Defensive (Guarded Heart #1)

by J. D. Rivera

  I sipped on my drink for a minute before I answered her. “I hung out with him the entire night the other day and it was fine. I’m a big girl. You don’t have to babysit me.”

  “I’m not babysitting you. I’m just scared that he’s going to take advantage of you, because you’re down over your breakup with Jackson.”

  “I really don’t think he is,” I told her, “but I can take care of myself. If he starts acting like an asshole again, I’ll leave. I really believe him about the drugs and everything.” I hadn’t completely forgiven him, but I believed him and I wanted to give him a chance. Everyone deserves a second chance. And I needed a friend besides Amanda.

  She gave me a sympathetic sigh. “I hope you’re right. I miss the old Shane, too. He was one of my best friends until he ripped my other best friend’s heart out and stomped on it.”

  “I know you’re worried, but I promise it’ll be okay. I’m not married to him now so I can walk away at any moment.”

  I had just gotten a strike and walked back to where Shane was sitting. “Beat that, sucka!”

  “Don’t get ahead of yourself there. I’ve still got game.”

  I watched as he picked his ball up and sauntered toward the lane. I waited until he was ready before I let out a string of coughs. I looked up to see him watching me, amused. “Did it work?” he asked, pointing behind him.

  I took a look but, of course, he had gotten a strike. “Damn it!” I said as he walked back to me.

  “This was a lot more fun when we were on the same team and could be mean to Amanda and her date.”

  “I know. She always sucked and so did her dates,” I said, laughing.

  “Do you remember that guy who threw the ball backwards and almost took us out?”

  I started laughing harder. “How could I forget? I still guard my body every time; just in case it happens again.”

  “Or what about the guy who couldn’t find a light enough ball? He finally left, making up some story about being sick.” He chuckled.

  “That was great. Those were some great times,” I said, wiping tears from my eyes.

  We bowled three games. I won the first game and Shane won the second. I was winning the third game until the very end, when he ended up winning by one point.

  “Ha, ha, ha! In your face!” he teased.

  “Shut your face,” I teased back.

  We were in his car driving back when I decided to bring up something that I had been thinking about since dinner with Amanda. “Shane?”

  “I know that tone. What’s up?” he asked.

  “You do know that we can only be friends, right?”

  He glanced over at me. “Vanessa, I still love you and I always will, but I don’t ever want to get back together with you.”

  “Oh,” I replied, feeling a little hurt by his words.

  “That’s not what I meant.” He pulled into a parking lot. He put the car in park and turned to me. “What I mean is that I don’t deserve you. I treated you like shit and I ruined my chance with you. You allowing us to be friends again is more than I could ask for.”

  “I understand.” I told him feeling relieved.

  “Like I said, I’ll always love you. I’ll love you more than you’ll ever know, but I know that you deserve way better than me.”

  “You hurt me… a lot,” I said, trying to gather my thoughts. “And even though I haven’t forgotten what happened, I am trying to forgive you. I guess, on some level, I’ll always love you, too. Even though we didn’t work, I want you to know that you deserve happiness.”

  “Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.”

  I leaned over the console and gave him a hug. It was so familiar yet so new. I pulled away. “Are you hungry?”

  “I’m starving. I knew better than to ask if we could get concession food.”

  “Hey, you saw the dead fly, too. I didn’t imagine it.”

  He laughed. “Where to?”

  By the time he dropped me off at my apartment, it was past midnight and I was tired. I threw my purse and keys on the counter and strode into my bedroom. I took my clothes off and put on my PJs, thinking about the night. I’d had a lot of fun. A part of me felt like I was betraying Jackson, but we weren’t an item anymore. I wasn’t sleeping with Shane and, even if I was, it wouldn’t matter; I wasn’t in a relationship. The thought left a bad taste in my mouth, though, because that meant that Jackson could sleep with whomever he wanted as well. Chances are, he was already back in a relationship with Cynthia.

  Jackson

  Amanda called me to let me know that Vanessa was going on out with Shane. I was stunned. Had she broken up with me just to get back with him? Amanda said that they were planning on going bowling so I followed them. I just needed to see them together for myself. I wanted to see if they interacted in a friendly way or a romantic way.

  I sat back on the opposite end of the lanes and watched them the entire time. Luckily, with the low lights and my ball cap on, I wasn’t recognized. It was torture to watch her with another man. Especially Shane, the dipshit who’d ripped her heart out. As I watched them, I relaxed a little, though, because they didn’t kiss or touch. All they did was laugh.

  That had been a few weeks ago and I still hadn’t heard from Vanessa. Amanda said the bowling nights were becoming a regular thing. I was becoming more and more depressed the longer our breakup went on.

  “Hey, Ray,” I said over the phone, as I flopped down on my bed.

  “What’s up, man?”

  “I was thinking about going out tonight.”

  “Cool. I’ll come by later.”

  “See ya,” I said and ended the call. I tossed the phone on the bed. I just wanted to go out and forget about Vanessa. Forget that my heart had been ripped out. I walked downstairs and took a shot of tequila. And then another.

  I sat down on a couch in the club’s VIP area and ordered two shots from a waitress with long brown hair who had her tits hanging out. She made sure to touch my arm as she left and I looked around the club. We were in a balcony area overlooking the dance floor; it was packed. Ray was already talking to a couple of girls.

  The waitress came back with my shots. I reached for the first when Ray spoke up. “Make sure you drink those. Maybe order two more and see if we can remove that scowl from your face.”

  “What? I’m not scowling,” I said as I downed the first shot.

  “Now the other one,” he told me before turning to the waitress. “Two more, please.”

  I didn’t argue. I kind of wanted to drink until I couldn’t remember anything and could forget Vanessa’s face. I downed the second shot. “Now what do I do until she gets back?” I asked.

  “Why don’t you go dance?” he said before kissing the girl on his right.

  Dancing didn’t really seem that fun but it sounded better than watching him make out with two girls. I got up and started for the stairs, where our waitress met me. “Hey, I have those shots. Do you want them or should I put them on the table?” she asked.

  Maybe it was the shots I had just taken mixed with the ones I’d had before I left my house, but she suddenly seemed really cute. She had long brown hair just like Vanessa and really big tits. “Why don’t you give those to me and come dance with me?” I suggested.

  She leaned in close, whispering, “I can’t right now because I’m working, but later?”

  “Definitely,” I said, looking at her breasts. I grabbed the two shots, downing them quickly, and ambled on to the dance floor.

  Once I got to the dance floor, a blonde almost immediately wrapped her arms around me. She was pretty; her hair was spilling all around her shoulders. I pulled her closer to me and began to dance, feeling her body against mine. I closed my eyes for a second, getting lost in dancing, when images of Vanessa popped into my head. I let them flitter through my mind for a little bit but I finally opened my eyes and focused on dancing with the blonde. After the blonde, I danced with several more women. They all blended together.
Every time I turned my head, I studied each brunette, hoping and praying she would be Vanessa. Hoping that she would let me hold her and dance with her. Unfortunately, none of them were Vanessa or even half as beautiful as she was.

  I walked back upstairs, needing a break from the dance floor. Ray was with yet another girl, this one slightly prettier than the first. As soon as I sat down, I ordered a beer and checked my phone for the millionth time, hoping Vanessa had called or messaged me.

  “Here’s your beer,” the waitress said as she sat it on the table and rubbed my arm.

  “Thanks.” I offered her as I checked out her body. She was really fit and kind of reminded me of Vanessa. I wasn’t sure why but I pulled her down to sit on my lap. “What time do you get off?” I asked.

  She rubbed up and down my arm, then placed her hand on my chest. “In about two hours.”

  “Really? Why don’t you go make up an excuse and come with me?” I really had no control over what I was saying. All I knew was that the words were coming out and I wasn’t trying to stop them.

  “Where are we going?” she asked.

  I wasn’t going to lead this girl on. She was just a distraction from the girl she resembled. “Your place or a hotel. Nobody comes home with me.”

  “I could. I promise I won’t tell my friends where you live, Jackson.”

  Shit, I guess she knew who I was. It didn’t matter. I was a single guy. “I said nobody comes home with me. Either a hotel or your place.” Vanessa was the only girl I’d brought back to my house since I had moved here. I planned on keeping it that way.

  “Okay, you can come home with me,” she said. “Let me go see what I can come up with so we can leave.”

  I nodded before helping her off me. “You finally going to get laid?” I heard Ray ask from beside me. Great. Now he decided to pay attention.

  “Maybe. We’ll see. She has a nice body,” I said as I watched her walk toward a door and go behind it.

  “Hopefully you’ll be in a better mood.”

  “Just shut the fuck up.” The waitress came back. It seemed like she had just left, but things were starting to get a little blurry.

  “I got it taken care of. You ready?” she asked. I checked her out one more time before I nodded and stood up.

  “See ya, man,” Ray said but I didn’t respond. I just walked away.

  I could feel that I was really drunk because it was hard to walk straight so I put my arm around the girl. “What’s your name?” I asked.

  “LeeAnn.”

  “LeeAnn? That’s a pretty name. Vanessa is an absolutely fucking gorgeous name,” I slurred.

  “Isn’t that your girlfriend’s name?” she asked.

  “Don’t mention her or even think about her,” I said angrily. Where the hell had that come from? Before I could apologize for being mean, she pushed up against me, giving me a kiss. It wasn’t a bad kiss, but it wasn’t the best, either. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was so drunk. More likely, it was because she wasn’t Vanessa. Vanessa was a phenomenal kisser.

  I woke up the next morning with a splitting headache in a room with purple walls. What the hell? Where am I? I felt an arm move across my chest, subsequently making me move my head to the left, where a girl was sleeping. Fuck! What did I do? I looked over at the nightstand. I hadn’t been a complete idiot. At least there was an open condom wrapper on it.

  I gently lifted her arm off my body and climbed out of bed. I looked around for my clothes, finding her bra and ripped panties first. Eventually, I found all of my clothes and slipped my shoes on. I felt like a dick but there was no way that I was waking her up. This could get awkward and I just wanted to get out.

  I stepped outside, jogged a few houses down, and called Ray. As soon as he answered, I barked out, “Come get me.”

  “Haha. Where are you?”

  “Fuck if I know.” I walked to the corner to look at the street sign. “Corner of Mulberry and Oak.”

  “I’ll find you. In the meantime, maybe you should look at TMZ.”

  I sat down on the sidewalk. “Why?”

  “Just look at it.”

  “Okay. Get here quick,” I said and ended the call. I brought up TMZ’s website on my phone. Fuck! Pictures of the waitress and me were all over the first page. They had pictures of her sitting on my lap, us leaving together, and one of us kissing in the parking lot. She had to have set me up. There was no way the paparazzi were hanging out in Oklahoma City.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I yelled out to no one.

  I didn’t know whether I should march back into that girl’s house and yell and scream at her for setting me up or not. It wouldn’t do any good, of course. Exactly what the tabloid was speculating did, in fact, happen.

  I heard Ray’s truck pull up beside me so I quickly stood up and hopped in. “So, did you see it?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I saw it,” I said, looking straight ahead.

  “What are you going to do?”

  I shrugged. “Not a lot I can do. It’s all true.”

  “I meant with Vanessa.”

  “Pray she hasn’t or won’t see it,” I said.

  He nodded his head. “That would work, except you know that they have a TV show. Eventually she’ll hear about it or see it.”

  “Just take me home so I can shower and think.”

  A half hour later, I was wrapping a towel around myself when I heard my phone buzz with a text message. It was from Landon.

  Landon: Seriously? You fucked someone else?

  There was also an earlier text message from Amanda.

  Amanda: You fuck face. You are such an idiot.

  I texted Amanda back first.

  Me: I know.

  Amanda: How could you do that to her? This will kill her!

  I knew what she was saying was true because, if the situation was reversed, I would die.

  Me: I’m sorry, okay? A bad drunken mistake trying to forget that SHE BROKE UP WITH ME!

  Amanda: You’re still a fuck face but I understand.

  Me: Thanks?

  I wasn’t really sure if I should text Landon back or call him. Just because we had become friends didn’t mean anything since he was Vanessa’s brother. I’m sure if she told him not to hang out with me, he would stop. I’m not sure if I’d miss him or Eric more. That kid was great. I decided to take the pussy way out and texted him.

  Me: Your sister broke up with me. Technically, I didn’t do anything wrong.

  Landon: I know but women are crazy about stuff like this.

  Me: I’m on my way to apologize to her.

  I hadn’t really thought about what I was going to do until I sent that text. I’d just have to face her and apologize.

  Landon: Not a bad idea.

  After a few hours, I got dressed, drove over to her place, and sat in the parking lot for thirty minutes. I went over a hundred different ways to apologize, ways to explain to her what had happened. Nothing sounded good, but she had to realize that she was the one who broke up with me. I didn’t break up with her so I could sleep with someone else. It had just happened after she stomped on my heart.

  I knocked on her door, hearing the TV blaring from inside. She didn’t answer. After a couple of minutes, I knocked again. Either she knew it was me and was ignoring me or she wasn’t home. I didn’t know if I should be a complete stalker and wait for her or if I should just let it go. In the end, I got back in my SUV and drove home.

  After a few hours of pacing my living room floor, I decided to call Amanda. Maybe she would be able to help me get Vanessa back.

  “You better have not slept with anyone else since last night,” she said as a greeting.

  I ran a hand through my hair, feeling nervous. “Of course I haven’t. Last night was a very bad drunken mistake.”

  “Are you calling for damage control?” she asked.

  “Yes. I went by her apartment, but she didn’t answer the door. A text doesn’t seem right and I know she won’t answer if I
call.”

  “Yeah, she probably wouldn’t. Let me think and I’ll call you back, okay?”

  “Okay, thanks,” I said as the call disconnected and I fell onto the couch.

  Vanessa

  I woke up late, dragging my feet into the kitchen for some coffee. I had worn myself out bowling with Shane the previous night. We had bowled several games because I had to prove that I could beat him. Now I was paying for my stubbornness by being exhausted and having a sore arm.

  I got a bowl of cereal and sat down on the couch flipping through channels. As I was going through them, I caught sight of Jackson’s face. I quickly pushed the channel button again, but my curiosity got the best of me so I changed it back. It was one of those celebrity gossip shows and it was showing different pictures of Jackson “caught in the act” of cheating on me. The show’s words, not mine. I guess they didn’t know that we had been broken up for weeks.

  As I watched the screen, my heart sank. He was already getting back to his old ways, sleeping around. Maybe I had been wrong about the reason we would eventually break up. I’d thought he would want a family with Cynthia, but maybe he would’ve wanted his old lifestyle back instead. He definitely hadn’t wasted any time jumping back in.

  While I watched the show, I felt tears fill my eyes. Even though I had broken up with him, it still hurt. Bad. I’m sure the clip was only a few minutes long but it felt like hours as I watched them show the three pictures over and over again.

  I decided that I needed to go back to bed. I wanted to drift off to sleep where my dreams were sunshine and roses and Jackson didn’t sleep with anyone besides me. I pulled the covers over my head just as my phone buzzed. Shit!

  Amanda: Are you okay? I’m coming over.

  Me: I’m fine. I’m just going to take a nap.

  Amanda: Can I come over later?

  Me: Yes.

  I put the phone down, pulling the covers over my head. I closed my eyes and drifted off. I woke up to knocking on the door. I didn’t want to talk to anyone and Amanda knew I was taking a nap. I climbed out of bed, walked over to my window, and peeked out the blinds. I scanned the parking lot, looking for a car I knew. I finally spotted the Range Rover parked outside. Jackson. He was probably trying to do damage control or he was here to thank me for giving him back his old life. Either way, I didn’t want to hear it.