Max was out of time, and he’d run out of options. “If I do something crazy like throw you, can you help?” he asked Glenn.
“Of course!” the dagger exclaimed.
Max straightened. “Then we’re going to attack. I’m going to throw you at the biggest one.”
“And what good is that going to do?” Puff asked. “That’s only one, and you’ll probably just make him mad.”
“Maybe they won’t know where it came from,” Max said, trying to convince himself. “It might scare them off.”
“Ogres don’t scare.”
“I could get them to chase me into the woods,” Max said.
“Maybe,” Puff replied.
“Then maybe I could double back to camp.”
“Maybe . . .”
“And free the others and escape,” Max said. “Maybe . . . if I’m lucky.”
“There are an awful lot of maybes in that plan of yours,” Puff announced.
“Yeah, but that’s all I got.” He stood and drew Glenn behind his ear just like he’d seen the knife thrower at the circus do. He knew it wasn’t the best of plans—it might even be the worst rescue plan in the history of rescue plans. At least he’d go out fighting. Or maybe whimpering. But at least it would be on his terms.
“Last chance,” Puff said, watching Max intently. “We can still save ourselves.”
Max shook his head. He let out a deep breath and threw the magical dagger for all it was worth.
The blade tumbled end over end and smacked into a large tree some ten feet from where the creatures were standing. It wasn’t even close, and Max’s heart fell.
Glenn bounced against the tree with a pronounced twang and tumbled wildly in the air. But the magical dagger managed to swing back toward the ogres and the orc. Despite his own overwhelming sense of optimism, Glenn was actually surprised when he found a target. Not as surprised as the orc, however, who grunted loudly when the dagger struck her squarely in the backside.
The orc cook screamed and struck out with her fist as a matter of reflex, smashing it into the face of the ogre standing next to her. The ogre’s eyes rolled back as it crumpled to the ground like a sack of potatoes.
The second ogre gave a surprised grunt and made for a knife, all while the orc began hopping in circles, reaching for Glenn. But she lost her balance and crashed into the ogre, who had more important things on his mind than a spinning orc with a dagger stuck in her backside. The collision sent the ogre flailing backward into the large boiling cauldron.
But not exactly in.
His ponderous bulk fit snugly around the iron pot’s rim. It took only a moment for the beast to realize he was stuck in a boiling pot! The ogre leapt forward, moving faster than Max would have thought possible, and bellowed at the top of his lungs. He completely bowled over the still spinning orc cook with a bone-crunching crash before careening headlong into a nearby tree. The ogre stood there for a moment, the boiling cauldron still attached, then slumped to the ground next to his unconscious twin.
Max stood there hardly believing his eyes—his single throw had incapacitated all three of them!
“Holy cow!” Dirk shouted. “That was awesome!”
Max moved into action at once. He and his friends weren’t out of danger; if anything, he’d only managed to buy them some time. He sprang from the tent and hurried to the makeshift kitchen.
The small fluff dragon moved as far as his chains would allow him, peering through the tent flap as Max ran. “I may have underestimated that one,” he said to himself. “Or he’s the luckiest being who ever lived.”
CHAPTER FIVE
LITTLE GIANTS
LOKI WAS NOT HAPPY. SOMEWHERE there was a blacksmith who specialized in forging tiny kitten shackles, and one day that blacksmith was going to watch as his workshop burned to the ground. It was the only bright thought Loki could summon as he hung on the wall in the custom-built kitten cuffs. Behind him his tail had been secured through a hole in the wall and dunked in water. Apparently the dungeons of Onig were prepared for any type of prisoner, including fire kittens. Even more upsetting was the fact nobody had bothered to ask them to explain themselves: no judge inquired as to their guilt, no constable took down written statements, no lawyer asked them to enter a plea. They’d simply been escorted through the streets of Onig and led to the large square building that served as the city’s prison.
“I’ve never been in a jail before,” Moki said, looking around. “People talk about them, but you don’t really get the experience until you’ve been chained inside.”
“I’m glad you’re having such a good time.” Loki sighed. Suddenly the largest human Loki had ever seen sat up. He blinked his eyes, rubbing at them with fists the size of hams, and let out a long yawn.
“Maybe we’re going to meet a new friend!” Moki exclaimed.
“Yes, I’m sure the prisons of Onig are filled with all kinds of nice people,” Loki replied. Then the fire kitten turned to the large man. “You there. We don’t want any trouble. You stay on your side of the cell, and we’ll stay on ours. Deal?”
“Ha! That’s a good one!” Moki exclaimed as he started to chuckle. “Stay on our side . . . we’re chained to the wall!”
Loki didn’t think being chained next to a potentially dangerous prisoner was anything to be laughing about. He knew prisons were full of dangerous people, and you needed to sound tough in order to send the right kind of message. Having a giggling kitten next to him was definitely ruining things.
The great beast of a man blinked several times, and his eyes brightened at the sight of Moki. He shifted in his chains, sending huge muscles rippling across his arms and chest.
“That’s a funny kitty,” the prisoner said in a deep voice.
Loki was about to reply when he realized the man was talking to him in fire kitten. Which was impossible, since only fire kittens could speak it. Well, them and—
“Giants . . . ,” Loki said aloud.
Moki stopped giggling at once. “Did you say ‘giant’?” The fire kitten looked more closely at the other figure. The great mound of muscles was a giant, although the smallest giant he’d ever seen. Even so, he was much bigger than the average human.
“The goblins call me Tiny. I like that name because it’s funny.”
“Because you’re not tiny at all.” Moki giggled. “I get it.”
“Greetings,” Loki said, trying to tune out the giggling kitten. “I’m Loki, and this is my companion, Moki.”
“I can’t believe I’ve seen a unicorn, a wizard, a rainbro, and a giant today!” Moki exclaimed.
“And now you’re chained to a wall, like me,” Tiny observed.
“A minor setback,” Loki insisted. “A misunderstanding with a certain tax collector. I’m sure he’ll be coming for us once he cools down.”
“Never come between a king and his taxes,” Tiny observed. He motioned toward a skeleton chained to a nearby wall. “Just ask George there. He made the tax collector mad too.”
Loki swallowed. “I see.” Things weren’t looking good. And he was technically a deserter, so there’d be no help from the Quorum of Kitties. He looked at the skeleton against the far wall and was struck with a thought. “Uh, Tiny, just how long have you been here?”
The giant shrugged. “Well, I met George before my nap. And now look at him.”
They turned in time to see a spider crawl from out of George’s bleached skull.
“That’s quite a nap,” Moki said.
“Giants take long naps,” Tiny said, licking his lips. “I always wake up thirsty, though.”
“What landed you in here?” Loki said. “If you don’t mind me asking?”
“I’d grown tired of the mountains and come to see the city. But I found myself without silver, so the choice was to steal or to starve. Apparently I’m not a very good thief. What about you?”
“Oh, we’re on a grand adventure!” Moki said.
“Yes, uh . . . a vacation of sorts,” Loki said
. “Traveling south to see the sights and all that.”
“We’re headed to Shyr’el,” Moki added.
Loki glared at his companion—the last thing he wanted was a stranger knowing their destination. The boy who could read the book was their little secret.
“Shyr’el is many horizons from here,” Tiny said. “I have always wanted to travel to the Thoran kingdom and see the five nations.”
“Me too!” Moki exclaimed. “The dwarfs, ashen elves, wood elves, faerie, and unicorn.”
“But there’s nothing we can do imprisoned as we are,” Loki said. “I should have known better—fate has never been kind to me.”
“How do you plan on traveling to Thoran?” Tiny asked. “It’s a very long walk, and fire kittens aren’t allowed on wooden ships.”
“It was our intention to book a flight at the Guild of Indiscriminate Teleportation,” Loki answered. “The Onig terminal is quite famous.”
“Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?” Tiny exclaimed, his voice ringing throughout the small cell. There came a hard knock at the iron door in response.
“Keep it down!” a guard yelled at them.
They sat in silence for several minutes before Tiny thought it safe enough to whisper. “If I can get us free, will you take me with you to Thoran?”
Could the giant actually bust them out of their cell? Loki considered his options: wait for who knows how long to get before a magistrate (which might be a very long time if skeleton George was any indication), or try to take matters into their own paws. In the end it was an easy choice. “Okay, Tiny, you have a deal. Get us out of here and we’ll take you with us.”
“This is going to be fun!” Moki exclaimed before casting a nervous glance at the door. He continued in a low voice: “I’ve never traveled with a giant. Or a small giant for that matter.”
“Giants are renowned for their strength. Can you bust these chains?” Loki asked. Tiny shook his head.
“Yours I could, if I could reach them, but mine are too thick.”
“Then how are we supposed to escape?” Loki asked.
Tiny smiled. “Don’t worry.” And then he began to squeak. Loki was convinced that the giant had lost his mind. But then there was more squeaking, this time coming from a rather plump rat that had appeared near the corner of the room.
“May I present to you Oacher the rat, Duke of the Third Sewer. And he says he does not like kittens very much,” Tiny reported. “I think he’s waiting for an apology.”
“An apology? For what?” Loki smirked. Apologizing to a rodent didn’t seem like a very good precedent to be setting.
“For feline crimes in general,” Tiny said. “Like last year a cat ate his third cousin.”
“Fine.” Loki sighed. “I apologize for all cats everywhere and especially for their eating your cousin.”
Tiny and the rat continued their discussion.
“Oacher says he’s not sure you really had your heart in it,” Tiny announced after a bit. “But he says it’s okay if you’ll promise you’ll never harm a rat again.”
“Seriously?” Loki asked. “Okay, fine, I promise never to harm another rat so long as I live. May a dog use me as a chew toy if I’m lying.”
There was more squeaking.
“Oacher, Duke of the Third Sewer,” Tiny translated, “will now hold the title of Fire Kitten Vanquisher. And since he’s currently single, he’s going to be quite the eligible bachelor with a name like that.”
“Yeah, I’m sure he’s quite the catch,” Loki muttered. If you like fishing in sewers, he didn’t say aloud. “So about our escape?”
“They’re on it,” Tiny replied. He watched as Oacher scurried away, disappearing into a hole in the wall. “The rats know this place inside and out. They know exactly where your tails are behind the wall and can chew through the ropes. When you get your tails free and nice and dry . . .”
“We can use them to produce flame,” Loki answered, catching on. “A flame hot enough to burn through iron, in fact.”
“Can we do the blue one?” Moki asked, bouncing up and down with enthusiasm. “I love the blue one.”
“Indeed we can,” Loki said. “That’s the hottest one of all.”
“Then you can free me from these shackles and I’ll bust us the rest of the way out of here,” Tiny proclaimed.
“And what about all the guards?” Loki asked.
“No problem,” Tiny said, scratching at his chin and thinking it over. “A good old berserking will do the trick.”
“I didn’t know giants could berserk,” Moki said, liking everything he was hearing about bachelor rats, blue flames, and escaping.
Soon Loki felt something scurrying around his tail on the other side of the wall. It was an unnerving sensation, but it meant his new rat allies were doing their jobs. And if all went well, he’d soon be free of Onig’s prison and back to his quest.
As it turned out, the berserking had been surprisingly effective. Loki and Moki had hung tightly to Tiny as he’d bashed down doors, knocked out guards, and made a fairly impressive leap across the moat surrounding the prison. Oacher the rat probably claimed he’d run them all off, which was fine by Loki. He just wanted out of the Onig dungeon. Now they found themselves creeping toward the Guild of Indiscriminate Teleportation.
The three escapees moved through Onig’s back streets and side alleys, Tiny doing his best not to knock things over or to scare the locals. Loki had been to the city on several occasions, but navigating this way was difficult. After a few wrong turns they caught sight of the guild’s massive sandstone structure rising in the distance.
The Guild of Indiscriminate Teleportation looked like an elongated pyramid. It rose skyward, stretching taller than the Egyptian pyramids found on the Techrus. Near the top, each of the building’s corners morphed into a pair of hands, each pair holding a massive stone head. The hands were positioned over the large eyes to give the impression that each head (human, goblin, dwarf, and elf) was looking diligently over the horizon. Given the guild’s reputation for accuracy, however, it might have been better if the stone carvers had covered the eyes instead. But that was the risk of traveling with the guild—there was no guarantee you’d end up where you wanted.
“That’s where we enter,” Loki announced as they approached a set of brass double doors at the building’s base. They had just hurried across the street and to the entrance when a guard stepped out in front of them. She was an ashen elf, tall and pale under the cloudless Turul sky, and she wore the guild’s robes marked by a large question mark and compass.
“Can I help you?” the elf asked with all the enthusiasm of someone making an appointment with the dentist.
Loki felt exposed standing out in the open. “Look, lady, we need to book a flight, and we’re in a hurry.”
The elf frowned, casting a hard look at Tiny. “This one is too big.”
Tiny’s face fell and he drew a deep breath. “I should have figured.”
“Are you sure?” Moki asked. “Since we’re small and he’s big, doesn’t it even out?”
The elf shook her head. “The proportions of our teleportation chamber are very exacting. Should he touch one of the walls, the explosion would flatten the entire city.”
Suddenly a shout rose from the other side of the street. A group of guards had spotted them and were pointing at them with their swords.
“Don’t worry, maybe we’ll meet again,” Tiny said. “And thanks for being my friends.” Before the fire kittens could respond, the giant turned and ran into the street, waving his hands.
“Over here, you stupid goblins! What’s the matter? Can’t catch a little giant?” Tiny turned and ran down the street, propelled by powerful legs the size of tree trunks. The guards took off after him, never noticing the small fire kittens crouched in the guild’s doorway.
“Well, that was interesting,” the elf said after the commotion had settled down. She turned her attention back to Moki and Loki. “You know, I’m n
ot sure we’ve ever teleported fire kittens before. If you’re willing to help with our research, I can move you to the front of the line.”
“If it means leaving quickly, sign us up,” Loki replied. The elf nodded and opened the door.
They eventually found themselves standing in a perfectly spherical room. Cogs turned and creaked as a small section of the ceiling began to lower.
“Welcome, travelers,” a voice announced. “Thank you for participating in our ongoing research. Are there any questions?”
“Yes,” Moki exclaimed, waving his paw in the air. “I’ve always wanted to know why apartments aren’t called ‘together-ments’ since they’re so close together.”
There was a pause as Loki rolled his eyes.
“Any question relevant to your teleportation?” the voice corrected itself.
They both shook their heads no.
“Then thank you for choosing the Guild of Indiscriminate Teleportation for your travel needs. Please state your destination.”
“Shyr’el,” Loki announced. Suddenly glowing dots began to appear around the spherical room. They filled the chamber as the fire kittens felt their fur rise and charge with electricity.
“Please note you may or may not arrive near your desired destination. If you checked luggage, it definitely won’t end up where you do. In the event of accidental death, please accept our apologies.”
“Accidental death?” Loki exclaimed, looking around. There was a brilliant flash of light followed by a belch of purple smoke. When it cleared, the two fire kittens were gone.
CHAPTER SIX
THE GREAT ESCAPE
“MAX, GRAB GLENN!” SARAH SHOUTED.
Max hurried to where the orc lay face down in the dirt. He grimaced as he took hold of the magical dagger, turning his head as he pulled it free.
“Now, that’s what I call a hairy situation,” Glenn announced. “Seriously, did you see that orc’s backside?”
Max ran to his friends and began cutting their ropes.
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