she knew but had forgotten.
I call you daughter. Perfect, chosen, light of the world.
“But the others,” she said, thinking of the Seers. “I have doomed them.”
“Remember who you are, Elise, and then remember that they are the same. How could they be doomed when they have already been called by perfect love? They too are light—all of them,” Arianna said.
I call you daughter. Perfect, chosen, light of the world.
All who come from the light are in the light and are light. Remember who you are.
Elise stopped resisting and surrendered to the truth that called her its own. She fell into it as a child might collapse into a parent’s embrace after a terrible dream and let its warmth soothe her. “How could I have forgotten?” she asked.
Arianna reached for Elise’s hand, and Elise turned to see tears brimming in the girl’s eyes. “Don’t judge yourself for forgetting; otherwise we are right back where we started,” she said with a smile. “Remember that all moments are love’s way of bringing you back to yourself. Only in forgetting do you get the chance to remember.” Her smile widened, nearly large enough to consume her small face, and fire danced behind her eyes. “Even in moments of doubt, you are still perfect; even in times of fear, you are His. And once again, you get to walk through your doubt and fe
ar and remember that you are the light of the world. Isn’t that amazing?”
Elise laughed and cried all at once. “I am afraid.”
“That’s okay,” Arianna said. She reached up and placed her hand on Elise’s cheek as a sob broke from Elise’s chest.
“See your fear,” Arianna said. “See your shame, or doubt, or anger, whatever you are facing. Always feel them; never run from them, because running is just another form of resisting. So feel everything that you encounter, and then turn your eyes to the light and remember that it is greater than anything you will ever face. The light is yours, and you are the light’s. So what can stand against you?”
More warmth and light surrounded Elise, and she let Arianna’s words work their way into her heart. She wanted them to make a permanent home there so they would be with her always, so she would never forget them, even in times when she might forget herself.
“Just follow the light,” Arianna said, “and you will never face anything that you can’t overcome.”
Elise smiled at the beautiful girl and nodded. She would—with all her heart she would.
“Ah!” a voice chimed in behind them. Elise and Arianna both turned to see Aaron walking toward them, and Elise was filled with such joy she could hardly contain herself. “Have I missed something magical?” Aaron asked.
Arianna chuckled. “Only a moment of remembering.”
Aaron smiled at Elise and nodded. His eyes were filled with kindness and love. Elise could feel her throat constrict with emotion once again, and she hoped to never leave this field.
“Well then, I think we should celebrate,” Aaron said.
“Oh no,” Arianna said.
Elise gave her a funny look, and Arianna teasingly rolled her eyes. “Always with the dancing,” she said.
“Dancing?” Elise said.
“Oh yes. There is no better way to enjoy this field than to dance through it,” Aaron said.
Arianna was laughing quietly beside her as Elise shook her head. “You want me to dance in this field?”
“Of course!” Aaron said.
“Like a child?” Elise teased.
Aaron smiled and nodded with such conviction that Elise’s heart skipped a beat. “You must first become like a child before you can enter the Father’s kingdom,” he said. “Now—” he clapped his hands together beside his face, one eyebrow arching higher than the other—“we dance.”
Elise and Arianna both fell into laughing fits, joy bouncing between them. Arianna grabbed Elise’s hand and helped her stand.
“We might as well,” Arianna said through her laughter, “because he won’t stop until we do.” She shot Elise a wink and the wind whipped up around them. The sun seemed to grow, lighting the field up like pure gold, and Elise joined Arianna in twirling about, Aaron leading them in their ridiculousness.
And the light that called her daughter, and the truth that called her its own, and the love that claimed her and empowered her, all danced through her being as they moved about together. One with each other, one with the Father, lost in perfect love.
26
Jesse sat inside the Capitol Building’s banquet room at the large dining table. It had been set for dinner, a feast hearty enough for ten men laid out across the surface, the lights dimmed and the curtains drawn. Guards stood in every corner of the room, armed and on alert. They wouldn’t be taking any chances with their dinner guest.
Thoughts from the day rolled around inside Jesse’s head while he waited, and in the silence of the room, his eyes began to feel heavy. He’d hardly slept the last two days. Images of the Scientist’s blood working its way into people’s systems constantly filled his head. The blood brought them back into a peaceful state of compliance, but it took them one step further: it filled them with abnormal power. They were full of strength, less human than machine, their movements fluid and quick, their minds sharp. They were completely obedient and selfless, almost to the point where it wouldn’t be hard to argue they were rid of self altogether.
They were like a dark army. All those who had been infected by Elise’s light were now better than they had been before. It was both terrifying and wonderful to see. Unsure of their purpose yet, Jesse had them all contained at the Genesis Compound. They were being monitored constantly, as his staff strove to better understand what they had.
An urge Jesse had a hard time ignoring tempted him to inject all the CityWatch guards. It would make them superwarriors, give them an upper hand against any opposing enemy, but what might it mean to give so many over to the darkness? How much could they take before they found themselves serving a power beyond the Authority City? How long could Jesse control it? He feared it would overtake them all if he let it.
An image of the Scientist entered Jesse’s mind. His old, decaying face, that smug expression he wore when he knew he was right, the click of his tongue that smacked against his yellowing teeth as he instructed Jesse on what he’d done wrong. He thought of him lying a couple of rooms over, still dead to the world. Jesse felt relief that the man was controlled for the moment. If he were here, he would insist they take the darkness further than Jesse was ready to, and he would accuse Jesse of being small-minded and weak when he argued they shouldn’t. Not to mention that he would make certain Elise was dead. And Jesse couldn’t have that.
He was pleased that the plan to capture the Seers had gone so smoothly. Franklin had reacted exactly as Jesse had predicted. Another soldier had spotted Franklin some days ago and followed him to the location where the Seers were staying. Jesse had known the problem was getting in and out without setting Elise off and losing more good men. She would need to be restrained and her abilities neutralized somehow, so the plan with Franklin had started to take root in Jesse’s mind. Franklin had family in the city, unlike Sam, and Jesse knew that with his newly acquired awareness, Franklin would care very much about what happened to them.
The rest had fallen together quickly. Getting Franklin alone, threatening those he loved, getting him to agree, and setting all the pieces in place. The real question was what to do now. No, he thought, the question wasn’t what to do now but rather whether he could. He knew the solution. He was a smart man; it was plain—simple even. Destroy the problem at its root. Eliminate the virus before it had the chance to spread any further.
Jesse shook his head, his stomach nauseated, the way it always was when his mind started to process what was next. He cursed himself for feeling so conflicted. He was leading this city, charged with doing what was best for the people above all else, and yet he continued to let his own personal desires cloud his judgment. He knew it, he wasn’t blind to it, but he couldn’t bring himself to step off the ledge and jump into the abyss.
That’s what it was. A bottomless abyss that he knew would swallow him whole if he leaped from the edge. He would be doing the city a service by eliminating Elise and the other Seers, cutting off the monster’s head, but the gnawing reality of what it would do to his mind kept stopping him. Could he kill the only person he had ever loved? Could he succumb to the darkness that it would take to do that?
He could feel its pull within him even now. The familiar slithering fingers that worked their way into his chest and tugged. With each passing day, it felt closer, as if it were starting to make his heart its home. He used to hate the way it felt, hate the way it whispered to him, but now he found himself looking for it, seeking comfort in it.
And it was always there pointing the way, telling him that the road was easy if only he was brave enough to step into the power and walk toward greatness. Jesse was struggling to see any other path than the one it presented to him. He wanted another way, longed to save the young girl who had so much of his heart, but what if the darkness was right and this was the only way?
Two loud bangs sounded on the closed dining hall doors, and Jesse’s shoulders tensed. Two guards, standing on either side of the doors, moved to open them. As they swung inward, two more guards led in the prisoner, her hands bound
together in front, her face turned forward and her eyes aimed directly at Jesse. His throat tightened as their eyes met, and he noticed a difference in her immediately. This was no longer the small, timid girl who had been a prisoner; rather, this was someone who was sure of her power and filled with peace.
The darkness in his chest thrashed, and Jesse knew the next hour would determine everything. It was time to see if he could really save her or if she was too far gone.
Elise awoke from the field in a small stone cell. Light shone through the single barred window; the rustle of city activity softly drifted in on the wind. Her doubt and shame were there to greet her, but the perfect light that had electrified the golden, grassy plain was there too to help her remember.
You are the light of the world.
Perfect and called blameless.
What should you fear?
Like a steady, familiar tune, her Father’s words of love brushed across her consciousness and drowned out all her uncertainties. She kept her mind focused on Arianna’s soft smile and Aaron’s tender laugh. She meditated on her truth, she practiced remembering, and she waited.
At one point, she moved to the front of her cell to survey what was around her and saw only more cells, all empty. She was being held away from the others, which sent more ripples of fear through her. Fears that were easily calmed by returning to the truth that they were all the same as her, also made from light and filled with light. She shook her head and smiled. It was hard not to judge herself for still being afraid and worried. But she walked the path Arianna had shown her, felt the emotion ballooning in her gut and then let it go, standing firm in what she was starting to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt: that life truly was a cycle of remembering and forgetting, a constant returning to your true identity; and that all moments—the good and the bad—were just milestones on the road back to truth. The thought gave her strong, unwavering peace.
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