“Shh. Wait.” I step back from his reach, and the skin he’d been touching turns cold. I hug myself. “Don’t tell me.”
“What? But you told me to share everything,” he says, hands dropping uselessly to his sides. “Before you fell you told me never to keep things from you to try to protect you.”
“I know! I remember. But this is different. I work for Lucifer now. I’ll have to tell him everything. He’ll make me. You should keep it from me like I’m the enemy. I am the enemy. You should go now, Josh.” I can’t bear to peer into his face. I can’t watch him be crushed again.
“You will never be my enemy, no matter where you are, Grace.” His voice is strong and clear, and I’m once again drawn toward him. I fight with all my being not to rush into his arms again.
“I’m supposed to seduce you.” The words come out shyly, like I’m admitting a crime.
“I know.”
“I get it now. What it was like.” My throat thickens, and I can’t get any more words through. And oh, it would feel so good to kiss him again.
“Grace, no matter what he does, remember who you are and that I love you. I will always love you, no matter what.”
I can’t stand another moment. I throw myself onto him like I’m diving off a cliff and press my mouth to his. Electricity, familiar and wonderful, flows through us as we kiss, every bit of emotion inside of me poured into this one act that eclipses everything else in the world. I was crazy to think I could survive without him, no matter what mistakes he made in the past.
He lets me kiss him, holding me close but somehow walled off. After a minute he separates from me, holding me at arm’s length. “This isn’t what you want, Grace. It’s Lucifer’s influence, not you. I know what it’s like to feel desperate and want to give in for a moment’s happiness. I can’t let you make that mistake.” Pain is all I see when I look at him, and I hate that I’m making him feel that way.
“It isn’t a mistake, Josh. It’s how I feel. This is more me than I’ve ever been. Please.” I’m nearly in hysterics now. If being with him will make it all go away, even for a moment…
But then I remember what I am and what he’ll become, and I deflate in his grip. “You’re right. Of course I don’t want you to fall. You shouldn’t touch me. Not like that.”
“Grace, I want to take you in my arms and love you forever. I want to forget everything else. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It’s why I didn’t come before. I can’t trust myself to resist you.”
A jolt of pain shoots through my chest, and I gasp from the severity of it. Lucifer is watching me. He’s given me a job. But I don’t care. I won’t hurt Josh.
But…would I really be hurting Josh? Aren’t I hurting him by keeping us apart? I should let him make that decision for himself. I know what I want.
“Then don’t resist me.” I throw myself at him again, forcing my mouth over his. My hands cling to his face, afraid he’ll back away again if I loosen my grip.
His hands slowly rise to my waist and pull me closer. I run my fingers through his soft black curls, and he sits me on the edge of the counter where I throw my arms around his neck and let him bury his head against my chest.
“Grace,” he cries. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, Josh. Why shouldn’t we be together? Who cares where it is or what else happens?” I don’t want to think anymore. I don’t want to worry about what comes after. I need Josh. His touch, his presence… It’s like I’ve been in a coma and suddenly I’m alive again and all the world is in color because he’s here.
His breath catches as I run my hands up his chest, over his white T-shirt now stained with what was left of my mascara. But he traps my fingers beneath his and holds my hand over his heart. We stand still for a moment, feeling the beat as it pounds out a hectic rhythm.
“I’ll find a way to save Noah and bring you back to me. I promise,” he says.
“But we can be together right now if you just let me…” I trail off and lift myself toward his mouth, focused on his delicious pink lips, desperate to have this moment of joy.
“No, we can’t.” He holds me back far enough not to make contact. “Lucifer would never let us actually be together, Grace. You know that. He’d torture us forever by keeping us apart.”
Tears of frustration burn my eyes and I glance away, not wanting him to see the Demon red. I can’t accept a future in which I’ll never be with Josh, never feel his arms around me or the electricity that charges between us. “I can bargain with him—” I start.
“No. I’ve been down that road. You can’t. He doesn’t make a bargain that’s fair to anyone but himself, no matter what he says. Just know that I haven’t given up on you and that you just need to hang in there a little longer.” He takes a large step back toward the door.
“Josh, please don’t leave me.” Panic sets in along with another wave of pain. “Please. I need you.” He may be right, but I feel like if he leaves, I’ll lose myself again.
He hesitates. “I’m doing this for you. It’s always for you, Grace.” He shoots me a wistful smile, and I have to look away as he’s enveloped in blinding light.
Lucifer appears at my side as I sob on the countertop.
“You failed, Grace.”
“I know,” I say, trying to stay the tears.
He snaps his fingers and I’m cleaned up, makeup and dress fixed, lipstick applied. “You’ll have another chance, I’m sure. Next time don’t hesitate, and don’t hold back. In fact, next time don’t be so desperate. Pathetic can be a turn-off to guys like Josh.”
Great. Relationship advice from the Devil. “He’s right, though, isn’t he?” I ask, feeling as pathetic as he makes me sound. “You’ll never let us truly be together.”
Lucifer tilts his head in consideration. “I’m pleased to hear you admit that there is only one way this can go. You’ve come far in the short time you’ve been with me, Grace.”
My shoulders sink even farther toward the ground. Asking that question did imply that I’d given up on any other possibility. And he didn’t even answer, which basically confirms my worst fears. Either Josh will be forever unreachable up in Heaven, or he’ll come back here and I’ll be unable to resist seducing him. And when we do make love, it will likely be for the last time. All that time in Heaven wasted because I was angry and never understood until now the position he was in.
My heart shatters, but it seems I’ve finally come to the end of my tears. Instead of sorrow or pain, I feel hollow and dull, like nothing can really touch me now, good or bad. Perhaps this is my body’s way of dealing with so much emotional pain; a defense mechanism to protect me from ceasing to function completely.
“Stand up straight, Grace. You want to be attractive for Randy. Never forget that your job comes first.”
I nod, standing tall in my stilettos. “I get to visit Noah when Randy swindles the casino.”
“Attagirl! Yes, you do. I’ll take you first thing in the morning. And by the way, I love how you said ‘when’ and not ‘if.’ That’s Demon talk.” He pinches my cheek, and I smile in compliance. “Now go get him.”
First thing in the morning. That means Lucifer expects me to stay the night with Randy. The thought is too frightening to contemplate right now. I have to focus on one task at a time.
The moment I step into the next room, Randy greets me with a wolf call. Suddenly I feel naked again. The silk zigzags only over my breasts and hips, exposing my navel and most of my back. There’s no room for a bra in this outfit. And there were no hose in the closet to cover my legs, which peek out of the ridiculously long slit in the skirt. Then again, if the slit weren’t there I’d probably never be able to walk; the material hugs me so tight.
“Baby, with you looking like that, no one’s going to give a damn what I’m doing. I may not even remember.” He comes over to me, setting down the bottle of wine he’d been looking at. He’s taken the rest of the day to sober up, which gives me more confidence in his
ability to rob the casino.
Rob the casino. I’m asking a man to steal. I feel lightheaded and stumble a little in my heels. Randy’s arm is around me in moments, and he scoops me to his side. The rough material of his tuxedo jacket rubs against my exposed skin. I realize he must use the same soap or shampoo that Josh uses, because the memory of Josh’s arms around me comes rushing back, making my pulse quicken and my cheeks warm.
“You okay?” Randy asks softly. He brushes some curls out of my eyes.
I blink. I can do this. I have to do this to get to Noah. It’s not like he’s robbing some poor old woman, it’s a casino with lots of money—a place that robs people of their earnings all the time and really won’t even notice it’s gone. And it’s just a one-time thing. It’s not like he’s killing anyone.
I smile. “I’m okay, prince charming. I just forgot to eat today. That’s all.”
He smiles back, an adorable dimple digging into his left cheek. He’s not a bad guy. He’s trying to help me.
“Well, we have to feed you then. Wait here.” He runs around to the wet bar in the room and comes back with a plate of olives and a glass of whisky, which I stare at, mouth agape. “It’s all we have. But go ahead. The drink’s for me. This’ll help give me a little courage for tonight.” He winks and takes a sip of whisky.
I can’t afford to have him off his game, so I take the glass from his grip and down the rest, nearly coughing at the burn in my throat and the fire in my stomach. Not yummy.
“Sorry,” I say. “I need it more than you. Now let’s get out of here already.” I take his hand and tug him toward the door.
Chapter 7
Keira
I’m finally with Noah. He called me to him. I don’t like that he knows he has that power over me, but I’ll file that worry away for now since I can’t believe he actually called me despite Lucifer’s wishes. When I think of it, excitement bubbles from the tip of my head to my toes and all I want to do is kiss him.
So I do.
In between kisses, he tells me about Lucifer’s plans and how he glamoured Emily. He tells me how I’m the only one he wants and that she’s nothing compared to me.
So I kiss him again.
“The only thing I’m not sure about,” he says as I nuzzle his throat, “is what to do about Grace.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, working my way over his ear then turning his face toward mine so that our breath mingles. The feel of his stubble against my palm sends currents of anticipation through me.
“Well, she’s around now, you know? She still thinks she can get to me and, like, I don’t know, make me her good little brother or something.”
I tangle my fingers in his wild, golden hair. “And why do you think that upsets you so much when you know you’ve won?” I guess I was hoping he’d be okay with Gracie being around. Ever since she listened to me when I asked her for help protecting Noah, well, I’ve gotten kind of used to her. And I trust her love for Noah. All she wants to do is help him.
“I just don’t want to see her. I want to forget she ever existed, just like what I wished for my parents.” He pulls me in for a deep kiss, and by the time he pulls back to keep talking, I’ve forgotten the subject.
But he hasn’t. “It’s just that it was weird seeing her there, a slave to Lucifer. She sacrificed her soul for the brother she wanted, not the brother she has. Why can’t she see that? Why can’t she just accept me for who I am?”
I draw a deep breath and stand, stretching. “She’s learning now that even good people do bad things. It’s a tough lesson for her, but she’ll get it.”
“It’s too late, though.” Noah sounds sad.
“Too late for what?” I ask, pulling on his jersey and inhaling the scent he’s left behind.
“To go back to where she belongs.”
I snort. “Who’s to say where anyone belongs? Grace was the most Angelic person I’ve ever met, and now look at her.”
Noah stands, gathering me back toward him, but when I lift my face for another makeout session, I meet an expression so hard it could be made of stone.
“What do you mean, ‘now look at her’?” he asks, grip tightening on my arms. It doesn’t hurt, but I’m not slipping away easily.
I cock my head, not sure yet how I feel about this version of Noah. It’s exciting, but a little too close to the person I worry he’ll become. And now he has power over me, a fact that won’t seem to stop bothering me. “Are you sure the Boss isn’t listening?” I ask in a whisper.
“I know when he’s here,” Noah says, glancing at his closet. “I can’t explain it, but it’s like the blood in my veins pumps harder. It doesn’t hurt…more like a weird feeling. So tell me.”
I nod and answer his question about Grace. “She’s taken every bite of bait Lucifer’s set out for her. She hasn’t fought or struggled as far as I can tell; all it takes is a tiny bit of torture and she just reasons it away like every other unlucky SOB I’ve ever corrupted.”
Noah seems to realize he’s gripping me too tightly and immediately pulls me into a much more comfortable position. I sigh, burying my face against the contours of his chest until I find his heartbeat.
“Why is Lucifer doing that? Is he trying to impress me by making her do things she doesn’t want to do? I already told him I wasn’t interested in having her as a servant.” His voice vibrates against my cheek as I listen, pressed against him.
“I think he truly wants revenge. He says he never forgets a transgression, and she beat him once. You don’t best the Devil and get away with it. It’s a cold, hard fact, Noah. Which is why I worry when you do stuff like demand things from Lucifer that you know he doesn’t want to give.”
“Baby, you aren’t a thing.” He dips me, making me squeal, and grins an adorable grin that makes my heart rate triple. “And this is different. I am Lucifer’s equal. In fact, I think I’m the slightly better, more modern version. Don’t you agree?”
The words frighten me, but I let a giggle escape anyway. Maybe it’s the way he wiggles his eyebrows. “Yeah,” I breathe. “Yeah, you’re definitely the better model. Just don’t make me admit that to him.” I can’t admit to Noah that, as much as I care about him, he’s no match for Lucifer.
Noah scoops me into his arms and carries me to the couch while I kiss him deeply, but my mind winds back to Grace and how I left her to deal with Randy. I try to shake her out of my thoughts while Noah works his mouth down my stomach, but I remember what Lucifer wants of her, and it isn’t just to help him con the casino. I know Lucifer—he wants to break her completely, and the best way to do that is to make her cheat on Josh. I can’t help but imagine her face; so pale and innocent when I first met her with Josh in the library.
Damn it! Focus, Keira. I’ve been waiting for this since we were interrupted by the little Angel herself. But as Noah kisses each of my fingertips, I recall the burnt flesh of my finger and how Grace healed me, and I remember how she’s grown on me.
I push away from Noah and sit up on the bed feeling like I’m going to puke.
“You okay?” he asks, sitting beside me, all concerned.
“Yeah. It’s just… I’ve never felt this before, but I don’t like it.” I can’t name the emotion and that bothers me even more.
Noah presses a palm against my forehead, like he’s afraid I’m ill. Demons can’t get sick, but I sure feel like it. I’m still nauseous. I pull a pillow over to hug.
“What happened?” he asks, so sincerely concerned it makes normally pleasant butterflies flutter around amid all the chaos in my stomach.
“I was thinking about what you said. About Grace. And then I felt…funny.”
Noah narrows his eyes at me. “Are you feeling sorry for my sister?”
No. Am I? That’s ridiculous. Though I guess that’s why I was so angry at Lucifer when I saw how he’d trussed her up like a whore. I thought it was just because I was thinking of myself, but maybe…
“I… I keep thinking about how Lucife
r has her with my assignment, and how I came right when you called but left her there.” I tell him everything I’m thinking because I need someone to help me make sense of this.
“You feel guilty about leaving her to do Lucifer’s bidding without you.” Noah laughs and settles back, like it’s all a big joke. Well, it doesn’t feel very funny.
“Ugh. If this is guilt, I don’t like it. No wonder Angels always seem so uptight. They’re trying to keep from spewing their lunch,” I mumble. “Why on Earth would I be guilty, anyway? Grace made her own decision. I told her not to do it, but she didn’t listen. It’s not my responsibility. It’s not my fault Lucifer’s torturing her. Damn her! She’s contagious.”
I realize what I’ve said a minute too late. Noah stops laughing and strokes the stubble on his face. “You told her not to fall?” he asks.
“Well, yeah. Lucifer sent me to retrieve her, but I panicked. I wanted to be with you, and I didn’t care how. I told her she’d be a slave down here, but I thought maybe upstairs there’d be something to, you know…help you.” I clear my throat, waiting for the rage.
Noah sits quietly for a minute, though, eyes dark and brow furrowed so that he looks much older than his sixteen years. “You mean, like, make me repent so I wouldn’t be the Antichrist anymore or something? How would that help us be together?” he asks.
“I wasn’t thinking straight. I thought… I think… I just didn’t want…” I pull in a deep breath, trying to steady myself so I can spit it out. Finally, I hug the pillow tighter, pulling my knees up close and staring at my hands. “I didn’t want you to become him. I love you, and I didn’t want to lose who you are.”
There. I said it. Out loud. I could use a drink. Even so, I stay still until I feel his hand brush my cheek.
“You won’t lose me, Keira. I have no desire to be like Lucifer. In fact, I don’t think he’s doing such a fantastic job. For starters, if I were in charge, you’d rule beside me. You’re a queen, Keira, not a servant. Who knows? Maybe I will be in charge one day.”
Soul Conquered Page 5
