“Me? Are you okay? Were you trying to surprise me or something? Because I’m surprised.”
I have to laugh at his expression. “You slipped under. You fell asleep waiting for me. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, baby, nothing to be sorry about. You’re here now, and I like the outfit, if I may say so.”
“Oh.” I shift awkwardly as he holds me at arm’s length for just long enough to get a good look. “See, that’s the thing, Randy. I just came over here to save you. You fell under the—”
Randy pulls me in again and covers my mouth with his. His tongue glides into my mouth, and his hand presses me close, which might be nice if I actually wanted to kiss him, but right now I just feel trapped. I hate to use my Demon strength, but it looks like I’ll have to again.
I put my hands on his shoulders and shove, but nothing happens. Meanwhile, his free hand explores more of my body, and I don’t think he’s paying any attention to my actual body language.
Lucifer’s voice sounds in my head. He’s had a lot to drink tonight, too. He followed your lead. You can’t really blame him for misreading the signs.
I stiffen as the reality hits me. Lucifer’s taken my Demon powers long enough to make sure this happens. He’s also trying to take away my choice in the matter. Randy wouldn’t do that, though. Not if he understood. I know that much about him. I have to tell him no.
I struggle against him, but he seems to think I’m urging him on because he’s managed to relieve me of my top with one hand. I try to turn my head so that I can speak but find that Lucifer’s also stolen my voice. Panic starts to set in as he moves his mouth down my body. I try to turn and get out, but my legs are stuck to the bottom of the Jacuzzi like they’ve been cemented there, and my wriggling is once again egging him on.
Tears flow from my eyes from fear and frustration as I try to yank Randy back up or poke him hard, but my body won’t obey. When I touch him, it’s only softly, and my hands linger longer than I want them to, sending him the wrong message.
Lucifer laughs in my head. Relax, Grace, I bet he’s better than Josh. You should test the waters a little while you two are on the outs.
I yell back in my head. I’m not doing this willingly. You haven’t succeeded.
But my pulse and my tears tell a different story as Randy works his way back up my body from behind. I don’t blame Randy, either, I shout inside my head. I forgive him because I know it’s you that’s doing this. You’re raping me, Lucifer. Are you even allowed to do that?
It’s a desperate call and my last option. But Lucifer’s silence gives me hope despite Randy still hugging me from behind and kissing my neck. Still, I’m stuck. I can’t protest or move other than in ways that encourage him to keep going.
Help! Josh, help me! Please, Mr. Griffith! Someone!
“Oh, relax,” Lucifer says from right in front of the Jacuzzi. It’s then that I realize Randy’s frozen behind me, still attached to my neck in a rather awkward position. “If I want someone to rape you, Grace, it won’t be this pleasant. Remember, it’s your choice, but you have your orders, and your punishment for disobeying will come directly after your visit with your brother tomorrow. It all depends on whether you misbehave right now. In fact, I’ll make it even easier for you to choose correctly.”
Lucifer’s fathomless black eyes capture mine and pain sears through every inch of my flesh. It’s a reminder of what I’m in for. Is this supposed to make it an easier choice?
Lucifer disappears, and Randy comes back to life. That same scent wafts up and surrounds me like a comforting hug, and again I yearn for Josh.
I want him so bad that when Randy spins me around, it’s Josh’s body I feel against mine, and I keep my eyes closed for just one moment more as his lips tease mine, just like Josh’s do when we kiss. I melt into him, willingly this time, wrapping my arms around him and tangling my fingers in his curls.
Wait.
I open my eyes and blink. It’s Josh that I’m standing with in the tub. He’s the one naked and pressed against me. Kissing me. Embracing me. The sheer giddiness of the moment propels me farther into his arms for the kiss. I jump up and wrap my legs around him, tears of joy flowing over my cheeks.
“Oh, Grace.”
But when I hear Randy’s voice and not Josh’s, I realize this is what Lucifer meant by making it easier. It’s not real. It isn’t my Josh. It’s still just Randy.
Randy kissing me.
Randy touching me.
Randy ready to make love to me.
But it would be so easy to pretend. It would feel so good to be with Josh again, even if it’s not real. And would it be so horrible to make Randy happy and appease Lucifer?
Josh—Randy—walks out of the tub with me still wrapped around him. We drip our way over the carpet to the sofa where he lays me back and then slides over me, our skin slippery and hot from the Jacuzzi.
He tastes like Josh.
He feels like Josh.
But he isn’t Josh.
He positions himself over me, and I roll quickly to the side and off the sofa. “Stop,” I say.
“Babe?”
When I look again, it’s Randy’s dark, glistening face that greets me. His expression is almost pained.
I cringe. “I’m so sorry. I can’t. I can’t do this. I love someone else.”
Randy stares at me for a minute, and I twist a wet curl around my finger as we continue to drip water all over the sofa and floor.
“I hope you can forgive me.” My voice is hoarse, but at least it’s finally mine to control.
“Babe, I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, but this is not cool.” It’s the first time I’ve heard anger come from Randy.
“It’s not a game. It never was. And I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to lead you on—”
“‘Didn’t mean to’?” He laughs. “Really? That’s… Yeah. What are you on?”
“Nothing. I was trying to apologize, but you know what? Just go on with your life. Have fun. No harm done.” I turn around and move toward the door.
“Are you crazy?” Randy grabs my arm before I can get there. “You can’t go out like that. Put on some clothes, at least.” He rubs his hands down over his face. “Damn, girl, you a psycho or something?”
I sigh. How do I explain that the Devil removed all my clothes? “Just don’t worry about it. It’s not your problem.”
“Grace, you are one crazy girl.” Randy kicks the sofa, and I jump a little. “Damn. This is not how tonight was supposed to go.”
He moves toward me, and I back away a little toward the door. “I’m sorry, Randy.”
“Where are you gonna go like that?” he asks as I finally make it as far as twisting the knob.
I hesitate, then dive out into the hall, letting the heavy door shut behind me. Tears stream down my face yet again, but this time they’re accompanied by manic laughter in my head. I’m going to be tortured tomorrow in some horrible and unfathomable way. But it’s okay. I finally stood up for what was right.
Score one for Grace Howard.
Chapter 15
Keira
I’m no longer in the Pit, and yet I still feel it. Horrific images plague my thoughts. I may as well still be there in the darkness. And there’s pain. So much pain. The sounds of suffering scrape at my ears.
I rock back and forth on Noah’s floor, hugging my knees to my chest, trying to erase it, or at least shove it down inside with the other retched memories I’ve tried to forget.
Noah touches me, his hair mussed and his brow creased with worry. I snatch my arm away and immediately regret it. For a moment, I forgot where I was. Who I was.
“Keira?” he asks, carefully.
I stop rocking and press my eyes closed.
“Talk to me, babe. Tell me what happened.” He scoots closer; I can feel it even though he refrains from touching me again.
I shake my head. I don’t want him to know. Not now, not ever.
“I know he hurt yo
u. I will never forgive him for that. I promise you, I will make him pay.”
I whimper at his words. They’re poison. You can’t best the Devil. Oh, Noah. You’re heading for disaster, and I can’t save you. No one can. Not even Grace.
“Lucifer’s not listening, I can tell. Relax. At least let me hold you.”
I nod and let Noah pull me onto his lap and close his strong arms around me. I lay my head against his shoulder and inhale his scent, feel his unshaven face scratch against my head. The shaking stops. This is warm. This is safe. It may be an illusion, but it’s an illusion I can believe in for a minute. And it’s the exact opposite of the place I was.
This is Heaven. It must be.
But then how could Grace have ever left?
“Noah,” I whisper against the skin of his neck. “Please don’t fight him.”
Noah holds me tighter but turns to look into my eyes. “I won’t let this stand. I can’t. Keira, before I met you I had nothing to fight for. Nothing to live for. Just a big chip on my shoulder because I felt cheated. But now?” He smiles, and my heart both swells and sinks as he tilts my chin up. His mouth is a breath away.
“Now?” I ask.
“Now I see the truth. I don’t think you see it, though. You’ve been through too much. Grace doesn’t, either. In fact, I don’t think Lucifer even sees it.”
I’d ask what truth he’s talking about, but it doesn’t matter because no one can beat Lucifer at his own game. Especially not a mortal. “You’re…human.” I carefully omit the word ‘just’ from the sentence.
Noah’s eyes are sharp and his smile, breathtaking. He’s beautiful. He should be an Angel.
“Yeah. I am. And I think that’s exactly why I’m needed.”
I want to beat my fists into his chest until he sees how ludicrous that is. But his lips find mine, and instead I put all the passion and frustration into the kiss. I climb over him, knocking him onto the ground, kissing him back, both of us fierce and determined to make it count.
I’m wild, even for me. But he meets my enthusiasm with equal fervor as we devour each other. His skin is hot, almost feverish, and I soak in it, trying to erase the obscene cold of the Pit.
I touch and kiss every inch of him, memorizing every curve and muscle. Every beautiful and tender human bit. We roll over and over again, tangled and twisted, lit only by the moonlight shining through the slats in his blinds. I land on top of him and reach up to hang on to the throne behind his head, accidentally tearing through the leather in the heat of my passion.
Lucifer won’t like that, I think as I settle back into Noah’s arms, satisfied. Maybe I’m destined to suffer in the depths of Hell, but at least I also get to touch Heaven.
Chapter 16
Josh
The gates tower above everything, glistening in the diffused light of Heaven’s glow. Souls appear at the entrance, confused and awed, where Angels greet them and introduce them to their new afterlives.
It’s a sight I could care less about, but I know it meant something to Grace. To me, the pain and confusion of death are best left to others, and besides, the fluffy white mist curling around my legs annoys the crap out of me.
The minute this thought occurs to me, the mist dissipates around my body and swirls out of my way as I walk forward, like I have an invisible shield around me. Another perk of Heaven, I suppose. I’d rather have Grace back.
“Josh?” Shona separates from a young boy of about eleven in golden robes. “Go ahead and take the next entry, Kobe,” she says to the kid. “You’ve got this!”
The boy nods and smiles, giving her a thumbs-up before turning toward an elderly Indian man in a turban who’s just stumbled through the gate.
“Don’t tell me you’re here to learn to be a greeter?” Shona asks.
“Funny!” I say, full of sarcasm. “No. I’m here because I talked to Mr. Griffith, and I’m done trying to make sense of everything or find some magic solution. Archangels and humans—it’s a bunch of bullshit. They aren’t any better or that much different than us as far as I can tell.”
“Whoa. Slow down there,” Shona whispers, pulling me to the side to make sure no one’s listening. “I take it you didn’t like what he had to say.”
“No. I didn’t. And it all comes down to The Man Upstairs—um, that wasn’t meant to be a pun.”
Shona smiles and adjusts her glasses.
“I asked how to talk to Him, and Mr. Griffith told me to pray. Pray, Shona. I’m already a frickin’ Angel. If He was interested in making sure good people didn’t suffer, then He’d already have done something. I mean, do we even know He exists?” My hair is sticking out at crazy angles because I keep pulling my hands through it.
“Josh, I know you’re upset, but let’s not go down the road of blasphemy, eh?”
I sigh. “All I’m saying is that I’m sick of sitting around and trying to research some loophole. I’m going to do something.”
“Like what?” Shona challenges, crossing her arms and cocking her head.
I shuffle my feet on the spongy white ground, trying to think of a good answer. All I know is that I need to do something—something to alleviate this frustration. Something other than tearing my hair out. “I don’t know. Go smack some sense into Noah, for starters.”
“You can’t touch him, remember? That could easily be literal, Josh.”
“Then what? What’ll happen if I do? Maybe it’s worth it!”
Shona steps into my personal space. “Josh. Stop it. It’s not funny. You could die if you touch him. Remember what you told me happened to Keira when you touched her? This may be the same in reverse.”
I can still hear Keira’s scream and smell the burnt flesh of her hand. I shudder. I hadn’t intended to do that, at least not consciously. I remember being so filled with anger and thinking she was evil. She was part of Lucifer and his dominion. “It’s all about belief. What if I believe it’s bullshit?”
“Well, what I believe is that you came here so I could talk you out of it. You’re supposed to be following Grace’s wishes, remember?”
“She wants me to save Noah. Maybe smacking some sense into him will save him.” I say it, but the wind in my sails started to deflate the moment Shona reminds me about Grace’s wishes. She’s right. I probably did come here first so she could talk me out of it. Damn it! There has to be something I can do.
I spin around and howl in frustration. There’s so much crying and screaming from the newly dead that I doubt anyone even glances my way.
“What do we know so far?” Shona asks, taking my arm and leading me farther from the influx of people. “Let’s review.”
“We know Grace belongs in Heaven.”
Shona smiles sadly. “Yes, I agree. We also know that Noah is the One. And that though we cannot touch him or Grace, someone from elsewhere may be able to.”
I nod, following her line of thought. “If Lucifer lets them. Fat chance.”
“We know that Lucifer became jealous of humanity. That he believed they didn’t deserve to share Heaven with his kind.”
Shona’s calming presence finally starts to break through my desperate urge to act. I take a deep breath and try to focus. “We know that Mr. Griffith could have broken the rules, but was afraid he’d end up like Lucifer.” That thought continues to piss me off, and I feel justification from the surprise on Shona’s face. “I wouldn’t have cared what happened to me. I would’ve done what was right.”
“Your judgment might be clouded by love, Josh.” Shona grasps my hand. “Are you sure about what’s ‘right’? It seems to me that’s a very slippery slope.”
The fire ignites in my gut again, and I pull my hand away. “Are you saying Griffith was right to banish Grace?” I back up several steps like the thought might be contagious.
“No. Wait, Josh!” she calls as I turn on my heels to run. “I just meant it isn’t that simple.”
But I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear any of the excuses anymore. I
t’s time someone did something to fix things instead of philosophizing while Grace suffers. Enough is enough.
I still don’t know what the solution is, but I know I’m not going to find it in a book.
Chapter 17
Noah
Whatever that bastard did to Keira, he’s going to pay. I swear it. If he thinks I’m going to be his minion, he can shove it up his ass. But I’m playing it smart. I’m going to beat him at his own game. I’m done being fucked over.
My parents did it. My so-called friends did it. I will not let it happen again.
I slouch back against the leather seat in my father’s Beamer. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the car with them. The last time was Grace’s funeral, before I knew all about the afterlife, when I was still upset and shocked at her sudden death. Then our parents made it crystal clear which child they really cared about by treating me like I was the dead one.
They’re quiet, which is fine with me. I’d rather plot my revenge on Lucifer than have to listen to some fake chitchat anyway. We’re headed for downtown Seattle—somewhere near the waterfront from the looks of it. Must be some fancy therapist to have scored an expensive office like this. I’m not surprised. Nothing but the best when it’s all about Gracie.
I wince, picturing the last time I saw Grace. We may have our differences, and she may be a stuck-up, self-aggrandizing snob, but she’s still my sister, and she never actually hurt me out of spite. I guess I know that much. Lucifer was wrong to think I’d enjoy watching him humiliate her. I just wanted her out of my life, not tortured and in it.
We park, and my mother attempts to make a light comment about the weather, which dies on the wind. Yes, it’s overcast but not raining yet. Great convo, Mom. I can really tell how much you care about me.
We trek upstairs to a swank office with a giant view of the water, just like I predicted. It’s a female therapist: a lady in her fifties with dyed blond hair and small, plastic glasses. We make nice with introductions. She asks some questions that I tune out while my parents talk and weep, then she asks Dad and I to leave. She wants time alone with each of us.
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